I hear thuds in the back yard as they cut down the trees. They finally got here a bit late but that's ok. I just want it done.
I had a response to my post on the customer support site about the cross posting issue. Seems they haven't heard anything on that up to now. So I hope they fix it. I hate having to copy this stuff. I could do them in email and post them to blogger at the same time but that's a pain too as I may want to add stuff to the post.
Anyway, I'll see if this cross post and see what happens.
I'll take photos after the tree cutting ceremony. LOL
I'm feeling pretty good today. Except for the shoulder. I'm not falling apart every night now. I think it is just because I'm taking the St. John's Wort. I am only taking it a few times a week. I want to be able to go outside! So, I hope I'm getting better.
I'm going to take another trip I think in September but will have to see how the money goes. These trees were expensive! But he's doing some extra for me. He is really a nice fella. Any of you single girls interested. He is a Christian fella and nice looking. LOL. Thankfully, he doesn't read my blog. He said he is waiting for God to send him the right girl! And I have no daughters!
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
What's Marked in My Bible #28
Psalm 62
1Truly my soul waiteth upon God: from him cometh my salvation.
2He only is my rock and my salvation; he is my defence; I shall not be greatly moved.
The bold words here were marked:
10Trust not in oppression, and become not vain in robbery: if riches increase, set not your heart upon them.
Yet another song:
Psalm 63
3Because thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise thee.
4Thus will I bless thee while I live: I will lift up my hands in thy name.
And a single verse...
Psalm 66
1Make a joyful noise unto God, all ye lands:
Psalm 67
3Let the people praise thee, O God; let all the people praise thee.
Followed by a song:
Psalm 68
1Let God arise, let his enemies be scattered: let them also that hate him flee before him.
Psalm 71
1In thee, O LORD, do I put my trust: let me never be put to confusion.
Followed by a song:
Psalm 72
18Blessed be the LORD God, the God of Israel, who only doeth wondrous things.
19And blessed be his glorious name for ever:
I find the pattern interesting. Note the regular verses followed by a song that would seem to support them!
Well, I see it.
1Truly my soul waiteth upon God: from him cometh my salvation.
2He only is my rock and my salvation; he is my defence; I shall not be greatly moved.
The bold words here were marked:
10Trust not in oppression, and become not vain in robbery: if riches increase, set not your heart upon them.
Yet another song:
Psalm 63
3Because thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise thee.
4Thus will I bless thee while I live: I will lift up my hands in thy name.
And a single verse...
Psalm 66
1Make a joyful noise unto God, all ye lands:
Psalm 67
3Let the people praise thee, O God; let all the people praise thee.
Followed by a song:
Psalm 68
1Let God arise, let his enemies be scattered: let them also that hate him flee before him.
Psalm 71
1In thee, O LORD, do I put my trust: let me never be put to confusion.
Followed by a song:
Psalm 72
18Blessed be the LORD God, the God of Israel, who only doeth wondrous things.
19And blessed be his glorious name for ever:
I find the pattern interesting. Note the regular verses followed by a song that would seem to support them!
Well, I see it.
What's Marked in My Bible #26
Nature or Nuture?
Psalm 58
3The wicked are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies.
God says Nature. It is this very nature that God changes! We become new creatures.
Here is another song:
Psalm 61
1Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer.
2From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
3For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy.
Psalm 58
3The wicked are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies.
God says Nature. It is this very nature that God changes! We become new creatures.
Here is another song:
Psalm 61
1Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer.
2From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
3For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy.
What's Marked in My Bible #25
From this:
Psalm 55
6And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! for then would I fly away, and be at rest.
Came this:
Wings of the Morning
By Cynthia Maddox
Oh for the wings of the morning
that I might mount to the stars,
To pull back the curtains of heaven
and look on His face from afar.
The power and majesty awesome;
The beauty and glory untold;
The love and compassion beyond measure,
And worlds His hands gently hold.
At least, that's how it works for me.
Psalm 55
6And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! for then would I fly away, and be at rest.
Came this:
Wings of the Morning
By Cynthia Maddox
Oh for the wings of the morning
that I might mount to the stars,
To pull back the curtains of heaven
and look on His face from afar.
The power and majesty awesome;
The beauty and glory untold;
The love and compassion beyond measure,
And worlds His hands gently hold.
At least, that's how it works for me.
What's Marked in My Bible #24
I have two verses marked in this chapter but as I read over the chapter I realized a new truth. We hear much about the so called "Sinner's Prayer". I'm not one to favor canned prayers. I think each of us is different and that prayer is an expression of who we are and as such, will reflect our hearts. However, this Psalm could rightly be said to be there real deal. I offer it here in the New King James Version.
The Sinner's Prayer
Psalm 51
To the Chief Musician. A Psalm of David when Nathan the prophet went to him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba.
1 Have mercy upon me, O God,
According to Your lovingkindness;
According to the multitude of Your tender mercies,
Blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
And cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I acknowledge my transgressions,
And my sin is always before me.
4 Against You, You only, have I sinned,
And done this evil in Your sight—
That You may be found just when You speak,[a]
And blameless when You judge.
5 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
And in sin my mother conceived me.
6 Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts,
And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom.
7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8 Make me hear joy and gladness,
That the bones You have broken may rejoice.
9 Hide Your face from my sins,
And blot out all my iniquities.
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me away from Your presence,
And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,
And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.
13 Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,
And sinners shall be converted to You.
14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
The God of my salvation,
And my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open my lips,
And my mouth shall show forth Your praise.
16 For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it;
You do not delight in burnt offering.
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,
A broken and a contrite heart—
These, O God, You will not despise.
18 Do good in Your good pleasure to Zion;
Build the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then You shall be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness,
With burnt offering and whole burnt offering;
Then they shall offer bulls on Your altar.
Footnotes:
1. Psalm 51:4 Septuagint, Targum, and Vulgate read in Your words.
What two verses did I have marked? #10 & 17
The Sinner's Prayer
Psalm 51
To the Chief Musician. A Psalm of David when Nathan the prophet went to him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba.
1 Have mercy upon me, O God,
According to Your lovingkindness;
According to the multitude of Your tender mercies,
Blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
And cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I acknowledge my transgressions,
And my sin is always before me.
4 Against You, You only, have I sinned,
And done this evil in Your sight—
That You may be found just when You speak,[a]
And blameless when You judge.
5 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
And in sin my mother conceived me.
6 Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts,
And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom.
7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8 Make me hear joy and gladness,
That the bones You have broken may rejoice.
9 Hide Your face from my sins,
And blot out all my iniquities.
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me away from Your presence,
And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,
And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.
13 Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,
And sinners shall be converted to You.
14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
The God of my salvation,
And my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open my lips,
And my mouth shall show forth Your praise.
