It's Official

I am now the ML for Evansville NaNoWriMo. Wow!

Um...now what?

Moanday Passed Me UP

I must say that Moanday missed me for the most part and by the time
you read this so did Tuesday. I didn't feel great when I got up Monday
but neither was I miserable. The day was blessedly uneventful.

Carolyn was back at work on Monday also, but was so busy we hardly saw
one another. I was glad she was back but I've got myself in a routine
that I am in my chair until I'm hungry and then go to lunch which is
much later than she likes to go. We did go a bit later but not as late
as I would have liked. I like lunch around 1 p.m. What I discovered
during this time was that I work better in the mornings than the
afternoons. So, I may have to start going to lunch alone more often as
my days seem more productive and I don't get as stressed once the work
is out of the way.

I was very depressed most of the weekend. It rained endlessly but I
like rain for the most part. I had no desire to do more than read the
blogs this weekend and I think I left a few comments. I still have the
panorama feature and can just click down the list and read them. I
also  worked on Sarah's skirts - there are two, and started a second
baby shawl, this one for my neice, Alicia.

I don't know Alicia very well. I've only seen the child maybe half
dozen times in her life. She's 17 and managed to get pregnant. What
can I say....my brother and Alicia's mother are divorced and have been
a while. They have four children all of who are absolutely wilder than
elephants. I don't know the others at all....well, I've seen the boys
three times at family gatherings. They were well behaved during those
times. but I think on a daily basis they have issues. They've been in
foster care a couple of times. The youngest is probably learning
disabled and has kidney problems. The twins (middle children)are ....
a problem. Alicia, the oldest, is also a problem. My sister was foster
parent for Alicia and the youngest for awhile. She refused the twins
because they tend to act violently at times. Alicia was constantly
sneaking out and going wild. She was finally sent to a group home,
which she promptly ran away from and was placed with my mother... do
not know the moron who thought that was a good idea!  Eventually, she
was sent away from there. Only the younger child stayed with my sister
for a short time. To be fair to those children, they had the most
atrocious parents and it is like raising dogs. If they aren't treated
well, loved and nurtured, they become vicious creatures with a desire
to devour everyone they meet. They are all, except Alicia, back with
their mother who is one of two reasons they are messed up. I'm not
being mean... I only speak the facts.

So, I did a shawl for Kayla's baby. I felt that I should at least do
one for Alicia's baby. God knows the kid will need all the help she
can get. It is different in pattern and color from Kayla's but is is
really lovely. I don't know if she will care for it or not. I hate to
think all this beautiful work will be dropped on the floor somewhere
and walked on. I've been tempted to just buy her a nice gift because I
am falling in love with this shawl and don't want to think of it being
discarded. But it seems wrong to do that. I may reconsider and give
this as a gift to someone else and buy her something I'm not
emotionally vested in. I'm still debating. Anyway, I'll post photos
soon of all of it.

I totally forgot this post and now it is Wednesday and busy as the
last two days. I don't mind busy. It goes faster. I'm getting ready to
go to lunch in a bit with Inmate Loraine. We're meeting at Panera
Bread. The salad is good and it is a nice place to meet.

Weather is cool and very cloudy with patches of blue here and there.
Not enough blue for me. Yesterday was beautiful outside and I longed
to be out there.

I'm going to get my house refinanced if I can. I decided this week. It
will lower my payments considerable since the interest rates are so
low. It will lessen some of my worries, in fact, after I talked to the
bank yesterday I felt so much better just considering it. I haven't
got the deal wrapped up yet. I still have to do the application and
they have to approve it. I was having a hard time deciding if I wanted
to do it. I finally decided if this is the right decision the
everything will go through without a hitch.

Heat will be installed tomorrow morning. I went with the cheaper unit
even though I'm a bit leary of it. I just don't want to spend a huge
amount of money right now. I'll purchase a warranty for it and if
anything goes wrong, that will cover it. In fact, I'm going to get a
home owners warranty. My sister had that and when her water heater
went out they replaced it at no charge to her! So, home warranty on
all appliances soon. Most are new but you never can tell what will
happen.

Next... pain levels are nearly around a 2 or 3 on a scale of 10. I'm
wearing that patch they gave me for my knees on my lower right back!
The pain in my leg has radically diminished, although I still get
shooting pains and some cramps. I just take a acetaminophen for it.
I'm using the liquid on my knees because it works as well as the patch
if I do it three or four times a day. It did not work on my back as
well. Not sure why. I've started putting it in my neck the last few
days to see if it helps with that pain. I think it does. So, I've been
getting some much better sleep and can turn over more often.

The bad news...I probably have severe arthritis in all those locations
and they are major joint locations that affect my mobility.

But I'm thankful for any relief at this point that allows me to get some sleep.

I'm going now. Work is rudely screaming my name.

Nearly There!

The weekend beckons! I'm at Thursday and running full tilt to Friday. I have been so busy this week that I have not blogged since Monday! I've gone home every night and watched t.v.! All my shows popped up on HULU at one time and I'm playing catch-up. I don't think they will be online more than a couple of weeks and there were 25 on my watch list last night. LOL, veggie time.

