I am beginning to think blogging is the biggest waste of time. I have been working at it since May ... I think... and so far I don't really see the sense of it. I have vented, waxed poetic, contributed great prose, and preached a little bit. I think it is just not something I am cut out to do.
I am trying to figure out the timing of it but there doesn't seem to be any timing involved. I have considered content but have not found anything original out here. Most are just repeating information they heard somewhere else, show photos I have see long ago, and tell jokes that have been coming in my email for years!
So, I am going to just give it a bit longer, see what happens, how I feel about the process and then, probably just drop the whole thing. The second blog is not going well either and I still have two websites that are now extremely overdue for an update.
Not to mention my novel is languishing. I just got a few tips last night on it and I am thinking about that aspect of it. I think it will help jump start me but now I am not in possession of a lot of free time. This next two week I suspect I will be very, very busy.
I am supposed to help Phyllis paint the rest of the apartment, the baby is due in the next 14-18 days, I need to get her a bed up, finish stripping her chest of drawers and get it repainted. And write. Somewhere in there I have to go to work and sleep!
I will post photos of the new baby before I end it. But, while this has been fun and it is really just a lazy person's way of avoiding real writing. I will probably just stop bothering after September.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Gripe Session in Progress
I feel as if my nose is stuffed with cement. The air must be teeming with something. Over the last several weeks I have been struggling to breath. I got so frustrated that I even stopped taking Claritin. I was having these allergy symptoms and I wanted to see what kid of difference it was making. Guess what... it wasn't! I was off it for two weeks and my situation did not get worse. It didnt' get better either.
I am supposed to have my crown put on this afternoon. I am having lunch with a friend at noon. And this morning, I am chained to my desk. In about three minutes I am going to be attacking the files to see what I can process. I do not want to loose the momentum of the last week but right now I need verifications to come in so I can actually do the work. Of course, I could start on December files....
Housing assistance. That's what I do. I work with a government agency to provide rental assistance to low income families. You call it Section 8. HUD likes the kinder, gentler term Housing Choice Voucher (HCV). The government will pay 60-70% of of your rent if you qualify. I am the person who maintains the client's file and continually monitor their status to insure they are receiving the correct amount of subsidy. They are supposed to pay 30-40% of their adjusted income for rent.
Of course, that is only on income they have reported. Taxpayers get ripped every day by people who are not reporting their income so they can receive more of your tax dollars to pay their rent. They justify it by such excuses as "I have a car payment." "I won't be able to afford cable if I pay that!" Isn't that lovely.
Don't get me wrong. Most of the people who need housing are not the problem. It is a segment of society who believes it is someone else's job to pay their way. When a healthy, 20 year-old can sit at my desk with three small children and say, "My grandmama was on Sec. 8, my mama was on Sec 8 and I will always be on Sec. 8 and my kids will too." I get ticked. That is a great inheritance. Poverty passed down through the generations by choice. I was trying to get her into a program that would help her become self sufficient, go to college, get an education and buy her own home. She wanted her inheritance of Sec. 8 assistance! What is wrong with that picture?
So the next time you bleeding heart liberals think that more social services are the answer, come see me! They are NOT solving the problem. They are creating it. Social services should be designed for the elderly and disabled, people who require help because they are either too old and sick to work or because they have some disability that prevents them from being able to support themselves. And a transitional assistance until healthy people get a job that will support them. A healthy adult needs to get out and work. Atlanta already has the idea. You have to have a job to be on their program. Great idea, Atlanta!
Ok, I think that will about do it for me. I have a headache and my eyes feel as if they are floating in fluids in my sinuses.
I am supposed to have my crown put on this afternoon. I am having lunch with a friend at noon. And this morning, I am chained to my desk. In about three minutes I am going to be attacking the files to see what I can process. I do not want to loose the momentum of the last week but right now I need verifications to come in so I can actually do the work. Of course, I could start on December files....
Housing assistance. That's what I do. I work with a government agency to provide rental assistance to low income families. You call it Section 8. HUD likes the kinder, gentler term Housing Choice Voucher (HCV). The government will pay 60-70% of of your rent if you qualify. I am the person who maintains the client's file and continually monitor their status to insure they are receiving the correct amount of subsidy. They are supposed to pay 30-40% of their adjusted income for rent.
Of course, that is only on income they have reported. Taxpayers get ripped every day by people who are not reporting their income so they can receive more of your tax dollars to pay their rent. They justify it by such excuses as "I have a car payment." "I won't be able to afford cable if I pay that!" Isn't that lovely.
Don't get me wrong. Most of the people who need housing are not the problem. It is a segment of society who believes it is someone else's job to pay their way. When a healthy, 20 year-old can sit at my desk with three small children and say, "My grandmama was on Sec. 8, my mama was on Sec 8 and I will always be on Sec. 8 and my kids will too." I get ticked. That is a great inheritance. Poverty passed down through the generations by choice. I was trying to get her into a program that would help her become self sufficient, go to college, get an education and buy her own home. She wanted her inheritance of Sec. 8 assistance! What is wrong with that picture?
So the next time you bleeding heart liberals think that more social services are the answer, come see me! They are NOT solving the problem. They are creating it. Social services should be designed for the elderly and disabled, people who require help because they are either too old and sick to work or because they have some disability that prevents them from being able to support themselves. And a transitional assistance until healthy people get a job that will support them. A healthy adult needs to get out and work. Atlanta already has the idea. You have to have a job to be on their program. Great idea, Atlanta!
Ok, I think that will about do it for me. I have a headache and my eyes feel as if they are floating in fluids in my sinuses.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Stop the World
I haven't run out of things to say but lately I have turned melancholy... a little bit anyway. I have always loved poetry and especially the works of Tennyson and Longfellow. They recite words that speak to my spirit and that for a few minutes take me back to a time of my life when things moved at a slower pace and my happiness was found in simple things, such as good books, a walk in the woods, Sunday dinner with my extended family, and my children's laughter.
The world is moving at such a fast pace now and I want to scream "STOP!" We are missing the finer things in life in pursuit of toys, of pleasure for pleasure's sake rather than to enrich our life. How many people are left who can find joy in the summer breeze as it blows across the front porch bringing the sound of children laughing and playing in the twilight? How many children are laughing and playing in the twilight? See, we have lost something. Are we too stupid to see it?
I might be called old fashioned but there is a reason certain television shows are considered classics and have channels devoted to reruns of them. Because there is a large segment of society out there who is hungry for just a taste of that past. And it is not because of the things they had then.
No, we don't long to go back in time and live without our conveniences. We don't want to give up microwaves, computers, and indoor plumbing. We just want the secret to the innocence, to the laughter, to the family around the dinner table, to the trust, and even next door neighbors who wave and call you by name as you sit in the twilight on the front porch.
We want to know how to recapture the magic and wonder that we heard about from our grandparents. We want to understand how, in the midst of depression, famine, and war people could loan a cup of sugar and not expect its return, people could build a house in a week, take in orphan children they never met, buy a car on a handshake, sleep with the doors unlocked.
Where can we find the component that causes this kind of life? What makes them say please, thank you, excuse me, or let me help you? What have we lost?
I grew up in that life, among those people.
Today, I want to go home.
The world is moving at such a fast pace now and I want to scream "STOP!" We are missing the finer things in life in pursuit of toys, of pleasure for pleasure's sake rather than to enrich our life. How many people are left who can find joy in the summer breeze as it blows across the front porch bringing the sound of children laughing and playing in the twilight? How many children are laughing and playing in the twilight? See, we have lost something. Are we too stupid to see it?
I might be called old fashioned but there is a reason certain television shows are considered classics and have channels devoted to reruns of them. Because there is a large segment of society out there who is hungry for just a taste of that past. And it is not because of the things they had then.
No, we don't long to go back in time and live without our conveniences. We don't want to give up microwaves, computers, and indoor plumbing. We just want the secret to the innocence, to the laughter, to the family around the dinner table, to the trust, and even next door neighbors who wave and call you by name as you sit in the twilight on the front porch.
We want to know how to recapture the magic and wonder that we heard about from our grandparents. We want to understand how, in the midst of depression, famine, and war people could loan a cup of sugar and not expect its return, people could build a house in a week, take in orphan children they never met, buy a car on a handshake, sleep with the doors unlocked.
