Waves of the Week

It seems as if everything in life is in waves, recurring waves. Like real waves you can't stop it or change it. Take Monday for example. It comes every seven days and is always the worst day of the week for me. I had a terrible time getting up and coming to work. I simply felt terrible. Very depressed and achy. I had eggs and bacon for breakfast. Very boring. I like both a lot but I'm going to burn out on this very quickly I think. There is no variety at all. And don't suggest the 1001 ways to fix eggs. I don't like to cook and don't have time for fancy stuff in the mornings. I've had my work mornings planned to the second for years now and this is causing some issues. I have to get up a bit earlier just to cook the stuff. Thank goodness for my microwave. I fix a cup of coffee, put the bacon in the microwave and get the eggs ready. In three minutes the bacon is done and I scramble the eggs at that point. That takes about another two minutes. Then I sit down to eat. Takes about the same time as it does to stop somewhere and order something to go.

I went to Dave and Becca's on Saturday afternoon and we spent the afternoon in the pool. Sarah has swim vest but she was really terrified of it. We got those little things that you blow up for their arms Saturday and put those on as well and it helped her immensely. At first she was scared to death and had a death grip on my fingers but after about 20 minutes of playing with her and showing her how to stay with her head out of the water and afloat she took off and was all over the place. We really had to watch her after that because she was in constant motion, her little feet bicycling like crazy. The manager told us that in that during the summer's she has the Y come out and give swimming lessons. I think she'll need them.

On Saturday night Sarah came to my house and was going to spend the night. She got sick around 11:30 and they had to come get her and take her to the ER. She was vomiting and with her being so small you can't let her do that long. She simply has no body fat to sustain her and she has very little fluid storage capacity because of that. They were there all night. I had them bring Sarah over Sunday for me to keep while they slept. Becca stayed with us but she did sleep. And so did Sarah. By bed time my back was acting up on the lower right side. Feels like a bruise back there this morning. I put ice on it when I went to bed. At the moment, it isn't hurting unless I touch it.

So, Monday begins. And I am depressed. Some of it could be sleep deprivation. Some could be because I feel as if once again I had no weekend. Although I didn't have a terrible one I needed some decompression time. I didn't get to go to church. I did sit and crochet for hours and that's the cause of the back problem. What I feel this morning is a need to find a place to be alone and sleep. I don't want to be here.

Files lie at my elbow and are waiting for processing. There are about 20 or so of them. By the 7th I'll have another 24-30 waiting for me to work on. Be nice to get ahead if I can.I have more work than that but those files make the biggest pile.

I may get back sometime today but it is doubtful. Too much to do.

The Wonder of The Stars

My post this morning was influenced by Grammy Blick Texas. She is always inspiring.

I love nature and could sit for hours in the woods and listen to the sounds and smell the scents.  I have always been mindful of how awesome is this God who could create such a structure. For me, to look at the stars, at the amazing detail of the universe and the delicate balance that had to happen for it to even be possible staggers my mind and it is at that point that I can only stare in awe and say, "What an awesome God you are to have done this thing." And I am also astounded that he'd even care if we had this!

Some would say that last statement is the reason there can be no God. There is no one out there. Because humans can't create such magnitude, we believe it impossible for any other being to do so.  So, it must all have happened by accident. I would challenge them to read Hugh Ross' "Creator and the Cosmos" and "The Creator and Time" for the chemistry involved in the actual creation and the delicate balance of required to make every single thing in the universe exist. The mind boggles. One fraction plus or minus of any single element and it would not have happened. It wasn't an accident.

"O Lord, how manifold are your works! In wisdom have you made them all; the earth is full of your creatures. " Psalms 104:24

"Worthy are you, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they existed and were created."Rev. 4:11

Despite science's attempts to find "life on other planets" or worlds similar to ours, they've never done it. "It is a matter of time" is constantly stated and yet, even scientist see that time may be running out for them and for this tiny little ball of dust. Here and there I've begun hearing that the planet will not last forever and that the human species might not be as long lasting as was once thought. There are even forces at work that can literally blow Earth apart. The impact on the solar system might be profound but the universe will hardly notice.

In addition, humans have set in motion events that may have tipped the scale and destroyed the only home we have, eventually making it uninhabitable. It is the one creation that we were given dominion over and we showed what we thought of it in a few short decades. Thus is progress, enlightenment, knowledge, and power of the human mind. It's pretty pathetic.

And yet, the universe still stands unchanged by our actions. The billions of stars that hang there will still be there when we succeed in the destruction of this planet. In fact, the Bible only speaks to the destruction of Earth, not the universe.

Science doesn't know exactly when or exactly how the universe came into being. It is constantly debated. They have lots of brilliant minds studying the events from the second of creation until now. Every decade has seen new theories advance on "how it happened". And they try to recreate it in a lab! Today they think they know. But they thought so 100 years ago. Today's scientist say they were wrong back then. In 100 years, if we are still here, another batch of scientist will say the same about the current crop of astrophysicist.

I know, I'm simplifying all that science to the ridiculous. I actually like reading these things. For with every theory they only prove to me that there is a power at work that is to be reckoned with and that with all our lofty opinion of ourselves, with all our brilliant minds the only truth is that what God has wrought can only be imagined.

I think it is fascinating to discover that Pluto is merely a dwarf planet and that there are two others out there. And yet, the only thing it furthers is my knowledge of how much we don't know!

We may climb to the stars, send probes to the universe but everything we learn simply expands our astonishment. "The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork." Psalm 19:1-3 

The information presented in the following articles appears to be "new" information. Science has "discovered" an amazing thing!

NASA Scientists Confirm Liquid Water On Early Earth

Early Earth Covered by Water

It isn't a  new discovery at all!  Peter published it first. "For they deliberately overlook this fact, that the heavens existed long ago, and the earth was formed out of water and through water by the word of God,"  2 Peter 3:5  Was Peter the Einstein of his day?

Science will always make another discovery that will surprise them or that they can't explain to their satisfaction and it will constantly drive them to prove their personal theories and to force them on other people. It is, after all, a kind of religion!

"For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse" Rom. 1:20

Great is our God!

And On the Third Day. . .

I fell off the wagon last night. Yep. Had that wrap at lunch and ...well, I hate to waste those ice cream sandwiches. But I felt so good after eating one. Mentally anyway. My stomach didn't seem too happy with it though. I have to get banned foods out of the house. Just in case you all thought I'm strong and have super(will)power... you'd be wrong.

This morning I've climbed back on so we'll see how it goes. Maybe I can get farther along than a day and a half. However, I've decided I can't do this strict induction diet. I simply do not like the food and there is not enough vegetables that I do like. I don't like all this meat either! With each meal I feel a stronger aversion to meat! I never noticed that I at such small amounts of it! I don't mean all the time but most of it. Three meals of meat a day is too much!

I understand the principle and will try and eat some. I fixed two boneless chicken thighs last night. That is not a lot of meat. They seemed small without the bones but I could barely get one down. The other went in the fridge. I grilled them on my George Forman grill so they weren't greasy and it was dark meat so not dry. I hate white meat.

So, this morning, forget the eggs. 4 slices of bacon and a cup of coffee. I'm full. But I did so want my orange juice. I think I should wait on fruit juice until I get it sorted out.

I will also avoid "white" vegetables and starches as much as as I can. But Is simply can't eat all these onions, leeks, artichokes, asparagus etc. EEEEEwwwwwweeeeee! I only eat cooked onions in small portions... like that wrap. It is loaded with onions and peppers and grilled chicken and cheese. It has a breakfast plate sized toasted wrap. Oh yes, delicious! I did forgo the sour cream.

Ok. I have to get my face washed and my teeth brushed. I've had coffee but I'd truly love some juice or milk!

Oh, do you know.... it is Firday! Sue is coming to clean today. Although, there's hardly anything to do! She didn't want to dust to build up!! Gem of a woman, that Sue.

I have to say that after three days of limited carbs I am mentally a bit better. So, that is probably part of my problem there but it is too early to tell for sure.

I'd dearly love to start exercising again. I hate walking and walking alone would be just disastrous. I was crocheting last night and the house was so quiet. Suddenly, I'm in January 29, 2009 at 3 a.m. in the morning jumping out of bed and yelling for Jerry to answer me and telling him to wake up and .... it wasn't nice. It may sound crazy but I ended up dropping my work, covering my face and yelling STOP STOP STOP! Really it is like this movie reel that keeps playing over and over in my head.

The flashbacks never go away. And probably are the worst thing about it all. I can't escape it. I relieve the whole event several times a week. Thankfully, I'm usually alone. I've had it happen with someone talking to me and I usually have to redirect the conversation or leave the room on some excuse. I don't go all crazy in public. Only once in awhile someone ask me what's wrong. "Nothing."

Oddly, my stress hormones were right where they are supposed to be. I would never have believe it but I have more than enough of the "good" one... meaning that I handle stress well. At least, Dr. B said so.

I have to skedaddle now. I hope everyone's Friday is bright and sunny and stress free.

What Day Is It?