Thirty-two years ago today the most exciting thing in my life happened. Michael Courtney Maddox arrived at 5:09 a..m. He weighed in at 7 lb 14 oz and was 21 in. long.

It has been my greatest privilege to have spent my life with Michael. No matter how difficult the journey has been for both of us, Michael has continued to smile through it all. When my life blew apart, Mike was there to hold me up and help me through the long months of gathering up the pieces. He may think he's a failure at many things but his greatest success has been as a son.

Happy Birthday, Michael!

My sister is having surgery to remove that stint as we speak. I am out of days so I couldn't take off but my aunt and uncle are at the hospital with her. This is supposed to be a same day surgery so we are expecting her to be released this evening.

Sarah came over last night for a few hours to visit with her Poppy and Uncle Dale.She absolutely adores my aunt and uncle. To clarify, she calls my uncle Dale, Poppy. But she calls my aunt Phillis, Uncle Dale. This is confusing and highly amusing to everyone but she's done this since she was probably two. She got them confused and we've never dared try and correct her. She's corrected me a few times! Uncle Dale (aunt Phillis) would be furious if we did, she loves it. The story behind this is that on a visit Sarah was asked to identify people, I believe around the table. She named them all until we got to my aunt. Then she said, "I don't know what they call her but I call her Uncle Dale." And Uncle Dale is it.

Moan Day, Not So Much

The day started rather blandly and ended up wet. Poured down most of the afternoon. The week is supposed to turn cooler and I have no heat yet. I have two estimate and believe it or not, the higher one I'm inclined to go with. Only because the product is a better grade. I can't mess around with an item so costly to replace. In 15 years I suspect it will cost $7000 to replace.

Work was rather uneventful and probably because my boss was out. Lots less running for everyone. Tomorrow I suspect he'll be back and the day won't go as well.

I've spend the evening sewing on a skirt for Sarah. I'm not pleased with it. Must get my act together and do better. It is cute but the waist band is not what I planned and I'm annoyed. I got in a hurry. Still, it will do.

I'm off to bed now for some much needed sleep. The last several nights I don't feel as if I slept well. It felt as if I was just dozing. Does that make sense? Not a deep sleep, but one of those just beneath the surface sleeps that leaving you feeling cheated. Morpheus is a fickle devil.

Omissions

My appointment as pastor coincided with the church's appeal for aid for victims of a hurricane.

Unfortunately, on my first Sunday in the parish, the center page of the church bulletin was accidentally omitted. So members of the congregation read from the bottom of the second page to the top of the last page:

"Welcome to the Rev. Andrew Jensen and his family ... the worst disaster to hit the area in this century. The full extent of the tragedy is not yet known."

A Better End to Moan Day

You know.... that's is such a good pun! Moan Day. The first day of the week and everyone of us gets up moaning and I spend a good portion of the day moaning. 


Believe it or not I don't actually like being that person. I kind of get sick of it, as I'm sure do most of those around me or reading me. Too much like my mother, something I have never desired to be. I've realized that I'm not a terribly happy person and probably won't ever be again. No very optimistic of me, I know. But honest. With myself. I have several names for me but since I try not to make a habit of name calling I won't share them. I really don't like who I am now and have been for a long time... say at least 7 years. Life got tough, I got wimpy. 


I had Sarah after work tonight. We had a nice time in the back yard. She played in her sandbox and then caught fireflies. As it grew dark she didn't like it anymore. When I was a kid I loved it when it got dark outside. I could stay out for hours. I usually was with siblings or friends but even alone I was never afraid of it. I'm still not too much. I was for a time after Jerry died. Wouldn't sit out there at all. I've gotten better but the bugs have,  too. 


We came in and she insisted I read the Bible to her. She does that now and it is very odd to me. She's just turned five but for over a year she has asked to have the Bible read to her. Not a children's Bible story book or a child's Bible. The grownup version. Becca says she asks her to read to her, too. I've had two children, 6 siblings, two younger cousins that were like siblings, about a half dozen assorted nieces and nephews. I've read hundreds of books upon request. I once read Treasure Island, the long version, not a kids book, to my cousins (about 5 & 7 at the time & I was 15) and did pirate voices. Took a couple of weeks! Not once in all my life have I ever been asked by a 5 year old to read the Bible to them. It is not their first choice. Nor their last!


So I did. I don't think she cares what part you read to her. I think I could read Numbers and she'd listen! 

A Day in the Weekend

I just spent the entire weekend watching Firefly and was sad when the last episode aired. I have the whole series, which was only one season. My sister has the movie and I should go and buy my own copy so I don't borrow it and give it back. It is such a great story. I get so caught up in it that I can't stop until it is over.

I didn't do much else over the weekend but start two denim skirts for Sarah and play games online. Oh, and I'm over half done with the baby shawl I'm making. I'll have to get photos for you or a video. It's been a bit challenging because I start a row and find myself doing the previous row. It is a row of shells and then the base chain to do the next row of shells. But I forget and just keep doing shells. I'm better now. Not doing that as much but still enough to frustrate me and annoy.