Where can we find the component that causes this kind of life? What makes them say please, thank you, excuse me, or let me help you? What have we lost?
I grew up in that life, among those people.
Today, I want to go home.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Crossing The Bar
From “The Works of Alfred, Lord Tennyson”
Sunset and evening star,
And one clear call for me!
And may there be no moaning of the bar,
When I put out to sea,
But such a tide as moving seems asleep,
Too full for sound and foam,
When that which drew from out the boundless deep
Turns again home.
Twilight and evening bell,
And after that the dark!
And may there be no sadness of farewell,
When I embark;
For tho’ from out our bourne of Time and Place
The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face
When I have crost the bar.
Sunset and evening star,
And one clear call for me!
And may there be no moaning of the bar,
When I put out to sea,
But such a tide as moving seems asleep,
Too full for sound and foam,
When that which drew from out the boundless deep
Turns again home.
Twilight and evening bell,
And after that the dark!
And may there be no sadness of farewell,
When I embark;
For tho’ from out our bourne of Time and Place
The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face
When I have crost the bar.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Sea Fever
By John Masefield (1878-1967)
I must go down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,
And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by,
And the wheel’s kick and the wind’s song and the white sail’s shaking.
And a gray mist on the sea’s face and a gray dawn breaking.
I must go down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide
Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied:
And all I ask is a windy day and the white clouds flying,
And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the seagulls crying.
I must go down to the seas again to the vagrant gypsy life,
To the gull’s way and the whale’s way where the winds’ like a whetted knife:
And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover
And a quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick’s over.
And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by,
And the wheel’s kick and the wind’s song and the white sail’s shaking.
And a gray mist on the sea’s face and a gray dawn breaking.
I must go down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide
Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied:
And all I ask is a windy day and the white clouds flying,
And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the seagulls crying.
I must go down to the seas again to the vagrant gypsy life,
To the gull’s way and the whale’s way where the winds’ like a whetted knife:
And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover
And a quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick’s over.
Wednesday, August 9, 2006
The Blower's Daughter
Damien Rice - (Video)
I don't know what it is but it is a beautiful song that makes you ache inside.
I don't know what it is but it is a beautiful song that makes you ache inside.
Monday, August 7, 2006
Wednesday, August 2, 2006
August Thoughts
August... a majestic month. Fall is around the corner. Sarah Cheyenne is just weeks from her arrival. My birthday is about 8 weeks away while Jerry's is days away.
I am exhausted and frustrated and just plain ticked off at everything. I am again trying to find money to cover expenses and expenses keep rising. Although, gas has dropped a few cents. I have been praying for that.
Yes, I believe God answers prayer. I also believe if enough people with right attitudes and motives, pray for something, God will hear and answer.
It is Saturday and I just finished paying the bills. I have been moving money around like a high financier for a bankrupt company. I am about to go to the grocery store where I am sure I will have a mild heartattack about the price of eggs or some such staple.
I am exhausted and frustrated and just plain ticked off at everything. I am again trying to find money to cover expenses and expenses keep rising. Although, gas has dropped a few cents. I have been praying for that.
Yes, I believe God answers prayer. I also believe if enough people with right attitudes and motives, pray for something, God will hear and answer.
It is Saturday and I just finished paying the bills. I have been moving money around like a high financier for a bankrupt company. I am about to go to the grocery store where I am sure I will have a mild heartattack about the price of eggs or some such staple.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Rethinking Men
Thursday and Landlord orientation day for me. I have to talk to landlords and tell them all about the housing program. It starts at 3:30 and last about 90 minutes. Oh joy!
I still have not gone to lunch and I am just about to leave. I wanted to jot something here just because it is BLANK today. I have a book in my purse that I am reading (for the last several weeks). The fact that I have not finished it is due in part to my schedule for leisure things and because it really is a silly book. I don' t like romance books that masquerade as mysteries. Just because there is a mystery in a romance novel doesn't make it a mystery. If this guy tells me one more time how adorable her chin is and how kissable her lips are and how charming her smile is I am going to puke.
Please tell me that real women do not read this trash and long for men to drool on them that way. I like being told how nice I look. I like to hear my name. I like to hear how brilliant I am. I even like hearing when someone thinks I am attractive. But when a man tells me I am beautiful, I simply wonder what he wants in return. I just don't buy it.
For goodness sake, do you guys really sit and think about how very sweet a woman looks when she bats her eyes? Do you really think about how much you would love to brush that curl off her forehead? Is it really in you mind constantly how utterly adorable she is when she giggles?
I don't think so. Tell me I'm wrong. Please. I will be forced to rethink my whole concept of men.
I still have not gone to lunch and I am just about to leave. I wanted to jot something here just because it is BLANK today. I have a book in my purse that I am reading (for the last several weeks). The fact that I have not finished it is due in part to my schedule for leisure things and because it really is a silly book. I don' t like romance books that masquerade as mysteries. Just because there is a mystery in a romance novel doesn't make it a mystery. If this guy tells me one more time how adorable her chin is and how kissable her lips are and how charming her smile is I am going to puke.
Please tell me that real women do not read this trash and long for men to drool on them that way. I like being told how nice I look. I like to hear my name. I like to hear how brilliant I am. I even like hearing when someone thinks I am attractive. But when a man tells me I am beautiful, I simply wonder what he wants in return. I just don't buy it.
For goodness sake, do you guys really sit and think about how very sweet a woman looks when she bats her eyes? Do you really think about how much you would love to brush that curl off her forehead? Is it really in you mind constantly how utterly adorable she is when she giggles?
I don't think so. Tell me I'm wrong. Please. I will be forced to rethink my whole concept of men.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Clouds Rolling In
Halfway through the week and I feel as if it will never pass. I have to work tomorrow night but I don't know about after that. I don't really want to do this part-time job but I am so desperate for the money.
I really keep hoping something will turn up and I will get this insane windfall. Of course, my logical brain says that is the biggest joke ever but, well, hope springs eternal, right?
I am still trying to figure out what I am doing here. Part of me says it is ludicrous and another part says just do it for the fun of it. Tonight... doesn't seem fun anymore.
I will be grandma in about 6 weeks or less. Becca has been sick with again and tonight we think she has the flu that the rest of us have had only it is not quiet as severe. For that I am glad.
I will exit now. I have to work tomorrow for at least 11 hours. Someone should probably put me on their prayer list. I need the prayer. My family needs it, too. Things are not too good.
I really keep hoping something will turn up and I will get this insane windfall. Of course, my logical brain says that is the biggest joke ever but, well, hope springs eternal, right?
I am still trying to figure out what I am doing here. Part of me says it is ludicrous and another part says just do it for the fun of it. Tonight... doesn't seem fun anymore.
I will be grandma in about 6 weeks or less. Becca has been sick with again and tonight we think she has the flu that the rest of us have had only it is not quiet as severe. For that I am glad.
I will exit now. I have to work tomorrow for at least 11 hours. Someone should probably put me on their prayer list. I need the prayer. My family needs it, too. Things are not too good.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Until They Vanish
I walk beside you along the beachWhile the laughing waves follow,
And wash the signs of our passing
Until they vanish.
We toss our dreams out on the breeze
To watch them soar up and away,
Unaware of how far dreams may travel,
Until they vanish.
As the sun sinks beneath restless waves
The sand grows cool to our feet,
And stars dance across the night sky
Until they vanish.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Late Night Returns
Things are settling down now. Everyone seems to be on the road to recovery. So why do I feel the I am waiting for the other shoe to drop?
Last two evenings I cleaned the yard, cutting hedges, mowing grass, trimming weeds and spraying weed killer. It looks wonderful and I am tired. Just have to get all the trimming piles up.
But something doesn't feel right to me. Not sure what. Maybe I am just tired. I have been getting to bed earlier this week... until tonight. So, maybe I should be going now, huh?
Last two evenings I cleaned the yard, cutting hedges, mowing grass, trimming weeds and spraying weed killer. It looks wonderful and I am tired. Just have to get all the trimming piles up.
But something doesn't feel right to me. Not sure what. Maybe I am just tired. I have been getting to bed earlier this week... until tonight. So, maybe I should be going now, huh?
Monday, July 17, 2006
Three Flu in My House!