I woke reluctantly, thinking it was Friday and that if I could just get through the day I'd be all right. I took out my pill minder to start gulping down about 10 pills. Imagine my dejection upon realizing that it was not Friday but Thursday. I had two eggs and 4 strips of fried bacon. I won't do that again. One egg and two strips of bacon are plenty. I finally had to have a piece of sugarless gum. Sorry, but it only had 1 carb and I needed something in my mouth that was not greasy.

I am looking for information on the modified Atkins to see how the diet differs. Nuts are not in Phase 1 of the Atkins diet and my doctor said I could eat all the nuts I want. So, this isn't strictly the Atkins diet. But close to it. I love nuts but they do give me indigestion.

Interesting thing I found was that the modified Atkins is being use to treat epilepsy with very good results. In early studies they said  "About 2/3 had a 50% reduction in seizures after 6 months. Many were able to reduce medications." There is also another report here regarding this treatment. I found another that talked about a clinical trials of the effects of Atkins on Tourette Syndrome.

What I find most interesting about both these is that if such major disease are connected to high carb consumption then so could other diseases. And if the connection is there, what does it take to get the problem addressed. It cost more to buy foods for these diets. That logic is skewed.

Ok, enough. I may do one slight cheat today because I need a really good meal. El Charro's quesedilla fajita con pollo is a large tortilla filled with grilled chicken, peppers, onions and cheese. It is delicious. I can't see how that one wrap will throw me for a loop. And if I stick with grilled chicken at supper with no carbs I might squeak by. I'm to have no more than 12-15 carbs a day and these are supposed to come from vegetables.... I have to see. Carolyn said I could just leave the wrap and eat the insides... {sigh} I could. Actually the tortilla will probably send me over the top carb wise but I don't know if I care at the moment. I have a headache.... a sign that my body is craving carbs so {sigh} maybe no tortilla.

I do hope my blogs are not going to be a constant rant about this diet. And I am going to have to sit down over the weekend and see if I can come up with some inventive ways to eat on it. The South Beach has a greater variety of foods but I actually think it is because it is similar to Phase 2 of the Atkins. I need to do the phase 1 for as long as possible. I can tell this morning that I'm not as tired as I have been this whole week. I was when I woke up and still feel as if I need more sleep. It was hard to get up. But the mid-morning crash has not happened. Lunch might be a way to see how that one wrap affects me.

Sue will come clean tomorrow and I hope I'm feeling better by Saturday. The sheer exhaustion I've felt is just impossible to tolerate. I am losing valuable time that I need to finish some projects. I'm not having trouble sleeping. I sleep like a log once I'm down, even having dreams... that I don't remember . . . unless they are like the one on Tuesday night where I woke up at 1 a.m. dreaming a huge spider was on my bed. I jumped up, out of bed, screaming. I flipped on the light and was tossing my bed covers to see if it was real when I finally realized it must be a dream. Really upset me. It is the second such dream I've had this month. NO idea what that means.

I'm supposed to drink 6-8 glasses of water a day and I thought it would be difficult. I do drink water throughout the day and keep a 32 oz bottle on my desk. I seldom drink all of it. I bought a plastic glass with a screw-on lid and straw a few days ago and I like it. It is probably about 16 oz. Yesterday I drank 4 of those at least. I just started my second today. I'm thirstier today than I was yesterday for some reason. I don't particularly like water, especially E'ville water. I have a filter at home and they provide a water dispenser here with bottled water. So it isn't too bad.

I'm off now. We're going to lunch at 11 today so Carolyn can go to her doctor's appt.

Pure Compassion

While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman
rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room.

As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and
silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a
little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the
wheelchair.

Placing his hand on the man's, he said, "I know how you feel. My mom
makes me ride in the stroller too."

The Atkins Diet

For those who've been wondering, here is a link to The Atkins Diet and the foods that can be consumed in the first two weeks. It is a lot of food but unfortunately, spicy foods or greasy foods give me problems. And a large number of these I simply can't stand the taste of.

However, if you read the information on the why of Phase 1 it makes sense. And since my body can't process carbs well, the diet makes perfect sense to me. It uses fat reserves for food. In diabetes, being overweight is deadly and actually makes the disease worse. A diet that would force the body to use up excess fat would be actually a healthy alternative for me. I still get carbs but they have to be restricted.

Let me tell you, I'm having a problem with it. Not for the reasons you would think. I'm feeling depressed because I don't want to do it. I'm stressed because I really do hate meat in most forms. I eat it in small quantities. I've never been a huge eater. Oh certain things I could eat a lot of when I was younger. But that was not all the time. I weighed 130 when I came to Evansville. I was in great shape and worked out every day. As Jerry used to say, "I was stack like a brick cafe." All my sand was where it was designed to be. The problems began when I started college, stopped cooking healthy meals and stopped exercising. I began to gain weight, a little at a time. In 20 years I've gone up three dress sizes.

I have consumed more carbs than is probably healthy for me given my disease. I like high carb foods. I love fruit. I love bread. I love root vegetables, peas, corn, and others. A big cluprit also seems to be processed foods as opposed to raw or cooked from fresh. But bread and root vegetables will always be tabu for me. And that's hard for me to deal with right now.

On top of that, I'm feeling sick. Since there are side effects to starting it, that may be my problem. But, I wasn't feeling well before this so, not sure.

The site above is full of information that explains it all. It is difficult but probably not unhealthy in its full range. I'm in what is called induction and lasts only a short time... which stretches to infinity when you are doing it. Based on what I've read, it is designed to force your body to burn fat by reducing carbs. They aren't totally eliminated, just restricted. And for the rest of my life, if I'm going to avoid the disasters of diabetes (keep my legs, eyes, kidneys, and heart) I have to limit carbs and reduce the over production of insulin. Fat is the only thing that does that.

I remember when I had my glucose tolerance test in 2002. I had to fast. When I came out Jerry ask me what I wanted to eat. We were both surprised when I said, "Meat." That's all I said. We went to get chicken dinners. In light of this diet, it makes perfect sense. My body told me what I needed to address the sugar overload... protein. And I felt better immediately after eating it. Although, fried chicken doesn't seem like a good choice if you know how much sugar they fed me anything was an improvement.

I have a choice here. It is what it is. I can't fix it. I can elect to continue on as I have been but if I can lick it and do this, I have a shot of several things improving. I will weigh less ( I have a slew of pretty clothes packed up). I will probably have a decrease in BP. I will have lower insulin which means I may have less pain. Insulin causes inflammation. RA is inflammation. No guarantees but fingers crossed. I certainly can't feel worse than I feel right now.

Too Much Space

The following link was submitted by Melina. If you're still using two spaces after a period, you're very old school. With the advent of computers, this practice became obsolete. Scalable type on the computer makes the "extra space" unnecessary. The fonts on typewriters is not evenly spaced. So the extra space made sense. Truly the practice was simply so it was easier to see where sentences ended and began. And so you would recognize quickly abbreviations. They never had two spaces after them at all. 

Anyway, have a look at Melina's find. 

Space Invaders

Blood Work

Went to the doctor today for a review of my blood work. Yep, no other reason. This doctor does such a through job of blood work. I don't think there was a test she left out. A full profile. Four pages of stuff! I have copies.

It wasn't really good. My cholesterol didn't look terrible on the normal test but there is apparently a new test she had done. She said she had not heard of it until recently herself. My numbers are horrendous. Well, that's typical for my problems.

Triglycerides were at 397 - I've seen it much much worse so I wasn't shocked at all by that. I have been over 700 after I got a steroid and it took three years to get it below 500.

Thyroid THS 3 & 4 were just fine so that was a relief.

My D levels had dropped, despite taking the same dose the other doctor prescribed two years ago. He never checked it again. I have to take, brace yourself, 20,000 iu for two weeks, then 10,000 iu for two weeks, and then 5,000 every day thereafter. I also have to take 30 gm of flax oil three times a day and 100 mg of CoQ10 a day.

She thinks I'm not eating ENOUGH! I weight... well close enough to 200lbs to wink. And I'm not eating enough?

My blood sugar readings? Perfectly normal. Yes. Normal.

But, here's the kicker, normal blood sugar readings do not mean you do not have a blood sugar disorder. My insulin levels are way too high. Too much insulin causes PCOS. It causes inflammation in the body as well, things like arthritis, and other inflammatory disorders and fatigue. So, some of my problems of recent months that have become worse are made clearer.

You become truly diabetic when you run out of insulin... from a worn out pancreas.

So, I am to eat absolutely no sugar, no bread, no pasta, no peas, no corn, no root vegetables of any kind. None, nada. I am to eat only proteins at every meal and green stuff. I think I can have fruits but maybe not. Have to verify that.

Adkins diet if I ever heard it. She says I go back in a month to see how things are going. I do not care for meat in large quantities but she said I could eat nuts for the protein. I went to the store and bought chicken and pork chops. I love pork chops and can eat all I want within my calorie range. I don't like beef a lot. So, with no bread I'll not be eating that. I don't like steak either or pot roast. I do like a stew beef now and then but mostly the soup and vegetables so will fix that too.