16 For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it;
You do not delight in burnt offering.
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,
A broken and a contrite heart—
These, O God, You will not despise.
18 Do good in Your good pleasure to Zion;
Build the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then You shall be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness,
With burnt offering and whole burnt offering;
Then they shall offer bulls on Your altar.
Footnotes:
1. Psalm 51:4 Septuagint, Targum, and Vulgate read in Your words.
What two verses did I have marked? #10 & 17
What's Marked in My Bible #23
I can say with truth that I have never gone hungry.
Psalm 50
10For every beast of the forest is mine, and the cattle upon a thousand hills.
15And call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me.
The following two verses form another song.
14Offer unto God thanksgiving; and pay thy vows unto the most High:
23Whoso offereth praise glorifieth me: and to him that ordereth his conversation aright will I shew the salvation of God.
Psalm 50
10For every beast of the forest is mine, and the cattle upon a thousand hills.
15And call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me.
The following two verses form another song.
14Offer unto God thanksgiving; and pay thy vows unto the most High:
23Whoso offereth praise glorifieth me: and to him that ordereth his conversation aright will I shew the salvation of God.
What's Marked in My Bible #22
Psalm 40
1I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry.
2He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.
3And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD.
Psalm 47
1O clap your hands, all ye people; shout unto God with the voice of triumph.
6Sing praises to God, sing praises: sing praises unto our King, sing praises.
The following is another scripture song I learned long ago. I wish I could get music for them so I could save them for Sarah.
Psalm 48
1Great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised in the city of our God, in the mountain of his holiness.
2Beautiful for situation, the joy of the whole earth, is mount Zion, on the sides of the north, the city of the great King.
1I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry.
2He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.
3And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD.
Psalm 47
1O clap your hands, all ye people; shout unto God with the voice of triumph.
6Sing praises to God, sing praises: sing praises unto our King, sing praises.
The following is another scripture song I learned long ago. I wish I could get music for them so I could save them for Sarah.
Psalm 48
1Great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised in the city of our God, in the mountain of his holiness.
2Beautiful for situation, the joy of the whole earth, is mount Zion, on the sides of the north, the city of the great King.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Disorentation & Realization
Last night I was very tired and so went to bed and read until what I will swear was 11:30. I actually went to bed before that and ready until that time. I thought that was a good time to call it a night as I could hardly stay awake any longer and the book was starting to blur after every page. So, I turned out the light and I think I went to sleep almost immediately. Mind you, I KNOW it was 11:30 p.m. My clock is digital with large numbers.
I don't know how much time passed but I was sleeping hard when I woke up with a start and sat up. I've been waking like this now for a few weeks, startled and shooting up in bed. Not good. Anyway, it was very dark and I felt confused so I turned on the light to see what time it was. The clock said 11:30! That made no sense to me. I felt I had slept for some time. I got up and went around the house trying to figure out what time it was and if my clock was stopped. I was very confused and sat on the bed for several minutes trying to figure it all out. I've been having problems with being disorientated when I wake up. Eventually, I knew it was not ever going to make sense and so I got back into bed and went back to sleep.
I think I slept well because I don't remember waking all night. I'm not tossing and turning as much and I think that is because my pain has been very minimal. But I got up this morning and was immediately depressed. I cried at the breakfast table and would have cried all the way to work but I can't function like that. So, I gave myself a few mental slaps so I could leave actually the house. I still don't feel well this morning.
Then, I realized, today is the 29th. Six months since someone took up my life, shook it and turned it all out. Half the pieces are still missing. It is as if I am out of sync with daily living. Remember those old movies where people are talking and their mouths don't match up with the sounds they are making. That's kind of like I feel. I'm ten seconds behind the action in every aspect. I'm able to do my work but once home, I can't do anything. I have stuff sitting everywhere that I need to do something with but by the time I get up to act on it I've lost it any ability to deal with it and end up doing nothing but staring at the mess and saying, "I'll do it later."
I'm going to get back to work now and see if I can finish up a few items. End of month is always either very hectic because I'm behind or it drags because I'm ahead. This one seems to be a slow one so it means there is less of the hard stuff to do. I may drop in later tonight.
I don't know how much time passed but I was sleeping hard when I woke up with a start and sat up. I've been waking like this now for a few weeks, startled and shooting up in bed. Not good. Anyway, it was very dark and I felt confused so I turned on the light to see what time it was. The clock said 11:30! That made no sense to me. I felt I had slept for some time. I got up and went around the house trying to figure out what time it was and if my clock was stopped. I was very confused and sat on the bed for several minutes trying to figure it all out. I've been having problems with being disorientated when I wake up. Eventually, I knew it was not ever going to make sense and so I got back into bed and went back to sleep.
I think I slept well because I don't remember waking all night. I'm not tossing and turning as much and I think that is because my pain has been very minimal. But I got up this morning and was immediately depressed. I cried at the breakfast table and would have cried all the way to work but I can't function like that. So, I gave myself a few mental slaps so I could leave actually the house. I still don't feel well this morning.
Then, I realized, today is the 29th. Six months since someone took up my life, shook it and turned it all out. Half the pieces are still missing. It is as if I am out of sync with daily living. Remember those old movies where people are talking and their mouths don't match up with the sounds they are making. That's kind of like I feel. I'm ten seconds behind the action in every aspect. I'm able to do my work but once home, I can't do anything. I have stuff sitting everywhere that I need to do something with but by the time I get up to act on it I've lost it any ability to deal with it and end up doing nothing but staring at the mess and saying, "I'll do it later."
I'm going to get back to work now and see if I can finish up a few items. End of month is always either very hectic because I'm behind or it drags because I'm ahead. This one seems to be a slow one so it means there is less of the hard stuff to do. I may drop in later tonight.
Eating Crow
The inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S.
Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been
changed. The bands used to bear the address of the
Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated as "Wash. Biol.
Surv." -- until the agency received the following letter
from an unhappy camper: "Dear Sirs: While camping last week,
I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed
the cooking instructions on the leg tag and want to tell you
it tasted horrible."
The bands are now marked "Fish & Wildlife Service."
From the GCFL.com
Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been
changed. The bands used to bear the address of the
Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated as "Wash. Biol.
Surv." -- until the agency received the following letter
from an unhappy camper: "Dear Sirs: While camping last week,
I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed
the cooking instructions on the leg tag and want to tell you
it tasted horrible."
The bands are now marked "Fish & Wildlife Service."
From the GCFL.com
Monday, July 27, 2009
Women are getting more beautiful - Times Online
Link
I found this article to be quiet an amusing break in a rather stressful day! It is about how scientists have concluded that evolution is making women more beautiful and that these same people have more babies and that they tend to be beautiful girl babies.