There is no point in going over the whole grisley week. Let me describe it briefly: as of 5:00 a.m. last Monday everything just went crazy. I woke up and spent several hours vomiting and then went to the hospital where they gave me something and sent me home. The next two days are a blur. My husband came down with it on Wednesday, my son on Thursday. There are two survivors who have not become infected thus far and I pray they don't. One is my pregnant daughter-in-law.
I had to work Wednesday-Friday and by Sunday I was so exhausted I could not move. My daughter-in-law, Becca, is a true angel of mercy. She came in Monday and took care of me and stayed all week, taking care of each person who came down with this nasty bug.
Wash your hands, don't let anyone use your pens, pencils, phone, etc. This is a nasty beastie with projectile vomiting and diaharrea accompanied by fever that last about 24 hours. Afterward, you feel awful for nearly 7 days.
I had to work Wednesday-Friday and by Sunday I was so exhausted I could not move. My daughter-in-law, Becca, is a true angel of mercy. She came in Monday and took care of me and stayed all week, taking care of each person who came down with this nasty bug.
Wash your hands, don't let anyone use your pens, pencils, phone, etc. This is a nasty beastie with projectile vomiting and diaharrea accompanied by fever that last about 24 hours. Afterward, you feel awful for nearly 7 days.
Sunday, July 9, 2006
Busy Bees, Honey Pots & Pooh
What a busy weekend! My aunt & uncle from Atlanta came in Friday afternoon and we all went to supper together and visited. We had such a good time chatting and laughing. I began the weekend with a headache and kept it until last night! Had a small bout of depression, too but not sure why.
Saturday morning was girls day out. My aunt, sister, pregnant daughter-in-law, and I all went shopping for baby things. We bought little girl clothes and a carseat for the new baby we are expecting in about 9 weeks. We bought dresses, shoes, and hats. We had lunch at a great mexican restaurant to top off the day.
I bought a Winnie-the-Pooh honeypot lamp for baby's room. When David saw it he said, "Ah, I want it in my room!" He was a great Pooh fan when he was little. My most favorite story about him was when he was about 4 or 5 years old. He loved peanut butter and honey sandwiches. I went to the kitchen to make one for him and found we were out of honey. I said, "We are all out of honey. I wonder who ate all the honey?" He replied in all seriousness, "Pooh bear ate all the honey, Mommie."
When we came home my aunt, uncle, sister, Jerry, and I left about 5:00 p.m. for Owensboro to attend the Crabb Fest. This is a gospel music concert put on by the Crabb family. We enjoyed it a lot but got home near midnight and so were not able to get up early this morning for church. There was a time I could have stayed out all night and still been going!
Today I am sore and I suspect it is because we sat for about 5 hours on folding metal chairs. They were miserable! Tonight I am going to try and go to church but I feel really bad in my shoulder and legs. My shoulder hurts all the way to my wrist.
Then, tomorrow it is back to work! I hope you all have a great week!
Saturday morning was girls day out. My aunt, sister, pregnant daughter-in-law, and I all went shopping for baby things. We bought little girl clothes and a carseat for the new baby we are expecting in about 9 weeks. We bought dresses, shoes, and hats. We had lunch at a great mexican restaurant to top off the day.
I bought a Winnie-the-Pooh honeypot lamp for baby's room. When David saw it he said, "Ah, I want it in my room!" He was a great Pooh fan when he was little. My most favorite story about him was when he was about 4 or 5 years old. He loved peanut butter and honey sandwiches. I went to the kitchen to make one for him and found we were out of honey. I said, "We are all out of honey. I wonder who ate all the honey?" He replied in all seriousness, "Pooh bear ate all the honey, Mommie."
When we came home my aunt, uncle, sister, Jerry, and I left about 5:00 p.m. for Owensboro to attend the Crabb Fest. This is a gospel music concert put on by the Crabb family. We enjoyed it a lot but got home near midnight and so were not able to get up early this morning for church. There was a time I could have stayed out all night and still been going!
Today I am sore and I suspect it is because we sat for about 5 hours on folding metal chairs. They were miserable! Tonight I am going to try and go to church but I feel really bad in my shoulder and legs. My shoulder hurts all the way to my wrist.
Then, tomorrow it is back to work! I hope you all have a great week!
Thursday, July 6, 2006
Glutton for Punishment or Forced Labor
I did it. I started a second blog - "Dark Mountains". It is actually post of a piece of fiction I am working on. I have decided it may help me to organize this pile of stuff I have that I can't gain control of. So, I started the blog. I guess we will see how it goes. I am either a glutton for punishment or I enjoy forced labor.
I think it will bug me no end to have this thing sitting out there for the world to stumble on and read but not have it completed. We will see.
I hope we see progress. Thing is I know that some of it is very good. I have read over some of it and the hair on my neck stands up. I am scared at how good some of it is. At least, I believe it is. Of course, there is an equal amount that stinks.
I think it will bug me no end to have this thing sitting out there for the world to stumble on and read but not have it completed. We will see.
I hope we see progress. Thing is I know that some of it is very good. I have read over some of it and the hair on my neck stands up. I am scared at how good some of it is. At least, I believe it is. Of course, there is an equal amount that stinks.
Monday, July 3, 2006
Liberty's Birthday
Tomorrow is the 4th of July, American Independance Day. We celebrate that day in this country with cookouts, fireworks, and ball games. We get with our families and laugh and talk and we may go swimming and have a picnic. We may just sit around the patio and read a trashy romance and drink something cold all day.
Some of us will be glued to the television for a ball game that will go into overtime. Some of us will sit on the riverbank with thousands of others from all economic levels of society, of all races, and religious backgrounds and watch fireworks in the night sky.
We won't talk about what brought us to that celebration. We won't discuss the revolution or the lives it claimed. We won't talk about the sacrifices of the men and women who committed crimes against the crown to set the wheels in motion to create a new nation, a nation where Liberty is a living, breathing being that constantly craves new territory in which to florish. We won't discuss the price of the 4th of July because it is priceless.
Or maybe it is because it happended so long ago.
No, we will just talk food, children, politics, and ball games. And we will wonder at fireworks in the night sky. We will laugh a lot.
And we will not be afraid.
Some of us will be glued to the television for a ball game that will go into overtime. Some of us will sit on the riverbank with thousands of others from all economic levels of society, of all races, and religious backgrounds and watch fireworks in the night sky.
We won't talk about what brought us to that celebration. We won't discuss the revolution or the lives it claimed. We won't talk about the sacrifices of the men and women who committed crimes against the crown to set the wheels in motion to create a new nation, a nation where Liberty is a living, breathing being that constantly craves new territory in which to florish. We won't discuss the price of the 4th of July because it is priceless.
Or maybe it is because it happended so long ago.
No, we will just talk food, children, politics, and ball games. And we will wonder at fireworks in the night sky. We will laugh a lot.
And we will not be afraid.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
The Unthinkable
They will bury my coworker on Saturday. The week has been difficult for all of us. I keep thinking that she will pop in with her big grin and say "Ok guys, I was just joking." We are all having similar feelings I think. We talk about it a lot and I guess that helps.
I have discovered several things that I was unaware of. There was no food in the house. She was losing weight because she had nothing to eat. Between the two of them they made $70000 a year. How does a pregnant woman starve to death with that kind of money? How does she die if she is cared for and loved?
He was giving her $500 a month as his "share" of expenses out of $40,000. Her salary of $30,000 a year supported two adults, and her child, his daughter, and their child and all household expenses and debts. He ran up her credit card when they married and she had him removed. She had refused to put him on the house purchase or her car. He had no credit at all.
He was spending his money on golf clubs, trips with buddies, and gambling on the boat. In fact, he had a golf trip planned during the time she was due to deliver. Felt he should go since it "was scheduled a long time ago." He was also the beneficiary on her life insurance. The day they found her the power company showed up to turn off the lights. Her father gave money to her friends and they went and paid the light bill.
She left no will because who dies at 31? But she died in her sleep, probably hungry and most definately alone.
Take care of your children. Take care of your few possessions. And for God's sake, take care of yourself. Tell someone if you are suffering for any reason. And then, if there is a special "other" in your life, take care of them.
Please make a will, even if you are only 18 and have nothing but an iPod. Please designate more than one person as your executor. Make sure the person you appoint is controlled in what they do on your behalf. Do not assume that the person you love will be capable of or will even want to have your best interest in mind.