I went to buy nuts, without salt if possible. I read the labels. Soy, wheat, gluten. Why? I want nuts. How hard is it to package a nut without all that junk? What is the point of it? Wheat in nuts? What tree do they grow on? The jar said cashews. Not mixed nuts. Cashews. That was the Wal-mart brand AND the Diamond Brand. I checked Planters. Just nuts. Nothing else. And I paid more for just nuts.

IF you are gluten sensitive or allergic to wheat and you thought you were getting just nuts......

I had scrambled eggs and fried sausage for supper and ice cold milk. {shrug} I'm don't feel as tired at the moment as I've felt for days.

Who knew I was a hunter gather type!

Men's Logic

The following is perfectly logical to all males.

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one gallon of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."

A short time later the husband returns home with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asked him, "Why did you buy 6 gallons of milk?"

He replied, "They had eggs."

The Impact of Soy on Your Thyroid

My advice here is as usual. Don't put things in your mouth that you have not investigated carefully. Long before it became food in the US, soy began as a machine lubricant. Now it is being fed to us more than you may be aware. If you are one of those who consume soy, continue if you wish but before you do, read carefully about the potential effects of putting it in your body. There are two sides to the argument, as usual.

Soy and the Thyroid
Do Soy Foods negatively Affect Your Thyroid?
Welcome to SoyOnline
Soy Foods and Thyroid
Readers Respond:The Pros & Cons Of Soy Foods and Supplements for Thyroid Patients

These are only a few of the articles. You can pick which side you want to take but if you have a history of thyroid problems or suspect thyroid problems, use caution. So, read up and make an informed decision. They are putting it in hundreds of food items and we are consuming more and more.

Inmates Congregate

Writers' Asylum Inmates gathered tonight in the sitting room to stare at the yellow walls. They're yellow to brighten the place up. No one appeared to be in charge but everyone showed up! All appeared properly sedated... or exhausted from the days activities. Pastry was served in the kitchen with all sharp objects safely tucked away. So much so that several Inmate has trouble locating a fork. . . for the pastry.

Loraine is painting. Not art...her house. So writing is, at the moment, not. She shared a beautiful photo she took of the mountains of Tennessee where she has spent her summer. She's had it blown up and ready to hang. It was lovely.

The younger set was in rare form. Cassie and Melina both were in great spirits and filled with lots of energy that the older inmates, me in particular, found charming. I am envious!

Good... no wonderful news? The Writer's Asylum is thrilled to announce that Kathy's book is on Amazon and Smash  Words for sale in the ebook for $2.99. Here's the link at Amazon: Tansy Taylor: Paranormal PI

We've all put our order in for hard copies... autographs, you know.

And now the Inmates have disbanded and all returned to their cells for the evening.

Lock the gates, Igor.

Middle of the Week

I am really not doing so well with the titles. Very bland and boring. But then, so is life at the moment. I so need some kind of break to recharge but it isn't coming anytime soon. The weather is just lovely at the moment and it would be nice to take time off.... if I had some. I had 30 hours last week available to use but I had to be out one day because of the air conditioner. So that cuts into it. I get 13 hrs a month so if I could go four months without have a problem, I'd be good.

I just got back from lunch and am dreading the afternoon. I am just so tired. I have been for a few days. I'm having problems with mild pain, dry, itchy eyes, and runny nose. Believe it or not, all but the runny nose is symptomatic of RA. My eyes were red as fire when I got up this morning and stung. I just use water to was them out with but I've had to problem before.

I've been putting all my appointments in my google calendar. I have an app with my printer that allows me to print out my schedule. I'm going to see how it works. Once I started putting them all in I was astonished. I have two calenders I use. One is the asylum calender of meetings and assignments and the other is my personal calender where I schedule everything else so I can have reminders sent to my phone and email. It is so helpful to have that feature and it cost nothing. I've not used it for work stuff before but now I'm putting that in there, too. If it means I get something off my desk, I'm all for it. I have a Day Timer planner and I like it but I suspect it is on its way out if this works. I use it but is is cumbersome to carry to all my appointments. Combined, the two calenders are packed.

I've been sold on Google calender for a while now. I don't forget appointments I put in it because I can set as many reminders as I want to be sent as many different ways as I want. SMS to my phone, email, and a pop up on my computer!

I now have several swiffer socks crocheted to give to the church to sell to raise money for the building fund. I'm going to look for some other easy crafts to do.

Oops, I need to get to work. Lunch is over!

Another Week Begins

I woke up this morning, late. My alarm was set for 6:30 a.m. but I started away at 7 wondering what day of the week it was. When I realized it was Monday I jumped out of bed to get dressed for work. I have no idea what happened to my alarm or if it went off. I was not feeling well at all and very confused. Once I got my bearings I dashed around and was at work by 8, with a quick stop at Micky D's for a breakfast. I had my OJ in my travel mug.

The day had been busy. I've managed to get all of October's files, save one, processed. I will spend tomorrow getting some interim changes done and then, I can, maybe, start November's. One can only hope.

The weather is absolutely wonderful. I've been cooped up all day yesterday and didn't realize how nice it is. I opened the windows last night and turned off the air to save some money. If all goes well, I can do that a lot for the next couple of months. We'll see. It will save me a pack of money if I can. My utility bill runs around 200 a month so not running the air will cut that by about $100 a month. Not a lot but hey, when you are looking at $5000, ever little bit helps.

I am a bit off track with things lately. I think because of all the comings and goings with my sister sick, the house full and running back and forth to the hospital and then Dave, Becca and Sarah staying for a couple of weeks. I had company for a month and once everyone was back in their own space, it hit me again how empty life is without Jerry. Sunday was just a terrible day and Saturday night was not good either. I was achy all over and felt bad but I just was so depressed, starting Saturday night, that I simply thought I'd tip over emotionally at any moment. I don't know that I'm ever going to get used to it. I never seem to. I'm very good at faking it for a short time but really it never changes.

I've said all along it doesn't get better. You simply build walls around you to protect you as much as possible. But occasionally, something breaches it and you have to rebuild it. My walls were knocked down by my sister getting sick. I was reliving things I wanted to forget. I said once I do not want to do death again. It isn't like the movies. The reality is more like Friday the 13th. Anyway, I digress. Today, I'm shoring up the walls again.

I'll be leaving shortly for home. I started this early this morning and am not taking a break to finish it. I don't know if I'll be online or not. It is so nice outside I may sit in the back yard. I haven't done it all summer!

Beddie Bye Time?

I just got back home. I left around 5 or 6 and went back over to Dave and Becca's. He was leaving to play with his band friends. He plays the drums. Becca and Sarah and I had decided to go for a swim in the pool at their apartment. The water was cold and the breeze got cooler. We only stayed about half and hour because Sarah was freezing and she can't swim so we cut it short. Next time we'll go earlier in the day. There was not another soul there so it was nice. Once dry, we went to supper and I just got in. I stopped before I came home at the drug store and saw a swim vest on sale. It is end of season for swimming. Now her mother can take her during the day, too.

Now, I'm headed for a hot shower and bed. I think I'm ready for that.

What did you do today?

A Day of Nothing

I've had a whole day of nothing. I paid bills first thing and then I took off and went to eat lunch at Burger King. Stopped at Office Depot to look for something and bought Mike's birthday present. It is September 22nd. I also bought me another one of those $4 flashlights. It has about 9 LED bulbs and is sooo bright. I now have one for my night table (hot pink) and the new one for my car (gold). They are about three inches long. Perfect to carry around in your hand bag. And believe me, you never know when you'll need one.

I also went and paid Sue for the splendificent cleaning job she did. It is why I've had very little to do today.

Next, I went to Big Lots and bought Becca a lovely lime green dish towel and two matching oven mitts. Their new apartment has lots of dark wood cabinets, brown carpet, oak table, and dark furniture so she needs lots of color to brighten it up. It really is a nice apartment and an amazing amount of storage. I delivered them.

I came home after that and wandered around in the house. I have no idea what to do with myself when I'm alone. I finished Doug's challenge.. to allow the church ladies to find a body. I'm not happy with it but it is what it is. I'll post it for my contact to read. I feel like I could have done better. I think the problem is there was only one church lady present.

I got very tired and lay down for about 30 minutes but woke up freezing. Yes, the air is working. It is only 79 outside but the humidity makes it feel 83. Still not terribly hot. I'm posting this now and will have to find something to do afterward.

And now I need to break out the crochet. I think my problem is that I've gotten off track with some things. A constant horde for weeks at a time have simple sent me off the rails and I can't seem to figure out what I'm supposed to do.

I'm going now.

Showers

At times I am overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude of such magnitude
that I am unable to express it even in writing. Tonight is one of
those nights. I do not know why, I only know it is so. I also know
that I must try.

As I dressed after my shower, the thought came to my mind that I have
always felt as if God had favored me in some way. I don't have any
idea how or why that would be so. Part of me said that it was arrogant
to think that way. I'm not special! But with that thought came
another. I understood that this is why, when things go so very wrong,
that I feel abandoned and rudderless. Where did God go? Why would he
suddenly turn away when I need him most? No answer came but what did
come was an awareness of how very blessed I have been, that, despite
my feeling of abandonment I was not alone.

