Insights, Ponderings, and Certainties

I've has several questions and comments on Blogger/G+ use and features. Google has intergrated Blogger and G+. This is a good marriage and I expect, over time to see it fine tuned. The features of commenting and seeing comments people make are in G+ and your Blogger links are added to G+ by the you at the time of posting. 

People can comment both places. Only G+ has a notification icon in gmail or as an extension in Chrome. I'm not sure about other browsers but I'm guessing if not it will eventually. You select who you want in your circles and who you follow.  It can be five people or as many as you like. You can limit who is allowed to comment in both G+ and Blogger. Anyone can follow you in G+ but not everyone has to be allowed to comment.  If you "Follow" a blog on G+ you will get all the updates. There is a widget on the top of my blog for that.

 

That's what G+ is for, really. People comment on blogs on G+ and notification is sent to you by means of a little red button extension in Chrome or your gmail account. It's all linked and will become more so I think.  I see a notification about every post I commented on when someone else comments through G+. 

G+ is doing everything Multiply and FB do because of this integration. I'm not crazy about some G+ features but I wasn't crazy about all of M's either. And I really don't like FB. Google is known for modifying things to meet the demands of their members. I suspect some features will morph over time.

Getting all kinds of questions from all quarters on the features, or lack thereof, of Blogger. I'm definately going to be using Blogger/G+ as my primary blog. I've been experimenting with Blogster and I just don't find it any fun at all. It has basic blog features and comments with a list you can read them from but I'm getting all kinds of glitches. 

I've been using Blogster to see how I like it. I don't really like it at all. I'm not finding a lot to interest me there. Or maybe I'm just bored with the whole thing. But it has issues I don't like.

For instances, I usually can't get in Jilly's blog there. We're on each other's lists and notices arrive but the links don't work. I'm not going to mess with that long... I've already reached my limit, in fact. There are problems with fonts being small and you can't adjust them half the time. Most of the people I've been running into are nice enough but most of the material is not as interesting as the bloggers I ran into here. Could be because it is still small and I don't really know more four or five people. There is limited "decorating" ability and I really enjoyed that. It's rather boring to look at, actually. I can't email post to the blog. I can't cross post to any other blog. This is a great feature to have and multiply and blogger both have it. In fact, with both I could cross post to half a dozen other sites! So this means I can blog on breaks at work even if I can't get into the site. I also get emails of your posts. That is a feature of Multiply and Blogger. I have it turned on for Multiply but not Blogger. I subscribe to a lot of blogger blogs! The reader works better for reading them and the active link allows me to got to it to comment.

Some mentioned you can't get the threaded comment feature in blogger and the responses to your comments. Yes, you can. When you comment on a Blogger post, you just have to "subscribe to the comments". You will get a notification when other people make a comment to a blog you've commented on. IT goes to the email you have in Blogger.

I elect to get things via my gmail because everything is integrated and it just makes it easier since I'm at work 40 hours a week. And even at home it is convenient at times. For a long time I've been using the email features of Multiply and most of you didn't know unless I said so. I even comment on comments via email. I'm writing this post in email in response to comments to another post that I got in email. In Blogger you can't see comments on other blogs without going back to the blog unless you are getting email notifications for that. 

Threaded comments are possible in blogger. Someone mentioned this previously. Under Post and comments > Settings make sure you select "Full" for embedding. Under Settings> Other, Allow Blog feed should be set to "full". 

Instructions here: http://support.google.com/blogger/bin/answer.py?hl=en&answer=1725597&topic=12456&ctx=topic

To seen comments you leave on other blogs, you have to backlink feature on and you also need to subscribe by email to the comments on the blog you comment on. As with all sites you have to select the features you want to work. The backlink instructions are here: http://support.google.com/blogger/bin/answer.py?hl=en&answer=42533

Subscribe to comments to get updates: http://support.google.com/blogger/bin/answer.py?hl=en&answer=79117

Ultimately, you're not going to find every feature you want anywhere. You are also going to have to learn something new.That's hard for most of us. Annoying for all.  Every site has features you're not going to know how to use unless you learn. I've been using Blogger long before 360. There are features available now that were not available when I started there. It has evolved tremendously but it is a stable site that will probably be around when others leave. I should know. I've been on two sinking ships. The fact that Google bought blogger several years ago is good indication of its stability. So, for me, that makes it a good choice, even though I can't do some of the things I want in the way I'm used to doing them. I've compensated for the social interaction by utilizing G+ for hangouts and FB. If more friends sign up, it will become feasible to utilize G+ more than Facebook. My writing group is already using it for meetings. We use FB for group interaction on a group page. So there are ways to link up and make do. 

Unfortunately, it is difficult to start over at anything. Most of us took a long time to set up our page and get it like we wanted it. We liked changing wall paper for each season, hanging photos, videos, and  gifs that reflected our personality. There are places that offer all that without the depth of social interaction found on Multiply. But if you want to keep in touch the way you have here, there are alternatives that make it possible, too. You just won't have as much of the other.

I'm not letting Multiply rob me of the friends I've made and I'm not going to sweat over recreating the wheel. I'm almost done downloading my videos and photos. I should be done in another week. I'm gradually learning more on how to coordinate blogger and G+ to get features as much like the ones I've used here and to utilize the features of FB to my advantage. I'm having a great time in my group page. I'm enjoying G+ and the hangout feature. I have always loved Blogger and more so now. So, all I really have to do is keep up with all the people who have been with me through some wonderful times and who have held my hands through the darkest time of my life. 

We'll all survive. We've done this before. We're pros at surviving sinking ships.

"The greatest blessings are not seen, they are experienced." -- Dixie

A Series of Unforeseen Circumstances

"If things improve with age, then I am approaching magnificence." - From the side of my blue coffee mug.

One Problem Solved!

I'd like one a day, please!

I've been fretting over Multiply closing and not being able to keep up with all my friends in the variety of formats they are choosing. I mean Blogster, Blogger, G+, FB.... my head is spinning and I'm going nuts trying to keep up. Also, I don't want to register with another potential sinking ship. I know things change on the internet. It is in constant flux. But come on... Multiply was a badly thought out decision and they will be the ones to pay. I just don't want to do this again.

So, my solution was right in front of me. RSS feeds. Yes. I went to my Friends on Blogster and subscribed via RSS Feed. I have Google reader in Chrome but you can get it in IE, too. Or you can chose another reader. Doesn't matter. For me, every single blog I subscribe to on Blogger is already out there. Every blog I subscribe to on Blogster via RSS fed is also on the reader. I now have all the blogs of I subscribe to in ONE place. I can read them! For the blogger blogs I have only to click on the title and it takes me right to that posts where I can then comment. I can't seem to get into Blogster that way but I can at least read and when I have time, go comment on the site.

Jilly, I can't get into your second blogger site. Not sure it if matters if you aren't going to be on there but I can get into one of them. Blogster gave me trouble today getting into your site. I tried on clicking on the notice of your post at the top and it would only take me to the home page. You're site was the only one to do that so not sure what caused it.

I feel better. But I also see that I have more blog friends that I realized! Still, it is nice to know I can still read them.

Lost and Found

A lost post.... found in my drafts and written a month ago.


I don't know what it is about a quiet day in the back yard, at least my back yard. The sound of the fountain chuckling, the cicada trilling in the trees, and Sarah's incessant chatter only add to feeling that things are how they should be. It isn't a feeling I've been able to hang onto for very long.

The absence of family to fill the yard is a great sorrow. Sarah is the only child who plays here now. Even she feels the emptiness at times, constantly demanding that I "watch" her. Children like an audience, either of their peers or someone they know who likes them. There is little likelihood that this will change. She is five and  will start school on Wednesday. Instead of my family growing it has all but disappeared. There are days when I would almost think I had no children at all. I spend a lot of days wanting to go home but that is no  longer there. They're all dead. Jerry's death left the greatest hole of all, impossible to fill.