If I sound cynical, I am. I trust no one. Everyone is potentially self serving. Thankfully, this story doesn't happen often but it happens enough.
Be safe, be healthy, but most of all be happy. If you aren't, tell someone immediately.
I have discovered several things that I was unaware of. There was no food in the house. She was losing weight because she had nothing to eat. Between the two of them they made $70000 a year. How does a pregnant woman starve to death with that kind of money? How does she die if she is cared for and loved?
He was giving her $500 a month as his "share" of expenses out of $40,000. Her salary of $30,000 a year supported two adults, and her child, his daughter, and their child and all household expenses and debts. He ran up her credit card when they married and she had him removed. She had refused to put him on the house purchase or her car. He had no credit at all.
He was spending his money on golf clubs, trips with buddies, and gambling on the boat. In fact, he had a golf trip planned during the time she was due to deliver. Felt he should go since it "was scheduled a long time ago." He was also the beneficiary on her life insurance. The day they found her the power company showed up to turn off the lights. Her father gave money to her friends and they went and paid the light bill.
She left no will because who dies at 31? But she died in her sleep, probably hungry and most definately alone.
Take care of your children. Take care of your few possessions. And for God's sake, take care of yourself. Tell someone if you are suffering for any reason. And then, if there is a special "other" in your life, take care of them.
Please make a will, even if you are only 18 and have nothing but an iPod. Please designate more than one person as your executor. Make sure the person you appoint is controlled in what they do on your behalf. Do not assume that the person you love will be capable of or will even want to have your best interest in mind.
If I sound cynical, I am. I trust no one. Everyone is potentially self serving. Thankfully, this story doesn't happen often but it happens enough.
Be safe, be healthy, but most of all be happy. If you aren't, tell someone immediately.
Monday, June 26, 2006
The Unexpected
I am home sick today and a friend at worked called to tell me another co-worker had been found dead at home. She was 31 and pregnant with twins, has a baby about a year old, a 6-year-old and a step-daughter she just sent to college. Her husband came home from work and found her dead in her bed. It appears she died in her sleep.
On Thursday she was telling us that something was wrong but she didn't know what. She had trouble sleeping because when she lay on one side she couldn't breath. She also had a history of seizures, not the grand mal seizures, small ones that you wouldn't know she was having unless you recognized that kind of thing. She took medicine except when she was pregnant.
My guess is she either had a seizure or something happened related to the pregnancy. She has not been able to take her seizure medicine for a long time, not since she was pregnant with the last baby. She got pregnant with the twins when the other baby was only 6 months old and she was supposed to have the twins at the end of July.
I am so sad about this. I think because she was so young and those tiny babies who never had a chance. The two children she left behind, the step-daughter who called her mom all wondering what happened. I know everyone will know once an autopsy is done but still, I don't think that answers the questions we often have when a young person dies.
Life is a treasure, filled with unexpected hearthaches and joys. Sometimes the unexpected happens.
On Thursday she was telling us that something was wrong but she didn't know what. She had trouble sleeping because when she lay on one side she couldn't breath. She also had a history of seizures, not the grand mal seizures, small ones that you wouldn't know she was having unless you recognized that kind of thing. She took medicine except when she was pregnant.
My guess is she either had a seizure or something happened related to the pregnancy. She has not been able to take her seizure medicine for a long time, not since she was pregnant with the last baby. She got pregnant with the twins when the other baby was only 6 months old and she was supposed to have the twins at the end of July.
I am so sad about this. I think because she was so young and those tiny babies who never had a chance. The two children she left behind, the step-daughter who called her mom all wondering what happened. I know everyone will know once an autopsy is done but still, I don't think that answers the questions we often have when a young person dies.
Life is a treasure, filled with unexpected hearthaches and joys. Sometimes the unexpected happens.
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Free Evening....Maybe
Wow. I had a very productive time at work! Got CAUGHT UP! Current is so cool. I got a whole 10.5 hrs this week and about the same last week. That will pay a bill!
Do I seem a bit excited? I hate working two jobs but I am so tired of the money problems I just about can't stand it.
Someone did get the cobwebs down while I was working, by the way. Imagine that.
Well, I won't give you any more whine and cheese. Free the rest of the day. Now if I can just get people out of my hair. I might have a nice evening.
Yeah, right, like that is gonna happen.
Do I seem a bit excited? I hate working two jobs but I am so tired of the money problems I just about can't stand it.
Someone did get the cobwebs down while I was working, by the way. Imagine that.
Well, I won't give you any more whine and cheese. Free the rest of the day. Now if I can just get people out of my hair. I might have a nice evening.
Yeah, right, like that is gonna happen.
Cobwebs and Candor
Saturday, yippee! Yeah, right. Not.
I have a horrible lower back ache and no clue as to why. I have to go have blood work done and since I have NO veins that won't be fun either. Then, I have to go to my second job and spend the afternoon working. I have not got time to clean house or do any of the things I need or want to do. I would love to sit here and write. I would love to clean the cobwebs hanging from the ceiling of my bedroom.
I am so PO'd.
I came in from the day job at five yesterday. Now remember, I have to be at the second job at six. My unemployed husband says, what do you want for supper? This is two nights in a row. I come home and I am supposed to figure out what is for supper, get it cooked, and get to work by six.
This morning I pointed out that during the down times when he is trying to figure out what to do around here he might like to sweep out the cobwebs from the bedroom. He looks and says, "The whole house needs it.
I looked back at him and say, "Gee, ya think?"
He didn't like it.
I have a horrible lower back ache and no clue as to why. I have to go have blood work done and since I have NO veins that won't be fun either. Then, I have to go to my second job and spend the afternoon working. I have not got time to clean house or do any of the things I need or want to do. I would love to sit here and write. I would love to clean the cobwebs hanging from the ceiling of my bedroom.
I am so PO'd.
I came in from the day job at five yesterday. Now remember, I have to be at the second job at six. My unemployed husband says, what do you want for supper? This is two nights in a row. I come home and I am supposed to figure out what is for supper, get it cooked, and get to work by six.
This morning I pointed out that during the down times when he is trying to figure out what to do around here he might like to sweep out the cobwebs from the bedroom. He looks and says, "The whole house needs it.
I looked back at him and say, "Gee, ya think?"
He didn't like it.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Blessings, Curses, and Wars
I am reading a book called Blessing or Curse: You can Chose. It was written by Derek Prince. I have read this book three times. The first time was about seven years ago. I was in great distress and contemplating suicide. What I learned about blessings and curses truly saved my life. I won't go into detail but let me just say he teaches that some of the problems we have in life may be the result of curses that have descended through our families, thorough our actions or words, or through inactions.
Now I know there are those who will immediately say this is not scriptural, that grace has cured everything. However, since this book uses scripture to support the premise, I will respectfully disagree. Besides, I know what I have experienced. I was dying.
I had personal problems and my life was going down the tubes pretty quickly. I was in my late 30's, had graduated college only about three years before but we had both lost our jobs and had been unemployed for about 2 years. I was so depressed and so I just started looking for a way out that would be painless. I even began to plan it.
I reached a point where I sat down in my bedroom, crying and told God I felt cursed and I needed help because I didn't believe Christians could be cursed. And less than a month later I found this book. I followed the instructions carefully. Within six month we were both employed and I was getting well spiritually, mentally and physically. Life actually became pretty good. And after two years, things were great.
So why am I reading it again? Because sometimes we forget things. Sometimes things happen to drag us down. Either way, we sometimes go back to self destructive habits, thoughts, and behaviors. I think I have been doing that and that for some time have over extended myself. I also think I have allowed things to happen that should not have happened, not obviously, just the "little foxes".
I guess I have just not been paying attention. And God is always so patient with me. But at some point I have to say I am responsible for what happens to me. It is not always someone else's fault. Life doesn't just happen. We make it.
So, I am rereading this book again. And I expect something good to happen. Maybe that is what it is all about. Being vigilant, watching for trouble spots, and once the enemy is identified, become agressive in attacking it. We are at war.
"12. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age,[a] against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places." Ephesians 6:12 (New King James Version)
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Pressure Release Valve
As usual, so very late! I am on my way to bed but I am going to make myself write something on the blog. My day was busy but fairly upbeat. I didn't have that bout of depression again.