At the moment, I'm doing nothing. I'm tired and I think I'll just get my shower and go to bed. The day did not go as I had hoped and I'm feeling under the weather. Nose stuffy, throat scratchy, headachy. Sarah has been sick all weekend with a cold and Becca was also not well yesterday. So the season has started.

Hope you have had a better one.

Group Calls To Ban Pledge Of Allegiance At Massachusetts Schools, Citing No Educational Value | Fox News

Link

What an OMG moment this is! I'm so mad at this piece of crap I could spit nails. This moron doesn't even know what an oath of allegiance is! A pledge of allegiance is a statement made by the citizens of a country to swear loyalty to that country's law, liberties, and fellow citizens.

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America AND to the Republic for which it stands, ONE nation, UNDER GOD, INDIVISIBLE with liberty and just for all.

This is not rocket science, you idiot. Here is the idiot version just for you: I swear to be bound by the laws of this Republic and defend her without hesitation to insure all people enjoy her liberty and justice.

No educational value?

Again, what an idiot! He doesn't even know his own country's history. It is teaching our children that they are expected to honor, respect, and defend this nation and its citizens. It is an sworn OATH not a poem. Allegiance:. 1. (1) : the fidelity owed by a subject or citizen to a sovereign or government (2) : the obligation of an alien to the government under which the alien resides

2

: devotion or loyalty to a person, group, or cause

HELLO anyone home? OWED by the citizen or alien resident! And if teachers are not educating the children on this point, they're also idiots! I got that when I was educated... in Southern schools, by the way, which are reportedly some of the worst in the nation. Every Redneck in Dixie knows what the Pledge of Allegiance is! Wow, but they don't in Massachusetts! At least in this guy's neighborhood.

I'm still shocked that the President of the United States can't even recite it. So, I don't care what religion you are, what color you are, what your name is, or what office you hold. If you don't want to say the Pledge, I respectfully suggest you GET OUT of my country. The last thing we need is another traitor to the nation.

Frankly, if you go anywhere else, you'll be expected to swear allegiance to that country. Please go. Some loyal citizen needs your job.

Jilly's DPT: Labor Day

This is the after effects. I'm beat. I went to the picnic with Mike and Sarah.She is here with me now but I'm really tired. We left Mike at the church. He just called and he has a ride home. That will help me a lot. I am just worn out for some reason. I'll take Sarah home when he gets here. The church gave me a microwave for Dave and Becca. They have a truck of appliances they are going to sell to raise money. I asked how much it was and told them I wanted to buy it for them. Bro Phil gave it to me. So, saved some money there.

I'm just so tired. I ate too many sweets and starches. But there wasn't much else. I had green beans and some baked beans (they were Bushes Baked beans - I buy the same brand LOL) and a hot dog. I tried some chicken and dumplings but someone had forgotten to season them with black pepper and I didn't see any. Banana pudding was good but that pretty much topped my system. The only low carb on the menu was those green beans. There was a lot of pasta stuff and tons of desert. The church furnished hotdogs, hamburgers, and steak. There is always plenty for everyone so if you're not carb restricted, you're in food heaven. Unfortunately, I wasn't.

I think I wasn't expecting how depressed I was going to get. I don't want to do it again. I thought sure it would be different this time. I have avoided more and more such events for the same reason. They are no longer things I enjoy. Going to family events alone is simply not enjoyable. I do like seeing Sarah have a good time but as soon as she was done we left.

Of course, I did nothing but walk around with Sarah. She played a fishing game and got a prize. She also won the egg toss! The egg she and Libby were using just never broke. Libby is 3 and Sarah is 5 and they tossed that egg like a baseball. It hit the ground and bounced. It was weird. Not a crack.

I doubt I'll do the picnic again. It is far too depressing. I didn't know what to do with myself and there are mostly family members together. I chat with different ones but well, I don't really share a past with anyone there so there isn't much to talk about. It isn't that they aren't courteous but it pretty much socializing with strangers. I don't do it well. And I am not in any condition to play games. It was a bad idea to go because it simply served to remind me I'm a square peg in a room of round holes.

I'm going now. I am going to work on the baby blanket some more. I'm about halfway. So, at the rate I'm going I should be done with it in about two weeks. Then, I'll start on something else.

What a drag this blog is. Back to work tomorrow.

Labor Day Monday

I'm not laboring at all. I'm sitting here in the living room looking out at a dismal cloudy day. I do not want to go to the picnic since it is far cooler with no sun out. It is currently 63 F! I won't be doing any running. Had planned to sit in the shade and watch the games and crochet while chatting.

I'm going but I'm probably only going to stay for lunch. Mike will want to be there all day and I may just drop him off and come home and pick him up later. I'm going to call him.

