Happy New Year, 2012

The Last Day of 2011

Easy New Year's Resolutions

You all know, if you have read my favorite blog posts, what I think about resolutions. I don't make them. This list a good example of why. It is amusing and yet... profoundly truthful. (I'm being highly sarcastic here.)

Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my nightdress. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.

I will not bore my boss by with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some more excuses.

I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.

I will avoid taking a bath whenever possible and conserve more water.

I will give up chocolates totally. 100%. Completely. Honestly....

I will try to figure out why I *really* need nine e-mail addresses.

I will stop sending e-mails to my wife (husband).

I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own.

I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, and Instant Messages while on the phone at the same time with the same person.

I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.

I will read the manual ... just as soon as I can find it.

I will think of a password other than "password."

I will not tell the same story at every get together.

I won't worry so much.

I will cut my hair.

I will grow my hair.

I will be more imaginative.

I will not ring the steward button on airplanes just to get her/his phone number.

FROM GCFL.com

Wonder Where It Went

My morning has flown by. I've been busy getting the detritus cleaned out of my box and preparing to start hitting the February files. I have to have all of them done by end of month or I'm going to be in a pickle with late folders. Much of March is sitting waiting as well.

My neck is just miserable and making the rest of me miserable. Not sure what I can do about it. I am dreading having to get that shot but I'm not sure there is an alternative. It has been three years since the last one and I've had some very bad days with it in that time. 

I over slept this morning because I forgot to set the clock. It was needed extra sleep. I really need to go to bed early tonight, too. November always kind of knocks me off kilter. I was doing really well with a routine of sorts and I need to get back to that.

Only three days to go this week and then three days next and four after that, so short work weeks for the next three. That is going to be very nice. 

I don't have any profound wisdom to offer today. No shocking statements to take exception to, unless you get all bent some of the above, in which case, get a helmet. In all honest, I am so. . . I don't like the word depressed for everything. I've been depressed and I can tell the difference. This isn't depression. It is . . . something else. If I think of the work I'll post it but at the moment . . . oh, wait, yes I do! Abject. I am abject. It is an old word and I doubt many people use it now-a-days. I can't seem to get above it. Oh, feels better just having a word to describe it. 

I'm out now to lunch. Don't know where I'm going.

Sunday That Wasn't

Cloudy and cold all day. I didn't go to church this morning but I'm on my way out in just a few minutes for the evening service. I'm rather tired, even took a nap this afternoon for about an hour. I got to bed late, after 1 a.m., and I don't know if I slept well or not. I woke up around 8 a.m. and tried to stay in bed but couldn't bring myself to do so. It is hard for me to find a comfortable position lying down. So I got up, made breakfast and found my neck is very uncomfortable. the only position that doesn't cause pain is straight up, straight ahead. But that puts stress on my whole body after a time.

I've done nothing but lie on the sofa and watch t.v. shows. I did read a bit but not much. Life is simply passing by my windows. 

Thankfully, I only have to work four days this week. 

Forgot to mention that I went to the cemetery yesterday to leave flowers. Someone, probably one of the Veterans organizations here, had placed evergreen wreaths on all the graves. They were so beautiful. I couldn't believe it. If you don't know what something like that means to the families of these men and women it is unfortunate for you. I sat there and cried. This was not a cheap gesture. These were live wreaths with red bows on them and there are at least three dozen graves in the Vet's area. I couldn't believe they'd done that. I am going to call this week and see if I can find out which group did it. I'd like to call and say thank you.

My trip to the cemetery was probably why most of the weekend was a bust. 

I'm leaving now. Not sure when I'll be back on but I usually try to get on a few minutes ever evening. Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas. Make it the best that you possibly can. You do not know when it will be the last one for someone around your table.

The Lost Videos -NaNoWriMo 2011

Thanksgiving Day, 2011

Around the Block

And back again. I did just that. You know, I never thought about how very much I did things with someone else. Really. In the last years of his life Jerry had jobs whose hours conflicted with mine terribly. Even Saturday was a bust. We had only one day a week for a long time. But we always spent the time we had together either doing stuff around the house or at church or going to the store. He got to where he was doing all the shopping. I just made the list.