I am just so frustrated about money. I have so much hanging over my head right now that I am not able to really do anything close to buying enough food to feed us all for more than a few days. It gets very scary when the fridge is empty and your family says, "Uh, what am I supposed to eat?"
Don't get me wrong. Under normal conditions I can buy food, pay the bills and put a bit back. I have never asked anyone for money and don't intend to start now. But I have sure done a lot of praying lately for it. I hate praying for money. Unfortunately, the last several years, with just me working, Jerry in and out of the hospital and doctor's offices, Dave and Becca not having jobs, and car problems it is pretty difficult this last year.
And she is pregnant and has to eat right and she had no clothes... so I bought material from a second hand shop I go to and made her some in the evenings after work. They were able to get food stamps but I don't really know how far $150 in groceries will go in a month. And that doesn't help me much. They come over here and I feed them when they don't have enough but tonight, everything in my upright freezer fit into my 2 cu ft freezer in my refridgerator.
I keep telling myself I am not managing it well but I don't know what else I can do but pay the bill and then buy groceries if there is enough left. I have not bought groceries except immediate items like milk, cheese, eggs or bread. I had a freezer full of meat where I borrowed the money about a month ago. It's nearly gone now.
I gotta get off here. Depressing just thinking about it all. I will do better tomorrow.
I just hate living like this.
I am just so frustrated about money. I have so much hanging over my head right now that I am not able to really do anything close to buying enough food to feed us all for more than a few days. It gets very scary when the fridge is empty and your family says, "Uh, what am I supposed to eat?"
Don't get me wrong. Under normal conditions I can buy food, pay the bills and put a bit back. I have never asked anyone for money and don't intend to start now. But I have sure done a lot of praying lately for it. I hate praying for money. Unfortunately, the last several years, with just me working, Jerry in and out of the hospital and doctor's offices, Dave and Becca not having jobs, and car problems it is pretty difficult this last year.
And she is pregnant and has to eat right and she had no clothes... so I bought material from a second hand shop I go to and made her some in the evenings after work. They were able to get food stamps but I don't really know how far $150 in groceries will go in a month. And that doesn't help me much. They come over here and I feed them when they don't have enough but tonight, everything in my upright freezer fit into my 2 cu ft freezer in my refridgerator.
I keep telling myself I am not managing it well but I don't know what else I can do but pay the bill and then buy groceries if there is enough left. I have not bought groceries except immediate items like milk, cheese, eggs or bread. I had a freezer full of meat where I borrowed the money about a month ago. It's nearly gone now.
I gotta get off here. Depressing just thinking about it all. I will do better tomorrow.
I just hate living like this.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
White Walls
There are places you reach where the road comes to an end, and you can neither go left nor right. These are places that require you to turn around and retrace your steps to see if you can discover where you took the wrong turn.
You thought you were moving in the right direction. Everything seemed just fine. There were no problems you could detect, no difficulties you couldn’t conquer, and yet, here you are at a dead end.
These places are confusing because, in your mind, they shouldn’t be there. You presumed you did everything right. All your I’s were dotted, all your t’s were crossed. It is inconceivable that you could ever be standing staring at a blank wall with no way through, around, under or over.
And yet, there it is.
I have walked this path many times and each time I think it will be the last. Every time I think I am moving in the right direction and all seems to be going well. There were no problems, no difficulties that were insurmountable. It is confusing and inconceivable that I should be here again.
And yet, here I am.
This morning I felt I had turned a corner and there was light ahead. It was just a white wall.
You thought you were moving in the right direction. Everything seemed just fine. There were no problems you could detect, no difficulties you couldn’t conquer, and yet, here you are at a dead end.
These places are confusing because, in your mind, they shouldn’t be there. You presumed you did everything right. All your I’s were dotted, all your t’s were crossed. It is inconceivable that you could ever be standing staring at a blank wall with no way through, around, under or over.
And yet, there it is.
I have walked this path many times and each time I think it will be the last. Every time I think I am moving in the right direction and all seems to be going well. There were no problems, no difficulties that were insurmountable. It is confusing and inconceivable that I should be here again.
And yet, here I am.
This morning I felt I had turned a corner and there was light ahead. It was just a white wall.
Looking for House Fairies & Feeling No Pain
I can't believe how much better I feel since they increased my medicine by one pill. I have to take the metheltrixate - four pills one time a week. I usually do it on Wednesdays. Just because I got the prescription on Wednesday.
Initially I took three pills but two weeks ago my doctor raised it to four pills. The difference in pain relief was amazing. I just notices on Sunday that I was not hurting everywhere. I had a back ache but I think that is just where I was doing my usual household chores.
Now if I can just get some sleep! I think I am sleeping a bit better just not enough. I don't wake up with my feet hurting and my knees hurting. And I don't have to walk like an old lady.
Today, life feels much better. Now, if the fairies will just get the house clean and the yard clean....
Initially I took three pills but two weeks ago my doctor raised it to four pills. The difference in pain relief was amazing. I just notices on Sunday that I was not hurting everywhere. I had a back ache but I think that is just where I was doing my usual household chores.
Now if I can just get some sleep! I think I am sleeping a bit better just not enough. I don't wake up with my feet hurting and my knees hurting. And I don't have to walk like an old lady.
Today, life feels much better. Now, if the fairies will just get the house clean and the yard clean....
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Famous Last Words
I was just pondering phrase/paragraphs that could be used as Famous Last Words. I decided to see how many I could devise. So, here goes my first effort.
"I wonder how this works?"
"I wonder what happens when you push this button?"
"What is this little ring hanging from it?"
"I wonder how fast will this thing will really go?"
"Maybe we should go back and get the helmet."
"Oops, uh, guys, this knob just came off in my hand."
"Gimme a match."
"Yes, dear, I am sure I turned off the iron."
"I wonder why someone unplugged the toaster?"
"I better turn on the lights so we can see why this floor is flooded."
"I think if I just move it a bit to the right..."
"Wonder where this road leads?"
"It doesn't look very high."
'It doesn't look dangerous."
"I am sure it is not very deep."
"I don't think it will hurt you."
"We'll come right back."
"No problem, all dogs love me."
"Who needs directions!"
Ok, if you can think of any others please share them with me.
"I wonder how this works?"
"I wonder what happens when you push this button?"
"What is this little ring hanging from it?"
"I wonder how fast will this thing will really go?"
"Maybe we should go back and get the helmet."
"Oops, uh, guys, this knob just came off in my hand."
"Gimme a match."
"Yes, dear, I am sure I turned off the iron."
"I wonder why someone unplugged the toaster?"
"I better turn on the lights so we can see why this floor is flooded."
"I think if I just move it a bit to the right..."
"Wonder where this road leads?"
"It doesn't look very high."
'It doesn't look dangerous."
"I am sure it is not very deep."
"I don't think it will hurt you."
"We'll come right back."
"No problem, all dogs love me."
"Who needs directions!"
Ok, if you can think of any others please share them with me.
Friday, June 16, 2006
A Princess Wows Her Subjects
Our little girl is growing. Sarah Cheyenne appears to be rehearsing for her big debute onto the world stage. She appears to be looking directly at the camera. I hope she will look at the world the same way, with clear eyes and courage.In the second one you can see a small fist raised. I think she was trying to get her thumb in her mouth.
Her daddy sucked his thumb, too, so it won't be a surprise if she does. Her uncle Mike did also.We had to get a fixture placed in Mike's mouth to stop him. We simply gave Dave a choice. We said, "You can stop on your own or we can get you the mouth fixture to help you stop." He said he would do it on his own. And he did. He was only 5 but in about three months he stopped completely with no help from us other than an occassional glance and grin.
I think they will be doing one more ultrasound before she gets here. I will post them if they do. But the next photos may be of the the new princess.
Jerry was sick all week having chills and fever. This morning he got up and told me he knew what was wrong. He had a kidney infection. He went to the er and they are pumping him full of Cipro. He saw a urologist this afternoon.
I have to work in the morning and so I probably should go to bed. More news later.
Monday, June 12, 2006
Restless Natives
I have done several post lately of fictional stuff, just for the fun of it and because it struck me at that moment. I have found when I allow myself to do that I am a bit more focused on writing.