I'm a bit annoyed. I don't get out much as it is. I was looking forward to this. I'd rather have 90 degrees and sun than 63 and clouds. This is more than likely going to set off some joint pain if I get too cool. So, not sure now what I'll do.

It is ten now so I have to decide soon. I don't know if Sarah is going or not either.

I woke up with quite a bit of pain and that has become the norm. I'm not resting well. No, there doesn't seem to be a solution since I have no idea what is causing it. I am going to talk with both doctors about a sleep study. Something is wrong when I sleep.

I'll be back later to post my Labor Day photo. Not sure what it will be. Did more reading on Boomerang. You get to do 10 free advance posts a month and if you want more, you have to subscribe and pay for it. Sooooo, I can use the 10 free. I'm not paying for it. Sorry I wasn't more clear about that. I just discovered it this morning reading on the site. I figured I better read up on all the features. It is a nice one. However, if you use Microsoft outlook, that feature is installed. But you have to go online for it to work. Window Life Mail also allows you to send later and you can use gmail with it, so I'm going to look at it. I simply use gmail online now for everything because it is just easy.

All righty, off to see what I can see. Have a nice holiday if this is your holiday. If not have a great day in the mines.

Odd Sunday

I went to church this morning with Mike and my sister, Phyllis. We had lunch at Grandy's and I came home to sit and crochet. I had an ocular migraine around 3 p.m. that freaked me out. I felt fine, no pain or warning. Then, while I was doing a crossword puzzle I began having trouble reading the clues. There were spots in the way and I couldn't see the letters clearly. Next came the weird neon lights in my right eye, around the outer edge of it. I had a flashing blue at the top of the eye and a swirling blinking one to the out edge. Joining these were a zigzag, blinking, black and white line.

I called my eye doctor, bless him the best one in the whole world. He gives his cell number and his home number on his answering machine! I felt so bad since it is a holiday calling him but he called me back in under 20 minutes. Listened to me tell him what was happening and told me it should pass off in another 20 but if it did not to call him back. He said if I had any symptoms that persisted I should go immediately to the er. He said he'd been in his office a little while today and could see me if I felt he needed to.

This is not unusual for him. He's wonderful.

It did pass of in about 20 minutes and I was fine. This is the second time I've had this kind of migraine. It terrified me then, too. I get concerned about being in the car when this kind of thing comes on. Last time I drove to his office from work and it was so scary.

After the lights went out I watched a program on Xfinity online.

Tonight I discovered I got Jilly's DPT screwed up a bit. I did Tuesday's on the third, did the third! I think I've mucked it up a bit but I'll get on track. Ran across another tonight for the end of the month. Considering this is my first time doing the DPT I figure I can mess up a bit. I've already got about half of them!

Now, I'm going to use the Boomerang feature for Gmail and send them ahead so I won't have to worry with it. One thing I discovered it it doesn't work in Firefox, although the site says it does. It works in Chrome, which is good because I'm quickly learning to like it for a lot of things. It is so fast!

Hope you all have a great day tomorrow. I'm planning on going to the church picnic with Mike. It is supposed to be sunny and in the 70's and this will be perfect weather to be outside for ball games and volleyball. I am hoping to take Sarah but she's been under the weather today. Her mother says too much cake.

Good night!

The Case of the Delayed Post

No, I'm not writing a mystery... at least not one with that title. It is a pretty good title for a Perry Mason story, though. No, I'm going to experiment on the blog with a plugin called Boomerang. I am supposedly able to send my post through my email at a later date. Since Multiply does not have a feature for this, I've had to improvise. So, here goes.

We had Sarah's birthday party tonight at her house. After the party, we went to the pool and swam for about two hours. Everyone had a great time. In attendance were me, Mike, my sister Phyllis, Dave, Becca and her parents, Sue and John. And of course, the birthday girl. If you have not already done so, you will find the video already posted... if this delayed post worked, that is. 

Also, by now there are photos in the albums. 

I'm off to bed now. I'd like to be able to go to church tomorrow. Everyone have a great Labor Day weekend if you're blessed enough to be in America. It is the last official summer holiday. 

Someone Left the Door Open

I'm at work but it appears the guards are not watching! I will have to make this quick. I had started a post but my whole system locked up and I lost it all! This one will not be as long.

I woke this morning and was achy all over but I have this baseball sized spot in my lower back just to the right of my spine. It feels as if said baseball struck me there. I had problems all night with it and getting up and down reminds me it is there.

Other than that I feel fair to middlin'. I was late to work because getting going this morning was a bit difficult. However, I'm here, shoveling and while they aren't watching, taking a break.

I was so tired when I got home last night that I lay down and got a brief nap, about 30 minutes. When I got up I spent the evening finishing Sarah's little dress and then I did some crochet and watch television shows on the computer. The crochet is a baby blanket for my neice's baby. It is due in a few months and I have to really hustle to get it done. I should be done in a couple of weeks if all goes well and I can keep up the current pace. I'll post photos soon.

