Sunday, December 6, 2009

Loose Ends

I'm about to get ready for bed but from the notes I've been seeing, it seems I've forgotten to mention one or two important things.

My father is taking me on a cruise in April. I had to buy my passport this week. I only found out about it a few weeks ago when he emailed to ask me to go with them. He, my step-mom, and my aunt Joan (dad's sister) will all be going together. But Jilly, I had planed on taking a trip to England. I had been thinking about later in the coming year. It would be wonderful. And I just would love to do it. And now, I'll have my passport all ready! So, fingers crossed.

I've never been on a cruise and this will be a five day cruise to Mexico. I'm very excited about it and do so hope I'm not prone to seasickness. I've been on boats before but not for extended periods of time at sea. I have had problems with vertigo in the recent past so not sure how this will play out.

Nano finished on the 30th as you all know and I check out my word count. As I mentioned early on you must write 1667 words a day to be able to finish NaNo and I was all right at first but got dismally behind. By the 15th of the month I was supposed to be at 25000 but was not even close. By the 20th, I was around 10,000 behind without much hope to catch up. Well, here are the number of word I did each day for 30 days. You will see that there are several days of zeros where I was not able to do any writing. Most days, I never made the required total. But notice the last five days.

2595
1217
727
1089
1373
1473
1617
1048
424
0
1544
1016
1001
1757
1551
1825
993
0
1832
316
1638
3257
645
0
327
2779
0
5378
5795
7262

Those last three days, Saturday - Monday, are unbelievable even to me. And honestly, I do not know, even now, now I managed that. I do remember I was taking frequent breaks because I didn't feel well either. But that's how it broke down. Folks, that is NOT the way to do NaNo. Take my word for it.

So, that catches up some loose ends, I hope. I'll go for now. Have a good week.

I hate Mondays.

Unsunny Sunday

At first, the sun was shinning and now it isn't so I guess there is some cloud cover out there. I know it is cold! A whopping 24 degrees! Buurrrrrr! I get cold easily so it will be bad for me.

I will be leaving in a moment to pick up Mike for church. He's the only one who goes with me these days. I'm glad for that at least. I don't understand anyone not going. My faith says not to forsake the assembly (of those with like faith). And I so wish Sarah could go to Sunday school. She never gets to interact with children from good backgrounds. And she is not learning her heritage either. I can't do anything about it but it hurts a lot.

Sadly, I see the results of such upbringing in my job. Parents who said, "I don't understand what got into them." But there is no training, no teaching of Godly principles, nothing that would ground a child in holiness. There is a story in the Bible that tells of a whole generation that turned away from God and some bad things were happening. I don't have the scripture here but I think I did post it somewhere. I'll look. The Bible says that it was because they had never heard the teachings of their parents. They didn't know because their parents neglected to instruct them. They didn't take them to the sanctuary to be taught. They forgot to relate the miracles, the blessings, the salvation, the Law. The parents simply didn't get out of bed. A whole generation lost. I have seen another.

I've been depressed for the last week, not horribly, but enough. And there is nothing I can do about that either.

So, I'm out of here to get Mike. I'll be back later or tomorrow or sometime.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

The Smoking Pen 2009

Once again, I spent a lot of time in the forums during NaNo. For any of my friends and co-writers of the Pen who visit here is this year's edition. Last year's is also on one of the blogs around this same time of year in 2008.

What a blast it was to visit the Smoking Pen Bar and Grill 2009

Friday, December 4, 2009

Dancing Shoes

I slipped my feet into them when I rolled out of bed! It is FRIDAY! Hellooooooo! FRIDAY! In 8 hours I will be done with another week. Thank goodness.

I think I'm getting a cold. My boss was saying yesterday, "You're sick!" I told him I was NOT sick and if he didn't want me missing any work he better not put that on me. But I do think I have a mild cold. I hope it stays mild.

Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome, and dash over to her page for a wave, Nancy January. She just came over to Multiply. Nancy is a new friend that I met in the Smoking Pen Bar and Grill over in the NaNo forums. She is a smart and talented lady as you will see if you read her posts. That's the only kind I have on my blog, by the way.

I went through my contacts this morning and last night. I do not like dropping people but I cleared out people who seem to have disappeared. If I haven't heard from them in a year, I probably won't keep them unless I know something is going on that has kept them away. {sigh} As a result, I find that my contact list doesn't grow past 40. However, that's a manageable number. I can read all the fun and still have time to take care of mine. And they are people who are serious about blogging, and keeping friends they make in the process.

I like that Panorama feature Multiply has come up with because I can read the blogs much faster and comment on the inbox page. The there is one major drawback. I can't see what the pages look like or when you make changes to your pages and that is part of the fun. . . to me. And I spend a lot of time on mine so I would hope people visit it too! I still visit just everyone's just to see how your pages look. {smile} And I announce when I have been making changes to mine. Mine is real purty right now... LOL!

Well, work is calling and despite the 24 degree temp, I have to drag myself out into it. The drive is only about 20 minutes counting stopping for juice and a breakfast burrito. I will be back tonight I'm sure.


Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Post NaNo TGIO Party

Well, it was sort of a party. There were five of us there. LOL, told you it would be different. Kat was sick, two others had things come up, one had too far to drive, one we have no idea what happened to her. And it was a week night. That makes it a bit harder. And COLD!

Still, the five of us just sat around and laughed and talked and got to know a bit about each other. The two youngest were Alex and Cassie - 18 or 19 and both college students, Snowgoon (Doug) and Tricksie (Sarah our ML) and I were the older ones in the group. NanNo'ers come in all ages. It was nice and I think we all had a good time just talking, telling amusing things about ourselves. Although, Doug was rather quiet on that point, now that I think about it. Now, I'm just tired and glad it is all over. . . until next year.

Writer's meeting is next week. I really enjoy those meetings. I think we all do. I don't know if they do as much as I do. LOL. These are just very special people and they all make me laugh and forget how lonely life is now. I mentioned to Sarah (Tricksie) tonight before everyone arrived that Kathy had said she thought our writer's group had been brought together by divine intervention. Sarah said that she also felt it was really strange the way we all sort of found each other and that we all really liked each other and seemed to be meeting a need in each other's life.

What is odd is that I haven't really come out and told any of them that I was actually praying for God to please send just such people into my life. You may laugh here but I actually was praying this. I was really losing the battle to hold it together when these four people showed up. . . on my doorstep, so to speak. And they ALL showed up at the same time! Even Doug, whom I'd not even talked to for a year except in an occasional "hi-how-are-you" email.

But this little band of strangers have become very special people to me. Each one is unique and yet the group seems to mesh. Sarah, with her bubbly, laughing personality, inquisitive mind and compassionate heart. Kathy, soft-spoken, open, friendly and so caring. Doug, "our guy", possessed with a great sense of humor that keeps us laughing at every event and in his emails and chats. At first he was quiet but once he gained his confidence in his ability to write, he has opened up and become someone with important things to say. He even settles us down now and then. And finally, Katie, filled with exuberance, excitement about everything, her emails are filled with lots of exclamations points, just like her personality. They've saved my life, my sanity. I don't now if any of them will read this. I'm not arrogant enough to think my blog is everyone's reading of choice, but if they do, I can't thank them enough for extending their friendship and sharing a part of their lives with me.

Now, I am going to bed. I've had a rather frantic week and I'm not done yet. I sort of got my feelings hurt at work, not intentionally but the usual kind of thing people say to people like me without thinking. It just overwhelmed me on my way home and I sort of fell apart when I got home. I kept trying to blow it off, even posted that earlier blog, and kept pointing out to myself that I should just ignore it but still I was hurt but the crassness of it. I finally just decided to go the Panera and leave it for a bit. Of course Sarah met me with that hug of hers and I almost lost it again. LOL, that helped. But um.... I can't actually think about it now either!

Good night all.


Dasher

Home from work by 5:15! Showered, washed hair, leaving it down, dressed, and ready to go to TGIO party by 6:00 p.m.. Starts at 7:00 p.m. I'm not one to linger over my face and other things. If I can't be dressed in 30 minutes, I don't really want to bother. Hair is the only real issue I have and most of the time I have that down to less than half an hour. Sometimes it takes a while. I get up at 7 a.m. and am at my desk by 8 a.m. if that tells you how serious it is for me. There are those who think I overdress. LOL.

This is not a party in the usual sense, folks. So, don't expect much. I expect to be home by 9.

I'm tired from work and it doesn't feel as if the week is half over. But it is and I'm so glad. It is still raining and colder. My Google gadget says 43 degrees F. So, I can't decide what jacket to wear and should I carry a sweater? Will the restaurant be cool or cold or warm or hot?

Well, off now to take care of the pearly whites. Back later with details.

Post NaNO Slow Down?

I haven't noticed it. I got off last night, came home, changed and went to the Y. Worked with my friend Carolyn about an hour. I think that's all I'm good for. I don't know about her but we left at the same time. LOL.

Tonight it is TGIO party at Panera. I'm kind of glad about that. I like all my writerly friends and it will be nice to listen to all the garbage that we all talk.

Thursday should be quieter....

Friday, I'm thinking that if Becca and Sarah and Dave want to come over and watch movies, we could do that. We didn't get to last week. Too much stuff. But this week looks better.

Saturday, I want to clean up, put my tree up, and go shopping for Christmas presents. Oh, I wish I had unlimited funds. I'd love to buy some nice things for a couple of people. But I have to be a careful.