But I am still letting my work in progress languish. I am over worked and have filled up my time with too many projects. It is a fault of mine. I never want to be bored or have nothing to do. So I have all these projects to complete. I have now reached the update point for 2 websites, writing on two blogs (stupid idea that is), I have baby clothes to sew and things to crochet, I have a 40 hour a week job and just took another that will probably end up being about 5 hrs a week once I get all the backlog done. Friday and Saturday I worked 10 hours at the second job and did my bank statment -- no mean or fun feat.
Did I say I was over booked here? I probably need someone to give me some time management training but that would require a third job so I think we will just leave that for another life. Tomorrow I go back to the day job.
I think mentally I feel better than I have in a while. I actually felt rested when I got home tonight! Crazy, right? Well, not if you knew my household. As Mama used to say, "They are a bunch of wild Indians!"
Jerry and Mike fight no matter what it is about or where they are at the time. If they aren't arguing they are out running the roads looking for the next big deal in cars or at Walmart.
Dave and Becca just love to be around me so they come over. At which time Mike and David will invariably get into it, too. Dave & Becca just moved out two weeks ago but I don't think they are very happy in the apartment. Noisy neighbors at 3 a.m. Thankfully they don't come over then!
So, the house is usually full of people. And a part of me loves that. I never recovered from leaving home and a large extended family to just four of us in strange towns. Growing up there were aunts, uncles, cousins, and various great & grand relatives. They are mostly dead now and all the cousins lost. And a big hole in my spirit because of it. So, when the kids are here and the house is noisy... I feel at home.
But I do need to breath once in awhile. I guess when little Sarah Cheyenne gets here she and I will seek a quiet corner somewhere to have a meaningful conversation and get to know one another while the other Indians are doing their war dance in the other end of the house. At least, I hope so.
But I am still letting my work in progress languish. I am over worked and have filled up my time with too many projects. It is a fault of mine. I never want to be bored or have nothing to do. So I have all these projects to complete. I have now reached the update point for 2 websites, writing on two blogs (stupid idea that is), I have baby clothes to sew and things to crochet, I have a 40 hour a week job and just took another that will probably end up being about 5 hrs a week once I get all the backlog done. Friday and Saturday I worked 10 hours at the second job and did my bank statment -- no mean or fun feat.
Did I say I was over booked here? I probably need someone to give me some time management training but that would require a third job so I think we will just leave that for another life. Tomorrow I go back to the day job.
I think mentally I feel better than I have in a while. I actually felt rested when I got home tonight! Crazy, right? Well, not if you knew my household. As Mama used to say, "They are a bunch of wild Indians!"
Jerry and Mike fight no matter what it is about or where they are at the time. If they aren't arguing they are out running the roads looking for the next big deal in cars or at Walmart.
Dave and Becca just love to be around me so they come over. At which time Mike and David will invariably get into it, too. Dave & Becca just moved out two weeks ago but I don't think they are very happy in the apartment. Noisy neighbors at 3 a.m. Thankfully they don't come over then!
So, the house is usually full of people. And a part of me loves that. I never recovered from leaving home and a large extended family to just four of us in strange towns. Growing up there were aunts, uncles, cousins, and various great & grand relatives. They are mostly dead now and all the cousins lost. And a big hole in my spirit because of it. So, when the kids are here and the house is noisy... I feel at home.
But I do need to breath once in awhile. I guess when little Sarah Cheyenne gets here she and I will seek a quiet corner somewhere to have a meaningful conversation and get to know one another while the other Indians are doing their war dance in the other end of the house. At least, I hope so.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Flash Fiction on Sunday Afternoon
It was a smokey room with no windows and it smelt of stale beer and cheap cigarettes. The one bonus was that it was 30 degrees cooler than the night shrouded parking lot she had just left and probably a thousand degrees cooler than her flaming Chevy a hundred yards down the road.
The ancient juke box in the back was playing an equally ancient song that she recognized. It had been on the hit parade when she was 10 and going through her country music phase. The voice was as smokey as the room... what was that guy's name? She remembered she had loved his music but it was long forgotten now.
"What can I get ya, Babe?"
Now there was a line to get a girl's attention. From the cave-like booth where he crouched, he squinted glazed eyes at her through a cloud of smoke that boiled from his mouth, probably from the stygian depths of his soul. Betweet slack, wet lips she saw a flash of sparkling white teeth just before he stoked the fire again. Oh yeah, he was hot, all right, just smokin'.
"A phone book and phone would be great." She directed her attention toward where she hoped the bartender was in residence. Den was an appropriate term if this guy was any example. She had a sinking feeling that the night might not get better.
"Hey, Babe, I'll give you my number, you ain't gotta look it up."
She looked back and found that her imagination was taking over and Jaba the Hutt was leering at her. Great, just what she needed. She could only hope he was as hampered walking as the original Hutt had been because she was no Princess Leia and there was not going to be a Luke Skywalker or Han Solo appear to rescue her.
She moved toward the end of the bar, supressing a grin. She wouldn't mind Han Solo rushing in and grabbing her up. Of course it was Skywalker who always did the dashing moves, levitating while brandishing a sword at the bad guy with a girl on his other arm. No, Solo was just handing out the grins, hugs, and kisses in dark corners of the Falcon. She sighed. There weren't going to be any heros in this tale. She just had a bad feeling about it.
"Excuse me," she said as the bartender moved her way, "do you have a phone book. My car just blew up and I need a tow."
His eyes widened and his mouth formed an O before he replied, "Honey, you won't get a tow tonight, not around here. You are 75 miles from a real town and the only garage we have locally is run by that slug you passed on the way in. And he is in no shape to drive anyone anywhere unless it is to hell."
I turned back to stare at the Hutt. He grinned a whisky grin and wiggled his fingers at me. Oh God, the night was not going well at all. What little space she had acquired between her and trouble just went up in smoke.
The ancient juke box in the back was playing an equally ancient song that she recognized. It had been on the hit parade when she was 10 and going through her country music phase. The voice was as smokey as the room... what was that guy's name? She remembered she had loved his music but it was long forgotten now.
"What can I get ya, Babe?"
Now there was a line to get a girl's attention. From the cave-like booth where he crouched, he squinted glazed eyes at her through a cloud of smoke that boiled from his mouth, probably from the stygian depths of his soul. Betweet slack, wet lips she saw a flash of sparkling white teeth just before he stoked the fire again. Oh yeah, he was hot, all right, just smokin'.
"A phone book and phone would be great." She directed her attention toward where she hoped the bartender was in residence. Den was an appropriate term if this guy was any example. She had a sinking feeling that the night might not get better.
"Hey, Babe, I'll give you my number, you ain't gotta look it up."
She looked back and found that her imagination was taking over and Jaba the Hutt was leering at her. Great, just what she needed. She could only hope he was as hampered walking as the original Hutt had been because she was no Princess Leia and there was not going to be a Luke Skywalker or Han Solo appear to rescue her.
She moved toward the end of the bar, supressing a grin. She wouldn't mind Han Solo rushing in and grabbing her up. Of course it was Skywalker who always did the dashing moves, levitating while brandishing a sword at the bad guy with a girl on his other arm. No, Solo was just handing out the grins, hugs, and kisses in dark corners of the Falcon. She sighed. There weren't going to be any heros in this tale. She just had a bad feeling about it.
"Excuse me," she said as the bartender moved her way, "do you have a phone book. My car just blew up and I need a tow."
His eyes widened and his mouth formed an O before he replied, "Honey, you won't get a tow tonight, not around here. You are 75 miles from a real town and the only garage we have locally is run by that slug you passed on the way in. And he is in no shape to drive anyone anywhere unless it is to hell."
I turned back to stare at the Hutt. He grinned a whisky grin and wiggled his fingers at me. Oh God, the night was not going well at all. What little space she had acquired between her and trouble just went up in smoke.
Wednesday, June 7, 2006
Don't Make Me Blush!
Went to the doctor today for a follow-up. She gave me samples of a med called Niaspan. It is a time released formula of Niacin, supposedly better tolerated since it is time released. I have the most terrible side effect.
Regular niacin can cause flushing of the skin, itching and burning. I took it years ago and had a mild reaction to it. It is not pleasant. I had the reaction on the Niaspan tonight. Within 30 minutes of taking it I looked like I had been dropped in oil and felt that someone had covered me with a million fire ants. Itching, burning and severe redness were full blown in less than 2 minutes after onset of the symptoms.