I have one thing to say about that... well more than one but the first is: hogwash.
Obviously, these experts in beauty and evolution have not done a extensive study of certain sectors of society. I deal with hundreds of people who prove this is a fallacy. Some of the ugliest people in the world have dozens of children who are also truly ugly AND badly behaved.
Now, I know all God's creatures are beautiful in their own way but as my husband used to say, "They look like they were beat with an ugly stick."
Anyway, I truly doubt the findings of this particular study. Have they researched "ugly" people? What about blondes? Are beautiful blondes producing more blondes? Oh my.
Seriously, if those with great physical beauty are increasing in number, I do hope that they develop a fashion gene while they are at it. Some of these so called beautiful women look like either tramps, bag ladies, or are they are blind! And you can't tell them that the dress that looks like a hefty trash bag is hideous on them.
Of course the trash bag covers everything up! Showing your "stuff" is not attractive (we have nicknames for it in my family that would be amusing but to avoid offending anyone I'll abstain) and may be construed as advertising in some populations.
Also, please develop a style gene while you are evolving! This is the ability to carry yourself well and make what you are wearing look like it cost a million dollars even if you paid $10 for it. Stand up and stop pooching your hips forward and walking like a pigeon-toed chicken! For heaven sakes, you look deformed! And PULEASEEEEE, GET rid of the elastic skirt and the top that is two sizes too small for you, particularly if you have a belly! Lord have mercy, that thing is ugly! Clothes that fit like your skin are just tacky. You look fatter than you are! Style is the ability to hide the flaws with flair. I know you're born with it but I like to think some people can be trained! And if you are over 50, and/or weigh more than you did at 7, please do not go out of your house in a bathing suit. It is frightening and I nearly had to call a wrecker.
Now that I've offended every ugly person and all those pretty women who don't know how to dress.... I'm done.
The only thing I can say is that if you are pretty, none of what I just said will matter. The study suggest that your kind will survive because you are pretty only. You don't have to have a brain at all! Your genes demand survival and so you will have lots of baby who are beautiful.
Serves you right.
I found this article to be quiet an amusing break in a rather stressful day! It is about how scientists have concluded that evolution is making women more beautiful and that these same people have more babies and that they tend to be beautiful girl babies.
I have one thing to say about that... well more than one but the first is: hogwash.
Obviously, these experts in beauty and evolution have not done a extensive study of certain sectors of society. I deal with hundreds of people who prove this is a fallacy. Some of the ugliest people in the world have dozens of children who are also truly ugly AND badly behaved.
Now, I know all God's creatures are beautiful in their own way but as my husband used to say, "They look like they were beat with an ugly stick."
Anyway, I truly doubt the findings of this particular study. Have they researched "ugly" people? What about blondes? Are beautiful blondes producing more blondes? Oh my.
Seriously, if those with great physical beauty are increasing in number, I do hope that they develop a fashion gene while they are at it. Some of these so called beautiful women look like either tramps, bag ladies, or are they are blind! And you can't tell them that the dress that looks like a hefty trash bag is hideous on them.
Of course the trash bag covers everything up! Showing your "stuff" is not attractive (we have nicknames for it in my family that would be amusing but to avoid offending anyone I'll abstain) and may be construed as advertising in some populations.
Also, please develop a style gene while you are evolving! This is the ability to carry yourself well and make what you are wearing look like it cost a million dollars even if you paid $10 for it. Stand up and stop pooching your hips forward and walking like a pigeon-toed chicken! For heaven sakes, you look deformed! And PULEASEEEEE, GET rid of the elastic skirt and the top that is two sizes too small for you, particularly if you have a belly! Lord have mercy, that thing is ugly! Clothes that fit like your skin are just tacky. You look fatter than you are! Style is the ability to hide the flaws with flair. I know you're born with it but I like to think some people can be trained! And if you are over 50, and/or weigh more than you did at 7, please do not go out of your house in a bathing suit. It is frightening and I nearly had to call a wrecker.
Now that I've offended every ugly person and all those pretty women who don't know how to dress.... I'm done.
The only thing I can say is that if you are pretty, none of what I just said will matter. The study suggest that your kind will survive because you are pretty only. You don't have to have a brain at all! Your genes demand survival and so you will have lots of baby who are beautiful.
Serves you right.
Horrible Day
Sunday ended with a thud and today begins with a weight heavier than I can bear.
I am not good this morning and will keep this brief as I have to go to work. If you pray, keep me in your's today. If you are superstitious, cross your fingers. Today, it feels as if nothing works anyway.
This is not the way we planned our life. The one we planned included sharing the loads. This is too heavy for me.
I am not good this morning and will keep this brief as I have to go to work. If you pray, keep me in your's today. If you are superstitious, cross your fingers. Today, it feels as if nothing works anyway.
This is not the way we planned our life. The one we planned included sharing the loads. This is too heavy for me.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Saturday Morning Rain
Trees did not get cut this morning. I'm a bit peeved. I haven't even heard from the guy supposed to cut them. It wasn't raining at 8:00 a.m. when he said they'd be here and the sun was shinning. Around 9:30 it suddenly clouded up and thundered loudly and the rain began to pour. It has stopped now but still no word from the tree man.
I'm not having pain this morning, well, not much. I had a bad spell last night. Mike messed up the new mower because he didn't do what I told him to do. He went home because I chewed him out. He lowered the blade after I told him not to and then lied to me about it. Then after I made him raise it, he again lowered it and hit a root that damaged the front guard and jammed the blade. I despise liars with a passion and both my sons know it. I went ballistic after he damaged the mower. Remember this is a brand new $300 mower and I can't just go out and buy another every time he does something stupid. He tears up every mower I have the same way. I can't count how many blades he had bent over the years. Simply because he want to cut the grass to the ground so he won't be asked to cut it for a month. Well, he won't be asked anymore. I'm tired. I only asked him so I could give him a little money. He has nothing and I was willing to pay him to do the job. MY WAY!
Anyway, I had to call David to come and help me try and fix it so I could finish the yard. I tried to take care of it myself but I couldn't get the mower up on blocks to look under it and all I could think of is I have no one to call. Jerry would have been able to help me get the thing up. I just sat down on the steps and cried. I've never in my life been this alone. I always had family and friends to call wherever I have been. I kept looking around the yard and I realized that I am not going to be able to keep this place up. I can't. It is just too much for me alone.
David came and I was just a sloppy mess. He took the guard off and the blade seems all right. I have to order a new guard for it. He also finished the yard. Didn't take but a few minutes as it was nearly done.
Mike called later but not to say, I'm sorry I lied.
This morning, I've swept my bedroom and both baths and the hallway. I still have no bags for my vacuum so can't do the carpets. I sweep them with the broom but they are getting bad. I can't stand stuff on them.