Still have to get the passport. THIS WEEK!

MIke missed his doctor appt yesterday. He has a dental appt today. Will he keep it? Sheesh.... who knows.

I have to go to work now. Byeeeeeee!

{turns of computer, brushes teeth, grabs handbag, and coat. Slamming of the door can be heard in the distance.}

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Holiday Cheer

I've changed things a bit as you can see. Weather outside is frightful....

I'm annoyed by a problem. My navigation bar looks just fine in Firefox... the whole page does. But in IE7 the nav bar is right in the middle of my picture. Anyone else see that? Please let me know. Means I have to work on coding to figure it out. They keep making changes that mess up the CSS or they change the CSS and you have to start over. That is VERY time consuming.

More later, after my TGIO party tomorrow.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Winner's Circle

Done! And am I thrilled! I don't think I want to ever see this novel again.


What madness it is to attempt this. I did the last 20,000 words in five days!

THIO party Wednesday night!

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Ten Feet of Space

My holiday is over. I can't say I am sorry. I have to go back to work tomorrow. I've sat in my pj's all day, pain virtually everywhere, with every move. I try and think of a time when I didn't hurt. And I can't remember it. Years I think. And it gets worse.

I have been writing as hard as I could because frankly, I would really not like another loss at this point. It may seem a small thing but it matters. I have a wonderful group of writer friends who have encouraged and propped me up for weeks now. I have until midnight tomorrow. I'm tired, though and I don't know if I'll get there. They all agree I've accomplished much and should be proud of myself for getting so far under the circumstances. They're such nice people. One of the girls said in an email to me that she thought it was divine intervention that had brought the five of us together. Since I believe in such things, I suspect she is right.

As I write this post, I am sitting listening to Hillsong in the dark. I had hoped it would life my spirits. It didn't. I'm depressed because today, I realized that I don't love my life much. Despite it being Thanksgiving holiday, I'm not very thankful. At least, I don't think so. I've noticed that the rain finally began a short time ago. I should be thankful since it means the pain may lessen. I guess I'm grateful for being alive but how selfish is that? I'm grateful I am able to meet my financial obligations. But thankful? I'm not certain anymore what that entails. I've tried not to think about this aspect of my circumstances. I suspect what I feel is quite common. I've tried very hard for months to come to terms with it. I found that it doesn't help. It is very difficult to say "thank you" for a black hole that was created in my life. Everything is sucked into it and not even light can escape. I don't know how to say thanks to that.

Today, I sat down, overwhelmed by some ache when I tried to get out of my chair and the words tumbled out without my even realizing I was thinking it. "I hate my life." It was mostly whispered and as soon as I said it a light went off in my head and I recognized it as the truth. I try to never lie to anyone.... even myself. So, I don't love my life or anything much about it. I looked around because I did not want Mike to hear me say it. He worries so much anyway. And after he left for church, I managed to write some more and push it all away. But eventually, cracks opened up and I lost my hold on it all.

I've fallen apart at such stupid things and tonight, it was just about pain and how there was no comfort, no relief, and no one to just hold my hand. I never realized how important that is. And I never really knew how much Jerry did that. I remember him asking me to ask the doctor for something to stop it. And I got mad with him. Because I couldn't take a pill strong enough to relieve the pain that would allow me to remain conscious to live my life. I couldn't understand why he couldn't understand that. I didn't realize how much pain he was in as well. Still he sat close by, silent, while I struggled to deal with it.

Tonight I sit in a room that is approximately 9x10. The realization came to me tonight that all that matters of all that we do or say can be found within ten feet of you. And we usually stay close to what we love. But we don't notice it. It is silent and we don't really notice. Unless at some point it disappears. A void opens up.

I suppose the answer would be to look around and see what is within ten feet of where you sit right now. Reach out and grab it. Don't let go. If you do, it will begin to drift away, beyond your reach. Until you can't reach it anymore.

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Whooo Hooooo!

Getting off at 3 pm today. The weekend starts now!

Writing hard for the next four days, I hope. Hands, arms, shoulders and neck are really giving me a hard time so we will see.

But I have some good ideas, thanks to Snowgoon (that's my pal, Doug, from NaNo and my writing group). I'm putting a character called Goon in my story. He gave me several insights to Goon last night on G-mail chat when he helped me brainstorm. I think my next story will be The Guy Who Said He Couldn't Write, in honor of Snowgoon. LOL. Actually, I've read what he is working on it is extremely good.

Catch you all later, I am sure. For those celebrating, Have a Happy Thanksgiving holiday. I will be having dinner with my family tomorrow evening.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Touching Base and Counting Word

I am stopping in to just catch up a bit. I am using the Panorama mode in my inbox again. It makes it very easy to read the blogs! I like going to them to see what decorations people have up but sometimes, I need to read them in a hurry and this is a good way to do it. I don't like getting a ton of digest in my email so I don't use that.

I've reached a point in my NaNo that I am probably not going to reach the target goal. I'm just below 29,000 and by Friday I should be at 45,000 if I intend to even have a hope of reaching the final word count. I'm not expecting it.

I have no plans for Thanksgiving except taking my kids out to eat at Golden Corral. We talked about Wednesday night going because my sister has to work on Thursday but I just heard she doesn't want to do that. So, not sure yet what the plan is. I'm not in a celebratory mood and really won't care if I can just have the whole day to write. I might be able to hit that target if I can do that.

I suppose I should put my tree up this weekend as I usually do but even that seems too much effort for me. The whole house needs a thorough cleaning and I need to get rid of a bunch of things. I find myself needing less and less. Or wanting less.

I'm going to get back to work. There is lots of paperwork here and it needs my attention. We got our new hire in and she's been doing some of my work until her case load is handed to her. It has been a great help to me.

I may get back in later but when I get home I am going to hit the writing hard again tonight. So, not sure what my plans will be.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Three Days in the Tomb

Yes, that's pretty much how it feels this morning. The good thing is that there is a four day weekend at the end of it.

I had a monster migraine yesterday and the pain in my neck and shoulder became unbearable. I went to church in the morning but went to bed afterward. I've had three "Imitrex" required migraines since November 2007. That is an improvement but I suspect that some days I should have taken a pill and didn't. I used to take at least nine of them in less than three months. I truly believe if I could get rid of this shoulder and arm pain, I'd feel a lot better. My shoulder and arm feels like this constant, day in and day out cramping bruise. It can trigger a headache at any moment. This morning I know that a migraine is just below the surface. I just get this feeling in my head and I know. I always feel pretty bad after a bad pain day. I know it is just the lack of rest that triggers a depressive state and I'll get through it but the ride is not fun.

I joined the Y on Saturday as I believe I already said but when I got done I was so exhausted I could hardly move. I will have to go back but it won't be tonight I suspect. I need to call and ask about getting help to use the weights so I can see if they will help with the muscle weakness.

I am only 10,000 words behind on my word count. Don't see how I can catch up unless something dramatic happens to fire off the befuddled synapses. I've just sort of given up on it but I keep writing, even a few hundred words, as I did last night.

I have to go now and finish getting ready for work. I have a ton of stuff waiting to be done and a short time to do it. I would like to go in today and have the energy just to get it done. It isn't impossible, just overwhelming. So, say prayers for me, cross fingers and toes, wish me luck, say more prayers. Whatever blessing for productivity you can throw at me, please do.



Friday, November 20, 2009

Sighs and Bad Poems

Friday arrived, all gloomy and sad,
As usual I woke, shoulder hurting bad.
I dressed for my job, had coffee, too
But after I was done, I was still feeling blue.

My feet in my shoes, my hair in a bun
I knew that the day was off at a run.
I stopped to read blogs and mail;
I grabbed my purse, and for work set sail.

Long day ahead and five can't come too soon
Lunch is ahead, but not until noon
Tonight I made plans for Little Caesar and Depp
After company shows up on my step,

So think of me as you go thru your day
I'm chained to my desk in the usual way
Wishing I was home with pizza pies
With my fuzzy slippers on, watching Depp with sighs.








Thursday, November 19, 2009

Come Along, Friday

Today was Thursday. We sat through software training all day. Lunch was brought in and we didn't leave for anything.

I have to write 7000 words tonight to even get close to the goal. I don't actually care if I reach 50,000 words anymore. I'll be happy to survive until the 30th.

I'm too tired to think about being depressed, sad, or anything else. I have been but it is just too much effort to really deal with at the moment.

Writer's meeting was nice. This is a really nice group of people. I like them all. This week was Sarah's and my week to be reviewed. We liked Sarah's story. They liked my story. We were all nearly brain dead so they may not have really liked it but thought they did.

Did I say I am tired?

Oh, yeah, I did.

Come along, Friday. Don't dawdle.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

That's All I Have To Say About That

Not a good moment, not a good day, not a good week, not a good month, not a good year.

Hurt my arm last night tossing a shoe. Yes, just tossing it. Felt as if it was ripped out of my shoulder.

I overslept this morning and was nearly an hour late for work. Fires were burning when I arrived. I want to go back to bed.

I broke the 20,000 word count last night. I'm 6000 behind. I don't know if I want to write anymore.

Positives? My writing buddies are some of the brightest spots on my day at the moment, particularly my writing group. They are just so great.

I've bumped into some old friends on FB. Three in the last month. One of them, last night, a girl I was friends with about 12 years ago. I was glad to hear from her and we are going to get together for lunch as soon as I can get free of this conflagration.