I have a writer's meeting this week and must find things that I can have as treats. I've decided to simply avoid white foods i.e. potatoes, rice, bread, things that contain processed sugar, and sweets in general. We'll see how I hold up. Certainly won't hurt me. I was worried about limiting my carbs too much but ran across a website with a post from a biochemist who disagreed with someone who said low carb diets were bad for you. When I began to read the posts I got depressed but that entry really gave me some information that was helpful and educational. She rebutted quite well. Here is here response. If this is, in fact, the case, the low carb diets are the only way for the population to stay healthy. It is also probably why Daddy never had heart problems, high blood pressure, or other common problems. He did not eat junk food... except

"As a biochemist, I am going to have to respectfully disagree with some advice you received here. The ketogenic diet is not unhealthy as long as you are not a type one diabetic. In the absence of carbohydrate, research has found that fat is eliminated from the body via fat breakdown byproducts called "ketones," hence the name ketogenic diet.

Fat storage, and arteriosclerosis: Fat cannot be stored, or build up in arteries, in the absence of carbs, therefore a high fat diet is only harmful when and ONLY when carbs are present. In the absence of carbs in the diet, the glycolytic pathway, (the pathway that metabolizes carbs), is greatly slowed to the point that the body cannot get enough fuel to survive from this pathway. Therefore, the body turns to a pathway called, "beta oxidation:" the fat burning pathway, to provide its fuel. The fat is broken down into ketones which the body uses as fuel. The brain can and does use ketones for fuel when glucose is absent. The heart prefers ketones, and actually uses them exclusively, as does peripheral tissue.

About muscle wasting: the ketogenic diet actually prevents muscle wasting, b/c the pathway that breaks down muscle for fuel is the very pathway, (the glycolytic pathway), that has been shut down. Muscle wasting can only occur when a person restricts calories during a low fat, high carb diet. Muscle wasting cannot occur in a low carb diet, because it is impossible to burn amino acids for fuel in beta oxydation. Therefore, the proper ketogenic diet WILL burn only fat, and preserve muscle, AND it is not harmful for a healthy individual. Nonetheless, before embarking on any diet, you should see your physician first.

Regarding ketoacidosis: ketoacidosis, the dangerous phenomenon where the body's pH becomes too acidic to survive, is not the same as ketosis, and it ONLY happens in type one diabetics. Ketoacidosis CANNOT occur in a person without type one diabetes, b/c of metabolic pathways that would be too long to discuss here. What I will say is that healthy individuals pee and breathe out all excess ketones, thereby the body maintains it's healthy pH. Type I Diabetics cannot do this, and the ketone production runs amuck. A healthy individual cannot go into ketoacidosis.

The other facts: Every night while we sleep, the body fasts and burns ketones for fuel. The heart must have ketones to survive, as ketones are its only fuel source, and so a good 8 hours sleep is paramount to a healthy heart. The worst thing a person can do is eat carbs before bed.

Done properly, as any diet, the ketogenic diet is safe and effective. Again, check with your physician to make sure you should be on a diet in the first place.

So, that said, I feel better about it.

Last night I finished Sarah's little dress and will get photos as soon as possible. I also started on a baby blanket this past week and am about halfway. It is going to be pretty I think. Again, I'll put photos up when I can. I spent last evening watching television, crocheting and working on the dress.

Tonight I will continue on the dress but I need to work on some of the writing stuff. It's been a crazy summer and I see it passing so quickly. I have so many things I'd like to do and just not enough time. Work takes most of it away from me. I have to rest sometimes so that takes more. Not much left for the things I really enjoy. Not sure if I mentioned going swimming with Sarah on Saturday. I'll have to tell you in the next post.

I'm getting ready to shut down for the day. It has been rather slow. My co-worker friend, Carolyn has her surgery tomorrow on her back. My writing friend, Loraine has surgery as well on Friday. These ladies are special to me so just keep them in prayer.

Waves of the Week

It seems as if everything in life is in waves, recurring waves. Like real waves you can't stop it or change it. Take Monday for example. It comes every seven days and is always the worst day of the week for me. I had a terrible time getting up and coming to work. I simply felt terrible. Very depressed and achy. I had eggs and bacon for breakfast. Very boring. I like both a lot but I'm going to burn out on this very quickly I think. There is no variety at all. And don't suggest the 1001 ways to fix eggs. I don't like to cook and don't have time for fancy stuff in the mornings. I've had my work mornings planned to the second for years now and this is causing some issues. I have to get up a bit earlier just to cook the stuff. Thank goodness for my microwave. I fix a cup of coffee, put the bacon in the microwave and get the eggs ready. In three minutes the bacon is done and I scramble the eggs at that point. That takes about another two minutes. Then I sit down to eat. Takes about the same time as it does to stop somewhere and order something to go.

I went to Dave and Becca's on Saturday afternoon and we spent the afternoon in the pool. Sarah has swim vest but she was really terrified of it. We got those little things that you blow up for their arms Saturday and put those on as well and it helped her immensely. At first she was scared to death and had a death grip on my fingers but after about 20 minutes of playing with her and showing her how to stay with her head out of the water and afloat she took off and was all over the place. We really had to watch her after that because she was in constant motion, her little feet bicycling like crazy. The manager told us that in that during the summer's she has the Y come out and give swimming lessons. I think she'll need them.