I have been contemplating what I should do. More and more I've thought of quitting my job, selling my house  and leaving. I stay the reason we all do, medical insurance. And I have six years before I'll have 20 years  with my employer. I know that the house will be impossible to maintain on my own but the thought of leaving  the last place I was ever happy is painful. I don't want to go but I don't want to stay. There is nothing here but memories and they are marred. There is not much here that makes me happy anymore.

I've been thinking, maybe too much, that the job doesn't matter, the insurance doesn't matter, the house  doesn't matter. Nothing does. It is a depressing thought, yes, but maybe true. I work to live, nothing more and life is no longer much fun. One is forced to reason if that is the case, they why am I doing what I'm doing? I have no answers.

Maybe I'll feel differently after my trip in September. I'm supposed to go to Gatlinburg with my aunt and uncle. I like being around them. They are the youngest 72 year olds I know. They're younger than me, at
least where it counts. We will spend a week at a cabin. There's a hot tub and the RA and fibro will love that. Sitting on a deck looking at the mountains with no one wanting something sounds good.

I keep asking myself if I was ever a positive person. Did I ever do anything but complain and grumble? I'll have to read back over my blog. It goes back to 2005 and surely I haven't always been this much
of a bummer.

Someone ask me how I was this week and I said I'd been having a rough couple of weeks. That's probably an understatement.

Busy Saturday

I spent the morning doing very little. It took a bit to get moving but once I did I went to lunch at my favorite restuarant and on the way home picked up my granddaughter, Sarah and then we went and picked up Uncle Mike. They came home with me and Mike started on the yard while Sarah and I played Old Maid and Go Fish before getting out and helping Mike take care of the yard work.

Thankfully, the day was mild compared to the triple digit temps we've had all summer. I think it might have gotten to the low 80's today but it was beautiful out and not unplesant.

We pulled weeds and got things cleaned up. The yard actually looks more like a yard at this point. Green grass... although it is spotty.

There is a penalty for this. I shall very likely pay it tomorrow. For those new here, I have rhuematoid arthritis and fibromyalgia. My husband died  January 29, 2009 of a massive heartattack around 3 a.m. during the worst ice storm in memory. So, I have good days and bad ones and there is no way to predict what it will tomorrow will be like but with all the weed pulling I'm not expecting it to be good.

After I took Sarah and Mike home I came back, got a hot shower and have sat and watched Midsomer Murders on Netflix. I think that now it is time for me to turn out the lights and attempt to get a good nights sleep. I'm tired.

Blue Skies, Nothing But Blue Skies

What a week! What a WEEK! 

No other words convey my sense inundation. The work simply piled up because the week before I was pulled off to do that stupid accounting audit for the tax id numbers. If you don't know what I'm talking about you'll have to go to my blogger site - A Series of Unforeseen Circumstances, and catch up. I'm too tired to repeat myself. Thus, this week has been harried, hurried, and horrible. (I'd love to hear Dick Van Dyke from Mary Poppins say that!) 

I've avoided reading as much news as possible. I've not been on FB much except to check in with some folks. And I've not watched much television... I don't actually have television.. I watch stuff online and feed to the t.v. via HDMI. 

My greatest sin is . . . I haven't been writing. But I have a writer's meeting on Monday night at G+ hangout so they'll berate me or bless me. So, you don't have to bother.

My yard needs cutting. Finally, we had a bit of rain and the yard now flourishes. Oddly, there are not as many weeds... I suspect with better weather it could change. At first there were lots of weeds and plenty of dead grass. I went an pulled them all up. So, at the moment there seems to be fewer weeds. They didn't have time to propagate I suppose. I still have this other weed growing.... well like a weed! I learned it is called purslane and is edible. I have enough to feed a large crowd. I've been pulling it here and there because it pulls up rather easily. But there is so much of it I just don't have the back for it. And I found lots of little black bugs living under it.

Incidentally, if you look up "weeds" on Google... you get some interesting hits. No pun intended.

Today I'm in a rather odd place mentally. I don't actually feel horrible today, or even moderately bad. I have for a couple of weeks now. Jerry's birthday was Monday and that, well, I still have trouble with special days. I never seem to get past it. It is frustrating.

I've signed up with a new social community, Blogster, to follow my Multiply friends. Seems several Multiply folks have arrived here already, despite the deadline of Dec. 1. I'm in the process of downloading my videos and photo albums. Those won't go back up on a blog but rather I'm putting my videos on Youtube and my photos in albums on a photo site. Much easier than having to move house every time. It is going to take me a couple of weeks to download 4 years of videos.

I'm rather not sorry to leave Multiply. Since they shifted to a market focus, things kind of dried up blog wise and there haven't been any new and interesting people coming around. My contact list stayed around the same and I like them but I also enjoyed new people stopping by, sometimes to comment, sometimes to just peek and leave, and sometimes to stick around and become a friend. That just stopped. I believe everything happens in its time so it was just time to move along.

I can't figure out what I want to do this weekend. Clean house, write, read, sew, clean house.... I suspect there's a message there. It doesn't appeal to me. 

This took the whole day to write. A little here, a little there and now, I'm home and contemplating dinner... since it is always for one it isn't going to be very interesting. I'm going to post this on blogger and head for the kitchen. I'll be around here somewhere later.

The State of Happiness

Today is Jerry's birthday. He would have been 63. He could have officially retired. He had so looked forward to it. But at 59 he died. I kept breathing.

Since 2009 I've been through a series of physical, emotional, and mental upheavals that defy description but if you truly want to torture yourself, it's all here in the blog. I lived in a nightmare hell the first year and can't remember huge amounts of time from that year. The second year, I woke up and realized it wasn't a a nightmare at all, it was just hell. The third year I though I was going to be able to crawl out and maybe, just maybe I'd be able to live among other living beings only to fall back into the pit. I am approaching the 4th anniversary and I've begun to question if life after death is even possible. Not my death. His. Is it even possible to push back the darkness and be, if not happy, content?

I've sought to involve myself with people and things and stay busy but honestly, I live in a vacuum where the only time I see or hear from most people in a 50 mile radius is when someone else has a need. Never when I have one. I try to be obliging but the results is I end up running short of energy, time, money, and reciprocation of such. Nearly 4 years later, I still am sitting in my house, alone, in silence and listening to echos. I have no more outside contact that I did the day the last person left after the funeral and the last calls came in. It shocked me to my core then. I don't shock so easily now.

These days, I don't actually think it is possible to be happy.  The people I know personally are miserable. The problem, as near as I can figure, is our concept of happiness is distorted. People seem to think happiness is doing something we enjoy, all the time. Happiness is being in a crowded room with lots of people we like and who like us and having fun, all the time.  Happiness is having the money to buy all we want, all the time.  Happiness is having security, jobs, friends, things. Happiness is stuff. All the time.

You think, when you don't have things, that getting them will fix it. You'll be happy for sure then. I'll get a new house, go to a new school, a new church, move to a new town, meet new people, get a new job. Right. It won't work.

I've got stuff. I'm not happy.

Let me tell you what unhappiness is and maybe that will explain it better. Living without the person who knew everything about me, right down to my birthmark is the most difficult thing I've ever been forced to do. I once said it felt as if I'd had my arm cut off. I was wrong. It is more like having a leg removed at the hip. And they don't sell a prosthetic for it. Someone said "Think about the good times." I don't dare. I can't reclaim them. I can't relive them. And I can't make new ones. I shatter in a billion tiny pieces and have to pick them up. They are made of obsidian glass and flay me.

In all the 35 years of marriage, I distinctly remember being terribly unhappy on many occasions, times when he displeased me and when I displeased him. Of course, we got past them but there were some times that neither of us really got over. We were human after all. We weren't happy all the time and as he grew sicker, we both grew less so. For years, I was so stubborn and demanding. He seldom said no to me and I was cared for and cherished. Right up to the night he dropped dead.