That's all I have to say about that.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Being There

I wanted to share a letter I received from a older lady who has been a dear friend to me for about 11 years. I have not shared her name to protect her privacy and I hope she doesn't mind. Her husband used to play the guitar and write poetry for the church newsletter I put together. He died probably more than 6 years ago and she is not able to get to our church much anymore (she lives about 50 miles away). I should have been a better friend but she lives in another city and I never see her very much. Still, I could have called once in awhile and I hope she will forgive me for that.

Like most people, I didn't realize then how devastating the loss of a spouse can be. Her husband has been dead far longer than the 10 months since mine died. She mentions my pastor, who also lost his wife not long after my friend lost her husband.

I share her words here because people often think things like "she should be past all this now" or "surely he's better now". They don't say it to your face. They just don't understand why you should still be harping on it. Why do you get all emotional after all this time? Why can't you get over the depression? This post is for you folks.

You told me you did not recommend that I read the things you write. At least you can write which you say helps you. I cannot do that but it helps knowing that how I feel is normal because others feel the same way I do. Bro Clement told me that he would not say that it would happen to me but he said for him it hasn't gotten any better. I feel the same. In fact it gets worse. I miss G@#$%#$% and need him more now than ever. I know some people say, "Life goes on and we have to accept it and move on" I wish it were that easy.

When we need our children the most they seem to be farther away. I did not understand how my mother felt and my children do not understand how I feel; how much I need them. At least I don't have to work for which I am thankful but I have to keep busy.
Some of my children want me to sell my house and move to an apartment. I ask one of my daughters (one which wants me to move) if her husband died would she sell her home, her furniture, everything he has worked for and move. She said, "No". I told her I felt the same way.

G@#$%#$% worked hard to get things for me and I am not ready to give them up. I have a friend here in O$%@#%@%^ who has lost her husband and she says she feels like no one cares about her. Her daughter does not help her. Her sister hasn't spoken to her for years. We can always find someone who is worse off than we are. We can thank God for the years we got to spend with our husbands and all the ways He has blessed us. I told a preacher the other day that G@#$%#$% wrote poems, played music and was such a blessing to everyone and God took him and left me and I can't do anything. Maybe that is why He left me, waiting for me to do something.

I have been having pain in my chest and I know it is from stress and worry. I had prayer the other night in Madisonville at a church service and I feel much better. If our children cared a little more for us it would really help but we can't do anything about that. Someday they will understand.

I'm praying for you because I know how hard it is just to get up every morning. Before I open my eyes I feel the weight of depression. I guess that is what the Bible means when it says to bear one another's burdens. We have to pray for each other. Love you

Look around you. There are people in this place. You may think they are "better". You may think they are "over it." They may look and act just fine. They aren't. It is likely they never will be. It doesn't get "better" (how I hate that word) or bearable.

You need to look at the ten people closest to you. One or more of them is going to die, whether it be your spouse, your child, your parent, a sibling, or your significant other. One of you will be in this place that I sit, that my friend sits. You should pray now for someone to be available when that happens. You do not want to do this alone.

I have said this before and I say it now. Most of us waste more than an hour a week on stupid things. If there is someone you know who is going through this kind of loss, make a point of calling. Use some of that wasted time to go to lunch, dinner, a movie, a drive in the country. You can't imagine how much it means, how much light it brings into their sphere of existence.

I thanked a young woman in my writing group the other day for taking time to chat with me. She is very sweet. She laughed and said I was "so silly." But for that brief period of time, I wasn't focused on the darkness that hovers around the edges. She also called one evening to see how things were going with my writing. I couldn't believe how thoughtful that was! She's a mother of young children who is working on her second book. She gave me 15 minutes and I felt so much better to be in the land of the living for that 15 minutes!

This past week while I was off was a mix of busyness and depression. As long as I was doing something or talking with someone or going somewhere, I was fine. Thursday was a beautiful day, sunny and the leaves just glowed. I went to lunch alone. I rode around about half an hour trying to figure out where to go so I wouldn't have to go home for a while. I finally stopped at Captain D's. It was a place Jerry and I liked to go. Most places are places we went together. My whole afternoon was thinking that I'd have been able to have lunch with Jerry. We could have gone for a drive after lunch. Instead, I went home and cried.

No, it doesn't get better. You don't recover. You just learn to breath underwater and you survive but it feels like you're drowning.


Sunday, November 15, 2009

All A Mistake

I spent a lot of time running around but even more time at home alone with my ghosts. But only had two episodes where I fell apart, well, three if you count the one in the middle of this post. I'm rather tiresome that way but they were not long in duration nor violent in nature.

I have had the worst headache today. The first in months actually. It just won't quit. Short of an imitrex, which I am always afraid to take when I am alone, I see no end in site. I'm going to bed soon and hope that sleep will cure it.

I didn't go to church this morning. I did go get stationery to make wedding invitations. And while I was out, I went to the Mid-month NaNo Party/Write-In. I had lunch with the writers there and I thought that might make the headache better since I had not eaten much. It got better briefly but came back with a vengance. I came home half an hour early and made the invitations and sent them to church with Mike for Sis. V. I am quite proud of them if I do say so. They looked really pretty. After he left, I had a brief meltdown. Altogether, not really a very good week.

I'm just so tired of all this pain. Jerry never understood it and wanted me to find a pill to help me and I couldn't. Some days he couldn't even hug me. I couldn't hold hands because my hands hurt most of the time.

Now, I am just very tired of it. It has done nothing but wreck my whole life. Everything decision I make has to be checked by what hurts. Can I do that? Will I be able to participate? Will I be able to be civil? Will that hurt me tomorrow? And usually, the answer is no, I can't. And if I ignore that, I pay a high price. I have to go to work tomorrow, no matter how badly this hurts because there is no one to take care of me.

Tonight, I just want it to all go away. I want to wake up in October 2008 and everything since not to have happened. I want Jerry to be in the next room getting ready for bed and I'm sitting here getting ready for NaNo 2008. I want to wake up and it all be a bad dream that I can put in a book that will end up a best seller and I won't ever have to work again.

Mostly, I want my life back. I want my husband back. I want time to back up one whole year and let me try and stop this nightmare from happening. I want God to say he made a mistake.

And fix it.



Ouch! Did I Say Ouch!

I did. I woke up with a pounding head, terrible pain in my left upper arm so bad I couldn't move it, joints on both hands hurting and my neck hurting. I was nearly crying it all hurt so bad. I think my bp may have been up too but I didn't even get up to check it. Pain will do that to you anyway. The head still hurts even after I took my meds. I realized my back is also hurting.

Mike called about church but I could not get up. Dave and Becca told me they were going to come here and go with me. They never showed up or I'd have let them take my car and take Mike. Mike couldn't get over here to take the car or I'd have let him go alone. I'm going to try and go tonight.

David leaves for the truck driving school today so he won't have to pretend he is going to go to church anymore. Don't know why folks don't just say, "I don't want to go to church." Save me a lot of hassle. I prefer that to excuses and lies.

There is NaNo Half-way Party today at Panera Bread at 1 p.m. I'm not halfway but I'd like to go if I can get to feeling better. I'm barely over 15,000. I"m writing here and there. I just have no real story here. At least, I haven't found the story. It is just a bunch of stuff.

I have to make some announcements for a lady in my church. I need to get those made this afternoon and get them to her tonight. Her granddaughter is getting married to one of the boys in our church and he is shipping out to Iraq Dec. 5. I think this is a hurried thing and I hope it goes well for them. He is 19 and she is 18. I hope they have a long and happy life.

Katey, sorry about no picture. I forgot! Imagine that. And your hair sounds as if it is naturally curly so I'm guessing you don't roll it. You might try some kind of hot rollers sometime as an experiment with a heat conditioner. My guess is it would tame the frizz for you. Bet is is very dry, too. I had a friend with hair like that. Try some super-duper hot oil treatments. I don't advocate perms because it damages hair but they do work for some folks, particularly if you have curly hair. Just find someone who actually knows what they are doing. Perms could damage dry hair terribly.

At any rate, I could fix hair like that in a snap! This straight as a board stuff requires tons of curlers, tons of pins, and tons of hair spray! By the time I'm done with this style I've been practicing, I'm afraid I'll set off the metal detectors in airports. Bit it is simple.

Should I do a video of how to put it up? That might be fun. I'll have to have Becca come over and do it for me.

Grammy, in my faith we don't usually cut our hair. I've always kept mine trimmed to keep the ends from becoming so ragged but it has always been about hip length. Breaks off bad if it goes longer. A few times, my husband messed up and it was shorter but not many. I am about to get a trim again. I'm having a hard time putting it up with my arms so sore and my neck bothering me. I really don't want it short but I have to take some length off so I can manage it better.

It is cold in here today and I'm going to bump the heat up. I was sweating when I woke up and that's odd. Not sure why. Maybe the blanket got too hot or I was having a hot flash. I did forget to put on my patch last night so it is possible. Oh, and the headache might be from that. Hmmm, better go get that on.

I'm closing for now. I want to get warm.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

They're Off!

And it is Dixiegirl coming up on the outside.....

Just got my hair done. Tried something new today. I bought some bendable rollers at Sally's and dry rolled my hair last night. I thought if I could cut the setting time in any way, it will help. I'm not terribly pleased with the result but it isn't bad. It still took an hour to fix but I think if I just keep practicing like this it will get better. Maybe Friday nights should be my practice nights. I do need another set of the bendable rollers, and I think the next size up for one section. But, overall, it worked well.