I went outside to sit on the porch and watched the darkening sky. I
thought of all that I have been blessed with and found that for once,
I was unable to think of how to write what I was feeling.

From the moment of my birth there is a path of blessings so great that
it astounds me. I looked back over a life of so much turmoil that I'd
never want to live that life again. I was not a wanted child. I was an
"accident" conceived by a young woman who never thought such a thing
could happen to her and would not be inconvenienced by it. I came home
from the hospital to her parents home and never left. I lived with a
Godly grandmother and a backslidden grandfather who drank every
paycheck. They struggled to support two illegitimate children, giving
up any thought of retirement and a life of their own. There are
virtually no happy memories of Christmas or birthdays or any holiday.
Still we were loved. And there was a constant presence.

Never did I want for the necessities. I had food, shelter, and
clothing. I also had this huge family of aunts, uncles, and cousins
that loved me. I was not popular in school. I did not earn high honors
until my 30's. I was quiet among strangers and spoke only when spoken
to. But there always seemed to be people who loved me everywhere I
went. I was liked by most who met me and it was obvious. I never
understood it. It still baffles me. And those who disliked me gave
insane reasons... my hair, my clothes, my accent, my color, my
birthplace.

I practically stumbled across a husband weeks before Mama died. And he
was totally smitten with me until the moment of his death. For 35
years I had, for the most part, the life I'd prayed for. But there are
dark days throughout all those years. All the while blessings poured
in from unexpected directions, in surprising ways-odd events that
should not have happened but did, children who should not have been
born but were, places I traveled I never dreamed of, and people I met
that I can't imagine not knowing.

I had clothing, food, and shelter and knew a circle of people who
spanned the globe. And still blessings came. An income that would
help me live and even help people I loved when they needed it.

Even so, over the course of my life I have lost more than you would
guess, parents, a child, a spouse, the huge family has all but
disappeared. There have been times that I was in such a dark place
that I could not find my way and despaired of any help. But always, a
door opened and light poured in and a hand was extended. It should not
have been so but it was.

Tonight, sitting on my porch, with darkness around me I was faced with
the stunning realization that I could not even begin to count it all.
The scope of my life and the sheer volume of blessing overwhelmed me.
I could not speak words that would adequately express how very
thankful I am for all that I have been blessed with. It simply baffles
me.

I am not sorry for all that I have lived through. I've always
accepted, at times angrily, that life was not predictable and that
some times it would be hard. I am only sorry I did not live with
greater vision. That I did not see, when I was young, the magnitude
and quantity of blessings falling at my feet. I am sorry that I was
not more grateful for what I had before I lost it. Perhaps the path I
walked through the dark places would not have been so miserable had I
looked in a different direction.

I have not done great things. There are things of which I am ashamed,
things I don't even want to remember but can't forget. I have not
changed nations. I have not lead a million souls to God, maybe not
even one. I do not believe I have influenced anyone. I do not possess
great wealth, intellect, or talents but still a voice tells me I am
favored by God. I do know why I feel this. It is not something I have
always been aware of. I only know there is no reasonable explanation
for all that I have seen, for all that I have been given, for all I
have survived.

There are no words to express my gratitude. Were the world to end
tomorrow I would be able to say God has been beyond good to me. I am
so very blessed. And perhaps the very nature of God is best described
when I say that I don't know why.

What's Your excuse?

Stole this from a friend on my blog. I just couldn't resist forwarding
it. Can only say "WOW...

"Jacob was a liar, Peter had a temper, David had an affair, Noah got
drunk, Jonah ran from God, Paul was a murderer, Gideon was insecure,
Miriam was a gossip, Mary was a worrier, Thomas was a doubter, Sara
was impatient, Elijah was moody, Moses stuttered, Zaccheus was short,
Abraham was old and Lazarus was dead. Now, what's YOUR excuse? Can God
use you?.. Sure He CAN : ) "

The Stuff in the Middle

Wednesday has arrived. The kids packed their stuff last night and move it all to their new apartment. They spent last night here and will go to day and start the unpacking and sorting. I don't know if they will stay here tonight but I advised it. There is no frustration like standing an a box filled, disorganized house and feeling like you'll never get it straight. Stepping away for a good night's sleep helps tremendously. I never had that option on any of our moves. I just waded in from the time I got up until I went to bed and started over. Jerry was usually at work so it was just me and then later the boys.

Middle of the week and move briefing today. I do hope the scheduled person will do it. Lately, people have asked me to do it for them but I don't usually unless they are sick or not there.

I feel like it has been such a long week. Last night I told Becca it felt like it should be Friday.

I did a very little bit of writing last night. I'm taking it when and where I can get it. I am hoping once they kids are sorted out I can get back to some kind or routine. I haven't even been able to sew much because of their items taking up space. Sue will come clean Friday and that will get things on a more even keep. Now if that guy would just come cut the yard!

Off to work, folks. I am praying the morning is very productive because the afternoon won't be with that briefing. We'll spend about two hours on that and be done around 4 p.m. so the day will be over.

A Grand Start to the Week

Actually,it is more like five grand. My central heating and air unit has to be replaced before winter. The heat exchange is rusted out. So the whole system has to be replaced. They were working on getting the air to work properly and found it. Becca called and said, "Mom! It has big holes in it!" The repair man said he didn't see why we had not been getting sick from carbon monoxide. My guess is that because the unit is outside the fumes are vented out there. I only get warmed air in the house. Of course, I believe that God looks out for me, too. I'm just thankful He was looking out for all the people I've had in my house over the last winter. "Blessed be the LORD God, the God of Israel, Who only does wondrous things!" Psalm 72:18

External units wear out quickly, unfortunately but they are far safer to my way of thinking because they are outside the house. The risk of fire is lessened and of carbon monoxide. But... they cost the earth. I paid $3500 for this unit 15 yrs ago. I can only presume they have not gotten cheaper.

Once again, my savings will be wiped out and I will have to actually borrow money to get the rest of it. I can scrape together maybe half by October. I doubt I can go as long as December without heat in the house. The way my luck is going, we'll get a hard freeze in September.

I can only say this is one more selling point to the house. I do not want to leave it. I love my home. After this expense the next major one is the kitchen. That one will kill me physically but I won't break the bank on the cost, if I survive. Anyone up for coming to Evansville for a kitchen demolition party, let me know. I can arrange it. I have to take out walls and floor and put new ones down. I know what to do... believe it or not, it is pretty much like making a dress. You measure, you cut, and you put it together. I've done it a couple of times before. The hard part is taking out the old stuff.

Needless to say, any and all travel plans are now off the table indefinitely. I'm a bit disgusted by all of it because I was thinking I could maybe take just a short little trip away for a few days even. Still, I don't see any sense in complaining. I have to have heat. And Lord knows right now I have to have air.

For some reason, at just this moment, I'm fine with it. When they told me I was actually a bit depressed. Now, I just don't care. It is one more thing in a long line of things. I feel like no matter what I do it won't make a difference so feeling bad is a waste of time. But it would be nice not to have to spend so much money all the time. I would dearly love to pay the car off and the house. I could do that but for all this bleeding money everywhere. I don't want to move to an apartment. I'd hate it.

I'm going back to work now. I have to pay for a central H/AC unit!



 

Where Did the Week Go?

I have no idea when or what I posted last. I've had such a busy week and having people in the house always seems to make it go blindingly fast. We're still having problems with the air and not sure what is wrong with it. I have not paid for the work last week as yet. They reduced it when I complained about them sending two people to do a one man job. They deducted the labor for the second guy but late yesterday afternoon it wasn't cooling again. I called them and the first fella came back and got us some cool air and we hope to get through the weekend so they can come out on Monday and see what is wrong with it.

Dave and Becca will move into their new apartment probably Wednesday. It hasn't been a problem. We get along generally. Sarah keeps us on our toes. If it gets hectic, they get out and go somewhere and I have some quiet time or I get out and go. Right now, they are out. Becca's dad had to have surgery this past week. They recently found he had cancer and is not home. Not sure what the prognosis is but they think they got it all.

I've been working on a sundress for Sarah. I am still doing the no pattern sewing using up my "scraps". I don't think I could do it for myself but with Sarah being so thin and virtually the same from chest to hips it isn't really hard at all. I want to get all this small pieces of fabric used up so I can do some other things.

The writer's group met Thursday night, three of the six, at Panera. It was nice to get out of the house and it wasn't feasible to have it here, although Dave and Becca left for several hours so we could have come here. I don't know where the group is headed. We like to get together but it seems something is always interfering. It isn't a large group so two or three not making it is half the group. I do think we all find it a break from our usual routine and that it gives us a needed boost to talk about what is going on with us.

I had pain all night in my leg and did not sleep well at all. I woke to overcast skies and then rain. By noon, the rain cleared, the sun came out and hell opened it's mouth. It is hot. It went from 75 to 85 in a very short time and the humidity is unbelievable. At the moment, my back is aching and I'm tired. I'm going to shift or move and try to ease it. I hope your weekend is going well. Stay cool!