But you know something, right now, this very minute, I would do everything he asked me if he'd just come home and complain about something. I'd be happy! I'd be ecstatic if he stepped into the room and griped about something trivial. If he left the towel wadded on the seat of the toilet, his shorts in the floor, his shoes in the middle of the living room. I would be overjoyed. If he left dirty dishes on the counter.... I'd wash them with a smile. He had a hard time keeping a job the last few years and I didn't know why. He was sick. But today, if he was unemployed and broke and simply wanted to complain about it, I would so listen and put my arms around him and say, "I'm here. We're in this together. It looks bad but we have one another."

The truth is that there is no feeling like being loved, cared for, and made to feel you are the Queen of the Universe or the King. Realistically, it isn't always like that. But knowing it is always there, why, you can live in a hovel and never notice. I've lived in a few! There is nothing that can take the place of looking across the room when you're worried and having someone smile at you. Or lying in the dark staring at the ceiling and having someone squeeze your hand. They don't have to speak. You just know that they just sent you a message. I'm here. We're in this together. It looks bad but we have one another.

Nothing else in the world feels like that.

Jerry, I'd be happy to see you're face smile across the room.

Cluck, Cluck, Cluck

I'm finding the whole Chick-fil-a thing amusing. Yes, really. It is proving that gays are not open minded, beneficent, kind and gentle, non-judgmental people. They are prejudiced.

I mean look at it. It is a bad thing, a crime in fact, to bash gays for their beliefs but it is not a crime to bash Christians for their's. It is a crime to ban gays from any place they want to go but it is ok to attempt to ban a business from operating because the owner doesn't believe in gay marriage and solely for that alone. Not because he had done some heinous act but just because he disagrees with a single group of people who claim everyone is equal!  Never mind that gays are not barred from the business as customers nor as employees if some of the reports are true. So, that is pure prejudice. Hatred for another person or group because of what they believe, how they dress, how the act... prejudice. Wow.

I always wonder if these kind of things ever happened anywhere else because it is just ludicrous. Only when I thought about it it wasn't funny at all. The only similar thing in history I can compare the Chick-fil-a farce to is the Nazi party's reaction to Jewish businesses in the early days before WWII. They burned Jewish owned businesses solely because they were Jewish owned businesses. Some of them had German employees. America should take careful note of this fact alone.

I also noted something else. How stupid is it, in an economy where there ARE NO JOBS, to attempt to close down a very large corporation because someone disagrees with your beliefs? Smacks of prejudice. Never mind that they sell a good product. Never mind they employ thousands. Shut them down because they don't believe the way I believe! How totally and utterly stupid. "Either you will believe what I say or you have no right to run a business." Excuse me?

Today, an elderly lady stopped by my office. She held up her Chick-fil-a bag and grinned at me. "The line was around the building." She laughed. "They forgot that Christians eat."

It stopped me in my tracks. That's true! And we shop a lot of places. We buy clothes. We buy cars. We buy houses, food, and eat in restaurants. We spend lots of money even in businesses that support things we don't agree with and we don't stand on a street corner and whine about it. We shop and go home. We don't even ask what the owner believes or thinks about anything. We order, eat, and go home. 

Yes, yes, there are fringe groups that do whine and make a ruckus and cause offense. We can't stand them either. However, the majority of us don't. Unfortunately, we aren't the ones who sell papers and news spots. The majority of us don't care who's selling that hamburger or pair of shoes. We may not agree with their politics, their religion, their sexual preferences or their hair color...IF we even know it. We just want the shoes. No, really, we don't care. We simply go about our business. But we pray, daily, for the world to change. 

And  we do more than that. We reach out when someone is in need. We feed those who are hungry through soup kitchens and donations to organization that feed the hungry. We don't care who eats the food as long as they have a need. We shelter those who are cold or wet by providing shelters and donations to those who do. We don't care who needs the shelter as long as there is a need. We give aid to the hurting. We do it without requiring anyone convert to our faith or that they repay the help. We do this because we are Christians. 

We live our beliefs. And that is what is so offensive. The fact that no matter how the mob roars we can't be changed. We won't let go despite the pressures brought to bear. We didn't come into the world as Christians. We made a choice to follow Christ, to be Christians. 

Whether Chick-fil-a closes its doors or not will NOT change us. We'll  keep spending OUR money where we want. We will keep buying things we want, where we want, regardless of who stands behind the counter or sits in the corporate office. We'll keep believing what we believe because it is our right to do so, just as it is yours. And you probably won't see us forming mobs, marching in parades and ranting to close your gay bars and nightclubs down or banning them from operating in our cities. We won't approve of them, ever. We understand that you have a right to operate a business, however offensive it is to us. We have the right to disagree with your beliefs just as you do with ours.

No. Your methods are not our style. Instead, we pray for you. 

We just won't buy your chicken.

Unsurpassed Tuesday

I think I mentioned I had a head cold yesterday. I woke up this morning sick... really sick. I was seriously off balance and felt if I got up, I'd be dizzy. I was stuffy. My eyes felt like they'd been taken out and put back in backwards. My vision didn't want to work correctly... I don't know what that means. It means everything looked weird to me. My brain felt as if it was sitting in a jar somewhere and I was getting relays from that. 

Does that help any?

I sent a text to my boss that I was sick and wouldn't be in. I rolled over and went back to sleep. I woke at 9:30 and when I tried to get up it was horrible. My brain simply felt saturated from that stuff in the jar and I couldn't focus very well. Mobility was wonky, too, and I was a bit concerned I'd fall. I was dizzy. Had I been taking some kind of meds, I would have thought I was having a drug related reaction. I had not. I only used a nasal spray the day before, the 12 hr kind, and that only opened my sinus up so I could breath. 

My son needed to borrow the car and I had to drive over to his house, about 5 minutes away. It wasn't pleasant. He drove me back and I crash landed on the sofa and did not moved until around noon. The dizziness and visual chaos passed off after about half an hour and I was at least able to read while lying down. But I was still a bit dizzy when getting up for the usual things...bathroom, drink, food. 

I've been drinking a lot because I obviously in need it with a cold. Oddly enough, this could also be a fibro flare on top of the cold. The symptoms of fibromyalgia include all the above except sneezing and stuffy nose. At least, I haven't run across them. But the fog is well known as are the exhaustion, confusion, dizziness, balance problems, and a slew of other things. If it is a flare, it is probably the worst I've had yet and that concerns me. 

On the bright side, the cold has not required a second dose of medicine to allow me to breath. That may be a good sign. I'm upright, breathing, although still stuffed up. My ears are really blocked and my head still feels as if it is sitting in a jar but I can breath. We'll see.

What was I reading? City of Bones, by Michael Connelly. I've never read Mr. Connelly even though he's got a about a dozen books out there. This book was given to me along with two sacks of other books. I picked it up and read the first chapter and I was hooked. Mr Connelly writes well and the story moves quickly, short chapters help. I really like the main character, Harry Bosch and this particular story is really good. It is very good and I'm impressed. I'm half done and it is a large hardback. I will probably read more of his books now. I don't usually read cop books but I do tend to read a lot of books written by men. 

NaNo is three months away. I need to start planning something but under the current conditions, constructive thought is difficult. I have no ideas for any story but then, I usually don't so I won't really get bent until November 1st.

I'm going to stop now. I think I actually need to take a nap. I have to be better tomorrow as I have to go back to work. 

Weekend Wrap-Up

The weekend went well. We went to St. Louis and stayed at Pear Tree Inn on Market Street. This was a really nice hotel for the money and I'd stay there again. It was clean and the service was wonderful. The breakfast buffet was free and huge. Snacks at 5 p.m. were free with free drinks. The pool and hot tub was indoors. I could have sat by the pool all day and been fine. 