My hair is really in terrible shape. I'm so thin on top that it is not easy to work with. You can see through it in some places. I do have a lot of hair coming in at the top sides of my head. All gray, thank you very much. But the top front still doesn't seem to be improving. The ends are really jagged and I need a trim so that's next on the agenda. I don't care much yet about the gray but I may get there. My hair is not the kind that looks good with a lot of gray. I either have to decide to go all gray or I have to get something that will give me something close to my own color. My color will be hard as I had a lot of blond, red highlights in my hair. I always liked the way it looked in certain lights cause it glinted nicely. All that is left these days is a mousy brown base color that appears very dull and boring to me.

I'm wayyyyy behind in NaNo. I am supposed to be at 25, 000 tomorrow. That is the halfway point. I'm oh, about 5000 behind. Story stinks. I'm tired of it already.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Burial At Sea

Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters, had promised their uncle, who had been a seafaring gentleman all his life, to bury him at sea when he died.

In due time, he did pass away, and the two blondes kept their promise. They set off from Clearwater Beach with their uncle all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded him onto their rowboat.

After a while Bubbles said, "Do you think we're out far enough, Barbie?"

Barbie slipped over the side. Finding the water only knee deep, she said, "Nope, not yet, Bubbles." So they rowed a little farther out.

Again Bubbles asked Barbie, "Do you think we're out far enough now?"

Once again Barbie slipped over the side and almost immediately said, "No, this will never do; the water is only up to my chest."

So on they rowed and rowed and rowed, and finally Barbie slipped over the side and disappeared. Quite a bit of time went by, and poor Bubbles was really getting worried when suddenly Barbie broke the surface, gasping for breath.

"Well, is it deep enough yet, sis?"

"Yes, finally. Hand me the shovel."

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Writing Groups and Such

Grammy Blick asked me a pertinent question. How do you find writing groups in an area. Oddly enough, this is not as easy as it would seem. They don't tend to advertise... at least if they did, I'd have known of them before now.

Actually, libraries may have this information about local writing groups. If you are from a fairly large, as in larger than Mayberry, city your library may host writing events. The local community colleges may also. Doing NaNo is a great way to meet local writers or people in your general area. There are over 100,000 people registered to participate this year alone. Go to the NaNo website and check the board for your region. My guess is that you will find someone who is participating within a short distance. Last year there were six of us who got together. This year, there are 20 who attended the first Write-in. There are 52 registered writers in my region. A good example for Grammy is the Dallas/Ft Worth area. There are 1028 pariticpants writing! They've logged in over a million words already!

The writing group I am in is comprised of five souls, one male and four females. We were thrown together by fate. I swear, it was just that. We vary in age from 53 to 30, with most of them in their mid to late 30's. We've discovered we actually like each other and for people who were total strangers when me met, that is astounding.

We met through our NaNoWriMo region forum I mentioned above. Sarah and I met in our regional forum when talking about upcoming Nano and she knew Kathy. I knew Doug from last year's NaNo write-in. We emailed one another and somewhere in there someone suggested meeting to talk writing and critique each other's work. I do not know where Katie came from but I think she was floating around somewhere in the group. We met the first time at Barnes and Noble and in the process of trying to find other places to meet, we decided I was in the middle and now we meet at my house.

It is working quite well I think. Most of us have NO experience professionally except maybe Sarah. Her book is with an agent. She said she has three rejections. I have had one article published in the early 90's in a defunct local Parents magazine. I've had one rejection from a submitted article. They say once you get a rejection, you are a writer. I can't tell you what makes one. I just know I write.

I guess the best advice is to look around. Find other people who share your interest in writing. Suggest getting together over coffee, at a bookstore or library to discuss writing and come right out and say you want to form a writer's group. Believe it or not, there are probably a lot of people wanting the same thing. Not all of them can write. . . or should, but if you find more than three, you're bound to get some talent.

It doesn't matter if you like the same kinds of writing. Doug does a specialized fantasy like Lord of the Rings without all the creatures. Katie writes romance. Sarah writes what she calls Urban Fantasy and that I've come to understand is like the Twilight series but she is into werewolves at the moment. Kathy like romantic suspense. I love mysteries. Five different writing styles and genres. We each bring something different to our critiques. Our discussions are focused around the work in question but we venture out on what makes a story work for each person, how to fix a certain problem. We all know something about what we are doing. We are all learning how to improve our own writing. We make suggestions, share ideas, and sometimes we talk about food! And we have a lot of fun in the process. It is sort of a win-win situation.

Grammy also pointed out that her local college didn't offer a writing course. This is sadly also a common finding. Larger universities tend to have special courses designed to focus on journalism or creative writing. Most colleges will have some kind of writing class but it you are looking just for a way to learn something new and enjoyable and polish a skill, well, those types of classes may not fit the bill.

I never took a single writing class until college. But I read everything I could on writing. The University of Southern Indiana had both creative writing classes and journalism classes. I took one creative writing class my last year. All other classes fell under the title of journalism. Journalism in most programs will fall under the Mass Communications label so if you don't find anything listed specifically under writing, look there.

Writer's Digest is a font of information on all kinds of writing stuff. You'll find creditable writing programs mentioned in their magazine and online. They have their own, I believe.

Finally, and again, read books about writing.

No... finally, write. Just write.


Links and Stuff

I've posted a lot of links today to sites that are targeted to those interested in writing. One of my contacts, Cathy, mentioned the link for free writing courses. I found those while reading an article and I went through them one by one after I posted them. What I found was that some were interesting and some I really couldn't get a handle on.

I would say if you are truly interested in writing or improving your writing, find a good writing program or class at a local college or got to the Writer's Digest website and find an on-line course. These will have an instructor that will be able to give you valuable input. You can learn a lot on your own with most of the links I've provided but feedback is invaluable.

I'm off to Starbucks to meet with a writing group member. We are both doing NaNo and we are getting together to brainstorm and do some writing. All fingers crossed, prayers going up, luck wished etc. I am flagging badly!

TTFN

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

A Long Weekend

I'm officially off until Monday. I need it. I almost danced out of the building. I've been sitting reading emails, the forums at NaNo, watching Castle (isn't Nathan Fillion hot!. I'm going to try and write in a bit but I just really want to do whatever. I don't want to have to think about tomorrow or what I "need" to do. I'd like to just do.... whatever.

So, with that in mind, I'm signing off for now. I'll be back.... whenever. I have made the rounds to a few of you but not everyone. Lately, it has been hit or miss. I'm staying very busy and coming home and going to bed.

The weather is crazy. Warm, cloudy, intermittent sun followed by clouds and/or rain. Boring weather. Where is the blazing glow of autumn, the crisp morning air, the crackle of leaves underfoot?

Oh, I posted my newest word count on the main page counter. This is located in my welcome box under the NaNo logo on the left hand side of the page.

Thanks for your prayers for my friend and his daughter. She is better I think. She will be going to her Dad's for the holidays. Back for Spring semester with, I hope, a brighter outlook. I met with the two of them tonight to talk. She is a very beautiful girl. I gave her my number and email and told her even if she just needed to vent to to call me.

Catch you all later in the evening or week. Harvest Service is Saturday night. Will let you know how that come out.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

And She's Off!

The day started at 7 a.m. ARRRGGGGGHHHHHH! But it started in very little pain. Happy Dance!

I am in the process now of getting my hair up and getting dressed. I will then sit and work on word count if time permits. I have to be at the Purse auction around 10:30 to take the desserts in. This will probably last through 1 or 2 o'clock. I will come back home and I HAVE to work on NaNo project.

The story is bogged down. Here it is so far.

Holly is awakened at 4 a.m. by two burly deputies. They got a call that a woman was being assaulted at that address. She says they are misinformed but after much insistence, tells them they are welcome to look around the property. She lives alone and didn't want them coming in so she agreed to check the house. (A lovely two story bungalow). She determine nothing has been broken into but is interrupted in her search by knocks on the back door. She finds the deputies there and they want her to come outside. She does as they ask and finds a woman lying on her back porch/deck By the amount of blood seeping between the planks, she assumes said woman is dead.

That is what I got the first day of Nano. I am seven days in and am supposed to be over 10,000 today.

She didn't think she knew the woman but finds out a few days later that it is the young woman who does her cleaning. When she was found she was dressed in a flowing nightgown and her hair was long and silky. this girl usually favored Goth and stringy locks. But she cleaned house really well.


That is where I am.

So, today I need IDEAS to flow from whatever source I can tap into.

I need to come up with some reasons for a lot of things. Why Holly's back porch? What was the girl doing there at 4 a.m. ?(Oh she died sometime between midnight and four) What's with the unusual garb... well, unusual for her?

See, can't figure where it is going. I hope, as in the past, it will come to me but I can't bank on it.

Ok, I'm gone to the mirror to work on locks.



Friday, November 6, 2009

Week END!

Finally, Friday! What a great idea to have FRIDAY! I'm so glad to see the week over. I feel almost giddy with relief. That sounds crazy but not as crazy as my week. In fact, the boss let us all go 15 minutes early.

I'm not taking my meds so early tonight. I do not want to get up at 6:30 in the morning. I'm on my way to Wal-mart to pick up a few items like milk and juice and bread. I never have any food in the house anymore. I couldn't cook a meal for three if I wanted to! But I do need some items. I'm going to try and spend some of the evening when I get back writing. It is just now 5 p.m. and I'm hoping I can get back her and shower and get started.