More Oddballs and Idiots

I've become fascinated by the subject I think. Here is probably one of the odder locations to find a body.

Link

I could come up with a catchy comment but it wouldn't not be nice so I'll stay silent.

When Does It Start?

Week Begins

Monday again and I'm set to leave for work in roughly 20 minutes, enough time for a blog.

We, meaning me, Mike and Phyllis, went to church yesterday and it was nice to be back. I woke feeling better than I had in weeks. We went to lunch afterward and came home around 1:30. I was exhausted for some reason and went to bed immediately. I watched a few shows but my head neck had begun to hurt a bit. I took a nap only to wake around 4 p.m. with a migraine. I finally too an imetrix and applied an ice pack. Around 7 p.m. the headache was gone. We did not go to church. I went back to bed, still tired and watched t.v. shows until around 11 when I felt so sleepy I couldn't stay awake.

This morning, my head feels as if it might like to hurt again. I hope not. The one yesterday was the first in a long time but fall is probably upon us and that is usually the very worst time of year for my headaches.

I wish it would rain. It is hot and dry and just all around unpleasant. I have not been able to sit outside all summer because of it. No point in having a nice porch or patio in this weather.

Now I'm about to dash off to work. I never look forward to it. Thirteen years at this job this year. Seven doesn't sound like a long time and I know it probably won't be but I'll be 62 if God allows me to live that long. I don't think about it. Jerry and I talked about the things we would like to do once he retired. He was seven years older so would get there first and he liked pointing it out. But it never happened. So, I try not to think that far ahead.

Time to leave. Do try and stay cool if your weather is like the mid-west weather. Currently, it is 73 outside but the house is not very cool.

I Should Have Been Named Pauline

My life is a disaster. . well a series of disasters actually. Perils a plenty. I seem to stagger from one to the other. Stagger because I don't recover from one before another seems to jump out from the dark.

Saturday my house would not get cool. It was 81 inside and humid. Outside it was 94 and humid. I finally broke down and called a repairman at time and a half.... $75 an hour plus half that. My air conditioner was frozen up. He said it probably has a leak and needs repair. Since it was the weekend it wasn't possible. I also have a duct blocked, the bathroom duct. Apparently some brilliant soul dumped debris into it.

So, tomorrow they will come out again, at regular rates, and attempt to repair the air conditioner. They'll look at the vent, too. I'm supposed to try and vacuum it out. I'm too tired!

I'm worn out and feel as if I've not stopped running for weeks. Phyllis is still here. She is thinking about going back to work by Wednesday. She is doing much better and getting adjusted to her medicines. I don't know how she is going to afford them but she has to have it.

Dave and Becca are in the midst of a move and they may have to stay a few nights since the complex they are moving to said there were delays in some material for the remodel. It will be a lovely place for them but they were annoyed by the delay.

Now, I'm going. I'm just too tired to try and come up with something to say. It all seems pretty disastrous anyway so not much fun to relate.

Odd Balls and Idiots

I'm always amazed at the odd things that happen to people. Not me,
mind you. Thank goodness. No, other folks. Like this fellow who was
was found recently. This isn't the first time I've heard of this
happening. Still, I'm curious to know what he was thinking. We shall
never know for certain. I suppose he thought he'd get out as easy as
he got in.

http://www.channel3000.com/news/28681146/detail.html

And what about this one?

http://newstalkcleveland.com/white-house/were/aspiring-fashion-designer-found-dead-under-a-tree/

What was she doing up there? Was it a fig tree? Did she need the
leaves for something she was designing?

I like this one. Please note the second sentence of the second
paragraph.The aren't sure?

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2003333272_webbody31.html

The next one puzzles me as much as the first. What was she thinking?

http://www.kxan.com/dpp/news/local/Body-of-missing-woman-found-in-air-duct

Here we have a sad case but still, how does such things happen? People
complained, no one listened, now they make it sound as if they didn't
complain loudly enough? Obviously, the surviving man is disturbed but
how in the world can one over look a corpse in the living room?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2010/apr/20/lodger-body-hidden-sheltered-housing

This lady apparently stores former boyfriends. I want to know if the
current one knew about the last one.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/mummified-body-found-in-cupboard-1270263.html

I wondered just how strange life can get after reading the first
story. I'm now certain that truth is far stranger and aberrational
than fiction.

People, a lot of people, are crazy.

I feel very normal.

Mid-Week Slump

You know you are in trouble when you catch yourself saying, "There is
nothing on the internet that is interesting."

It's true. I'm at work and have a moment to catch my breath. I
wondered what I could find on the web that might be interesting to
read or just look at. Could not think of a single thing. Seriously.
Last thing I want is to surf.

What I'd really like is a nap. I'm so tired. I didn't get to bed as
early as I wanted. I did lie down when I got home and sort of dozed a
bit. But my back started hurting around 9 and I had to take an ice
pack to bed. I watched a couple of shows and kept having to shift the
ice pack around an reposition myself.

In fact, my current state is so bad that this post is boring me!
Really. So, with that in mind, I'm going to drift off and see if I can
find something to peak my interest.

Update on Phyllis' Condition

The doctor came in today and Aunt Phillis called me with a report,
which I will deliver here. My sister Phyllis' condition is improving
and she may go home from the hospital in a couple of days, if not
tomorrow. Her kidney function is improving steadily. Ideally they want
it at 0.7 and she has a whole point at least to go. While the blood
sugar is still a bit high, it will get better once the diarrhea from
the C. diff is under control and she can eat real food ad monitor it.
That is improving as well.

They were able to put another IV line in again today. Not sure how
long it will last. All the veins in her arms have been unusable with
the IV's after a couple of days. She has some really ugly black and
blue marks.

She has to go back in 6 weeks to so they can see if the blocked gall
bladder is unblocked or they can get the stone out. They are giving
her bile salts to try and "melt" the small stone and help loosen the
large one that blocked the duct. They put the stint in and it appears
to be working to drain the gall bladder and liver. This is important.

I don't know yet if she wants to go to her house or mine until she
gets well. I'm concerned about it but she has to make the decision.
Aunt Phillis will stay over a few days to act as nurse while I am at
work. I don't know how we would have managed without her and uncle
Dale this week. I simply could not be everywhere and I couldn't take
off work. I certainly couldn't have stayed at the hospital ever
minute. We've managed to be there around the clock for the first three
days. Last night we all came back to the house for the first time
since last Wednesday.

Thank you to everyone who called, prayed, and came by to visit. I know
she appreciated it. To my blog friends, once again you have proven the
best friends.

Monday

Nuff said?

Actually, it started as a gloomy, cooler morning. The sun is not
burning off the clouds and temps are expected to get back up in the
90's. That is where they were yesterday morning when I got to the
hospital. When I left they were in the low 70's. Today is a reverse.

I'm tired. I went to bed at 7:30. Woke up to at 9 p.m. and had to eat
a sandwich, which I didn't want but needed. Went back to bed. I woke
at 6:30 this morning. I had to get up during the night for an ice pack
for my lower back and leg. I took generic Tylenol but it didn't do
much for several hours. I had problems most of the night and it is
probably why I'm tired today.

Not sure of Phyllis' status. She called around 11 and woke me to tell
me that her two iv lines had failed . . . again. They couldn't get
blood. They have had to move up her arms every day with a new iv
because the veins keep failing. They say it is the sodium chloride
that causes it. They were concerned her potassium would drop because
she isn't getting it and still has diarrhea. Until that stops she's
losing fluids. It isn't as bad but it is still happening. I talked to
them a few minutes ago and they haven't seen the doctor yet. So now
idea still on what is happening.

I calculated that I can't miss any work for the next 5 months to earn
a week and a half of vacation. It is depressing. I wish I'd not taken
my vacation when my plans fell through but I really needed that time
off. And I was frustrated I couldn't do what I wanted to do. I was
sick for half of it anyway so it was a waste all the way around. The
only good news is that Sept. 5, Nov 8, 24, 24 & Dec 23, 26 and 30 are
all holidays coming up so it isn't as if I won't get any days off. I
just can't be sick or take a vacation day if I want to have any come
spring!

I'm off now. I have to wade through the piles here. Stay cool.

Update for Sunday Night

Phyllis is doing much better. She had been sitting in a chair all day. She can't leave her room because of the contagion of c diff. I stayed today and I think my aunt will not have to stay tonight.

They stint appears to be working and her levels are returning to normal. The kidney is now at 2.7 and her blood sugar is down to 132. All great improvements. She is taking insulin shots and I don't know if that will continue but probably until she is able to get on a more stable diet.

I'm headed for a hot shower and bed, I think. Tomorrow, I return to work.

Long Day

I'm home. My aunt is staying at the hospital tonight and I'll stay tomorrow.

The procedure was unsuccessful at removing the gall stone. They had to put a stint in to allow the gall bladder and liver to drain. They had to make a small incision and put the stint next to the stone. They will give her bile salts to try and dissolve the other smaller stones they said are in the bladder and they hope the stint will rub against the large blocking stone and that with the salt could break it down enough to pass it. She has to have the procedure done again in six weeks!