I"m going to look for some but I ordered two packs from the repair shop. They told me it would take two weeks to come in. So, with dishes washed and most laundry done all that is left is changing sheets and trying once again to organize some things in the house. I'd like to clean out the garage but that is a big job for me alone. Still, I don't think I have much choice.
Realistically, I know I'm probably going to be forced to get rid of this place at some point. There is no way I can continue this. None of the stuff Jerry helped with can now be done. Physically, I can't do most of the stuff I used to do for myself without help.
I'm going to try and get some laundry done. I've got to put away what I've already washed and dried. And today, I'm checking on the laptop I've assembled at Dell. I put it together and added it to my wish list. I usually wait a week or so because the last time, they discounted the one on my wish list by over $100. That was my desktop. So, I'm checking to see if that has happened today. It had gone down some a week ago but I wanted to make some changes.
I'm thankful I have a charge account with them. I don't want to take anymore out of savings. I was hoping to get my trees cut but now it looks like that won't be happening. Unless I can get a saw.
I'll pop back in later.
I'm not having pain this morning, well, not much. I had a bad spell last night. Mike messed up the new mower because he didn't do what I told him to do. He went home because I chewed him out. He lowered the blade after I told him not to and then lied to me about it. Then after I made him raise it, he again lowered it and hit a root that damaged the front guard and jammed the blade. I despise liars with a passion and both my sons know it. I went ballistic after he damaged the mower. Remember this is a brand new $300 mower and I can't just go out and buy another every time he does something stupid. He tears up every mower I have the same way. I can't count how many blades he had bent over the years. Simply because he want to cut the grass to the ground so he won't be asked to cut it for a month. Well, he won't be asked anymore. I'm tired. I only asked him so I could give him a little money. He has nothing and I was willing to pay him to do the job. MY WAY!
Anyway, I had to call David to come and help me try and fix it so I could finish the yard. I tried to take care of it myself but I couldn't get the mower up on blocks to look under it and all I could think of is I have no one to call. Jerry would have been able to help me get the thing up. I just sat down on the steps and cried. I've never in my life been this alone. I always had family and friends to call wherever I have been. I kept looking around the yard and I realized that I am not going to be able to keep this place up. I can't. It is just too much for me alone.
David came and I was just a sloppy mess. He took the guard off and the blade seems all right. I have to order a new guard for it. He also finished the yard. Didn't take but a few minutes as it was nearly done.
Mike called later but not to say, I'm sorry I lied.
This morning, I've swept my bedroom and both baths and the hallway. I still have no bags for my vacuum so can't do the carpets. I sweep them with the broom but they are getting bad. I can't stand stuff on them.
I"m going to look for some but I ordered two packs from the repair shop. They told me it would take two weeks to come in. So, with dishes washed and most laundry done all that is left is changing sheets and trying once again to organize some things in the house. I'd like to clean out the garage but that is a big job for me alone. Still, I don't think I have much choice.
Realistically, I know I'm probably going to be forced to get rid of this place at some point. There is no way I can continue this. None of the stuff Jerry helped with can now be done. Physically, I can't do most of the stuff I used to do for myself without help.
I'm going to try and get some laundry done. I've got to put away what I've already washed and dried. And today, I'm checking on the laptop I've assembled at Dell. I put it together and added it to my wish list. I usually wait a week or so because the last time, they discounted the one on my wish list by over $100. That was my desktop. So, I'm checking to see if that has happened today. It had gone down some a week ago but I wanted to make some changes.
I'm thankful I have a charge account with them. I don't want to take anymore out of savings. I was hoping to get my trees cut but now it looks like that won't be happening. Unless I can get a saw.
I'll pop back in later.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Update on Pastor Clement
This to my Multiply blog friends. Just got confirmation that my pastor came through the heart bypass and all seems to have gone well. Thank you all for your prayers. Continue to pray for a speedy recovery.
The lady I called to check on him said that had he not been such a good shepherd they may not have discovered this in time. He went to the ER after church on Sunday night to see if they would give him antibiotics for a cold he'd been battling for four months so that he could officiate at the funeral of a member of the church on Monday. They found a problem and ordered a stress test for the next day, which he failed. When they tried put in stints they found a much worse problem, almost total blockage of some arteries.
It is good to know that sometimes, something good can come from a tragedy. The man who died left a young wife and two children. I'm told she has no job, no skills, and no money. You might add her to your prayer list. I know exactly what she is feeling right now. It is not good.
Listen to me, ladies, all of you! I can't stress on women enough to get an education, get a set of marketable skills, and get a JOB at some point in your life, even if it is part-time. You may have to support yourself. I started college at 33 and graduated at 38. I went to work full-time at 39 for the first time in my life in a clerical job. My husband died just over 10 years after I started working at my job. I never went to work with the thought of being primary breadwinner and eventually my sole support. Today, I am just that.
Jerry began to have health problems in 1988. Had I not looked at Jerry one day, in 1989 and said, "You know, I think I should enroll in classes and get some job skills. You won't be in the military forever and your health might get worse. I can work and supplement our income." I do not know where we would have been and right about now. Things would have been a disaster.
In 1995 I graduated and he was medically discharged and unemployed for over two years by that point. I worked part-time teaching and temp jobs and he got a job driving a truck until his disability was approved. Then he had a series of job, illness, and unemployment. Had I not be able to get a good job, we'd have lost our home and everything else long ago.
Women, take care of yourself by educating yourself. Teach your daughter's to educate themselves. Learn every thing you can learn, no matter how trivial it seems. NO skill is useless.
Do not think for one minute this can't happen to you. Prepare for the worst and if it doesn't happen, you can sit in the sunshine and enjoy a a life of no troubles. If it does happen to you, you'll have fewer worries.
The lady I called to check on him said that had he not been such a good shepherd they may not have discovered this in time. He went to the ER after church on Sunday night to see if they would give him antibiotics for a cold he'd been battling for four months so that he could officiate at the funeral of a member of the church on Monday. They found a problem and ordered a stress test for the next day, which he failed. When they tried put in stints they found a much worse problem, almost total blockage of some arteries.
It is good to know that sometimes, something good can come from a tragedy. The man who died left a young wife and two children. I'm told she has no job, no skills, and no money. You might add her to your prayer list. I know exactly what she is feeling right now. It is not good.
Listen to me, ladies, all of you! I can't stress on women enough to get an education, get a set of marketable skills, and get a JOB at some point in your life, even if it is part-time. You may have to support yourself. I started college at 33 and graduated at 38. I went to work full-time at 39 for the first time in my life in a clerical job. My husband died just over 10 years after I started working at my job. I never went to work with the thought of being primary breadwinner and eventually my sole support. Today, I am just that.