I have the purse auction tomorrow and have to get a desert tray. So, it was suggested I get something from Sam's Club and go with that. For a group of 60? We'll see. LOL.

So, off for now. May get by later but not sure. My favorite shows are back on Hulu tonight after several weeks of preempts on television. So, I'd like to watch some of that too.

Only two work days between me and the next weekend!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Lagging Behind

I've reached a word count of 7001 tonight and I've got to go to bed! I'm tired. I am hoping I can catch up and get ahead by the weekend. Or at least be on target for the count. 1667 a day. My current count puts me a day behind. And on the first day I was nearly a day ahead.

By tomorrow I need to be at 10,000 words. You need 5,000 words every five days to make the end of month target. Taking the meds is helping me sleep but I'm just exhausted all the time lately. I wake up feeling ok but by 5 p.m. I'm really running on empty. Once I get the pills in me, by 8 p.m. I need a bed. So, that is where I am folks, lagging behind.

This week has been just terrible where work is concerned. We are all feeling it at work, too. Even my boss, who is usually pretty unflappable is stressed. This software issues, the normal work load has increased because of the firing but we do have a new girl hired. She doesn't start until the 15th but that is something anyway. We have to shift the caseloads around and it will move some off of me. But I'll still have landlord accounts, and I've been warned I am to be the point person for software in our department. I'm really tired of all the extra jobs but none of the extra perks.

Well, enough gripping. I'm thankful for a good job in a very bad economy so I'll hush. I just wish I could stop feeling tired so much. I can't enjoy anything. I'm even too tired to enjoy Sarah.



Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Honey, I'm Home!

Every hear any of these? I feel like I've . . .

.... been run over by a truck.
.... dragged through a hedge backward.
....been rode hard and put away wet.
....been hung out to dry.
....been turned inside out.
....yanked seven ways from Sunday.
....yanked through a knot hole.
....pulled through a wringer.


You may have some of your own. Please share them in the comments!

All I can say is.... what I said. I'm tired. Gotta find food and 2000 words tonight.





A Word of Encouragement?

My daughter-in-law, Becca, was in the process of cleaning a crayon mark off the wall of my 3 yr-old granddaughter Sarah's bedroom. Sarah walked into the room and Becca said, "Sarah, you've made a mess."

Sarah looked at her mother and said, "That's o.k. Mommie. You'll get it. Don't give up! You're doing a good job."

I understand that Becca instructed Sarah that it was time to retreat to another room.


Mid-Morning Stress

I do not know why I'm so stressed this morning. I'm running around putting out fires. Well, that is what it feels like. And getting nothing accomplished in the process. It is now lunch time and my lunch partner is putting out fires of her own. When I mouthed, "Is he going to let you go to lunch?" She rolled her eyes.

So, what to do?

I am in the mood for Chinese I think but I hate to go alone to a nice restaurant.

I can't even write now and will just have to come back later. I am trying to hang on until next week. I have three days off and it will give me a whole 5 days of no work! Joy, joy!



It's Morning!

Well, the clock says it is. So far it is dark and gloomy out. It was even darker when I woke up at 6:20 a.m.! I beat the clock again. But I was in bed by 10:30 and out of it almost immediately.

Yesterday was so exhausting that when we got done I didn't think I would get through the two hours remaining hours until closing. Once home, I took my meds right away and watched one television show. I wrote for about an hour but did not reach my word count for the night because I was nearly falling asleep at the keyboard! I'm about 600 words short. But, I'm off three days next week and I am hoping to really get some serious work done then so I am ahead of the pack. There is a write in this Saturday but I have a purse auction to be at on Saturday as well and I think there is a time conflict. So, not sure I'll get to the write in.

Anyway, this morning, I'm giving the pain a level 2 again. Yesterday it wasn't bad either by by 10:00 I was dead on my feet and I didn't feel well. I am watching it today and see if that happens again. I don't know if some of my meds are doing it or if it is the fibro or RA. I've been taking these meds for several years and don't recall noticing that aspect before. Not to say it can't happen. I had to stop taking Lipitor when I began to have little known side effects. I'd been taking it nearly 2 years.

Honestly, I think my muscle problems are connected to that period of taking Lipitor. Just my opinion.

Well, since I feel pretty good at the moment, I am going to stop now and get my things ready for work. I was fully dressed and tresses up and had my buttered toast and coffee by 7 a.m. so I've got a bit of time to get my things sorted for work and relax a moment. Don't usually have that at all!

It is now 7:20 and the gloom is shows no signs of lifting. Jilly my flowers are STILL lovely! You got your money's worth my friend. I've had them a week today. LOL! Thank you again for brightening my birthday and my whole week.

Jilly, my sister - Stuck in the Middle, and aunt - Dixie's Aunt, cooked up the little plot. Hmmm, Plot of Flowers. Good title for a book. LOL, anyway, they plotted together and I have been blessed all week with the results = a beautiful blooming bouquet. When the flowers are gone, I'll have the cutes pot! It is covered in colored squares like a quilt and says Happy Birthday, each letter in a square!

So, the day begins on a positive note today. Pray for it to continue. The pain in my arms is probably giving me the most difficulty. I just can't life a certain way, not even a coffee cup!

Oh, do you remember me mentioning my writer friend and former instructor sometime back? He sent me a note yesterday that his only daughter was in hospital after attempting suicide. Please put her on your prayer list for God to touch her. I felt so terrible for him. He is way up north and she is here. I believe he is coming down this weekend when they tell him she is to be released. However, I know he must be going insane with worry. He mother is with her now. His own state of mind has not been that good in the last two years. He's had health problems of his own. I know they could both use the prayer. He makes it sound as if he is an agnostic or an atheist but sometimes, there is this sense that he wants someone to prove him wrong. I have refused to argue the point with him and I think that bugs him no end. But I know who can change things.

He'd be furious to I even mention all this but he is a dear friend but I am so concerned about him and his daughter. So pray for them both. If something happened to his daughter, I do not see him surviving that.

I'm off to work kiddies!






Tuesday, November 3, 2009

NaNoWriMo Status Report

Cattle Call

Recertifications are all day today. That is where we meet with clients and requalify them for housing assistance. There are 175 to see before 3 p.m. and six of us will do that. I despise these meetings. It is like herding cattle through a chute.

I'm very depressed this morning. I did write last night and am over 3000 words, which is where you want to be but I'm just so down I can't really think straight. I'm sleeping ok. Went to bed at 10:30 and that is early for me! I woke when the alarm went off at 6:30 without a problem so that must be the number of hours I need. The constant tiredness will come back in about two hours. I always feel I need to lie down after that.

Anyway, I'm off to be the wizard, granting wishes and doling out cash to the needy and the lazy. Well, not actually cash but you get the idea. It isn't the needy I mind about.

I wish I could go away again for about a week and sit in the sun. I truly miss the sun. I hate this cold so much. I never get truly warm and everything aches.




Monday, November 2, 2009

Wake Up!

I woke before the alarm went off this morning. I took one of my Doxepin last night and had a really good sleep. I'm getting ready to eat something and head out for work. I really hate working. I want to stay home and write and do things around the house.

Actually, pain is very manageable this morning. Some in the shoulder and a bit in the wrist, hands, and knees but I'd say a 2 on the scale. I hope that last throughout the day. I am going to try and take the Doxepin for a few days and see how much it helps in the long term. I know the pain is the link to the exhaustion. I'm not nearly as tired when I've had a good sleep and pain levels go down.

If it continues to be a problem, I'll be calling for another cervical block to see if I can at least get several months rest.

Writing tonight is a must. Need to get at 10,000 by the weekend. By the 15th I have to be at 15,000 to stay on target. I'd like to be over that to give me wiggle room. So pray for plot bunnies to jump out at me from all directions! LOL, ttfn, everyone.

Jerry would be so excited for me. He wouldn't say much but he'd be in his chair and keep everyone out. I seem to miss him the most in the mornings and at night.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

NaNo Write-In

I went to church this morning and left as soon as it was over in order to get to the Panera Bread restaurant by 1 p.m. I had to drop Mike off before I could head over. I had carried my laptop to church because of the time crunch and it was a good thing. I made it as some of my writing group drove up with about five minutes to spare.

All total, with our Municipal Liaison, there were 19 WriMos present. They varied in age from the 50's down to the early teens. NaNoWriMo also has a Young Writer's program where children can participate with a lower word count goal. One person brought their son and another brought her daughter. So, NaNo can be a family affair. The kids have a lower word count goal.

We had news coverage as well. The local Fox 7 News channel did lots of filming and talking with other participants. They asked for anyone willing to be tracked through the whole month. It appears they are going to do a feature after the end of November on one person from day one through the big finish on November 30th. Guess who they decided to follow for the next 30 days? Uh, yeah. Moi. I get to be on television. O.k. no pressure to reach my 50,000 words right? They want to be there when I cross the finish line. Anyone realize that the 30th is on a Monday? I got to finish early enough to get to bed to go to work the next morning!

My son asked why they picked me. I think it may have been because I mentioned I had thought I couldn't do it this year because of the kind of year I've had. I told him about Jerry dying and how it had impacted my writing in the last 10 months, to the point that I haven't done much but the blog. In fact, when I sat down I didn't have a clue. Not until the bell rang to start the first writing session did I even have an inkling.