On Saturday night Sarah came to my house and was going to spend the night. She got sick around 11:30 and they had to come get her and take her to the ER. She was vomiting and with her being so small you can't let her do that long. She simply has no body fat to sustain her and she has very little fluid storage capacity because of that. They were there all night. I had them bring Sarah over Sunday for me to keep while they slept. Becca stayed with us but she did sleep. And so did Sarah. By bed time my back was acting up on the lower right side. Feels like a bruise back there this morning. I put ice on it when I went to bed. At the moment, it isn't hurting unless I touch it.

So, Monday begins. And I am depressed. Some of it could be sleep deprivation. Some could be because I feel as if once again I had no weekend. Although I didn't have a terrible one I needed some decompression time. I didn't get to go to church. I did sit and crochet for hours and that's the cause of the back problem. What I feel this morning is a need to find a place to be alone and sleep. I don't want to be here.

Files lie at my elbow and are waiting for processing. There are about 20 or so of them. By the 7th I'll have another 24-30 waiting for me to work on. Be nice to get ahead if I can.I have more work than that but those files make the biggest pile.

I may get back sometime today but it is doubtful. Too much to do.

The Wonder of The Stars

My post this morning was influenced by Grammy Blick Texas. She is always inspiring.

I love nature and could sit for hours in the woods and listen to the sounds and smell the scents.  I have always been mindful of how awesome is this God who could create such a structure. For me, to look at the stars, at the amazing detail of the universe and the delicate balance that had to happen for it to even be possible staggers my mind and it is at that point that I can only stare in awe and say, "What an awesome God you are to have done this thing." And I am also astounded that he'd even care if we had this!

Some would say that last statement is the reason there can be no God. There is no one out there. Because humans can't create such magnitude, we believe it impossible for any other being to do so.  So, it must all have happened by accident. I would challenge them to read Hugh Ross' "Creator and the Cosmos" and "The Creator and Time" for the chemistry involved in the actual creation and the delicate balance of required to make every single thing in the universe exist. The mind boggles. One fraction plus or minus of any single element and it would not have happened. It wasn't an accident.

"O Lord, how manifold are your works! In wisdom have you made them all; the earth is full of your creatures. " Psalms 104:24

"Worthy are you, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they existed and were created."Rev. 4:11

Despite science's attempts to find "life on other planets" or worlds similar to ours, they've never done it. "It is a matter of time" is constantly stated and yet, even scientist see that time may be running out for them and for this tiny little ball of dust. Here and there I've begun hearing that the planet will not last forever and that the human species might not be as long lasting as was once thought. There are even forces at work that can literally blow Earth apart. The impact on the solar system might be profound but the universe will hardly notice.

In addition, humans have set in motion events that may have tipped the scale and destroyed the only home we have, eventually making it uninhabitable. It is the one creation that we were given dominion over and we showed what we thought of it in a few short decades. Thus is progress, enlightenment, knowledge, and power of the human mind. It's pretty pathetic.

And yet, the universe still stands unchanged by our actions. The billions of stars that hang there will still be there when we succeed in the destruction of this planet. In fact, the Bible only speaks to the destruction of Earth, not the universe.

Science doesn't know exactly when or exactly how the universe came into being. It is constantly debated. They have lots of brilliant minds studying the events from the second of creation until now. Every decade has seen new theories advance on "how it happened". And they try to recreate it in a lab! Today they think they know. But they thought so 100 years ago. Today's scientist say they were wrong back then. In 100 years, if we are still here, another batch of scientist will say the same about the current crop of astrophysicist.

I know, I'm simplifying all that science to the ridiculous. I actually like reading these things. For with every theory they only prove to me that there is a power at work that is to be reckoned with and that with all our lofty opinion of ourselves, with all our brilliant minds the only truth is that what God has wrought can only be imagined.

I think it is fascinating to discover that Pluto is merely a dwarf planet and that there are two others out there. And yet, the only thing it furthers is my knowledge of how much we don't know!

We may climb to the stars, send probes to the universe but everything we learn simply expands our astonishment. "The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork." Psalm 19:1-3 

The information presented in the following articles appears to be "new" information. Science has "discovered" an amazing thing!

NASA Scientists Confirm Liquid Water On Early Earth

Early Earth Covered by Water

It isn't a  new discovery at all!  Peter published it first. "For they deliberately overlook this fact, that the heavens existed long ago, and the earth was formed out of water and through water by the word of God,"  2 Peter 3:5  Was Peter the Einstein of his day?

Science will always make another discovery that will surprise them or that they can't explain to their satisfaction and it will constantly drive them to prove their personal theories and to force them on other people. It is, after all, a kind of religion!

"For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse" Rom. 1:20

Great is our God!

And On the Third Day. . .