Jerry began to have health problems in 1988. Had I not looked at Jerry one day, in 1989 and said, "You know, I think I should enroll in classes and get some job skills. You won't be in the military forever and your health might get worse. I can work and supplement our income." I do not know where we would have been and right about now. Things would have been a disaster.
In 1995 I graduated and he was medically discharged and unemployed for over two years by that point. I worked part-time teaching and temp jobs and he got a job driving a truck until his disability was approved. Then he had a series of job, illness, and unemployment. Had I not be able to get a good job, we'd have lost our home and everything else long ago.
Women, take care of yourself by educating yourself. Teach your daughter's to educate themselves. Learn every thing you can learn, no matter how trivial it seems. NO skill is useless.
Do not think for one minute this can't happen to you. Prepare for the worst and if it doesn't happen, you can sit in the sunshine and enjoy a a life of no troubles. If it does happen to you, you'll have fewer worries.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Urgent Prayer Request
Please add my pastor, Willard Clement, to your prayer list tonight. He will have open heart surgery Thrusday morning, central US time.
This is a wonderful and devoted man of God and he has been so wonderful to my family for the last 10 years. He is 72 and has been blessed with good health and our church needs him just little longer, please God.
This is a wonderful and devoted man of God and he has been so wonderful to my family for the last 10 years. He is 72 and has been blessed with good health and our church needs him just little longer, please God.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Dangling Participles
You all know by now that words are my passion. I love playing in piles of them. Well, here is another example. Did I already post this?
- The burglar was about 30 years old, white, 5' 10," with
wavy hair weighing about 150 pounds.
- The family lawyer will read the will tomorrow at the residence of Mr. Hannon, who died June 19 to accommodate his relatives.
- Mrs. Shirley Baxter, who went deer hunting with her
husband, is very proud that she was able to shoot a fine
buck as well as her husband.
- Organ donations from the living reached a record high last year, outnumbering donors who are dead for the first time.
- The dog was hungry and made the mistake of nipping a 2-year-old that was trying to force feed it in his ear.
- We spent most of our time sitting on the back porch
watching the cows playing Scrabble and reading.
- Hunting can also be dangerous, as in the case of pygmies hunting elephants armed only with spears.
- The burglar was about 30 years old, white, 5' 10," with
wavy hair weighing about 150 pounds.
- The family lawyer will read the will tomorrow at the residence of Mr. Hannon, who died June 19 to accommodate his relatives.
- Mrs. Shirley Baxter, who went deer hunting with her
husband, is very proud that she was able to shoot a fine
buck as well as her husband.
- Organ donations from the living reached a record high last year, outnumbering donors who are dead for the first time.
- The dog was hungry and made the mistake of nipping a 2-year-old that was trying to force feed it in his ear.
- We spent most of our time sitting on the back porch
watching the cows playing Scrabble and reading.
- Hunting can also be dangerous, as in the case of pygmies hunting elephants armed only with spears.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Mermaid or Whale?
Recently, in a large French city, a poster featuring a young, thin and tanned woman appeared in the window of a gym. It said: "THIS SUMMER DO YOU WANT TO BE A MERMAID OR A WHALE?"
A middle aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.
To Whom It May Concern:
Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans). They have an active sex life, they get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Barren Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia . Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.
Mermaids don't exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? They don't have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them not to mention how could they have sex? Therefore they don't have kids either. Not to mention who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store?
The choice is perfectly clear to me; I want to be a whale.
P.S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver and a coffee with my friends. With time we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy. Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, "Good gosh, look how smart I am!"
A middle aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.
To Whom It May Concern:
Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans). They have an active sex life, they get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Barren Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia . Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.
Mermaids don't exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? They don't have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them not to mention how could they have sex? Therefore they don't have kids either. Not to mention who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store?
The choice is perfectly clear to me; I want to be a whale.
P.S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver and a coffee with my friends. With time we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy. Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, "Good gosh, look how smart I am!"
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Sun Down
I'm finishing up the day. I've been depressed all day. I woke with terrible pain in my neck and arm and a headache. I slept badly and woke several times in the night. I can't get comfortable at all. And when I get no sleep, I am more depressed.
I didn't go to church this morning but was going to tonight only, I'm still hurting. I still wish I'd bitten the bullet and gone. I'd have had less time to think. I won't be typing here much because the wrist is really painful and so is the neck. I don't know what I did to the the wrist except the dull hedge clippers might have something to do with it. I switched to pruning shears but I think the damage was done. Hands pained me a lot last night.
This happens every time I work in the yard and I can't help it. It has to be done. It is a very big yard and takes a lot of effort to keep up. With no help, I don't see how I'm going to manage.
Don't say get the sons to do it. That's a pain in itself. Neither of them wants to work, particularly for me. Don't ask. David would do it if I pay him every time. I refuse to do that. Mike will help for nothing but it is like pulling teeth. He just keeps putting me off. In the son department I screwed up royally. I like them but I don't think they like me. So I don't ask them. The fact that they were there yesterday. . David wanted money and Mike, well he had a good day I think and that's how he is on those days. He went on the roof and got the sensor from the dusk-dawn light that wasn't working. He replaced it with a new one. He does help me a lot more than David. And he doesn't ask for pay. Just lunch. LOL.
They will be offended by that. I'm sorry boys but it is true. Although, my daughter-in-law seems to love me more than my sons. She does more for me than the two of them.
Sunday appears to be a day I do very badly. It is the one day when everything comes together in a singularity and just blows up. I walked around the house a while ago. It is getting dark and I never turn on the lights here anymore. I use lamps in the room wherever I'm sitting and turn them off when I leave. Right now there are no lights on except the one over my desk. The whole house is dark.
It is like that every night. I walk around at night in the dark. I have always done it. Jerry used to ask me why I didn't turn on the lights and I told him I could see just fine and didn't need them.He always needed a light. He tried to do without a couple of times and broke a toe. I do turn them on now when I get up and I have night lights in the bath and kitchen. But that's just since he died. Odd, that cause I don't like nightlights.
Anyway, as I walked around I said, "And the earth was void and without form." That's a line from Genesis for those un-churched. And I looked at my walls and said, "But we have form, angles, corners, walls. But everything is void." Then I walked through the house and wondered what I'm supposed to do. It's dark and empty and just a hollow shell with no sounds, no lights, no life. And I find that I don't care. I have clothes piled on the sofa. I forgot to wash the laundry yesterday and did it today. I had to put away the towels from two weeks ago. They were still in a basket on the floor at the foot of my bed. I forgot them because I never go around that side anymore. No reason. The sheets from the basket went onto the couch with the other things.