Did I write anything at the meeting today? Why yes, I did. 2595 words in about 1 1/2 hrs. That's pretty good. Sarah, our ML, did a great job and we wrote in 30 minute spans. I think that was very helpful to get the word count. I may try the timer method at home. She used Tibetan chimes, very pretty sound. She was behind me the first time she stopped us and I nearly jumped out of my chair.

What did I write about? The news guy asked me that. Woman is awakened at 4 a.m. by pounding on her front door. Two policemen say they got a call that a woman was being assaulted at that address. Woman has no idea what they are talking about. She tells them to look around the property. She checks around inside the house. While she is doing that, they knock on the back door and when she goes down, they show her the body of a woman lying on her back porch... dead. She doesn't know the woman.

So, as the day winds down, I'm headed for a hot shower. Hands, arms and knees hurt pretty bad today. I was going to church but instead, I've taken my Doxepin and am planning to be in bed before 10 p.m. I'm calling my doctor tomorrow to get an updated prescription of that. I took it Thursday night and slept really well. I forgot how good a sleep I get with it.

I'll probably be posting a video blog, too but not sure. Stay tuned for more NaNo excitement. Same NaNo channel, same NaNo time... well, not so much. But you get the idea.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Good-by October, Hello NaNo

I am very depressed tonight. I've had far too much chocolate for one thing. It is why I seldom bring it into the house anymore. I just eat and eat it.

NaNoWriMo starts in about three hours and I'm not sure where I'm going with this. It is as if I am walled in and can't see, hear, or feel anything. I don't like it. I have lost so much in the last ten months. Most of it I can't remember.

I said once that I felt as if I were being pulled into the grave with Jerry. There is still that sense of a weight around me that I can't shake. Always the phrase that spins round and round in my head is "I want my life back. I want my life back. I want my life back." It is the sound a train makes as it travels along, or the sound a car makes on those long concrete roads, the sound a rocking chair makes as it rocks on old floors. Eventually, you are just lulled to sleep.

When he began to get so sick, and I failed to see it at the time, I was saying the same thing. I want my life back. He was never awake, never there when it mattered. He was missing so much of our life, of the boys, of Sarah. I saw what it was doing to him but couldn't ever seem to connect it with anything that made sense. I wanted OUR life back. I wanted him to be normal again. I wanted us to be normal. I wanted him to BE him. How could I have missed it all that time? How? Guess it doesn't matter anymore.

November 1 will be here soon. I don't shatter into a million pieces anymore... well, not very often. I don't become ill. . . very often. I don't break down.... very often. There are trade offs, however. I can't think. I can't really afford to feel anything. I avoid memories that otherwise might be pleasant. I don't talk about it more than absolutely necessary. But I can walk through my day with reasonable calm and get home totally wasted from exhaustion. Maintaining a facade is a lot of work.

I believe I've said before that I've always had a knack for acting. Wanted to be an actress growing up. I used to do lots of school plays before high school and did a few church plays as an adult. I was very good at it. Now it is paying off. I pretend my life is normal. I pretend I'm just peachy. I pretend I can function as usual. Everything is copacetic. Jerry used that word a lot in the military. Very satisfactory. Actually, everything is closer to snafu. Situation normal, all fouled up. My life.

So, I will attend the NaNo kick-off party tomorrow afternoon but I do not know if I will do any writing at all. I have nothing to write about. No clue, no plan, no ideas. And tonight, before it begins, I'm just really tired. I'm going to bed soon. It will be along day. Church at 10:00 a.m., Kick-off at 1:00 p.m., church again at 7:00 p.m.. I do not know if I will make it to all of that but must try.

Now, time for bed.




Assault on the Senses

You will note that I have changed my photo background and banner to violently autumn photos. I truly believe autumn is meant to be like that. A violent assault on all our senses.

It slashes our eyes with vivid colors, assails our noses with purely autumn scents, attacks our body with clear, frosty knives of chilling cold. Even our breath becomes white smoke that drifts on a breeze filled with the scent of burning fires. Autumn is an assault on the senses, indeed!

At least it should be. But we've had October blahs and gloom for weeks. Even the last day of the month began dark and overcast. Only now, after noon, had the sun appeared. November rolls in tomorrow and I feel as if I'm missed the fall completely. Leaves are on the ground everywhere and not much of color remains. Yuk.

Still, maybe I should go out and ride around and look for colors. Waste gas, waste time, have my senses assaulted? Why not.



Note: for Blogger and FB users: This post is from my website where the photos are visible.: http://dixiegirlsplace.multiply.com/

Friday, October 30, 2009

A Bat Story

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to knock it off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted in
hassling him to no end until finally he gave in.

"OK!" he said with exasperation. "Follow me," and he flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats following close behind him.

Down through the valley they went, across the river, and into the deep forest. Finally he slowed down, and all the other bats excitedly gathered around him.

"Do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good," said the first bat, "because I DIDN'T!"


Hope you have a fun weekend.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Happy Birthday to Me!

Today was my birthday and it was a special day in a lot of ways because of wonderful friends. My friend at work, Carolyn, gave me a Snuggle because we both read and she knows exactly what a reader needs in the winter! It even has a book light. Carolyn never forgets my birthday. We've worked together for 10 years and just get along really well. Her son died September last year before Jerry died. We've spend most of our lunches together this year. It helps.

I have to say the biggest surprise today was in the form of flowers. I don't get flowers much anymore. Jerry used to buy them when money allowed. So, when these arrived I was stumped.



Imagine my surprise when I saw that my friend, Jilly, sent them to me. I was so thrilled I went all over the building telling everyone. They were all suitably surprised. Jilly and I have been friends now for about three years! We met on Yahoo and I was so lucky the day she added me to her list of friends. Thank you, my wonderful friend.




After lunch, I was at work when I began to have a problem with my vision. I was seeing flashing lights and had trouble seeing any way except straight ahead. I called the eye doctor and they said come in immediately. I did. On the way the flashing lights turned to swirls. I could still see but only straight ahead clearly.

After about an hour of examination, dilation, and more examination he concluded I was having an ocular migraine! I've had this happen once before but it was late at night and I thought maybe I'd over worked my eyes. So I went to bed. This was at work and it freaked me out. He sent me home and said lie down in a dark room. He also said i was fortunate in that I didn't have the headache that often accompanies these.

This is a new thing for me. I do have migraines but have not had but one since I had the cervical block last year. However, I've been having lots of neck pain this week and was even not well yesterday because of the fibro. And tonight, I do have a headache. Right in front along my brow line and in my eye sockets. I feel bruised, as if I've been reading too much. I am going to bed shortly.

My sister brought cake earlier tonight. A carrot cake. Me, Dave, Becca, Sarah, and my sister Phyllis all had cake. Sarah had been with Phyllis for a couple of hours at McDonalds and then the library. They have a large "ship" in the children's section. Sarah said it was "Hoogh". LOL. She also sang happy birthday to me!

Altogether a nice day, despite the discomforts. Thanks to a little help from my friends.


To My Wonderful Multiply Friends

Thanks to all of you for the good wishes on my birthday. They are the best gifts!

My birthday will be spent at work so it will go fast and quietly... that's probably for the best. Not sure fanfares that I'm 53 today are what I want. . . I don't feel that way.

When I got up I didn't have as much pain this morning and that is either because I got more sleep yesterday or because I prayed for relief or both. But today, I feel, in my head at least, like this 20 year old who had been thrown out on her own and doesn't have a clue. It is scary.

Cathy doesn't have her guest book feature turned on her page but if you get a change to welcome her, please do, even if it is in my comments. We've gone to the same church for a long time but only met a few times because her illness keeps her home. I think we've grown closer here! She is very sweet and I've enjoyed her notes and emails. I'm going to arrange a lunch some time so we can actually talk face to face!

I'm sorry you are having so much pain, Cathy. I will be saying a prayer for you today. I put my meds right by my bed. When I get up I take them and when I start to get ready for bed. That's how my time line falls. You might try that with your pain patch. I don't know if it is daily or weekly but having it in the same place at the same time does help me remember. My hormone patch is a weekly patch and I sometimes for get it too!

Again, thanks for the Birthday wishes! I love all of you so much. The last 10 months would have been a very dark place without all of you holding my hand.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Last One Standing

It isn't a good day. I started rotten and hasn't got much better. When the alarm went off at 6:30 I didn't even get out of bed. I simply rolled over and called in sick. I hurt everywhere more than anywhere else, as my Mama would have said. I did not get on the floor until after 10:00 a.m. And then, I still didn't feel well. I was so tired and achy that I couldn't face a day at work. I found it was raining. . . again.

Now, as bedtime nears, I am still tired. I despise this disease. It saps every ounce of strength. I think it is because you are so busy struggling to deal with the pain and function that you just wear yourself out.

I cleaned up the living room and did laundry between reading and doing my bank statement. The writer's group will be meeting here Thursday night.

I had a prayer meeting sometime in the middle of the day. Don't know that it helped the pain but couldn't hurt. I'm a bit depressed as well so I guess it is all just part and parcel of the same thing. Saturday night when I asked Sarah whose photo was on the shelf, she said, "That's Pawpaw. He's gone to heaven. I wish he would come back to me." I do, too.