So, again I am reminded strongly how very much I hate shopping and I despise it alone. There is no reason to go to a store if I can help it. 

What did I do? Nothing I intended. I went to CVS to pick up some gifts for Sarah. She loves playing Old Maid and Go Fish with me. Got her gifts. I went to Lowe's looking for lights. Didn't have them. But I did get house numbers to put outside. Randy covered mine up when he built the porch. Fortunately, they were the stick on kind so it didn't matter. These are metal and I'll attach them to the step railing facing the street. I also got two packages of pretty baubles for the tree. Left Lowe's and went to get a gift card. Came home. No, it wasn't enjoyable.

My next big event, after working four days will be get ready to cook Christmas dinner. I'm going for fast and simple and less. Only complication will be homemade dressing. Not the box stuff. The real cornbread dressing. I'll buy couple of rotisserie chickens from Sam's and my desserts. I'll make a small ham. Everyone will be happy. I might, just might make Jerry's favorite Lemon pie but not sure. I only made it because he liked it, even though everyone else does, too but I'm leaning to ready made desserts.  No, I won't make it. 

I really am going to find something else to do for Christmas next year. Maybe a trip to some place warm and sunny. I'm done with this stuff. I absolutely hate it. I no longer find any pleasure in any of it and that's sad in a way. But it is true. I don't want to do anything at all.  

So why am I? Because I'd like to give Sarah a few memories of something that was and when it was, there was joy. With me, the traditions will die out. I'd like her to know what they were. I am alone here and with no close family and no siblings it will be gone. When you have sons it is different. Unless there are wives who want to continue family traditions, they disappear. 

I know people make their own traditions, each generation doing new things. My sisters and I have tried to keep ours going but for me, it ends here. I think I'm done. Maybe that's for the best.

I suspect the next 44 days are going to be a little slice of hell on earth. At least for me.

Finding The Meaning

I'm heading out now to find some meaning in the madness. I suppose I have to buy gifts at some point. It has, oddly enough, become something so meaningless that I'm stunned at how little it means. I can buy that gift anytime. Why did I waste years stressing over it? Running all over to find the perfect gift? I'm a bit ashamed. I need to remember what this particular holiday means. Not what it has become.

No, stop. I don't want to hear your opinion about the pagan roots of Christmas.... or any other holiday for that matter. I don't care. The reason the ancient world turned from those things is hope. They reinvented them to encompass something beyond the superficial. They saw hope and reached for it. The problem isn't that the reason changed. People changed, and only in the last 50-60 years!

The hope remained. It was the light, there before us, suspended in the heavens. At His birth. And at His death. Get rid of all the trappings you want. Burn the tree. Trash the decorations. Ban the images and call them archaic. Suppress all Christian religious speech and thought. (Not any other religions stuff cause that would be repressive and a violation of someones rights). You can do all of that. It won't matter to me.

Because the hope is still there, right in front of us. You can't take the stars from the sky. You can't suppress the Light that shines through time and space and pierces to the darkest heart. You can talk all the visual and audible images of Christmas and burn them in the deepest pit. And you still won't touch what it means to us. You won't be able to suppress the reality because it is beyond your ability to do so. You won't be able to stop the hope. There is no power, political or personal, that can change what it really means. We are what makes it what it is because He was who he was. You can't change that, no matter how many X's you put in it.

Merry Christmas. Yeah, I think so.

My New Favorite Christmas Carole

Re-Reading My NaNo

Since I can't be bothered to work today, I decided to do some work on my NaNo novel. I ran across one of those places where the writer just knows it's good. Well, we think it's good. Anyway, I'll share it and you can judge. I love the dialogue here. Simon has called Quinn to arrange a meeting. Here is how it opens.

"Quinn here."

Simon smiled. "Hello, old chum. How've you been?"

"Simon?"

The shock in his voice would have been offensive if it hadn't been amusing. "In the flesh."

"What in hell do you want?" The line crackled from the force of his voice.

"Actually, I'm not in hell.."