I fell off the wagon last night. Yep. Had that wrap at lunch and ...well, I hate to waste those ice cream sandwiches. But I felt so good after eating one. Mentally anyway. My stomach didn't seem too happy with it though. I have to get banned foods out of the house. Just in case you all thought I'm strong and have super(will)power... you'd be wrong.

This morning I've climbed back on so we'll see how it goes. Maybe I can get farther along than a day and a half. However, I've decided I can't do this strict induction diet. I simply do not like the food and there is not enough vegetables that I do like. I don't like all this meat either! With each meal I feel a stronger aversion to meat! I never noticed that I at such small amounts of it! I don't mean all the time but most of it. Three meals of meat a day is too much!

I understand the principle and will try and eat some. I fixed two boneless chicken thighs last night. That is not a lot of meat. They seemed small without the bones but I could barely get one down. The other went in the fridge. I grilled them on my George Forman grill so they weren't greasy and it was dark meat so not dry. I hate white meat.

So, this morning, forget the eggs. 4 slices of bacon and a cup of coffee. I'm full. But I did so want my orange juice. I think I should wait on fruit juice until I get it sorted out.

I will also avoid "white" vegetables and starches as much as as I can. But Is simply can't eat all these onions, leeks, artichokes, asparagus etc. EEEEEwwwwwweeeeee! I only eat cooked onions in small portions... like that wrap. It is loaded with onions and peppers and grilled chicken and cheese. It has a breakfast plate sized toasted wrap. Oh yes, delicious! I did forgo the sour cream.

Ok. I have to get my face washed and my teeth brushed. I've had coffee but I'd truly love some juice or milk!

Oh, do you know.... it is Firday! Sue is coming to clean today. Although, there's hardly anything to do! She didn't want to dust to build up!! Gem of a woman, that Sue.

I have to say that after three days of limited carbs I am mentally a bit better. So, that is probably part of my problem there but it is too early to tell for sure.

I'd dearly love to start exercising again. I hate walking and walking alone would be just disastrous. I was crocheting last night and the house was so quiet. Suddenly, I'm in January 29, 2009 at 3 a.m. in the morning jumping out of bed and yelling for Jerry to answer me and telling him to wake up and .... it wasn't nice. It may sound crazy but I ended up dropping my work, covering my face and yelling STOP STOP STOP! Really it is like this movie reel that keeps playing over and over in my head.

The flashbacks never go away. And probably are the worst thing about it all. I can't escape it. I relieve the whole event several times a week. Thankfully, I'm usually alone. I've had it happen with someone talking to me and I usually have to redirect the conversation or leave the room on some excuse. I don't go all crazy in public. Only once in awhile someone ask me what's wrong. "Nothing."

Oddly, my stress hormones were right where they are supposed to be. I would never have believe it but I have more than enough of the "good" one... meaning that I handle stress well. At least, Dr. B said so.

I have to skedaddle now. I hope everyone's Friday is bright and sunny and stress free.

What Day Is It?

I woke reluctantly, thinking it was Friday and that if I could just get through the day I'd be all right. I took out my pill minder to start gulping down about 10 pills. Imagine my dejection upon realizing that it was not Friday but Thursday. I had two eggs and 4 strips of fried bacon. I won't do that again. One egg and two strips of bacon are plenty. I finally had to have a piece of sugarless gum. Sorry, but it only had 1 carb and I needed something in my mouth that was not greasy.

I am looking for information on the modified Atkins to see how the diet differs. Nuts are not in Phase 1 of the Atkins diet and my doctor said I could eat all the nuts I want. So, this isn't strictly the Atkins diet. But close to it. I love nuts but they do give me indigestion.

Interesting thing I found was that the modified Atkins is being use to treat epilepsy with very good results. In early studies they said  "About 2/3 had a 50% reduction in seizures after 6 months. Many were able to reduce medications." There is also another report here regarding this treatment. I found another that talked about a clinical trials of the effects of Atkins on Tourette Syndrome.

What I find most interesting about both these is that if such major disease are connected to high carb consumption then so could other diseases. And if the connection is there, what does it take to get the problem addressed. It cost more to buy foods for these diets. That logic is skewed.

Ok, enough. I may do one slight cheat today because I need a really good meal. El Charro's quesedilla fajita con pollo is a large tortilla filled with grilled chicken, peppers, onions and cheese. It is delicious. I can't see how that one wrap will throw me for a loop. And if I stick with grilled chicken at supper with no carbs I might squeak by. I'm to have no more than 12-15 carbs a day and these are supposed to come from vegetables.... I have to see. Carolyn said I could just leave the wrap and eat the insides... {sigh} I could. Actually the tortilla will probably send me over the top carb wise but I don't know if I care at the moment. I have a headache.... a sign that my body is craving carbs so {sigh} maybe no tortilla.