It would be bearable if you could stop missing them. If you could just flip a switch and stop wanting desperately to see them. But then you think how disloyal that thought is. You must not love them if you want to stop missing them. You must be cold indeed if you want to forget. And the pain in your chest is just this huge bomb waiting to go off when you realize you don't want to forget or to stop missing them, or even stop hurting. If it doesn't hurt I must be insensitive. If I forget I must not have cared at all. If ... if... if

It is the power of death that you feel. The unassailable power you can't stop or deter. That can come in and sweep away an existence as if it never existed and leave not even a footprint in the sand. It can't be stopped by any one of us. There is no weapon that can halt his actions. You begin to look at every person around you and think, "They could be next!" or "I could be next!" You look at children differently, your own and others.

You realize how very important continuity is to humans, the desire to live on, not necessarily forever, but in your children, your grandchildren, and their children. You look at the last survivor of your line and you have this sense that you will truly be dead when that last one is gone.

For those of you who've done family trees, you know what I mean. You trace that tree for one purpose. To anchor you to something, to make a connection to the past and carry it through to the future is some how comforting and gives us a sense of security and belonging. It is a sense of continuity, that you will survive somewhere. That in the future, someone will be born with your eyes, your hair, your nose or your flat feet. It doesn't matter as long as your DNA goes on.

I've seen children who do not know who a one of their parents is and the sense of being an outcast or reject is so powerful to them. They can't trace one half of themselves and their children can't as well. They struggle for an identity. It is torment for them because they can't ever know. They suffer from a sense of incompleteness.

I never realized how powerful that connection to family could be until mine began to die off. With my husband's death, the sand began to race with an incomprehensible speed. Now, I see my small Sarah alone and with no connection to her past left when I am no longer here. My oldest son has no children. My youngest in all likelihood will have no more. Only if God is gracious to us, will Sarah have children of her own. And I know how she will feel at that point. She will wish we could all come back to her.

I wish they could all come back to me. Tonight, I am the last one standing. It is a terrible feeling.






Monday, October 26, 2009

Weekend Over

Aunt and Uncle are on their way home. They were up for the weekend to celebrate my birthday and my sister, Phyllis' birthday. We had a lovely time together. My sister, Phyllis went to church with us on Sunday and prayed back through to the Holy Ghost! She really got a wonderful touch from God.

Got an electric blanket for my b'day and the last two nights I have not frozen or woken up stiff as a board. Still have pain but much better mobility. So, I'm hoping the winter will be a bit easier for me.

I'm ready for work and will be leaving in a short time. I hate having to work. I never get over it. I guess it is from all the years I got to stay home and take care of my kids and be a homemaker. Mostly, I think it is mostly that I'm just tired all the time. I know that is my fibro causing that but I keep hoping it will get better at some point. Odds are it won't. Sustaining the energy is a real problem.

Had Miss Sarah most of the weekend, as you will have gathered if you've watched the movies I posted. She is such a funny doll baby. She went to church last night and was a bit wired up but went to sleep in the service. She didn't want to go home afterward but with me working, I can't keep her overnight except on the weekends. By the weekend, I'm nearly wiped out. I hate that most of all. I want to keep her overnight so bad. But my concern is she won't stay and I'll have to get up in the middle of the night and take her home. That'd be very bad for me.

Anyway, got to head out. Hope you all have a great day.

Friday, October 23, 2009

TGIF

Finally, Friday if here and it isn't a moment too soon for me. I'm so tired. Every night this week I've gone to bed a little earlier each night. I'm still tired this morning despite going to bed at 10:30! When I get tired, I get very upset and depressed so it hasn't been a great week. I keep getting these urges to pick up the phone and call Jerry. It just drives me nuts. This week that hasn't been as bad as last week because I'm so tired I can't think straight.

Dixie's Aunt and Uncle are due to arrive sometime this afternoon. Not sure when exactly. They will spend the weekend. My sister and I have a birthday this week. Her's is today and mine the 28th. They come to celebrate with both of us.

I'm on my way to work. All day training today means I'll be dead on my feet when I get home. If I don't get back for a few days, everyone have a wonderful weekend.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Sunday Aches and Life Sucks.

I woke up this morning in pain. So, what else is new?

Everything hurts. I did not go to church. I tried to call the youngest son to see if some of them would come and drive for me but no one answered the phones. I didn't even try Mike. He never gets up and I am tired of calling and calling to ask.

So, I didn't go.

My hand, arms, shoulders, knees, feet and legs hurt. Some is caused by my carrying Sarah a bit in the mall yesterday but the cold is the greatest contributor I suspect. This time of year is a nightmare for me. My hands are cold and my feet are cold, despite thick wool socks my sister bought for me. I can only imagine how cold they would feel without those!

I sleep in sweats and I've not even got dressed all day. Shoulders hurt when I try and reach up to get anything above shoulder height. My knees hurt when I walk. They feel like they are froze, too. Everything just feels stiff and locked up. Muscles in my calf and upper arms are sore.

I'm miserable and I hate this. I can't stand living like this. I can't do anything. My brain is in a constant fog. I'm always tired. I manage to get through my work day but I'm totally wiped out by 5 pm. I can't go anywhere and do anything for long. Once I sit down, I'm done.


I want Jerry to come and just sit next to me. I just want him to come home. I'm tired of this.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Survivors

Many of my readers have repeatedly said that they didn't know what to say to someone experiencing grief. My own situation has caused me to look at this in a different way and far deeper than I ever imagined I'd want or need. As I've become able to function more normally, I've found myself fascinated by a paradox.

A vast majority of people across all cultures believe that death takes that person to a better place. This is supposed to give comfort to those left behind. Honestly, it doesn't much. But if they've gone to a better place, it does leave the survivors alone in a hell not of their making. Those not affected by it simply stand on the edges, watching the struggle. The grief-stricken are left alone to claw their way back to the land of the living. For truly, a part of you has died and left to your own devices, you may very well die, too. I can tell you, I felt as if I were being pulled into the grave with Jerry. And nine months later, there are days I still do.

If the bereaved is not to blame for the death of the person, why does the rest of the world spend so much time making them feel they've done something wrong? People won't talk to you or listen to you. They barely speak when you approach them. They don't call or come around. Yet, if you stopped them and asked them, they'd automatically put it back on you, the bereaved with "Why didn't you tell me?" or "You should have called me."

There are things you need to know about these Survivors of death. The bereaved can barely walk for months. They don't see things right in front of them. I've run numerous traffic lights in the last seven months. I've probably run three in my entire 53 years, until now. I absolutely didn't see them. Ask Mike. He's been with me twice.

The bereaved can't remember what day it is. They don't remember if they paid the light bill. They don't remember if they went to the store, despite finding the milk in the laundry room. They forget to take medications. But they are expected to remember they need solace and call for it as if they were ordering pizza?

Rest assured, they have trouble remembering their address at this point. They won't remember your phone number or even your name at times. Particularly if you never bothered much anyway. I have a basket of small notes with phone numbers on them taken from the answering machine over months. Some don't have names on them. I knew who they were when I wrote it down....

I remember nothing but bits and pieces of the the first three months after Jerry died. Most of those have to do with times I fell apart and couldn't get up out of the floor. Or they were the trips I took out of town to be with people who could look after me for a while and pick me up out of the floor. Or they could make me not think about what was happening to my life. I remember trying to get ready for work one morning and suddenly, doubling over and screaming over and over, unable stand or to breath. I was only able to sob uncontrollably.

For two months after his death I was afraid to go to sleep at night. I was afraid I'd die in my sleep. It was horrible to even lie down and think about letting go so I could sleep. As a Christian, this is a terrible feeling. We aren't supposed to fear death! I don't know if it is normal. If other people feel that way, they don't tell it.

On top of that, the darkness is the best movie screen ever designed. Every scene is played back for you in living color. If you witnessed the death, as I did, you see it again, and again, and again. You hear the sounds they made in those last minutes. You see the empty eyes. Simple sounds take on new meanings. You see that last day over and over and wonder what you could have done differently that MIGHT had altered the course. Change one thing and everything changes.

Survivors, wondering if they had steered a bit more south they'd have missed the iceberg. Survivors, just like those committees who go over wreckage with a fine toothed comb, go over every detail of our lives and the death to discover what happened and if we could have stopped, slowed, reversed, prevented it all.

Most of us are left wondering, clinging to the wreckage, holding a shirt with the scent of a memory. We are Survivors and we're left with only questions.




Monday, October 12, 2009

Monday Morning Blahs

Been battling depression all weekend. I'm tired this morning and have to get out of here to work shortly. I wanted to try and write a post before I left. It is on of those days when I just want to go to bed and stay there for the day. Gloomy skies right now but could be because the sun hasn't really got past the horizon yet. It is 7:15 but my weather monitor says it is supposed to be sunny today.

Anyway, I'm off the the mines to dig. I really will be glad when I have a couple of weeks vacation built up. Thankfully, November has three days free ones coming up so maybe I can hold out until then. I hope so. In 19 days Nano starts and I'm no where near ready.

If you all wouldn't mind, say a prayer for me today. I did get to church twice yesterday but it was really hard to sit through it last night. And coming home is always so difficult. I have to stay occupied until I'm so tired I can't stay awake and then I went to bed and had flash backs there in the dark. I hate those. Waking nightmares, that's what they are. Anyway, they tend to drag me down pretty quickly.


Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Small Joys

Surprises come in many places and things. Life is often filled with one sort of surprise or another and a good many are not good surprises. But it is the little things that often bring the greatest pleasure and warm our hearts.