We were all simply stunned and so upset. And when she came around she ask me and I had to tell her no. She cried and said she was tired and wanted it over. She is so scared and there are so many things all at once happening to her. And the cost is weighing heavily on her mind.

Her blood sugar is hovering around 165 + or -. And her kidney's were at 4.7 on Wednesday night but are now at 3.7. A small but good drop. But they must be better before they can treat anything else.

They say in six weeks she has to have the same procedure done again. She also has c diff and they've started treatment for that but we've all been exposed and if we show symptoms we all have to be treated.

So... that is the current state of affairs. It's been a long day. I'm tired. Good night.

Start of a Day

I woke to temps in the 80's at around 8 a.m. I'm getting dressed in fits and starts. My aunt and uncle are on their way to the hospital and I'm going soon. We're going to have to trade off today staying over there. I can't sit for hours up there. I'm having pain in my lower back and right leg. The chairs are just miserable there and are probably the problem. So I'm going to have to figure out what to do.I tried standing last night and I think that's probably not the best idea. There are only two of us who can trade off so it probably is not going to matter much.

I don't know when they will do the procedure. I'm very concerned. I gather pancretitus is serious and painful. There is no one here to help me once they go home and I don't think she'd be able to work. I can only hope that the procedure to remove the stones is not a problem.

This is not to remove the gall bladder at this point. They can't remove that with stones in the duct. They have to get the stones out and then go back again and remove the gall bladder.

They are also going to test her for something called cetif or cediff. Not sure of the spelling. Causes diarrhea and other intestinal issues and is brought on by excessive use of antibiotics. Around the first of the year she has at least 4 rounds of them for a sinus infection and I told her then that was very bad for her. When she got sick this last week they gave her another round of antibiotics. I think that was the trigger to all of this. It is highly contagious, particularly to children. So we have to stay away from Sarah. I don't know how they treat that but we'll see if she has it first. I take a pro-biotic, acidophiles, every day so am not too worried. It is the bad bacteria in your stomach on steroids so to speak that causes the problem. Antibiotics kill the good bacteria and cause the bad to fluoresce. You're body is over run with it.

And I'm told can cause kidney problems, liver problems, etc

I've not looked any of this stuff up because, frankly, I've got enough worry on my plate in my own head and don't need to feed it. I'm sure it is all very bad.

So, gone for now. Just have to put on my top and shoes and gather my crochet, a book and anything else to get me through hours idleness.

Drama - Who Needs Television

I'm blogging and updating friends with this post. Not sure how it will work but we'll see.

My sister, Phyllis, had a procedure today to determine if there are any blockages of the ducts of her gall bladder. If there are, they must be removed. This is a painful and serious problem. The procedure revealed that there is a blockage. Tomorrow the same procedure will be done to remove the blockage. They use a different instrument next time. There is a risk with this step - it can cause pancreatitus if a stone gets in the pancreas or if they nick it with the instrument - so they don't like to use this instrument unless they are sure there is a blockage, ergo, same procedure done twice.

When she went to the ER on Wednesday night her blood sugar was 500 and she was in renal failure. Her liver enzymes were high, indicating a blockage from her gall bladder. Had she gone home instead of the ER she would have died.Yesterday, they had problems getting a vein to draw blood, finally having to disconnect her IV and draw blood from that needle. Her sugar fluctuated between 165 and 200 most of the day. Her liver enzymes were falling indicating that there was no blockage. But they had to see if there are any stones in the tube that drains the gall bladder. If there are, they must be removed before they removed the gall bladder. If a stone happens to get into the pancreas she can get pancreatitus. If it blocks the tubes, it also blocks liver ducts and her kidneys can fail. When there are no stones blocking the ducts, they can remove the gall bladder.

I'm told that Phyllis talked to her job today and they said her job was not in jeopardy and they were putting her on medical leave. They were very nice. I suspect that they listened to my recorded phone call from Wednesday night where I explained loudly what I thought, what I was going to do and how very much it was going to cost them before I was done. Maybe they didn't but I have the note from the check stub about her having no more time.  The gist of my message was that win or lose by the time I was done it was going to cost far more than a small company might be willing to pay. My message was that Phyllis and I both wanted to retire... NOW. Of course, maybe they didn't get that message.

I'm exhausted. Pain levels were up this morning everywhere but oddly, my feet are bother me less than anything else. Maybe not so oddly. My lower back and right leg were pretty bad last night. I took acetaminophen and nearly got an ice pack but I was so tired I did not want to get up and I went to sleep. That was a bit better this morning. All this garbage I take can kill you but acetaminophen works better on that back pain than anything. Weird.

Our youngest sister was having a fit because she wanted to tell our mother about Phyllis. Phyllis did not want this. If you knew our mother, the drama queen, you wouldn't question this. It is all about HER. Bill called me yesterday and said he'd talked to her and she was saying, "I'm sicker than I've ever been in my life." Whereupon she began to relate all her ills. This is her tag line. I intend to have it carved on her headstone. Unless I tattoo it on her forehead first!

Anyway, Roselynn was having a fit because "she has to live with this woman". She doesn't really live with her but she lives a good 15 miles away and feels responsible for her for some reason.  I personally don't care what they tell her or if they tell her. This is the woman who would not answer her phone when Phyllis called her for years! Why she'd care is beyond me but since she says she does they can tell her anything they want. My aunt was talking to Rose and I told her to tell her that but that under no circumstances was mother dearest to call that hospital and give Phyllis any whining, moaning, and poor little me garbage. Honestly, she'd try the patience of God. I ain't.

I've had a very bad week. In fact, my life has been pretty rotten for several years now. In the last couple of weeks I've chewed out more people than usualt. I'm getting tired of being a sweet magnolia, I guess. If things don't shape up, Dixie's gonna rise again. It won't be any prettier the second time.

I will update as time and energy permits.

Monday Morning Rush

I was feeling pretty good this morning, except for some mild depression over coming to work. And I have to say, right now, at 3:33 I feel really good! Some mild pain in my lower back from being on the front desk for 4 hours. The chair up there is hideous and I didn't have computer glasses. So I strained my lower back.

I went to church last night and we had Brother Ashcraft visiting. He is a very good minister. I don't know if you all know about ministers who have a "Word of Knowledge" or not but he does and he also prays for healing for people. After the preaching he usually ministers to individuals with this. He came over to me just as he stopped and said he was going to pray for the pain in my feet! I did have pain in my feet, I always do. And I was hurting in a lot of other places. But my feet stopped hurting! And they aren't really hurting today. In fact, my knees stopped hurting. In 15 minutes I was not hurting anywhere and I went home and had an excellent night's sleep with NO PAIN! Excuse me while I dance a minute. Cause I could today.

For those who don't know me, pain is a serious problem for me. I sleep badly and have virtually no periods of no pain at all. For the doubters, no, I had not talked with him. I don't actually "know" him. He's been to the church a few times. The last time he was here he prayed for the pain in my neck at my request but even then, we didn't talk. The neck has been much better ever since. Last night he arrived after service started and went straight to the front. My feel feel fine today and that alone is unusual.

I had a really lovely Saturday. I got to spend it with my daughter-in-law and Sarah. I actually like spending time with Becca but for a while now we've not been able to do that. They haven't been coming over as much either. Their car was in bad shape and they didn't want to get out. But I think we had a nice day. I did. I bought shoes for Sarah. I do that to help and because I love buying shoes! The only shopping I actually like is shoe shopping. But Sarah was exhausted by noon and in a really bad mood. We'd been to several places but her foot is difficult to fit so it was necessary. And one store had a shoe to fit her but not the one we wanted. The other store had the one we wanted but not her size!

We went to JoAnn fabrics and bought ribbon and clips for Becca to make hair bows. They are quite expensive to buy. And the initial start up to make them is high but no higher than 5 of those bows!  I told her she better make them if I buy all that ribbon! If she doesn't I repo it and do it myself.

David got off as 6 and we all went to supper. Mike had company and we didn't see him.

Poor Mike, his company was another bimbo who stole some brand new games from him. He's upset. He won't listen to me about these people he keeps meeting on the internet. No reflection to my friends here but if a woman is advertising on the internet there is a REASON. It isn't because men are beating a path to her door. It is because they aren't. And this one weighed at least 350 lbs and was a thief! A woman that big should never wear jeans (where she got them that large is beyond me). I could have used them for a sail! This isn't the first one to cost him. Hello? There is a clue here.

He's upset but I think he was hurt more because she emailed him and said some very hurtful things. Mind you she stuck around for 5 days. My guess is she was looking for things worth stealing and he got the games Saturday. He doesn't really have anything else. She took them to a store in a different town and got a refund on them.

I'm going to stop now. I worked on my sewing video last night. I still have the second part to edit and then, the third part to make. I actually like this one but see where I need to improve my skills. LOL, not that they are going anywhere. It is fun though.

I have to start writing something soon. The writing group meets again in a week.

I"m off to take a break now. Hope you all have a good Monday.