I called the pharmacy to see if there is anything I could do. There wasn't and I needed to watch for an additional thing. If I had trouble breathing I was to go immediately to the ER. And since this was time release... I might have repeating occurances all night long. Nice, huh? He recommended a cool shower to see if it helped with burning. It did while I was in the shower and an aspirin. But I can't stay in the shower all night! He didn't know why the aspirin helped but he said he had found it did. I was game by then so tried it.
I called the doctor and she said pretty much what the pharmacist said but also said I could take an benedryl for the itching. So, I have gone from one additional pill to three!
Well, after about an hour it began to taper off. I got less red, less itching, and burning. Lasted about 30 minutes and then started again. This time it was not so severe. At the moment it is tapering off again. I guess we will see what happens. I have to go to bed because I am tired but I don't know if sleep will be possible.
I have discovered a new meaning to the phrase, "Don't make me blush!"
Regular niacin can cause flushing of the skin, itching and burning. I took it years ago and had a mild reaction to it. It is not pleasant. I had the reaction on the Niaspan tonight. Within 30 minutes of taking it I looked like I had been dropped in oil and felt that someone had covered me with a million fire ants. Itching, burning and severe redness were full blown in less than 2 minutes after onset of the symptoms.
I called the pharmacy to see if there is anything I could do. There wasn't and I needed to watch for an additional thing. If I had trouble breathing I was to go immediately to the ER. And since this was time release... I might have repeating occurances all night long. Nice, huh? He recommended a cool shower to see if it helped with burning. It did while I was in the shower and an aspirin. But I can't stay in the shower all night! He didn't know why the aspirin helped but he said he had found it did. I was game by then so tried it.
I called the doctor and she said pretty much what the pharmacist said but also said I could take an benedryl for the itching. So, I have gone from one additional pill to three!
Well, after about an hour it began to taper off. I got less red, less itching, and burning. Lasted about 30 minutes and then started again. This time it was not so severe. At the moment it is tapering off again. I guess we will see what happens. I have to go to bed because I am tired but I don't know if sleep will be possible.
I have discovered a new meaning to the phrase, "Don't make me blush!"
Saturday, June 3, 2006
Passing on Excitement
Today Dave and Becca are moving into their apartment. I don't think either of them is thrilled because they don't have money or jobs and it is not the nicest thing to have to live in the projects. Unfortunately, life bites sometimes and the things we want are just not within our grasp. It is a hard lesson he is learning.
Things around here are, as a result, pretty messy. I don't know how I will ever get it all straightened out, AGAIN. Everytime I think it will be fine, someone has to move in and distupt everything. I know they don't do it on purpose but I just wish they had someplace else to go once in awhile.
I won't gripe too much. They are my kids and I am very glad to have them all here. I just don't like all the stress of trying to clean house after so many people and find a place to store all the junk.
I am out of space, out of time, and out of sorts. I would love to have a nice quiet house that smells like I just cleaned top to bottom. I have given up. I need that cleaning team with those two British women. I bet they could straighten everything up in a tick.
I am out of here now. I thought I would be able to dash off something exciting but suddenly realized that exciting around here usually means an emergency room trip, court proceedings, or things involving long black cars. I think I'll pass.
Things around here are, as a result, pretty messy. I don't know how I will ever get it all straightened out, AGAIN. Everytime I think it will be fine, someone has to move in and distupt everything. I know they don't do it on purpose but I just wish they had someplace else to go once in awhile.
I won't gripe too much. They are my kids and I am very glad to have them all here. I just don't like all the stress of trying to clean house after so many people and find a place to store all the junk.
I am out of space, out of time, and out of sorts. I would love to have a nice quiet house that smells like I just cleaned top to bottom. I have given up. I need that cleaning team with those two British women. I bet they could straighten everything up in a tick.
I am out of here now. I thought I would be able to dash off something exciting but suddenly realized that exciting around here usually means an emergency room trip, court proceedings, or things involving long black cars. I think I'll pass.
Friday, June 2, 2006
Dancing on Wet Pavement
She danced across the wet pavement, arms stretched to the heavens, head thrown back to receive the blessing of the rain. Thunder rumbled and clouds roiled but there was no lightening, only the sound of heavenly furniture being moved through the halls by angels. She laughed at her own imagination.
Her heels make an interesting sound on the sidewalk as she continued her journey to her car, the rhythm becoming a tap dance. The store windows streamed with rain, everything, all the things people craved, were now out of focus, unimportant and obsolete. She needed nothing but to be alive, to breath in the wet cool of the air, and hear the staccato tap of her heals. She performed a quick two step and twirled, finishing by slipping her key into the door lock with a florish. A man getting out of his car on the opposite lane did a double take and smiled at her. She smiled back. It was a glorious day to be alive and dancing on wet pavement.
Her heels make an interesting sound on the sidewalk as she continued her journey to her car, the rhythm becoming a tap dance. The store windows streamed with rain, everything, all the things people craved, were now out of focus, unimportant and obsolete. She needed nothing but to be alive, to breath in the wet cool of the air, and hear the staccato tap of her heals. She performed a quick two step and twirled, finishing by slipping her key into the door lock with a florish. A man getting out of his car on the opposite lane did a double take and smiled at her. She smiled back. It was a glorious day to be alive and dancing on wet pavement.
Thursday, June 1, 2006
Rain Like Silk Sheets and Migraine Thieves
The rain is falling in soft folds, covering the city streets in cool, grey, silken sheets. Drifting around me are the soft chords of classical guitar and the room takes on a very melancoly feel that I keep trying to sort out. I find myself wanting to go somewhere and sink into a soft cushioned chair and watch the world through blurred windows.
The day is slipping away and I am here, in a brick and steel box, envious of the rain.
I had a migraine last night. Today I am better but the feeling I am always left with is that I missed or lost something. The migraine thief slipped in and took away another day. Of course, it isn't true but that is the way it feels. I don't know where that comes from, just as I don't know what triggers the pain. That crawly feel in my head, that precursor to the real pain, keeps one on edge and so perhaps that is the source.
The day is slipping away and I am here, in a brick and steel box, envious of the rain.
I had a migraine last night. Today I am better but the feeling I am always left with is that I missed or lost something. The migraine thief slipped in and took away another day. Of course, it isn't true but that is the way it feels. I don't know where that comes from, just as I don't know what triggers the pain. That crawly feel in my head, that precursor to the real pain, keeps one on edge and so perhaps that is the source.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Tuesday Masquerade
Ah, Tuesday, second day of the week, day before the middle day of the week which will signify the week is half over. I could learn to like Tuesday - except that my desk is running over because yesterday was a holiday. Never mind that for the whole month of May I have actually had 10 working days to do my job. Everything else was meetings, holidays, vacations, business trip, and interruptions. Heaven forbid if the paperwork falls below the level of my head for more than one day.
On top of that, this is the end of the month and things only roll faster when they are headed downhill.
I also wonder what all these people do when they aren't in my office turning in more paperwork or calling to complain that they are paying too much rent? Sadly, I have no one to call and complain about my rent.
This Tuesday looks suspiciously like a Monday.
On top of that, this is the end of the month and things only roll faster when they are headed downhill.
I also wonder what all these people do when they aren't in my office turning in more paperwork or calling to complain that they are paying too much rent? Sadly, I have no one to call and complain about my rent.
This Tuesday looks suspiciously like a Monday.
Monday, May 29, 2006
End of a Holiday
The long weekend ends tonight. I go back to the mill tomorrow and put my nose to the grindstone. I always hate the end of the day when it is the last day of a weekend or holiday. It is so depressing.
Today I went to the store and picked up some panels to make a couple of maternity skirts for Becca. I made two skirts and hemmed three of them between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself. I love sewing but I am usually just tired after work and don't want to do anything at all.
I think, however, that I am going to make myself a skirt soon. One of the fabrics I used made a beautiful skirt and I want one out of it. I have enough to probably make three more skirts. I also have a crate of fabric from when I sewed all my own clothes. So, with a baby girl on the way I will have to make a better effort to sew more, I guess.