We had some interesting adventures searching for places to eat and it became our big joke of the day. On Friday, we were looking for a specific restaurant. The Tom-Tom gave us directions. We put it in. We arrived 30 minutes and miles later. Building was there, restaurant was gone. We picked another and we followed the directions. They were wrong. Becca and I are a bit annoyed but we decided we better call to make sure the restaurant was actually THERE before we headed out again. We did and after an hour wandering around we arrived and had lunch. We returned to the hotel to relax and spent the evening in the pool. Later that evening we ordered pizza.

We took Sarah to the Science Museum on Saturday morning and you should have seen her face when she saw the dinosaur exhibit. He moved and roared and was life-sized.   Obviously, she never dreamed exactly how big  he would be and when faced with it her mind sort of boggled. Her face was priceless. She was awestruck and a bit terrified.There were lots of things in the museum but they were a bit old for her. We went to the Planetarium and we all enjoyed that show. It lasted about an hour. We chose to lie on the floor on mats. Mike dozed off and started snoring. I had to wake him up. 

Our next adventure began. We searched for a place to eat and thinking that Burger King would certainly never disappear from the earth and that Hershey Pie sounded perfect, we headed out only to find that it too had moved and the building was now the Noodle House. We continued our search until we came upon an oasis. 

"There's a Steak and Shake, David." I said. "Pull in." And we did. After a ridiculously expensive meal of burgers and ice cream we headed home.

The drive went quickly and I was thrilled to be in my own house. Sunday was a bust as I was so exhausted and my mysterious allergy revealed itself to be a full blow head cold. I returned to work this morning and now I sit in my living room, about to head off to the nighttime adventure of sleep. 

I'm sick. I can't breath well. My head hurts. My throat hurts. I cough and my head hurts. I am so tired and I am achy. Every time I leave my house I catch some disease. I might give up vacations all together. 

Over the Hump....at the Bottom of the Hill?

Today is hump day, the day when the rest of the week goes down hill... I'm not sure why we would think that is a good thing...but we do. I'm just glad I have one more day to work this week.

I took Friday off. I am taking Sarah to St. Louis to the Science Museum and if it isn't too hot, the Zoo. If it is too hot we'll do something else. We will all stay in a hotel tomorrow night and spend Saturday exploring. I'll have Dave & Becca and Mike along, too. I know they'll all have a good time and maybe I'll stop being so bummed out after a day away from home.

I posted the "final" chapters of The End of Winter so the gals in the writing group could read it. If you are one who read this during my 2008 NaNo and want to see the end, let me know. You will know who you are and need only send me an email to my email address... which you will have if you know me.


I am still tired. This afternoon after work I came from home, got a shower, put on  babydoll PJs, and had a personal pizza for supper while watching t.v. It is now just after 10 and for the first time in weeks, I don't feel buried under a black cloud. I'm still tired and will go to bed soon and I'm still not very cheerful. I do feel a bit less stressed. I had my writer's meeting on Monday night and those girls keep me laughing for a couple of hours and I always feel better after that. I spent the rest of Monday night and Tuesday night reading.


I sat up late the last two nights reading the BEST book I've read in a long time. Really. The writing was so tight I found myself looking for things wrong with it! The story was really good and a lot of fun. Typical old fashioned mystery. P. B. Ryan's Still Life with Murder. I highly recommend it. It is the first in a series and I got it free from Amazon. It is considered an historical mystery because it is set in Boston just after the Civil War. The main character Nell Sweeney is intriguing and I'll be getting the other books in the series just to learn more about her. I simply could not put it down and the ending was a surprise, which almost never happens with me. Although, these days, I'm not very attentive to details so it is possible someone else might not be as surprised.

I'm reading the start of the second book because it was included in the download... I'm already hooked by this 18th century female detective.



I'm having less pain this week I think. Yes, I'm not sure. My knees are sore and as I said, I'm tired. I'm not supposed to sit up late. I must get enough sleep. But I've been so disinterested in reading for so long that when I find a book that hooks me I hate to stop.

What I really want is to be able to retire. I am thinking about getting a site set up for donations. Yes. You heard me. I said donations. I'll direct people to my depressing posts and give details on my situation and condition. Then, I'll have a Pay Pal account set up so people who truly understand and want to help me can put their money where their mouth is. Look, I've had over 14,000 hits on this site since I began it. Over half those came in since November 2010. Something tipped the scale. Not sure what. Maybe I made a name for myself on the forums. Where are they all coming from? Russia and the US are apparently at the top of the list, with Russia in first place.

~(:\)

What have I said that would appeal to 100 Russians? What could they be interested in? My wit? My charm? My good looks? My audacity?

And now, I shall post this blog. I started it on a break early today and finished it just now. It should bring everyone up to speed. Tomorrow.... who knows.

A True Sarah Story

Today Sarah came and spent the afternoon with me. We went to Panera for me to have lunch. She didn't want to eat but wanted a chocolate chip cookie. They had a plate of cookie samples on the counter, each one on its on toothpick. I told her she could try one to see how it tasted. She chose one, twirled it, and then bit into it. She said, "OH, chocolate chip on a stick!"

The cashiers cracked up.

We picked up Michael later and he helped me get some yard work done. We finished about 8:30 and before taking them both home we decided to go eat supper. When the chicken place had no dark meat, Sarah said, "How about fish? I like fish." So we headed across town to Captain D's.

I ordered the double dozen shrimp dinner and while we were eating, Mike looked at me, frowning and said, "Mom, why are you eating that? You usually eat clams."

I said, "I do eat clams but I wanted shrimp."

Sarah suddenly looked at me, her face a mask of shock and horror. "YOU EAT CLOWNS?"

A Time Capsule and Paris' Human Zoo?

Stumbled across an interesting site that I just have to delve in much deeper. Here are two links.

A Locked Apartment

The Human Zoo

An Oldie Redone

Five Piano Guys?

The Piano Guys are just too awesome!

The Reason for Blessing

I ran across this photo and I remembered something that a very old woman once taught me. Her name was Kate Fletcher. She walked everywhere she went, despite the ill fitting prosthetic leg, sometime even turning down rides because of the difficulty getting out of vehicles. When I knew her she was in her 80's.

Sister Fletcher was a member of my church and seemed to appear in my life at a time when I needed a counselor. I was 18, newly married with no mother. She was a woman of great faith and wisdom and more than once I sought her counsel. She never failed. More than once I showed up at her home after midnight and she was actually at the door looking out. On one occasion she said, "The Lord told me someone was coming but not who."  Another time she said, "I was waiting for you."

When I found this clip I remembered a time when I was searching for something and I went to her home. She prayed for me and she told me, "God will not give anyone more blessings than they can handled." It was an unusual and surprising concept to me.

God's blessings are unreserved in depth and scope. We have only to be faithful and obedient to our calling. But they are not endless and they are not without limit.

Parent's reward their children based on how they behave. Yes, you do. Good behavior reaps good rewards. Bad behavior, if you are a good parent, reaps negative rewards. You wouldn't give a child a ice cream cone for slapping a parent or screaming at your guest. Well, maybe some people would but they end up with odious children.

As your child grows, the rewards become more advanced. Good grades may get better and better rewards. Allowances increase based on performance but bad performance, bad grades reduce the rewards. You bless them according to how they preform. You may do other things for them for no reason other than because you love them but there are blessing you give only because of what they do.

You may bless your teenager with an inexpensive car to do their running on but repeated traffic violation result in the loss of that blessing. They simply can't handle the responsibility of obeying traffic laws. You take the car and they take the bus. I've been here. The rule was your car, your fine. And they paid them. That is not a blessing. That is a penalty for not being responsible.

You may help your adult children with the down payment on a new home, if you have been blessed with the money to do that. They neglect to make the payments and they lose that home. They were not able to take on the responsibility of maintaining a home.