"Sorry to hear that. Where are you?"

I love these characters and their relationship. I love this tale and I'm annoyed it is so disorganized. {sigh} Yes... yes... I'm working on it.

Report: Half Of American Schools Failed Federal Standards | Fox News

Link

I don't know how our American education system every operated before this No Child Left Behind thing. I mean, we had some of the brightest minds in the world come out of American schools before this act. Wonder what would have happened has we never had the NCLB pass? Could out children get any dumber without it?

Wednesday Wind Up

HRH arrived in full force. Princess Sarah entertained me for about three hours tonight while Mommie went to the ER. Mom is sick with asthma, bronchitis and a slight case of pneumonia. She got drugs and they've gone home. 

I've spent the evening playing cards - Old Maid & Go Fish, listing to Scooby Doo movies, and watching Terra Nova while she played with Playdoh. And chatted with friends online. All together a relatively tame evening.

Dave worked on my shoulder and right at this very second there is NO PAIN in that shoulder! Boy is gifted, I'm telling you. Seriously, NO pain in my shoulder. As soon as he starts whatever he does, it stops. I'm getting ready to go to bed so I can try an sleep. I forgot to take one of my meds and will probably have trouble sleeping but we'll see. Once that pain is under control life is a bit more bearable. 

Becca informed me there were Apostolic dating services. {shakes head} I don't know what to do with such information. Filed under research. I have discovered I'm not really ready for the 21st century. I don't know if I ever will be. Also need to research when the next parade is happening. Hey, you meet some nice people at parades.

Now that I have you all laughing hysterically, I'm going to bed. Have a good night.

Mid-Week Update

The day started with milky sun but has progressed to a nice clabbered grey. There appears to be rain heading our way... again. I truly hate this weather.

I didn't have a great day yesterday. I guess if you read the blog you could tell. I tend to let things people say gnaw at me. A friend sort of pulled me up by my boot straps and I think I'm less depressed about it. At least my outlook isn't so dark. 

My neck and shoulder, however, are miserable. I don't know what to do about it. I'm having trouble sleeping. I'm tired because it wakes me up. I know that the tired can become a problem. I took an ice pack to bed last night. Yes, under the electric blanket. Helped for a bit. I've not been online as much this week because sitting at the computer is a problem. I've mostly just laid around and watched t.v. and tried to read. Even reading is a bit of a problem. Putting any strain on this neck just keeps it going.

I'm really annoyed in some ways. This isn't intended to be gross but if you have a problem with it, just skip to the next paragraph or post. I probably need a breast reduction. They mentioned it before when I had that cervical block to my neck and on the follow-up. I'm blessed, endowed, burdened whatever you want to call it but carrying this around is not good. If they took me back to what I was when I came here, 20 yrs ago, I'd lose at least 10 lbs and a dress size! The benefit would be less stress on my neck and shoulders. Don't know how Dolly does it. She's petite and has small feet. I'm 5'5" and as a teenager what they always termed "big boned". I figured out when I became an adult that is what they called females who were "early bloomers". What stupid things we use to describe people!  So my sand was where it was supposed to be. I think the drain is plugged at my waist and the sand at the top won't shift.. maybe a good thing in some respects. Not in others.

I'm glad most of my readers are women.

I'm looking forward to starting my writing plan. I am frustrated by the neck issues at the moment. It will only make it worse and I have to get that resolved. I had a whole two months of no pain! That's is what is so depressing. When you hurt so much, so long and you get these spates of no pain and you see what you're missing, and then it comes back. It becomes such a ... I don't have a word for it.

I was running late this morning because I slept late. I didn't eat breakfast and I'm starved. We will probably go to Captain D's for lunch.  In fact, it is after 11 so I can go NOW! 

Wishing on Stars

 I really hate evenings when I sit here and wish for impossible
things. I can't see stars tonight even if I could step outside and
look up. They're hidden behind clouds. Actually, that's the story of
my life.