I did hang up the outer clothes but everything else is on the sofa. I don't care. If I need them, I know where they are. I'm taking my meds and going to bed shortly. It is only 9:30 but I slept so badly last night and my pain is so high I need to sleep. But I thought, if I do that, I'll wake before dawn and have to sit around here. So, six of one, half dozen of another.
I am clearer headed than I've been in months but I don't like my thoughts much. And my pain levels seem to be escalating. I always have more pain in the fall than any other time. It is only a month or so away. As the days have been lovely and cool I don't know if that is a factor.
I kept thinking today. Life is really very short, you know. I can remember my wedding day so very clearly. As if it were yesterday. Then, I was bombarded with memories. So many of them, just flinging themselves at me, flies around a rotting corpse. I didn't know what to do and it was so very difficult to handle. I left the house and they followed me. LOL. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. Jerry sitting across from me in a candlelit restaurant in Germany, smiling. Jerry standing by my bed in the hospital when I lost the first baby. Jerry sitting next to me in the car. Traveling at night on vacation with Jerry driving and me with my head on his thigh sleeping. That was before the days of mandatory seatbelts and reclining seats. LOL. Jerry sitting across from me on the patio. Jerry Jerry Jerry.
How do people live like this? I need the garbage taken out. I need the toilet fixed. The bathtub is leaking. I have to go under the house to see what the leak is doing and I'm terrified of small spaces and bugs. I need the stuff from a high shelf. The faucet it leaking. I need the light on the eve of the house replaced so it won't be so dark on that side. I need to talk to him. Tell him what was going on with me, to say I'm sorry, to find out what was happening to him. I want to understand why he didn't tell me. I want to know what he was thinking to do this to me. I want him to come home. Please.
It's too much.
God, what a blog. What a hideous, hellacious, nightmare of a blog. What a hell to live in. And it is all, all, all real. Guess what Hell does exist!
I didn't go to church this morning but was going to tonight only, I'm still hurting. I still wish I'd bitten the bullet and gone. I'd have had less time to think. I won't be typing here much because the wrist is really painful and so is the neck. I don't know what I did to the the wrist except the dull hedge clippers might have something to do with it. I switched to pruning shears but I think the damage was done. Hands pained me a lot last night.
This happens every time I work in the yard and I can't help it. It has to be done. It is a very big yard and takes a lot of effort to keep up. With no help, I don't see how I'm going to manage.
Don't say get the sons to do it. That's a pain in itself. Neither of them wants to work, particularly for me. Don't ask. David would do it if I pay him every time. I refuse to do that. Mike will help for nothing but it is like pulling teeth. He just keeps putting me off. In the son department I screwed up royally. I like them but I don't think they like me. So I don't ask them. The fact that they were there yesterday. . David wanted money and Mike, well he had a good day I think and that's how he is on those days. He went on the roof and got the sensor from the dusk-dawn light that wasn't working. He replaced it with a new one. He does help me a lot more than David. And he doesn't ask for pay. Just lunch. LOL.
They will be offended by that. I'm sorry boys but it is true. Although, my daughter-in-law seems to love me more than my sons. She does more for me than the two of them.
Sunday appears to be a day I do very badly. It is the one day when everything comes together in a singularity and just blows up. I walked around the house a while ago. It is getting dark and I never turn on the lights here anymore. I use lamps in the room wherever I'm sitting and turn them off when I leave. Right now there are no lights on except the one over my desk. The whole house is dark.
It is like that every night. I walk around at night in the dark. I have always done it. Jerry used to ask me why I didn't turn on the lights and I told him I could see just fine and didn't need them.He always needed a light. He tried to do without a couple of times and broke a toe. I do turn them on now when I get up and I have night lights in the bath and kitchen. But that's just since he died. Odd, that cause I don't like nightlights.
Anyway, as I walked around I said, "And the earth was void and without form." That's a line from Genesis for those un-churched. And I looked at my walls and said, "But we have form, angles, corners, walls. But everything is void." Then I walked through the house and wondered what I'm supposed to do. It's dark and empty and just a hollow shell with no sounds, no lights, no life. And I find that I don't care. I have clothes piled on the sofa. I forgot to wash the laundry yesterday and did it today. I had to put away the towels from two weeks ago. They were still in a basket on the floor at the foot of my bed. I forgot them because I never go around that side anymore. No reason. The sheets from the basket went onto the couch with the other things.
I did hang up the outer clothes but everything else is on the sofa. I don't care. If I need them, I know where they are. I'm taking my meds and going to bed shortly. It is only 9:30 but I slept so badly last night and my pain is so high I need to sleep. But I thought, if I do that, I'll wake before dawn and have to sit around here. So, six of one, half dozen of another.
I am clearer headed than I've been in months but I don't like my thoughts much. And my pain levels seem to be escalating. I always have more pain in the fall than any other time. It is only a month or so away. As the days have been lovely and cool I don't know if that is a factor.
I kept thinking today. Life is really very short, you know. I can remember my wedding day so very clearly. As if it were yesterday. Then, I was bombarded with memories. So many of them, just flinging themselves at me, flies around a rotting corpse. I didn't know what to do and it was so very difficult to handle. I left the house and they followed me. LOL. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. Jerry sitting across from me in a candlelit restaurant in Germany, smiling. Jerry standing by my bed in the hospital when I lost the first baby. Jerry sitting next to me in the car. Traveling at night on vacation with Jerry driving and me with my head on his thigh sleeping. That was before the days of mandatory seatbelts and reclining seats. LOL. Jerry sitting across from me on the patio. Jerry Jerry Jerry.
How do people live like this? I need the garbage taken out. I need the toilet fixed. The bathtub is leaking. I have to go under the house to see what the leak is doing and I'm terrified of small spaces and bugs. I need the stuff from a high shelf. The faucet it leaking. I need the light on the eve of the house replaced so it won't be so dark on that side. I need to talk to him. Tell him what was going on with me, to say I'm sorry, to find out what was happening to him. I want to understand why he didn't tell me. I want to know what he was thinking to do this to me. I want him to come home. Please.
It's too much.
God, what a blog. What a hideous, hellacious, nightmare of a blog. What a hell to live in. And it is all, all, all real. Guess what Hell does exist!
Words are Funny
I got this in my email today from Nina a friend from NaNoWriMo. I needed the laugh as I am in a lot of pain today from working outside yesterday and not sleeping well last night. I think the sleep is more the problem. And my posts lately have been depressing I suspect. So, here is some funny definitions. Please not that 14-17 in the first group nearly had me rolling. Been there.
Here are the winners of this year's Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with..
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10.Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj.. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n.. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Here are the winners of this year's Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with..