God blesses only according to what we are able to be responsible for maintaining. The concept she introduced me to that day has gotten me through some terrible times. The more I am responsible and the longer I am faithful, the greater the blessings become. There are times I've been overwhelmed at what I have been given for no apparent reason. I am not blessed because I'm smarter or better than anyone else. I am blessed because God has trusted me with some things that even I didn't think I could handle. I don't always think I deserve things He has given me but it isn't what I think that matters. It is what He thinks. And the knowledge that He thought I could handle something is in itself a blessing and and overwhelming concept. Some days I'm literally stunned by it.

I know people who seem to constantly be down on their luck. They can't get a break. Everything they do fails. All efforts to "get ahead" set them further and further behind. Nothing they set their hand to prospers. If you talked to them, they just don't understand.

In every case I've seen of people I know personally, I see the same thing over and over. Their walk with God had faltered in some fashion or ended. Their attitude, their behavior has become negative and in some cases, they are obviously not living as they know they should. They have gone farther and farther away from what they believed and become almost hostile. The blessings that once seemed to flow in are now flowing out. But all they see is the falling tide, and the absence of things. The don't see the cause.

Like a child they see everything that happens as unfair or someone else's fault. When a marriage gets in trouble, they need a new partner. Things would be better if I had a better spouse. When finances fail, it is the other spouse's spending that caused it. Or it is the other person's fault they lost the job. When children are unmanageable, it is the schools, friends, or other relatives fault. Like all children, we refuse to look in the mirror and see that we are the reason that we are blessed or not blessed. Instead we clench our fist, stomp our feet and scream, "IT IS NOT MY FAULT! I am a good person. I love God. I...... I..... I....."

My life is miserable. You heard me. I have pain so much that there are times I just want to die. Really. I don't say that much because the devil has a way of using our words to beat us up. In my mind, I know I don't want to die but I want the pain to stop. Some days I can hardly walk. My legs won't work, my feet hurt, my back is in agony. I have family that I can see are not being blessed and I am struggling with watching them fall farther and farther away and deeper and deeper into trouble. They don't even see what is happening. They can't see the chasm that is looming at their feet. I spend days praying for something to wake them up. I lost my husband and best friend and I have no one to talk to and no one to turn to when I'm in pain and suffering heartaches. I spend hours in my home and no one calls or comes by. Yes, I attend a church. And no, they don't.

So, how could I see any good in all that? What can make up for the losses? Ah. I see things that no one else sees that I know are blessings that I can't possibly have deserved. They wouldn't mean a thing to others but they are enormous reminders that I am not forgotten by God. Yes, sometimes it seems like it but I know I'm not. I'm not a bestselling author but I've been blessed with enough talent to bless others with my writing.  My husband was taken from me, and nothing can replace that, but because of his service and his faithfulness I have other benefits I wouldn't have had if he had not done some of the things he did over the years. He took care of his family, was faithful to us and God and provided for us even when he was dying. He told me once that he believe his disability was a blessing from God and he never asked God to heal him. That disability resulted in his death. What he suffered resulted in my blessing and in my ability to bless others. I've been blessed with a job that allows me to meet my needs and provides me with health insurance. I'm not wealthy, far from it. Yet, I've been blessed enough to bless my church and my children. The lack of local friends resulted in a circle of online friends who I talk to several times a week. They make me laugh, encourage me, share their lives with me, and some of them pray for me. Those who don't pray, I know they wish me well. You see, all the places in my life that hurt have had a blessing added to it.

I don't know why but for some reason, I've been trusted with these things, the good and the bad. My life is usually chaos and I'm stressed and wounded and heartbroken. But in the middle of chaos there is the eye of the storm that I strive live in. Sometimes the storm overtakes me. I'm overwhelmed by it but I have to keep moving in the right direction to find the eye again. I can't stop the storm. I can only stay in the eye.

Sister Fletcher was right. God won't bless anyone with any thing greater than they can handle. It isn't good for us. What does that mean?  Some blessings become our destruction. How many people have you seen on the news with millions of dollars and they commit suicide? They had everything but were not happy with the blessings. Why? Yes, I know mental illness is the explanation for everything. Its convenient. But it isn't always true. Sometime they get lost in the storm. How many divorced couples have you seen who were even more miserable afterward? How many people have you seen who left a good job for a better one only to find they hated it? How many people have you had to listen complain about all their troubles and you're wondering what's wrong with them because they have everything anyone could need? You know you have!

Like all children, we choose our blessings and we choose our curses. You won't necessarily see it that way. That's unfortunate. If once you could see the flow of blessings as something significant, it would change your whole outlook on events in your life. If you can just connect the dots you can see the whole picture. It isn't the blessing that is important. It is the reason for the blessing that is so important.

I'm blessed, not because I think I deserve it, because He thought so.

How much can God trust you?

70's Flashback

I loved this group back in the 70's!

A Lonely Boy

Ok, this is a keeper. Laughed so hard.

Flying Home

As a former world traveler, I found this extremely amusing.

A student was heading home for the holidays. When she got to the airline counter, she presented her ticket to New York. As she gave the agent her luggage, she made the remark, "I'd like you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii and my red suitcase to London."

The confused agent said, "I'm sorry, but we can't do that."

"Really? I am so relieved to hear you say that, because that's exactly what you did to my luggage last year!"

The Bad Place

I don't know why I elected to write a blog today. It isn't the best time to do it. I'm in a pretty bad place. You can gasp now and cover you mouth and hurry away to do something more important. I said. I'm. In. A. Bad. Place.

I know people that by now, I should be fine  and life is moving along as it should. I've no doubt it is moving along but for me, it is not moving as it should. I struggle with this monster, Grief, daily. Yes, every single day. And yes, after all this time!  Oh, you won't know it, not really. If you saw me face to face, you would think I'm my old self. I blog and vlog and talk with people daily at work, mostly people who don't really care what I think or feel.

I've learned a lot from death and about grief. Most of it I've tried to clarify in my blog. I know it isn't fun reading but I made a pact with myself in the beginning to tell people what this was like for someone living it. I decided that after I learned people do not really understand grief and the average person doesn't care about other's grief until they experience it for themselves on a level that shakes their foundation. You have to actually watch someone die to know how I feel? Pretty much. It's why people avoid the grief-stricken. They don't want to know or be reminded.

January 29, 2013 will be four years since Jerry died. I do not fall apart in front of people. I do not fall apart every four hours. I don't even fall apart every single day. I probably average every other day. It doesn't last as long as it did because like all exercise, the more weight the easier it gets to carry it. But you still carry it. One learns how to build a facade that no one can see beyond. There are some wounds you cry about and then there are wounds that hurt so bad you can't cry. When you can't cry, pain can actually get worse.

I've learned that you don't get over it. You don't stop hurting. You don't forget. You don't stop missing, longing, and hoping. It is a hopeless hope. You hope, knowing it won't, can't happen.

I've learned that you can hide huge amounts of sorrow from the world. You can hide numerous secrets from people simply by smiling and saying, "I'm fine." The average person will go no deeper than that. One could say, "Actually, I'm terrible." As I did at the start of this blog. The response would be, "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." And that's it. The average person quickly moves on to find someone else with a happier outlook or some really good gossip.

I've stopped seeking most company. I spend virtually all of my days and nights alone. I see no one outside of work and no one calls. Yes, I could call people. I have a few I could call. Why? I don't have anything to say. There is nothing to tell anyone. There is nothing in my life that is worth relating to anyone. And no one wants to hear it. One out of town family member calls regularly. Mike calls to check on me a couple of times a day and before he goes to bed. He's afraid, I suspect, that something will happen to me and no one will find me in time. He knows about living this way better than I do. He lived it first. He has no one but me. And for me, after four years, nothing has changed. It hasn't become easier. I just have no choice. So, the walls go up, mortar and brick carefully laid.