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Saturday - What do I do?

I got up and dressed around 8:30 and looked around to see what I needed to do. Um... nothing. It was a very odd feeling. Everything is clean, dusted, folded, put away, and tidy. I can sew or read or shop.

I'm on my way out to do some errands for my sister, pick up Sarah and Becca and go buy shoes for Sarah, and paint to finish the porch and the shed. Becca's dad painted the porch yesterday while Sue cleaned the house.

I am so relieved by Sue's efforts. I am not really too messy, actually but I have so many weekends where I'm having mobility issues that it builds up. Today I do one room. Next week I part of another or a the whole room, then another until weeks later I'm back at the original room and it is a disaster. In the mean time dust accumulates and cobwebs. I get frustrated by all of it. I used to clean my whole house on Saturday. Now, I'm lucky if I get one room done.

So, today, I'll have the running to do and then, work on my skirt tutorial. If the insurance crisis had not hit me I would have had a perfect day, as perfect as this back will allow. It is acting up this morning. I've managed to read the blogs and comment on a few. I'm on my way out now. So everyone enjoy your day! I'll return with stories.

Do I Have Stupid Tattooed on My Forehead?

I ended a lousy week feeling fairly good. I came home to a house smelling like a slice of heaven, a clean slice. I was looking forward to a relaxing weekend where I didn't have to do anything but enjoy it.

I opened my mail to find that my homeowners insurance was cancelled. Mind you, I just bought it two or three months ago and changed companies so I could get earthquake insurance. Remember all that?

I'm so upset by this. I have 5 business days to find another company! They said my shed, my 20 yr old Walmart shed, was rusty and I had discarded or unstored items that posed a hazard on the property. You've all seen photos of this property. There is a rusty shed that needs painting. It doesn't leak and has nothing in it of value, I don't even lock it! I have three doors taken off the house and two windows leaning against the wall to be hauled away to Habitat as soon as I can get in touch with them. That is all that is here.

The agent came and sat on my front porch in broad daylight to sell this insurance to me. All these items were here. He never told me there was a problem or even might be. Apparently in addition to that, an inspector came when I was not here. I never got a call to discuss a problem, or arrange to meet me and go over it. My other insurance was canceled and replaced before this "problem" was even mentioned! I'm furious. This is very poor business practice. I've never had a problem getting any kind of insurance on this house. And before the remodel it looked horrible!

I called the agent and he knew nothing but he said, "Well they did have another guy who had a problem with a shed and they had to exclude it." ...................So, why didn't you mention this when you walked the property? I didn't ask it. I was fuming. He said he'd call them Monday and try and see what was happening and see if we could exclude the shed. I hate to tell him, but if I can even find someone to insure me they are history. I don't know how hard it will be since this is a company cancellation. I can't afford the state insurance. It will cost me the earth. I am so glad I did not buy their car insurance! They tried but I just didn't feel I should change it.

I also happen to know, having worked in insurance, there is a little agency that governs insurance and abuse by insurance companies. They will be my second call on Monday.

My sister had to go to the urgent care again last night. She was sick for the second time in two weeks. Her gall bladder has to come out. Guess what? Her deductible is $5000. Yes, you heard me. That is the result of the company raising the deductible to cut their cost of insurance. She's lost her house, has put her student loans on hold, and is spending all she can on credit card debt before she has to start paying rent in a month. All her savings are gone. I have no idea what to do but I suspect that she's going to have to come here. That horrible company treats her shabby and now she might as well be working for nothing. She doesn't make $8 an hour as it is.

I've had my vent. I have to get some things done before bed. I'm so angry and so worried. I don't know how I'll get insurance in a week. Becca is calling her agent tomorrow and if I can come up with something by Monday, Farmer's Insurance won't get an extra week of my money.

Great Writers' Meeting

We had a good time at the writers' meeting tonight. I've posted the write up over on blogger. Here's the link if you're interested: The Writers' Asylum

I had a so-so day at work. There were only two case managers, admissions person, inspection clerk and receptionist working today out of a staff of 13. The two inspectors worked but they are never in the office anyway. By 4 two of those in house had left as well. I was the only case manager in the office and I had to cover for the front desk today. I got NONE of my own work done. Never mind...

My back has been ok. I am being careful what I do and how long I sit at one job. I can tell it isn't quite right but so far it isn't as bad as it was last weekend.

Tomorrow is Friday. The day only last 8 hours. If I can sit at my desk and do my job it will go quickly. I spent three hours doing front desk duty today. I can't do that tomorrow if I expect to get done.

Tomorrow night I want to finish up my skirt tutorial and get that edited so I can post it by Sunday at least. {I cuda been a stah!} Ok I think it is time for bed.

Stormy Weather

It is pouring down rain, has been for several hours now. My back has just been terribly painful. I said this weekend I thought my pain levels were usually weather related. I was waiting to see if I was right. I came home at noon and didn't go back to work. I put Biofreeze on it and I sat in a chair and slept for an hour after I came in. I guess I was tired. When I got up I got two ice packs out of the freezer and put them in a towel, positioned so they were on each side of my back where the muscles lie on either side of the spine and cover the rib cage. Those are large muscles. Then, I lay down on them and went to sleep. I woke up and my back was numb. Actually it was a bit better, which surprised me since most people say put heat on on it.

At the moment, I'm so-so. I forgot to take my doxepin so sleep tonight might be a problem. But I think I'll take a couple of benedryl if it is. I'm having mild allergy symptoms for a few days now.

I called Carolyn tonight. Her husband, also named Jerry, came through the surgery just fine and today is doing pretty good. They told her that when they got in there to take that hip joint out it fell apart. They didn't see how he was functioning. I told her "Well, he wasn't!" He'd had back surgery before to try and help his problem because they "thought" it was his back. I guess they were wrong. He always believed it was his hip. At any rate, she said he's doing good.

I'm headed off now. I'm going to have a sewing tutorial on how to make those gathered skirts without a pattern I hope, by the weekend. I'm going to have to be careful the rest of the week because I think leaning over the machine has strained my back. I'm fairly certain it is the big boobs that are the problem. I'm carrying 20 lbs around on my chest. But unless the doctor says it is medically necessary, they aren't going anywhere. Still, I suspect I need a reduction. It seems to be where I gain weight now-a-days. It is getting difficult.

Hope your week ends better than mine has started. I hope the rain cools us off rather than boils us. When I stepped out a while ago it was so hot and humid and pouring! Had I more trees I'd have sworn I was in the rain forest!

Ta everyone!

A Lunch Break

I am home for lunch today. Carolyn's husband is having hip replacement surgery today and she will be out all week. So, my lunch hours will be alone and probably at home, which I actually find I like. I take it much later when I go alone because it makes my afternoon go much quicker.

My pain is a bit better today, all but my upper back. The muscles in that part of my back are just screaming. I think I am going to have to stop sitting on the sofa to do any computer work. And I must find a better seat for sewing. I'm a bit low on my current chair I think. All of which I believe has lead to strained back muscles.

I was looking at Jilly's blog and she is just whizzing along with all these crafts. She is really catching on to the sewing, too. Of course, I've always told people it is very easy to learn, not quick, mind you, but easy to learn. Once you get the basics, you've got it licked. I miss not having the time to do all the things I want to do. But I'm truly glad I bought that new machine. I have so enjoyed using it and just sewing again gives me a lot of pleasure. My Sarah will be the best dressed kid in day care! LOL, Becca always dresses her nicely and fixes her hair. People say they always look forward to seeing what she'll have on next. She is a bit like dressing a doll. An 18 inch waist!

I've bee posting my videos to You-Tube this week. It is so much easier than multiply and way faster! And I can use them on the other blogs instead of having to load them up more than once. Just have to keep them below 15 minutes.

It is currently 97F here. When I got in my car it said it was 102F! I guess it was reading the internal temp of the car. Of course, it could be 102F. At these temperature ranges, there is very little difference.

Ok, time to get ready to head back. Just wanted to stop in while I had a chance. Not sure what I'll be doing tonight.

Sunday Dash

I'm out the door in about 10 minutes to get Mike for church. Becca originally said Sarah could go with me this morning but I'd have to go pick her up before 9. I tried to call at 8 and no answer. I called at 8:30 to say I wasn't going to be able to get there in time and look for a solution. No answer. I finally called Dave who answered and said, "She's going with Becca."

How nice I didn't make a wasted trip thinking she could go! I was going to have to drive east 5 miles to get her, west 10 miles to get Mike, then back 5 miles to hit the highway to church. But no one bothered to call me to say they changed their mind!

I woke to absolute pain all over again. From the top of my head to the soles of my feet. It took me half an hour to be able to move where my legs didn't hurt when I walked. I don't know what is going on. I haven't got a thing that I can take, well, maybe I should take the generic Tylenol I keep on hand. Will go do that now and then I'm on my way.

Another Saturday Whirl

I woke up late because I stayed up late last night and I paid the price! I hurt every single place. The clock went off around 8:30 and I staggered to the kitchen for a cup 'o joe. I staggered back to my bedroom and took my meds and then staggered back to the living room to lie down on the sofa and promptly fall back asleep. I slept until about 9:30 and awoke still in pain to a cold cup of coffee.