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10.Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj.. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n.. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
End of a Lovely Day
It was a lovely day. The sky was blue with great white clouds. The temperatures were right around 70 with a gentle breeze. Mike came and cut the yard and David worked outside the fence clearing the area next to the tracks. It is so bad there but he cleared enough for me to cut and I don't care about there debris. Becca helped too until she sprained her ankle. She stepped in a hole that was dug by a dog they had when they lived with us. I keep forgetting to buy some dirt and fill it. There are several of these holes and now that there is grass we have trouble avoiding them.
Sarah ran and played all over the yard and we hid behind the trunk of her daddy's tulip tree. She likes our yard. I understand it. I love it, too. Our patch of ground with twenty years of roots, now Sarah's roots, too. I wonder about leaving here. I can't. My heart is in every blade of grass and every board foot of building. It is in the tulip tree standing tall and scrubbing the clouds in my patch of sky. It is in the small plot of ground three blocks away. I mourn the dead mimosa trees. I will never plant them again. Maybe we'll plant a tulip tree for Sarah.
When the yard was done I walked across the yard and realized how very empty it is without my tall husband striding across it. He would have been out helping us had he been able. And we would have talked about what we would like to do in the yard and what we'd like to do to the house. We'd laugh at Sarah and we'd play chase or ball with her, all of us together.
But as the day slid into evening and the sky darkened so too did my thoughts. He isn't here. He can't plan with me. He won't smile at me across the yard or yell at Mike because he missed a that strip of grass near the drive. Sarah will never know PawPaw chasing her across the lawn. He won't sit on the patio in the dark with me with the candles burning.
I hate it. And a lovely shinning day ended, sliding into darkness.
Sarah ran and played all over the yard and we hid behind the trunk of her daddy's tulip tree. She likes our yard. I understand it. I love it, too. Our patch of ground with twenty years of roots, now Sarah's roots, too. I wonder about leaving here. I can't. My heart is in every blade of grass and every board foot of building. It is in the tulip tree standing tall and scrubbing the clouds in my patch of sky. It is in the small plot of ground three blocks away. I mourn the dead mimosa trees. I will never plant them again. Maybe we'll plant a tulip tree for Sarah.
When the yard was done I walked across the yard and realized how very empty it is without my tall husband striding across it. He would have been out helping us had he been able. And we would have talked about what we would like to do in the yard and what we'd like to do to the house. We'd laugh at Sarah and we'd play chase or ball with her, all of us together.
But as the day slid into evening and the sky darkened so too did my thoughts. He isn't here. He can't plan with me. He won't smile at me across the yard or yell at Mike because he missed a that strip of grass near the drive. Sarah will never know PawPaw chasing her across the lawn. He won't sit on the patio in the dark with me with the candles burning.
I hate it. And a lovely shinning day ended, sliding into darkness.
Saturday, Sisters, and Stuff
The weather is lovely today. It is about 70 degrees outside and mostly cloudy. I swear it feels like fall!
So why am I sitting here at the computer? I've been paying the bills and fixing up my blog and just doing nothing I don't want to do. I got up at 10:30!! Yes I did. And my neck hurt a little but I felt as if I had plenty of sleep for the first time in weeks. Of course, I didn't go to bed until midnight. I simply can't sleep. I don't know what to do about it. Someone said sleep in the spare room but I like my bed and want my own bed. That room is small and while it has a good bed it is like sleeping in a hotel room. I want MY room. So, unresolved issue.
I've been reading blogs but few of you have new stuff at this point so I'm sort of caught up. My blog is a bit odd however. I read my sister's blog this a.m. and she's in a meltdown. I know she'll bounce back but I hate it when that happens.
Stuck in the Middle is my sister, youngest of three sisters, fourth of seven children. See, stuck in the middle between two sets of three.
I like my sisters. They are wonderful to be around and we have a great time together. The two of them grew up with our mother while I grew up with our mother's mother. I, along with one brother, were left with her parents so she could go party and get pregnant the third time. With the third pregnancy, her parents told her they wouldn't take that baby so she had to get married. She found a man, not the baby's father, and married him. This was in the early 60's. She then proceeded to have three more children, divorced the father, had numerous boyfriends but no children, then, married an old man and had a seventh.
Anyway the five youngest were forced to stay with our mother. She is the most dysfunctional person on the planet. A pathological liar and just about anything else you can imagine. Worst parent in history. I'll swear to it.
Second sister (third of seven) ran away 20 years ago and lives in the same town I do. Stuck is just that. She's run away dozens of times and always goes back there. The last time she left we though it was for good but her husband, my wonderful brother-in-law whom I adore but who doesn't always think well (he's the one who set fire to himself), left the military and went back... taking Stuck with him. Bad move.
Stuck is the sister who feels responsible for all of them since sister #2 left. Before that, sister #2 felt this calling. She has since overcome that particular hangup. Stuck seems stuck. I've attempted numerous methods to unstick her but she resists. She resist because she feels unloved and by taking care of others she feels she will be loved. She isn't unloved. She is just unloved by those she wants to love her. She knows those of us who love her but doesn't understand why THEY don't. And as usual, what we can't have or understand is what we demand.
So, she is having a bad time right now feeling she has made a mistake but not wanting anyone to voice her own opinion. She is doing what she thinks is right. She's got a good heart just misplaced loyalties.
I love my brothers, too. Some people, no matter how much you help them, will always go back to their old ways. I hope that is not the case here but suspect it will be. So at some point, everyone must be held accountable for their own actions and choices. We can give helping hands but sometimes, withholding our help is better for them.
God withholds things we want and think we need all the time. He took the man I know I can't live without. It wasn't right. Just ask me. He took all the hopes and dreams we shared and tossed them out the window. Never asked me once if I minded or cared. Just did it. They tell me I'll get over it. They tell me it was "God's will". They tell me "he's in a better place". They say all manner of stupid things. I don't believe any of that and I get pretty angry when they say it. But I smile and never let on. See, if I don't agree with you, YOU are wrong and I am right.
You can say all day "We don't know what God has planned." You know what I want to say to that? "I DON"T CARE!" But I don't say it. I think it. I talk to God about it. I hope he understands. I can't help it if he doesn't. I pray for him to forgive me if I'm wrong but I still feel what I feel. I do what I think is the right thing. I accept his right to do what he wants to do for whatever reasons he has but I DON"T AGREE WITH THIS.
I'm told this is the normal path of grief and loss. It is normal to feel these things. It is normal to resent having the obvious pointed out to you, to be told you may think you are right but you aren't. I hate it. But I think about it. I listen. I hope that my sanity will come back and I will see all this glorious truth people keep spouting at me. That someday I will wake up and the sun will shine and I'll laugh and run in it and be excited about something and everything will be normal. But to do that I MUST forget my husband. You don't agree with that but it is true. To be carefree and happy and rid of this dark cloud I must bury him completely. He has to die to ME.