Chris told me today she thought I felt better when I was with I was
with people. I think she made the assessment after reading various
posts on the blog. It is true.I don't have to think when  I'm occupied
with chatter and noise and busyness. I get tired easily from it all
end up nearly collapsed by bedtime but still, I am somewhere else for
a bit. I step out of my world into one that is nearly normal. I
forget, forcibly at times, what's waiting.  But I always have to come
home.

You don't have to read any further. It is the same story. At the
moment, I'm wrestling with another headache, neck ache, and truly
dismal outlook. What really frustrates me is that I don't really have
a solution. They told me I wouldn't. That it wouldn't stop hitting me
for years. Yes, years.

I found some relief in October and November. But truthfully, I don't
want to live in a fictional world. I never was one of those soap fans.
You know, they talk about the characters as if they just went to the
bathroom with them and chatted back and forth in the stalls. Not me. I
could never get into that. It's worse now. Watching t.v. doesn't work
for me. The images can be down right painful. Ever watch someone do
CPR on a medical show. I have to leave the room. Ever watch weddings,
funerals, and love scenes?  I have to leave the room. Ever see
reunions and leave takings? Yeah, I have to leave the room.  Movies,
oh my goodness! I remember shortly after Jerry died, I watch The
Saint, one of my favorite movies.  I simply went to bed and cried for
hours at the end of it. How stupid is that? I never cry at movies,
ever... I didn't used to. Another reason I won't go to movies alone.
At least with someone you are to concerned about making a fool of
yourself.

Reading is almost as bad. The imagery is not as physical. It's more in
my head and easier to escape. Still, I've had several books I've
simply put down and not gone back to pick up in two years. I could
read a dozen books a month once.

I should just go to bed and try to sleep. I don't think about the real
world. The sleep, perchance to dream... Hamlet had his own nightmares.

To die, to sleep—
No more—and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to. 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep—
To sleep—perchance to dream. Ay, there's the rub!
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,

You know, I never understood Hamlet's speech before! I've read the
complete works of Shakespeare and I've read and seen this play. I
never understood it! I did tonight. There's something to be said for
despair.

I'm going to stop. There are no stars to wish on and if I could, it
would be wasted.

Christmas Carols 2011 Part 2

Please try and laugh a bit and don't send me mail.... I thought it was funny. And I just love Star Wars!

Softly Falls

I woke this morning to another gloomy day but to actually less pain. I shuffled to get my coffee, because in the mornings my legs do not work well, particularly my feet. I said once it was like walking barefoot on gravel. Still is.  

As I moved to other rooms I heard the soft patter of rain drops. It was raining. I got my coffee and returned to my room to get ready for work. Most things were not hurting this morning. So, just before rain things hurt. Once rain begins, it eases up. {sigh} No wonder people move to the desert. I took my time dressing until I realized I'd over slept by half an hour. One thing about wearing hair down... you can sleep later. 

I can't remember if I mentioned it yesterday. I was invited by Loraine, one of my Asylum inmates, to go to a gathering last night. Ladies in her church meet, I think monthly, and play Bunco. Not sure of the spelling but that's close enough. Loraine is one of my favorite people and I agreed. I had a nice time, had a really good bowl of taco soup, and won a prize, which was a surprise since I've never played the game before. Dice game where you really want to roll sixes. I enjoyed myself and came home around 8:30. Got a hot shower and snacks, watch Grimm and went to bed. I was so tired.

I actually slept better last night. I'm waking up dehydrated but I'm drinking water when I wake up. I keep some by the bed so I don't have to get up and mess up my sleep.  Still, it takes most of a morning to re-hydrate. I'm going to ask about it when I go back to the doctor on the 20th. 

I'm again trying to get a sleep schedule in place. When I do that I rest better and when I get more sleep I feel better. Seems sleep is the only thing that helps. I stayed at home and raised my children until Dave started school in 1998. Until then I could sleep later and rest if I needed to but I seldom needed it. I had lots of energy and did all kinds of physical things. Jerry used to laugh and say he didn't know where the furniture would be sometimes when he came home. It is why it is so very frustrating to be so tired. Can't do a lot of things I need to do.

I'm going to get back to work now. The rain is still falling softly outside my window and the sky is a uniform grey. I'd love to be curled up with a book and hot cocoa. Later.