Today was another busy day at work and one thing after another until you begin to feel like one of those ducks in the shooting gallery. Back and forth with some rube taking potshots at you. I'm so tired. And to end the day there were problems with something they need for the computer changes we are making that I can't deliver and I told the person last week what we needed and she did nothing to get that information. And she took two days off this week knowing she didn't have it. So, I gladly left it until tomorrow when she will return. I suggested that the person heading all this up, the Director of Capital Funds, a man with no personality or tact, speak with her about it. {SMILE}

I came home dragging my feet. I got my mail, unlocked my door and sat down my bags. Junk mail from the credit card industry, sale paper, and a small card..... a postcard. I like postcards. Somehow they just feel special and exotic to me. Someone picks them out specially for you and thinks about you as they pay for it and as they post it. That's special.

This one has a photo of some interesting old stone buildings... at least some of them look like old buildings but they're well cared for. It is a bright sunny day on a city plaza in some faraway place. There are tall chimneys and church spires. I flipped it over and read and smiled. And that lovely warm feeling that good surprises give you spread through my soul and the day's troubles fell away.

I have such lovely friends in far away places. Thank you, Jilly, for thinking of me.



Monday, October 5, 2009

Sunny Monday

Woke to a very beautiful day but it is just too cool to my liking. I want warm sunshine, not the refridgerated stuff. Pain is fairly high as a result of the cold. I no longer have Jerry's warmth to shelter me at night and so I've had to put blankets on the bed and wear woolen socks. I still just get so cold.

I don't want to turn the heat up too high but I don't see how I'll manage if I can't get it regulated at night. We always turn the heat back at night and it was fine but I see now that it probably won't be anymore.

I've going home to night and work on that kitchen floor. I would like to have a couple of things taken care of before Thursday night. The house is presentable... more or less. At least the room we will be using is. LOL, and the kitchen will be better when I'm done. It really is a wreck.

I don't want to work today. I hate days like that where you have to be here but you'd rather be somewhere else. My stomach is a bit grumpy for some reason. I didn't want lunch.

One of the members of our writing group has that terrible cold and says they've told her she has pneumonia. I hope she can join us.I wonder... I could set up a webcam if I had a router for the internet and she could join in virtually.... Hmmmmm. Have to check that out.

Well, back to the mines for now. I don't know if I will be on tonight or not. Lots to do after I get home. If not, I'll see you all later.

My next video blog will be the grand tour of the house. I told you guys I was going to do it. I took my computer all over the house and filmed the rooms. I may borrow Becca's camera and do a video instead. Have to see. Anyway, tour coming.

So far, people have responded well to my hair curling video. Everyone seems to have gotten a laugh from it and that's good. 'Specially since the follow up video has me looking gorgeous.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

On A Sunday

You go to church with your family and then to lunch. That's what I did this morning. I'm home now and deciding what to do with the afternoon.

I am down in my back, as the old folks say. My sciatica is making threats to knock me off my feet. I still have to paint that floor and I intend to do it before Thursday. My shoulder is not happy either but I think that is more because I've not been very faithful to my exercises for that. When I do them, it doesn't flare up as much. I've done them here and there lately. I just can't find 15 minutes twice a day!

I'm going to church tonight a bit early. I've been asked to help with our annual turkey giveaway. Our church does a turkey giveaway every year. This year they are doing it a bit differently. They are having a church service where people will register to receive a free turkey. This will eliminate the long lines of cars and waiting. And it will be an opportunity to feed souls as well as stomachs. They never turn anyone away at the giveaway until the turkeys run out and I was told today they've never come up short. This year, those needed turkeys will have to preregister, attend a special service at the church the week before, after the service, they will received a get a ticket with their registration number and they will take that to the church the day of the giveaway. I suspect it will be less work on giveaway day than it has been in the past.

I will be working the computer during the special service. We have a monitor that puts scripture and the songs up for everyone to see. All the people who usually do it are either singing or working in some other capacity. One of the women working on the committee suggested they ask me to do it since I used to do it in the past. Actually, I haven't done the overhead in about two years. Anyway, I told her I'd help so I know you will all be thrilled I'm doing something besides complaining about my life.

This won't be an easy task. Our computer is in a sound booth at the top of a very steep stairway. One reason I stopped doing the computer work was the climb to the top was just difficult and coming down just as bad. Initially the computer was on the first floor and it was no problem. Now, I just hate going up there. But one service should not be so bad, I guess. I told a friend of mine about it and said, I could crawl up and come down on my butt.

I'm going now. I'm going to roll my hair and try and get it into something besides a bun tonight. I get sick of it but the thinning has left me little choice if I don't cut it.

I'll be back again. I've got a video from yesterday with Miss Sarah Cheyenne. You'll all love it. She's quiet the Lady of the Manor is Miss Cheyenne.


Saturday, October 3, 2009

Saturday Night Live

Sarah has gone home.She was carried out, sound asleep, about an hour ago and is now in her own bed asleep. We had a nice afternoon and MawMaw is tired too and her back is probably out. No, I didn't play that hard. I was painting my kitchen floor. Yes, I was. It is horrible and brown porch paint is no where near as ugly as my ancient lino.

Had to go to bed last night and yes, my back is not happy this morning. I am dressed and on my way out the door to get Mike for church. Dave and Becca and Sarah are supposed to be going with me but we will see when I get there.

I'll be back possibly this afternoon but I really want to paint the rest of that floor. It looks so much better this morning where I did one section.

See you later.

GOOOOD MORNING, MULTIPLY PALS

I hurt in a lot of places but not all over. And I am on my way to work. I'm not even going to put up my hair. I am hoping to pick up Sarah afterward and do some things with her today.

I will be back this afternoon and hopefully have photos. Chili night was good, although I didn't want the chili after it was done. The movie was Thin Ice with Tom Selleck. Very good movie. Mike rented another Ted Dekker movie but we didn't watch it. I was very tired and it was nearly 9 p.m.

Lord that sounds OLD from a person who used to be able to sit up until 1 a.m. studying for finals and ace them at 9 the next morning.

Ok, more later. Have a good day or evening, depending on what time-frame you are located in.


Friday, October 2, 2009

Chili Movie Nite

Mike and I are getting ready to do our Chili Movie Nite. He's gone to buy the fix'ins since I didn't have enough in the larder. And then he'll pick up the movie while I fix the chili.

I did have lunch with my writing friend, Doug. We went to a Chinese restaurant roughly between where we both work. We batted around some places but I got the impression he likes Chinese and since I do to that was what we agreed on.

The lunch went well. It was really nice to sit and discuss writing styles, methods, and concerns. We are both looking forward to this writing group. We discussed what we thought we would gain from it and we discussed the first piece of writing we've been given to critique.

As I mentioned, we met last November and since then, we've only emailed here and there to just stay in contact until this November. One thing we both agreed on is that to really stay charged up about writing you need to be able to connect with other writers who love it as much as you do. He has a rather large family- four children and a wife. WIth a job and a family that size, writing can often get shuffled to the back burner and if you don't have a way to stay focused, it gets cold. I think the group will really benefit him.

As for me, you all know my motivation for doing this. I need my sanity. But I also need the contact with people who love writing. I enjoy talking about it and I like sharing information and ideas. I don't have the kind of distractions Doug will have but mine are far more insidious.

My husband was very supportive of me and the writing. He never said much and didn't complain about it in any way if I wrote for hours. I was so fortunate to have someone who just wanted me to be happy. How very foolish that I wasn't always happy. We are so blind to what we have. Always looking for something to get better. Never content with what we've been blessed to have. I was given a great treasure and I treated it like an old pair of shoes. Not like my special shoes I wear and take care of and am so proud of and love to show off.

I'm not going to go down that dark path right now. I have managed to keep my mood a bit lighter the last two days and I don't want to lose it. I have to work tomorrow and I don't want to go in after a bad night.

I will pop around again later if it isn't too late.

Windy Friday

I am at work and listening to a howling wind whistle through the crack in my window. I just got up and managed to force it completely closed. It was causing a terrible draft, too.

The weather has turned off very cool. It is 61 degrees out right now at 11:10 a.m. I suppose Fall is finally here but I am not ready for it. I've been having a problem staying warm. I've piled a quilt on my bed. I don't have Jerry to snuggle up to if I get cold. I will have to break my sweats out early to try and stay warm. I woke up with pain in my shoulders, feet, knees and hands. The cold just really makes it worse. I'm concerned that I will have to keep the house warmer but I've decided to get some carpets put down and that will help a bit.

I am going to lunch with a writing friend, I think. I got an invite a bit late and had to juggle things. Doug, from the writing group works here in town and we talked about it at the meeting last time I saw him. He asked if I ever take lunch out and I said yes. So today, he emailed me an invitation to meet up at a restaurant near both our jobs. I'll let you know how that goes. I'm trying get out more during the my days to meet and talk with people. I've had a couple of other people I know but have never gone to lunch with ask me about my lunch hour. So, I may have busier lunch hours in the future. It would be nice. Breaks up my day and gives me something to think about besides myself.

I'm thinking about trying to paint the bedroom this weekend. I am supposed to work but it doesn't take long to paint a room. The windows will take a bit but not the rest. Then, i want to have a carpet put down. I also want to paint that hideous kitchen floor to cover it up for the time being. I think I'll feel better if it looks better!

Ok, I'm going off for now. I have to see if I'm actually meeting up for lunch or not. We've just sort of emailed suggestions about where and nothing is definite yet. I have a date with Mike tonight to watch a movie and make him some chili. He said he misses my chili. Since it is cold out it is time for it. I like it, too so that will be good.

I'll be back later tonight.