That is truth. It is unacceptable.
Stuck is sort of there, too. She is wrong in her thinking. And those who care for her are concerned because we know the pattern. Our emotions are not tied up in her situation. We aren't struggling to reach out and grasp what we think we need. We aren't trying to replace a mother's love with something or someone else. We aren't clinging to something that is gone, that never was.
She is a loving person and deserves to be loved in return. And she is. But she keeps trying to fill her life with people who will fail her every time. She does it for the right reasons. As I said she loves them all and cares. So, those of us who care for her, warn her. Every single time. She hates that. She doesn't agree with it. And she forgets those who do love her and she slaps away the hands that are only trying to hold her up.
I have no illusions about the people I love. And I know who loves me. Some fall into both catagories but not all whom I love, love me. Stuck may get mad at me for posting this. That's ok. She knows I do love her and care about her. But she also knows I speak my mind to her. I left her a note on her blog to tell her today.
I hope this blog is evidence too, that she is loved and cared for and that even if what she is doing turns bad for her, we'll still love her and care for her. But when we feel she is putting herself in harms way we WILL say so. Because we love her.
Besides, they've all been mad at me before. I've learned it just doesn't matter. Life is shorter than we think.
So, with that, I'm going to get Mike to come cut my yard while it is cool out. I'll then go do something silly, I think. Today might be a good day if I can keep the momentum up.
Back later, probably.
So why am I sitting here at the computer? I've been paying the bills and fixing up my blog and just doing nothing I don't want to do. I got up at 10:30!! Yes I did. And my neck hurt a little but I felt as if I had plenty of sleep for the first time in weeks. Of course, I didn't go to bed until midnight. I simply can't sleep. I don't know what to do about it. Someone said sleep in the spare room but I like my bed and want my own bed. That room is small and while it has a good bed it is like sleeping in a hotel room. I want MY room. So, unresolved issue.
I've been reading blogs but few of you have new stuff at this point so I'm sort of caught up. My blog is a bit odd however. I read my sister's blog this a.m. and she's in a meltdown. I know she'll bounce back but I hate it when that happens.
Stuck in the Middle is my sister, youngest of three sisters, fourth of seven children. See, stuck in the middle between two sets of three.
I like my sisters. They are wonderful to be around and we have a great time together. The two of them grew up with our mother while I grew up with our mother's mother. I, along with one brother, were left with her parents so she could go party and get pregnant the third time. With the third pregnancy, her parents told her they wouldn't take that baby so she had to get married. She found a man, not the baby's father, and married him. This was in the early 60's. She then proceeded to have three more children, divorced the father, had numerous boyfriends but no children, then, married an old man and had a seventh.
Anyway the five youngest were forced to stay with our mother. She is the most dysfunctional person on the planet. A pathological liar and just about anything else you can imagine. Worst parent in history. I'll swear to it.
Second sister (third of seven) ran away 20 years ago and lives in the same town I do. Stuck is just that. She's run away dozens of times and always goes back there. The last time she left we though it was for good but her husband, my wonderful brother-in-law whom I adore but who doesn't always think well (he's the one who set fire to himself), left the military and went back... taking Stuck with him. Bad move.
Stuck is the sister who feels responsible for all of them since sister #2 left. Before that, sister #2 felt this calling. She has since overcome that particular hangup. Stuck seems stuck. I've attempted numerous methods to unstick her but she resists. She resist because she feels unloved and by taking care of others she feels she will be loved. She isn't unloved. She is just unloved by those she wants to love her. She knows those of us who love her but doesn't understand why THEY don't. And as usual, what we can't have or understand is what we demand.
So, she is having a bad time right now feeling she has made a mistake but not wanting anyone to voice her own opinion. She is doing what she thinks is right. She's got a good heart just misplaced loyalties.
I love my brothers, too. Some people, no matter how much you help them, will always go back to their old ways. I hope that is not the case here but suspect it will be. So at some point, everyone must be held accountable for their own actions and choices. We can give helping hands but sometimes, withholding our help is better for them.
God withholds things we want and think we need all the time. He took the man I know I can't live without. It wasn't right. Just ask me. He took all the hopes and dreams we shared and tossed them out the window. Never asked me once if I minded or cared. Just did it. They tell me I'll get over it. They tell me it was "God's will". They tell me "he's in a better place". They say all manner of stupid things. I don't believe any of that and I get pretty angry when they say it. But I smile and never let on. See, if I don't agree with you, YOU are wrong and I am right.
You can say all day "We don't know what God has planned." You know what I want to say to that? "I DON"T CARE!" But I don't say it. I think it. I talk to God about it. I hope he understands. I can't help it if he doesn't. I pray for him to forgive me if I'm wrong but I still feel what I feel. I do what I think is the right thing. I accept his right to do what he wants to do for whatever reasons he has but I DON"T AGREE WITH THIS.
I'm told this is the normal path of grief and loss. It is normal to feel these things. It is normal to resent having the obvious pointed out to you, to be told you may think you are right but you aren't. I hate it. But I think about it. I listen. I hope that my sanity will come back and I will see all this glorious truth people keep spouting at me. That someday I will wake up and the sun will shine and I'll laugh and run in it and be excited about something and everything will be normal. But to do that I MUST forget my husband. You don't agree with that but it is true. To be carefree and happy and rid of this dark cloud I must bury him completely. He has to die to ME.
That is truth. It is unacceptable.
Stuck is sort of there, too. She is wrong in her thinking. And those who care for her are concerned because we know the pattern. Our emotions are not tied up in her situation. We aren't struggling to reach out and grasp what we think we need. We aren't trying to replace a mother's love with something or someone else. We aren't clinging to something that is gone, that never was.
She is a loving person and deserves to be loved in return. And she is. But she keeps trying to fill her life with people who will fail her every time. She does it for the right reasons. As I said she loves them all and cares. So, those of us who care for her, warn her. Every single time. She hates that. She doesn't agree with it. And she forgets those who do love her and she slaps away the hands that are only trying to hold her up.
I have no illusions about the people I love. And I know who loves me. Some fall into both catagories but not all whom I love, love me. Stuck may get mad at me for posting this. That's ok. She knows I do love her and care about her. But she also knows I speak my mind to her. I left her a note on her blog to tell her today.
I hope this blog is evidence too, that she is loved and cared for and that even if what she is doing turns bad for her, we'll still love her and care for her. But when we feel she is putting herself in harms way we WILL say so. Because we love her.
Besides, they've all been mad at me before. I've learned it just doesn't matter. Life is shorter than we think.
So, with that, I'm going to get Mike to come cut my yard while it is cool out. I'll then go do something silly, I think. Today might be a good day if I can keep the momentum up.
Back later, probably.
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