Christmas Carols 2011

Did You Ever Wonder?

I'm curious. I have my blog on Multiply and I can see who visits the blog. Periodically I go through the history and check out the blogs of those who visited but who are not in my contacts.


No so with Blogger, which is just a mirror of my Multiply blog. I had Blogger long before I had either Yahoo 360 or Multiply. And I still like it. Some time ago Blogger added a stats feature. It's really good but it only tells you that x number of people visited your blog for a given time span: day, week, month and year.


This year, I put my blogger address on my NaNo profile and in the first month I had 1000 hits! I was stunned. People were actually coming by? Yep. I'm still getting a lot of hits and always one or two from my profile page. It's interesting and I am left wondering. Who are they?


I know I've gained a couple of new friends from NaNo who have actually told me they read my blog. But 1000? And since the 12th of November there have been over 920 hits. I went from 4500 over years to 7500 in two months. That just blows my mind. I'm not that interesting.


Then, I think, maybe they just go look at the home page and move on. But that blogger stat page... it tells me what pages they visit. Yeah! I can see what post got how many visits.


Then I get to wondering what people think. On Multiply, contacts leave comments and that's nice. People don't tend to do that on Blogger. Some do, but not most. I'm not writing a political rant usually so those who would comment won't. I'm generally not posting some controversial religious rant. I usually am pretty rude about saying "Take it or leave it. I'm not interested in debating." So, that cuts another group. And I don't do book reviews, helpful hints, or recipes. So, another whole sector gone. So, I figure I pretty much remove any opportunity for people to comment.


It's o.k. But I'm so curious about the numbers. Of course it could just be trolling bots clicking the numbers over. Somehow it seems more obscene to think you've had a bot skulking about staring in your windows rather than a real person. Yes. I mean, what do they want with what they learn? Who are they reporting to? Should I be concerned? Are these things plotting to strike at bloggers in some nefarious fashion? Do they take your site down? Do they turn your posts to gibberish? Will they send evil minions to your home to invade your electrical system? Will they take out your internet? Fry your modem? Infiltrate your wi-fi printer and use all you ink?


I'm just curious. And I'm really, really bored.

Sunny Monday At Last!

Yesterday was not a very good day, I'm afraid. The nagging headache still clung to me like slime. I went to church in the morning but went straight home and applied ice to my neck and shoulder and lay on the sofa the rest of the day and watched t.v. on the computer and read from my Kindle. I was just miserable and I hate days like that.

I did still wake up with the neck pain and mild headache but as the day has progressed the pain has lessened. And... it is sunny today! I truly think some of it is caused by certain chairs and the arms on the desk chairs. I find myself propping on my left arm and it really creates tension in my neck and shoulder. I'm working on it. I think if I checked back several months there was another place that I had a similar problem and it was positional pain. Of course, last night I had to take all the pillows out from beneath my head. 

I am enjoying the Kindle. I have over 50 books on that thing already, all free ones. There are a lot of free books. I'm reading three items now. Yes, I do that pretty regularly when I read. Never just one book going. That doesn't include blogs and other kinds of websites. 

I went to lunch at Cancun today. Mexican restaurant. Don't know if I mentioned that. It is a bit farther away than the other one I usually go to but they had a fire and are shut down while they remodel. Food it good, place is decorated nicely and I just like it. But I'll be glad when the other opens back up. 

OH! Sherlock Holmes is going to be at the theater next weekend! I am dying to see that movie. I loved the last one with Robert Downey Jr. I love to watch him. I won't go by myself but I'll be bumming up someone to go with me between now and then. LOL, how sad is that?

I missed seeing the fourth Pirates of the Caribbean because I didn't want to go alone. I guess this time, if it comes down to it I will but it isn't much fun to see a good movie by yourself.

All right. Piles of paperwork at my elbow are demanding attention. I'm still playing catch up. I'm hoping to get it all caught up today or tomorrow so I can work on stuff going forward. 

Hope you are all having a really nice day.

"If things improve with age, then I am approaching magnificence." - From the side of my blue coffee mug.