I think about going places. I even start planning where I could go. There are lots of vacation ads at the moment, ads with lots of smiling people and laughter. People cooking out, camping, running on the beach, dinner with lots of smiling faces. I stay home because there is no point. It won't be like that for me. Ever.

I am very tired. A sure sign of depression and fibor flare. I sleep when I go to bed but I could also sleep hours a day if I had a chance. When I'm home and not sleeping I sit and stare at the walls, Jerry's photos, the furniture, Jerry's photos, watch whatever will keep me interested for more than 30 minutes so I'm not thinking and not staring at Jerry's photos. No I won't put them away. This is where he lives. This is his home.

I do the housework myself now and maybe that's a good thing. It gets me moving for short bursts. And then, I have to sit down. I stare at the walls again. I read in short bursts. I've read over 20 books since I bought my Kindle at the first of the year, some good, some crappy. I may dabble at writing. I go to bed. I don't remember going to bed, usually. As soon as I lie down I am asleep.

So, in the grand scheme of things, life is uninteresting and empty.  I am empty. Yes, I've tried filling it. But the hole in the vessel is too large.


Citation: Health Benefits of Crying

"1980 All Over Again"

Bill O'Reilly: The Ghost of Ronald Reagan Haunting Obama?

What Is An American?

Found a really wonderful speech when searching for something else. I have to put the link here because it is just wonderful. I wish I'd found it before the 4th of July.

What Is An American

VJ Day, Aug. 14, 1945

What a great memorial to the men and women of this era who bravely served America. Thank you for your dedication and desire to serve and protect our country and for the sacrifices you made to defend us. You serve as an inspiration to all those who desire freedom.





VJ Day, Honolulu Hawaii, August 14, 1945 from Richard Sullivan on Vimeo.

The Death of a Nation?

This nation survives, and has for over 200 years, on a document that was so forward thinking that is still survives. I don't care what party he is with, the Constitution has worked, very well for a long time, long before the current administration. However, our current president has tried to choke the very life from it by various questionable means. He has tried over and over to bypass or limit and even alter the document that gives this nation life. Do I think he will succeed? Yes. 

http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2012/07/03/obama-has-now-broken-free-constitution/?cmpid=googextension

Obama's Gun Controll Plans - July 27, 2012

An Enlightening Evening

Just spent nearly three hours working on The End of Winter! Go figure. Started from the beginning and started reading and correcting. I've decided I actually hate most of my stories. They just suck all around. But its ok. Life's too short to bother worrying about it. 

I'm just shy of halfway with the first read through. I've been cutting, correcting POV since I seemed to have flip-flopped all the way. LOL. Most of it is utterly boring but there is a little story in there. This is one of two NaNo's which have a full arc. I know beginning, middle, and end. So, I'll do the read through, patch up the holes, fill in the gaps, and let go of it. 

I've felt so bad that I'm pretty much resigned to being done with it all. It currently isn't a decision I'm feeling regret over. And that is somehow amusing.

Birds of a Feather

You may think that who your friends are not important. You may even say that you'd never behave the way some of them do. This isn't true. My Mama used to say you are known by the company you keep and I've always found it accurate. 


If you pay close attention to who you hang around and how you act you will begin to notice the way in which you emulate them. Your speech, your mannerism, and even your opinions begin to sync with those in whose company you spend the most time. You may have already had people comment on your being "just like" someone else. It actually will take a conscious choice to not do it but the longer you are around someone, the more it becomes ingrained.


Several years ago I realized I had picked up a couple of habits I found annoying from some people I worked. Well, I was them 5 days a week for 8 hours a day. It was a close working environment. They weren't earth-shaking habits but they were things I didn't like to see in myself. I noticed that my whole attitude was being affected and when I was with certain people, I actually felt worse afterward even though we got along well. I had to start monitoring my own behavior to try and break the bad habits I picked up. Even I was surprised by how much I was being affected.


Choose friends wisely because you will become them. At the least, be the best person you can be so those you meet will become more like you.

Dead and Dying

We got a little rain at the end of the week but nothing since. It is about 5 degrees cooler but that isn't enough to even notice when it is this hot. Walking across a parking log is miserable and even a room at 80 is cool once you get inside.

How bad is it? It doesn't get much worse. Crops are dying. People are dying. And if storms follow this heat wave, they will probably be horrific, probably spawning tornadoes as the cooler fronts slide in. More people will die. At the moment, it is 92 here, the coolest it has been in weeks at noon.

US Record Heat

Ponderings and Perturbances

I've been a bit frustrated, as my title would indicate. At least, I think it does. I haven't been writing blogs for a while now. Not because I don't actually want to but I simply haven't felt that anything I was thinking or feeling or doing was noteworthy. It is a difficult place to be for someone who wants to write. I've done a bit of writing on a couple of stories but it amounts to almost nothing. 

The truth is that I've been completely exhausted for weeks now. I have slept just fine, well, at least, as well as I ever do. In fact, some nights I slept so hard that it was hard to get up. I felt like I'd just been several rounds with Morpheus and he was winning. 

Pain is really the only thing that gets me out of bed. Anyone know the Greek name for pain? Oh, here it is -  Algea was a spirit of pain! One of several daimones (demons) who wreak havoc on the world. I'd love to loll around for an extra hour in that lovely midway land between sleep and waking that seems to ease you into a day. I can't. I am awakened by gouging, wrenching pain either in my lower back, my hip, or my neck. End results is exhaustion piles up.

I've made efforts to keep the house clean. I no longer have Sue to clean for me. She got a full time job, two weeks ago. She needed one as my little housekeeping gig wasn't enough. However, all I can do is a little every night. I've been doing laundry every few nights. With the water conservation, they want only full loads but I'm not waiting a week to do laundry and spend hours putting it away. My machine is one of those water efficient ones so I'm already using less than the average and my bill has gone up steadily as they increase cost. So, I've saved nothing by it.

I am working on putting another story in Scrivener. I've managed to get three in there and now the fourth is nearly done. I'm hoping this will make it easier when I flit from one to the other. I've been reading my old nano's as I put them in. I have a couple that are actually really good. As a few friends mentioned, now I need to write the endings. I have two where I actually know the full ending and have that in notes. So, I'm thinking Simon and his aimless wanderings will have to go on a back burner for now, even though he is the most fun.

I came home from work and did nothing important. I tried some exercises. I've got to find something I can do. I'm gaining weight and that is not good. I found a single push up is impossible. I have no strength in my upper arms and my wrist simply can't handled it weight in that position. My shoulder, the bad one, isn't good with it either. The arthritis is too painful when I try. So, I've got to get something to build strength in my arms that won't hurt my joints. I think I'm going to have to find a gym and do weight training. I'm concerned because my blood sugar is only going to get worse with more weight. I'm going to try and stay off the carbs again and I'm going to cut down on how much I eat. I found a Chrome app called Lose It! that helps track what you eat, calculate the amount of calories you need, and how much you burn in exercise and consume in food. So, its a start. I knew my strength and muscle loss was very bad. It was distressing to realize how bad. I used to do aerobics three times a week and I was able to move all kinds of things. At 40 I could stand on my head! Now, I even have balance issues. That is a just one of the physical symptoms of fibro. It may be that I have to take off pounds before I can actually do much of anything. I know I won't be 40 again but I know people almost twice my age who have far more  strength and energy. 

I'm off now. I think I'm going to bed early. I've got a couple of places I need to go tomorrow and I don't want to be tired when I get up. Stay cool. We got some rain here today for about 20 minutes. {sigh} Not nearly enough. The farmers are going to be bankrupt.

A New Puzzle

Cooking Down The Greens

Happy Birthday, America

Oh Beautiful

O beautiful for spacious skies,

For amber waves of grain,

For purple mountain majesties

Above the fruited plain!

America! America!

God shed His grace on thee,

And crown thy good with brotherhood

From sea to shining sea!

O beautiful for pilgrim feet

Whose stern impassion'd stress

A thoroughfare for freedom beat

Across the wilderness

America! America!