I do hope my blogs are not going to be a constant rant about this diet. And I am going to have to sit down over the weekend and see if I can come up with some inventive ways to eat on it. The South Beach has a greater variety of foods but I actually think it is because it is similar to Phase 2 of the Atkins. I need to do the phase 1 for as long as possible. I can tell this morning that I'm not as tired as I have been this whole week. I was when I woke up and still feel as if I need more sleep. It was hard to get up. But the mid-morning crash has not happened. Lunch might be a way to see how that one wrap affects me.

Sue will come clean tomorrow and I hope I'm feeling better by Saturday. The sheer exhaustion I've felt is just impossible to tolerate. I am losing valuable time that I need to finish some projects. I'm not having trouble sleeping. I sleep like a log once I'm down, even having dreams... that I don't remember . . . unless they are like the one on Tuesday night where I woke up at 1 a.m. dreaming a huge spider was on my bed. I jumped up, out of bed, screaming. I flipped on the light and was tossing my bed covers to see if it was real when I finally realized it must be a dream. Really upset me. It is the second such dream I've had this month. NO idea what that means.

I'm supposed to drink 6-8 glasses of water a day and I thought it would be difficult. I do drink water throughout the day and keep a 32 oz bottle on my desk. I seldom drink all of it. I bought a plastic glass with a screw-on lid and straw a few days ago and I like it. It is probably about 16 oz. Yesterday I drank 4 of those at least. I just started my second today. I'm thirstier today than I was yesterday for some reason. I don't particularly like water, especially E'ville water. I have a filter at home and they provide a water dispenser here with bottled water. So it isn't too bad.

I'm off now. We're going to lunch at 11 today so Carolyn can go to her doctor's appt.

Pure Compassion

While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman
rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room.

As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and
silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a
little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the
wheelchair.

Placing his hand on the man's, he said, "I know how you feel. My mom
makes me ride in the stroller too."

The Atkins Diet

For those who've been wondering, here is a link to The Atkins Diet and the foods that can be consumed in the first two weeks. It is a lot of food but unfortunately, spicy foods or greasy foods give me problems. And a large number of these I simply can't stand the taste of.

However, if you read the information on the why of Phase 1 it makes sense. And since my body can't process carbs well, the diet makes perfect sense to me. It uses fat reserves for food. In diabetes, being overweight is deadly and actually makes the disease worse. A diet that would force the body to use up excess fat would be actually a healthy alternative for me. I still get carbs but they have to be restricted.

Let me tell you, I'm having a problem with it. Not for the reasons you would think. I'm feeling depressed because I don't want to do it. I'm stressed because I really do hate meat in most forms. I eat it in small quantities. I've never been a huge eater. Oh certain things I could eat a lot of when I was younger. But that was not all the time. I weighed 130 when I came to Evansville. I was in great shape and worked out every day. As Jerry used to say, "I was stack like a brick cafe." All my sand was where it was designed to be. The problems began when I started college, stopped cooking healthy meals and stopped exercising. I began to gain weight, a little at a time. In 20 years I've gone up three dress sizes.

I have consumed more carbs than is probably healthy for me given my disease. I like high carb foods. I love fruit. I love bread. I love root vegetables, peas, corn, and others. A big cluprit also seems to be processed foods as opposed to raw or cooked from fresh. But bread and root vegetables will always be tabu for me. And that's hard for me to deal with right now.

On top of that, I'm feeling sick. Since there are side effects to starting it, that may be my problem. But, I wasn't feeling well before this so, not sure.

The site above is full of information that explains it all. It is difficult but probably not unhealthy in its full range. I'm in what is called induction and lasts only a short time... which stretches to infinity when you are doing it. Based on what I've read, it is designed to force your body to burn fat by reducing carbs. They aren't totally eliminated, just restricted. And for the rest of my life, if I'm going to avoid the disasters of diabetes (keep my legs, eyes, kidneys, and heart) I have to limit carbs and reduce the over production of insulin. Fat is the only thing that does that.

I remember when I had my glucose tolerance test in 2002. I had to fast. When I came out Jerry ask me what I wanted to eat. We were both surprised when I said, "Meat." That's all I said. We went to get chicken dinners. In light of this diet, it makes perfect sense. My body told me what I needed to address the sugar overload... protein. And I felt better immediately after eating it. Although, fried chicken doesn't seem like a good choice if you know how much sugar they fed me anything was an improvement.

I have a choice here. It is what it is. I can't fix it. I can elect to continue on as I have been but if I can lick it and do this, I have a shot of several things improving. I will weigh less ( I have a slew of pretty clothes packed up). I will probably have a decrease in BP. I will have lower insulin which means I may have less pain. Insulin causes inflammation. RA is inflammation. No guarantees but fingers crossed. I certainly can't feel worse than I feel right now.

Too Much Space

The following link was submitted by Melina. If you're still using two spaces after a period, you're very old school. With the advent of computers, this practice became obsolete. Scalable type on the computer makes the "extra space" unnecessary. The fonts on typewriters is not evenly spaced. So the extra space made sense. Truly the practice was simply so it was easier to see where sentences ended and began. And so you would recognize quickly abbreviations. They never had two spaces after them at all. 

Anyway, have a look at Melina's find. 

Space Invaders