I still ached pretty much everywhere and there wasn't a dark cloud in sight. Still weather changes seem to follow such pain so I'll be watching. I put off going after Mike until nearly noon despite his calling wanting me to take him to the grocery store.

Instead I sat down and worked on another skort for Sarah. I did the shorts and stopped long enough to go get Mike, take a trip to Lowe's for Round-up and while there found a simply smashing curtain rod for $2! And it had these matching "tie" back things you attach to the wall to tie back the curtain, also $2. It had "Kids" on it meaning it was for a child's room but it is silver with pink and blue "gems" on the finials. Really pretty and not so much kid looking as feminine. They had two but I only have one room with one window in mind and that is the guest room with the new curtains. Next for that room I'll have to buy paint and put in carpet. It is going to be a nice little room when I'm done.

Must get the excess furniture out first!

While we were out we had lunch at Penn Station. Then I had to get my mower out from repair. We got back to the house around 3 and Mike set about cutting the yard. He worked about 15 minutes and took a break of about 20! He worked 15 minutes and took another break of about 20. It took him 4 hours to cut this yard. Yes, it was hot. Yes, it is a big yard. But I've done it in hotter weather and half the the time. The key is lots of water and limited breaks. I was so frustrated with him for taking so long. I told him I was NOT going to the grocery store at 7 p.m. He could wait for another day.

While he cut the yard I worked on Sarah's skort. I got the skirt nearly done and realized that this was a really pretty skirt! So, skort idea out the window. She can use the shorts for something else. I don't like making them anyway. They're rather boring and I spent years making shorts and pants for boys. I have only to put elastic in the skirt and the short waistbands and I'm done with them. Yes, there will be photos. I'm posting them here but the videos will be in my sewing blog on blogger after I put them on Youtube.

I managed to hound Mike until he got his bath and I took him home. I came back, by way of CVS Pharmacy to pick up meds, and scrambled some eggs. I do scrambled eggs exceptionally well, light, fluffy, and not hard. I had that, two pieces of toast with a light spread of Strawberry jam, and a glass of the coldest milk I can remember, just the way I like it. Saturday turned upside down!

Now, I've had my shower and am about to embark on on my vessel to the land of Nod where I shall lie blissfully in the arms of Morpheus. Well, after I've rolled my hair and brushed my teeth.

Friday Roundup

I'm about to go to bed and figured it was time to do a blog. I haven't been around much, except to read blogs, for a bit. I'm getting them in my email because I can't get on Multiply from work. It's ok but I can't see photos that way so I still follow up once I get home. Still, I just haven't had the motivation or time to blog.

I haven't sewn all week. I've been getting to bed by 11:00 most nights and I've had less pain. Not sure if it is the sleep o the weather, which has been rotten for 24 hours. No idea about tomorrow.

I have some things I'd like to do but already Mike has called for me to come get him. I'm tired of doing this Saturday dance every single weekend. I told him it would be late tomorrow before I can pick him up. Again, he needs groceries but I just want a weekend to rest.

Sarah asked if she come back over tomorrow afternoon. I told her yes. She was here a bit tonight so Dave and Becca could go somewhere together. They don't get to do that a whole lot unless I keep Sarah. She was good as gold but a real handful to boot. She talked non-stop.

I don't know where she gets it from. And I had a house full of superheros. Batman, Superman, Ironman, Spiderman, and a fella called Sonic. According to Sarah, they were our Guess. I told her that was find but they better behave themselves. No climbing the walls, which the promptly did. They were quite but then, I doubt they could get a word in edgewise with Sarah around.

I've trying to put my second fabric video on my sewing blog but something has happened since I did the first one and it won't load. I'm uploading it to YouTube to see if I can do it then. I think I can but not sure.

The house is relatively clean but I've ask Sue to come clean for me next Friday. She moved back and she is just the best cleaner. So, I'm not going to kill myself cleaning this weekend. I'm going to do what I want to do and just keep it tidy. She'll do a thorough cleaning on the 15th. She likes it, needs the money and I need the help. My house will smell so good when she is done!

I got a call today and my mower is ready to pick up. So, I think that will be a project for Mike to help me with tomorrow. Good thing since Phyllis' mower has a wheel broken. I'm also going to buy some more Roundup to kill the rest of that mess in my fence. I've got some more gift card money for Lowe's and I have several items I need.

I've done NO writing. It just isn't happening. I don't know why. I'm depressed about it. I just don't do it and find ways to avoid it. No, I'm angry about it. I don't know if I care anymore. I'm going to pour myself in the the sewing and get all that fabric out of here.

Oh, get this, I mentioned my new machine at work and a woman there said, "OH, I have some things I need altered. I'll bring them to you! Do you do alterations?" I said that I had not done alterations. I told her altering a garment you had not made was different from making a garment. It was harder.She waved a hand and said, "Well, if you can make a something you can alter it. I'll bring something that won't matter if you mess it up."

I kid you not. She never asked me if I wanted to do them. I wish I could give you a number as to how many times I've had this happen. This is the second person at work to do this. They don't even ask! They just tell me, as if I have all this time to do their sewing!

O.k. I'm headed to bed. I've vented enough. It is now way past my allotted bed time.

Full Story of Youcef Nadarkhani | Present Truth Ministries

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But this is a peaceful religion...... I mean, they have a constitution that allows people to practice religion...

He's not arrested for murder, or robbery, or rape, or war crimes. He's arrested because he's a Christian. . .in his own country. . . by his own people.

A second report. If you google his name you get conflicting reports from other sources. The following is the most recent I could find. He may in fact have lost the case. They aren't very forthcoming about information in Iran.

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Please don't presume it couldn't happen in your country. It has, it can, and it probably will at some point.

Another Saturday Awry

I never have a weekend that goes my way. For some reason other people need things. I had to pick David for at 9 so he could be at work by 9:30. It wasn't his fault really. The brakes went out on his car. He had to go to make a deposit at 10:15 so I had to wait. After than I thought my day would be mine. I was wrong.

I picked up Mike to bring him over to cut the yard. However, this is not a job that he can/will do to my satisfaction without constant nagging. Go back and cut that corner. Pick up the paper before you cut. Move the brick to cut, don't go around it. Go back and cut that corner. Go back and cut that corner! NOW!

I sprayed Round-Up around the areas I'm tired of bastard plants sprouting up. They will die a slow, well deserved death. Two hours after I was done I saw that those in the direct sunlight were already turning black. By the way, I think we finally killed the tree that is under the air conditioner duct work at the foundation of the house. We'll see.

Around noon we had to go get my sister's car. I took her some lunch since she asked me to. You remember that mower I bought in 2009 and have had in the shop every summer since. Yes, that one. I put it in the shop again. Since 2009 I've probably had my yard cut with it about a dozen times. I will never buy another Craftsman lawnmower from Sears.

Anyway, we've been using a small, cheap Weedeater brand that belonged to my sister until she sold her house. Today, the back wheel broke on that on but we soldiered on. No choice.

I went to get Sarah around 3 and Becca over.

Eventually... several hours later... say around 4, Mike and I were done. The yard was cut, the overgrown areas cut and four bags of yard waste on the street. Sarah helped bag the yard waste. Mike finished the corners. We were exhausted. I cut Mike's hair and he got a hot shower and shaved.

I had to pick up Dave at 5. He picked up Becca's dad to come help fix his brakes. They were gone by 7. Me, Mike and Sarah went for burgers and ice cream and I dropped a very worn out Mike home.

At 8 I finally got a hot shower and Sarah just got a bath at 8:30. I am hoping she will be ready for bed very soon.

I did no sewing, no writing, and no relaxing. I'm tired.

I'm also tied of having every weekend spent working or dealing with everyone's disasters, even my own.

Texan Wins Controversial 'White Man' Scholarship - FoxNews.com

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I found this highly amusing for a couple of reasons. For years there was an advertisement on television for the National Negro College Fund. Wonderful program I am sure but it offends me because of the hypocrisy. When we saw this commercial my husband and I would wonder what would happen if someone started A National White College Fund to assist whites only. We speculated that it would be called racist and be attacked by the left wing.

I wish Jerry was here so we could say "We were right!" and have a laugh over it. If I had money to spare, I'd actually donate to this scholarship fund! Seriously! I'd be called a racist simply for that reason alone. "Oh, yes, I donate to the "White Man Scholarship Fund". I can even see people being fired for it!

We live in a world where racism is a matter of perspective. You remember the guy who recently said I treated the white clients with more attention that I did him? I told a friend this week that if it became necessary I have two black female clients who have sent me cards stating I was the best case worker they've ever had.

The difference in all of those cases is in what the person wanted to see or hear. I treated them all the same but one wanted to get special treatment while the others wanted fair treatment. Two said thank you while the other stomped his feet and waved a race card.

"Kirk to Enterprise. There's no intelligent life here. Beam me up, Scotty!"

BBC News - Body unseen in Massachusetts swimming pool for days

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See why I avoid public pools?