God mend thine ev'ry flaw,

Confirm thy soul in self-control,

Thy liberty in law.

O beautiful for heroes prov'd

In liberating strife,

Who more than self their country lov'd,

And mercy more than life.

America! America!

May God thy gold refine

Till all success be nobleness,

And ev'ry gain divine.

O beautiful for patriot dream

That sees beyond the years

Thine alabaster cities gleam

Undimmed by human tears.

America! America!

God shed His grace on thee,

And crown thy good with brotherhood

From sea to shining sea.

A Walk At My House Part 2

A Walk At My House

WRoE - July 1, 2012

Wrote a chapter in Hidden in the Mist and began a second one. I did do some notes on Dream Stealer and even considered a new opening that would shift the dynamic a bit and clarify the inciting incident. I was actually a bit excited about that. Someone once suggested something along those lines. Proving once again that we don't actually forget anything, we just let it stew a bit before trying it. I think writing something else actually helped me a bit. Maybe loosened up the cogs or something. 

At any rate, small amount of writing but not according to my own rules. Will the person who said "rules were made to be broken" please email me. I need some more insights.

Because We Probably Ought to Know.....?

Alarming Tax Increases What does this mean? Americans probably should know. We're being taxed to death now so what is coming? For me, it is probably going to mean bad things.  

It's Done Good? Bad? Or Ugly?  I knew this was coming. And I've already experienced the first wave. Welborn Health Care will no longer carry health insurance because the changes involved under new laws make it financially impossible to provide the same level of services. This is an HMO, one of the cheapest insurances plans out there. My company just renewed with them for about the 10th year. By January we have to get a new company which will cost even more. We expect cuts in benefits and increase in costs to the employee from this alone. This affects not only my company but the School Corporation here. So a few thousand people. I believe you will see more insurance companies stop carrying health insurance. The cost to everyone will rise as choices and the quality of care decline. Pay attention to this paragraph: 

Starting in 2015, doctors will get paid for keeping patients well, not necessarily for every test or procedure. That means, in theory, that a doctor will get paid the same by Medicare or Medicaid whether she gets a patient's blood pressure down by prescribing drugs or by persuading him to lose weight and exercise.

Here's how I read it: Doctor thinks:  "So, since I'm not going to recover the cost of this test anyway, I'll just say it isn't necessary and tell them to diet and exercise. So what if this problem is caused by something else. No test, no proof. My educated judgement is all this form needs. If they die, well they should have taken better care of themselves."

Can't happen? Says who? And if you think you can't afford it? Think again, you will be taxed in addition to paying for health care for those who don't get health care. So, you will pay double for a single person. Will it force employers to carry  you? No. I already know of a couple of companies who say the penalty is cheaper to pay than it is to insure their employees. My sister's company just went to a cheaper play because of the coming changes. Her plan went to a $5000 deductible on medical treatment PLUS $5000 deductible on prescriptions before the insurance will pay a dime. This means my sister has to fork out $10,000 a year for her deductibles AND maintain a medical savings account with a minimum of $300 and pay her premiums for it! She makes $7.25 an hour. If she worked a 40 hr week, she would gross $14, 790. She doesn't get 40 hours a week. She gets more like 32. So... she has less than $4000 to live on a year if she pays all that. Her rent is $3600 a year.... Her medicine is $2500 just for insulin. So, her solution? Don't buy her insulin. Don't buy enough food. And if she chooses to drop this plan due to the astronomical costs? A penalty tax is coming for her. Brilliant. 

Makes sense. Too much light is not good for you, particularly electronic light.  After dealing with a sleep disorder for years, I know that the evenings I watch t.v. or play on the computer late, the more trouble I have sleeping. If I limit it to a few hours in the early in the day or early evening I do much better. 

Have a nice day.

An Enticing Tuesday

I have said before that I hate Mondays. I do. But I really hate it when Tuesday is seductive. A cool breeze caressed my face and arms this morning and sunshine kissed my cheeks from a smiling blue sky. I desperately wanted to stay home. I didn't feel well to start with. Not enough sleep probably. I got up at 6:30 and went back to bed at 7:00, fully dressed. I dozed until 7:30 when I got up, brushed my teeth and combed my hair again. My clothes weren't mussed as I simply lay on the bed but I fell just terrible. Still I have to work so here I am.

The huge window at my desk taunts me.

I am supposed to have phone duty today. That means I'll spend three hours answering the phone and greeting clients and answering questions. I will get no real work done. I'm taking my 15 minute break now so I can write this.

My online writer's group met last night in a G+ hangout. There were only three but we had a nice time talking. It is amusing in a way. We do talk writing but it seems much more fun than it probably should be.

I'm really struggling with my thinking. Fibro fog has been really bad this whole month. In fact, for the last three months it has been really bad. I am barely able to concentrate at work and when I get home, forget it. I'm mostly in a . . . well, a fog. Not even reading a lot because it takes so much effort to concentrate. This disease is a curse. It robs you of time.

All right, back to the mine. Not sure what the rest of the day will be like.

Running Down To Friday

It has been a long week. Not much going on at my house as it is too hot to do anything outside. Inside, I've simply sat around and read or watched movies. I've had Sarah a couple of nights this week for a few hours. She's always fun to have over and that time belongs to her.

Writing? Here and there. I'm not fond of anything at the moment. I thought I'd get another Mist chapter done but I'm once again assailed by the fact that I don't really like the story. It needs so much work even if I were done with it and to not care about it makes it that much harder. I think it shows in places that I'm not vested. There are some  parts I really like but overall, it isn't a story I really wanted to write. Like all exercises, it hasn't really been fun. 

I've got some more ideas for Simon's story and want to get them down soon. I also have a bit for my church ladies story. So, I have stuff to do.

Biggest problem is the exhaustion. I've been simply buried under it. I've been going to bed progressively earlier this week to see at which level I feel most rested. Someone posted a chart on FB this past week that showed all the effects of Fibromyalgia. I have most of them. /O\ Not good. Anyway, it is the litteral mind numbing tired that is worse than anything else I deal with. I'm barely functional by the time I get home. 

David started a new job this week. He's installing television and internet cable for a local company. It is minimum wage to start and then goes to commission afterward. He thinks he'll do well with commission. Hope so. It will be by the job then. 

That's about it for now, I think. I hope everyone has had a good week. If you have any spare rain, please send it our way. It is so hot and so dry here. Beautiful blue sky with fluffy white clouds and unbearable heat.  Rain would be lovely.

Morning Aches

I had intended to go to church this morning and take Sarah with me. She spent the afternoon here and was going to spend the night. She was up at 3 a.m. and wanted to go home. I don't know what the problem is. She said I snore but I doubt anyone snores louder or more terrible than her dad and she sleeps in their room! She used to spend the night a lot on weekends but just stopped. 

Anyway, I woke up to a bad headache, my back felt wrapped in a vice, neck hurts, and walking was difficult. I'm going in a moment to get a hot shower to see if it will loosen things up a bit. I so wish I had someone to rub my back. That "locked" feeling is the worst thing. All the muscles simply won't move without resistance. 

It has been miserably hot, so much so that you can't be outside. No rain again for days. What little we got has simply evaporated. I need to water the flowers but going for the hose is misery. I'm thinking of moving the sprinkler into the front yard and simply turning it as needed. Whoever cuts the yard can simply move it around. That would save me a bit of effort. 

I'm still meeting with my writing friends online in the g+ hangouts. That works so well! Very much like getting to meet face to face without all the bother with deserts and special clothing. Well, we do wear clothing but I can simply slip on my most comfortable PJ's and I'm ready. I've enjoyed these hangouts a lot and if you haven't tried one, you should. 

OH! Forgot to mention. I bought an HDMI cord for my computer and can now link it up with my television. It is very cool really. I can watch all sorts of videos on my television now via Youtube, Hulu, Netflix or any other source. Mike and I use the same Netflix account and I pay half so that helps him. I was doing HULU but most of the content that I got was the same thing as nonpaying. Only difference was I could put most of it on the t.v. The content was still very limited. Netflix has much more content and so far everything can go on the t.v. 

I'm going to watch the season 4 finale to Dr Who (David Tennant), The End of Time. I haven't seen it. I'm dreading it a bit as I just adored him as Dr. Who. The reviews I read about it say it was a very sad show. I just spent the last several weeks watching all the seasons he was Dr. Who. I  used to watch them when they were on but for some reason I stopped. I think it was the night it came on was a conflict for me. Anyway, I'm going to see the finale today. It is 2 hrs long! May have to watch in parts.... You know that death stuff really upsets me and this is a favorite character. 

All right, got sidetracked and now an hour has passed and I'm still aching. I'm going for the hot shower now. 

Meandering Saturday

Yes, it has been a while. I am sitting in my living room with a turban on my head and telling myself I need to get up and get moving. I've had coffee and a breakfast of sorts. I had a hard time waking up this morning. I mean I simply could not get roused. I kept hitting the snooze button for about half an hour. I finally decided I needed a shower to get me going. So, I showered and washed my hair and . . . well, here I am. I still feel tired but I'm vertical... sort of.

It has been a busy few months. Work, I think I mentioned, has been a killer of all things fun. I did get a new sidewalk, thanks to help from my children. We had a lot of fun doing it. There was a vacation and holiday in there somewhere. I vaguely remember them. I need another one but I'm waiting until my finances recover from all this spending.

I've been writing a bit on a couple of things but nothing earth shaking and certainly not on my Primary Project as I am supposed to do under the terms of my WRoE challenge to myself. Nuts. Must rethink my rules, I think. If they are too hard for me to follow (they aren't really I'm just making the usual excuses) then I may need to reevaluate them.

Today my house is clean and there is no yard work that I must do, although there is some I'd like to do. I've found I like it better if someone is here doing it with me. It seems more fun. Jerry and I used to work outside together and we liked it. He got to the place he could barely cut the grass and we just gave up on the yard. He'd be thrilled at how things look now. He wanted it to look like this.

I really have been absent from here, at least posting stuff. I do come an read up and I posted things I was watching and reading. Just none of my original content that I know is thrilling. I'm sure you all were bereft by my absence.

Not.

I plan on getting the accounts in order this morning but I think I want the afternoon to myself. I need some decompression time I think.

This is rather short and pointless, I'm afraid. I don't know what is wrong with me. I have no profound wisdom or rant to share. I've made blogging a daily habit for years now and suddenly, I am without anything to say.

Surely I can't have said it all!

Memorial Day Weekend

Here's some of what went on at my house on Memorial Day Weekend. Must warn you... some of it isn't pretty... funny but not pretty.

I Won't Give Up - Peter Hollens

Sometimes the things I stumble over on Youtube just blow me away. This young man's voice is one of those surprises. I could listen to him sing all day.

Obama blames GOP Congress for slowing economy, Romney fires back | Fox News

Obama blames GOP Congress for slowing economy, Romney fires back | Fox News: "“The president must be on another planet,”  Sen. Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., told Fox News. “You saw job figures last Friday, completely disconnected from reality.”

"
OH... So that's why the birth certificate was so hard to find!

'via Blog this'

A Case of Hiccups

I got the in my email today from GCFL.com and it gave me a chuckle. Had to share it.

While waiting in line at the bank, a co-worker developed a very loud case of hiccups. By the time he reached the teller's window, the hiccups seemed to have  worsened. The teller took my friend's check and proceeded to run a computer verification of his account. After a minute she looked up from her terminal with a frown and said that she would be unable to cash his check.

"Why not?" my friend asked incredulously.

"I'm sorry, sir," she replied, "but our computer indicates that you do not have sufficient funds to cover this amount. As a matter of fact," she continued, "our records  show your account overdrawn in excess of $5000."

"It can't be!" he cried. "You have to be kidding!"

"Yes, I am," she answered with a smile, counting out his cash. "But you will notice that your hiccups are gone."

US Navy prepares mission to solve riddle of Amelia Earhart's death - Telegraph

Link

I started to read this but then realized... she's been missing 75 years. She's dead. And the US Navy is sending people out to look for her? Why? I agree it is a mystery that would be interesting to solve but not for what it will cost to taxpayers for this little jaunt in the Pacific! Who is blazes is in charge in Washington? Idiots. Really!

The Long Road Home

Cotton Candy Pro

I thought this was amazing. Watch what he does for the children.

A Day of Clouds

Saturday has begun swathed in clouds. I'm hoping it doesn't rain. I'm going to get Mike in a bit and try to finish the last four rows of sidewalk. Then, flower beds I hope. My potted flowers never to be in deeper soil soon. I want to plant more once I get them sorted out.

I woke with a very sore neck and shoulder. I thought I wouldn't be able to hold my head up it hurt so badly. I truly do not know what causes that. I sleep better when I can sleep on my sides but I feel worse because the pain builds to excruciating levels. Sleep study really should be done, I think. Once they see how bad it is maybe they can offer some constructive advice.

I have done precious little writing anywhere, as you probably know if you've been checking. I wouldn't blame you a bit if you'd moved on and forgotten me all together. I've been over on FB and G+. I really like G+ because the items posted tend to be more educational and not so much silly chat like you find on FB. Still lots of family is on FB so I'll stay there to keep in touch.

The week seemed rather long even though I only worked for three days! Maybe because I worked so hard over the long weekend. But the walk is looking very good. I'm pleased with it. Just want it done now. Must get some mulch I think to line the edges. I've got ground cover that will help keep weeds out. I'm going to do that and then add new lights. No reason for stupid people to break them now.

I am hoping for a quiet day today, aside from the time Mike comes over to help with the sidewalk.

Although I have not been posting much lately I have been reading the blogs posted on my list. I read the comments, too. As I think I mentioned before I get emails of your blogs and comments. So I don't miss a thing. I can't view photos but I can read it all. I almost shut that off but I found the blogs backed up on me so this helps. I also post by email at times but since my work load in the office has doubled, that has tapered off.

Oh, my co-worker and friend, Carolyn, fell and broke her shoulder. She had to have surgery on it last Wednesday to put pins and screws in it as the bone had separated. She will be off at least six weeks, maybe more with physical therapy. So work is doubly bad right now.

The YMCA here sponsors a "fall Half-Marathon" every year and she walks in that. Walkers walk together for a couple of months to build up to the required 13 miles. She was walking home from her regular meeting and tripped on the sidewalk. She was just blocks from her house at the ball field up the road. She lives around the block from me. The sidewalk is right on a very busy street, the ball field was full of people of all ages. She fell on a very public sidewalk. No one came to see about her. No one stopped to help her up. No one even came over and ask if she was all right. She had to get up with one arm not working and walk home. She said she had a lot of trouble getting up because of that. I was so shocked I could not believe it. What kind of people do that?

I've told her it is not meant for her to walk in this thing anymore. Last year she had to have back surgery and couldn't do it. She really enjoys it but serious injury two years in a row is a bit much. I know, it was an accident but what if she'd been farther from home or knocked unconscious? She said she managed to walk to the corner bus stop and sit down to pull herself together.

I will try and post more photos of my vacation. I didn't take many. I spent my time just enjoying my family. It was so nice to see them all.

I'm away now. I need to dress and see about doing something constructive. Like pay my bills. Oh yeah, fun awaits. At least I can pay them. That's a blessing.

WRoE: May Accountability Day

I'm late again but not too late.

No writing on the Primary Project. I worked on three existing chapter, well two. I wrote the third for Baptism in the Basement. If I ever finish this one it should be a fun edit. It is fun writing it and fun reading it. Maybe because I actually recognize the characters.

That's it.