Good night friends, if you are reading this. I am done for this holiday. Next holiday is July 4 and I am supposed to go out of town on the Saturday before to a concert in Owensboro KY... Crabbe Family festival. My uncle has bought tickets for us for Saturday and I think we will go on Friday night.
Today I went to the store and picked up some panels to make a couple of maternity skirts for Becca. I made two skirts and hemmed three of them between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself. I love sewing but I am usually just tired after work and don't want to do anything at all.
I think, however, that I am going to make myself a skirt soon. One of the fabrics I used made a beautiful skirt and I want one out of it. I have enough to probably make three more skirts. I also have a crate of fabric from when I sewed all my own clothes. So, with a baby girl on the way I will have to make a better effort to sew more, I guess.
Good night friends, if you are reading this. I am done for this holiday. Next holiday is July 4 and I am supposed to go out of town on the Saturday before to a concert in Owensboro KY... Crabbe Family festival. My uncle has bought tickets for us for Saturday and I think we will go on Friday night.
Remembering the Sacrifices
Today is Memorial Day. It is a day set aside to contemplate and give honor to America's war dead for the sacrifices they made to the cause of freedom and democracy.
Take a moment today, particularly if you are an American, to say a prayer of thanks for those who gave their lives. And for those Vets who are still alive, shake their hands or hug them and tell them how much you appreciate what their sacrifices.
If you have a family member who is currently serving in the military, thank you for the sacrifices you have made. Too often those who have no connection with the military have no idea that the families of soldiers and Vets make sacrifices as well. It is not easy for a spouse to pack up and move every two to four years and set up housekeeping, find new churches, schools and friends.
Soldiers may also spend months away from their families. Children may not see their military parent for weeks, months, and in wartime, for years. The soldier may return home after a parent, sibling, spouse or child has died, never having the opportunity to say goodby. Soldiers may receive letters from their spouse or girlfriend that end the relationship.
So, thank a vet or soldier for their service. Thank God for their dedication.
Take a moment today, particularly if you are an American, to say a prayer of thanks for those who gave their lives. And for those Vets who are still alive, shake their hands or hug them and tell them how much you appreciate what their sacrifices.
If you have a family member who is currently serving in the military, thank you for the sacrifices you have made. Too often those who have no connection with the military have no idea that the families of soldiers and Vets make sacrifices as well. It is not easy for a spouse to pack up and move every two to four years and set up housekeeping, find new churches, schools and friends.
Soldiers may also spend months away from their families. Children may not see their military parent for weeks, months, and in wartime, for years. The soldier may return home after a parent, sibling, spouse or child has died, never having the opportunity to say goodby. Soldiers may receive letters from their spouse or girlfriend that end the relationship.
So, thank a vet or soldier for their service. Thank God for their dedication.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Everyone Needs a Name
Sarah Cheyenne is the name picked for out little girl. A bit old fashioned and a bit unique. Her grandmothers both picked out her names with her mama's final approval. We kind of like it. Sarah means Princess in Hebrew.
Cheyenne is a bit more difficult. There appears to be some disagreement on the meaning of it. It is, of course, the name of an Indian tribe. One posed definition is "those who speak in an alien tongue". I find this interesting since we are Pentecostal and believe in speaking in "other or unknown" tongues.
Somehow, it seems to belong to her already... and there is a nice story behind the choice. More on that later.
Cheyenne is a bit more difficult. There appears to be some disagreement on the meaning of it. It is, of course, the name of an Indian tribe. One posed definition is "those who speak in an alien tongue". I find this interesting since we are Pentecostal and believe in speaking in "other or unknown" tongues.
Somehow, it seems to belong to her already... and there is a nice story behind the choice. More on that later.
Friday, May 19, 2006
It's A Girl!
We got the news today that the baby is going to be a girl! They got there ultrasound and the doctor pronounced it was a girl. She said she has not been wrong in six years. I suspect that is probably because she also said when she is not sure she doesn't tell the parents one or the other.
They don't have a name picked out yet for a girl. They had one for a boy... but not a girl. So, now begins the fun. Trying to find a pretty girl's name.
I have to start thinking about sewing little girl clothes again. What fun that will be for me.
They don't have a name picked out yet for a girl. They had one for a boy... but not a girl. So, now begins the fun. Trying to find a pretty girl's name.
I have to start thinking about sewing little girl clothes again. What fun that will be for me.
Monday, May 15, 2006
Do I Hear $5000?
It is another Monday gone and I managed to get a lot of things accomplished at work. I don't know about the rest of my life. It appears it is still in the pits and sinking fast.
I am praying for $5000. Seriously. I have asked God for $5000. I don't have any way to get it. I have no way to earn it. Now one is going to give it to me that I am aware of. I can't steal it because I don't steal, even if I had a clue where to steal that kind of money. So, I have told God that I need it.
You laugh. So what if I don't get it? I haven't hurt anyone or committed a crime. I have done nothing wrong.
Now, the alternative is that I do get it. At this point I don't much care as long as it is honest and I don't have to pay it back. If I could pay it back I wouldn't need it. So let's say by some means I do get it. Then, I have done nothing wrong. I have not hurt anyone, or committed a crime. And I can pay off at least some of my debts.
You wonder why I don't ask for more, say $10,000? Well, I believe that we are only promised what we need. I know that I need at least $5000. I could use $10,000 and be nearly debt free. I figure being greedy, even though I need more, is foolish. So, I ask for the least amount I can use. If God wants to bless me with more, great. If he only provides what I ask for, well, I will be very glad.
I know, it is silly, stupid, ignorant, ludicrious, etc. Well, you handle your problems your way and I will handle mine my way. I am no worse off for asking if I don't get it and if I do get it, well, I figure you'll be calling me. I'll let you know how it turns out.
I am praying for $5000. Seriously. I have asked God for $5000. I don't have any way to get it. I have no way to earn it. Now one is going to give it to me that I am aware of. I can't steal it because I don't steal, even if I had a clue where to steal that kind of money. So, I have told God that I need it.
You laugh. So what if I don't get it? I haven't hurt anyone or committed a crime. I have done nothing wrong.
Now, the alternative is that I do get it. At this point I don't much care as long as it is honest and I don't have to pay it back. If I could pay it back I wouldn't need it. So let's say by some means I do get it. Then, I have done nothing wrong. I have not hurt anyone, or committed a crime. And I can pay off at least some of my debts.
You wonder why I don't ask for more, say $10,000? Well, I believe that we are only promised what we need. I know that I need at least $5000. I could use $10,000 and be nearly debt free. I figure being greedy, even though I need more, is foolish. So, I ask for the least amount I can use. If God wants to bless me with more, great. If he only provides what I ask for, well, I will be very glad.
I know, it is silly, stupid, ignorant, ludicrious, etc. Well, you handle your problems your way and I will handle mine my way. I am no worse off for asking if I don't get it and if I do get it, well, I figure you'll be calling me. I'll let you know how it turns out.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
An American Haunting Historically Inaccurate
Another Saturday ends with me feeling as if I have spent a day working. Actually, I did work from 8-12 today. The rest of the afternoon was spent watching An American Haunting. Don’t waste your money. It is not worth it. I love movies like The Others, The Sixth Sense, and The Village. And this movie started out interesting but it has a lame ending and leaves you feeling like you missed something or that the writers ran out of ideas and just tossed in child molesters because NBC Dateline is getting kudos for catching predators.
I was already familiar with the Bell Witch case in Tennessee. I have read several stories about it and when I saw this movie was based on that case, I searched on-line to read up again. I was truly looking forward to seeing how they used the most documented haunting case in American history to make a movie where it was “happening again”. The truth is that it was about an hour and a half of a very pretty girl screaming and being dragged around her bedroom floor and slapped by invisible hands.
The other children in the household, whom the historical accounts state were also tormented the way Betsy was, were barely seen, let alone mentioned in the movie. People actually had conversations with the entity haunting the Bell family and yet, they eliminated the significant details from the movie. Most important to me was that the return of the entity 7 years later was excluded from the movie, even thought the entity itself is reported to have said it would return. They made it sound as if once John Bell died the whole thing went away. That was not the case at all.
If this were a fictional story it might have been ok but the fact that it was “based” on a true account, aggravated me. As a history major, I expect that when I am told something is based on an actual event that it will be true to the record in large part. They billed this movie as based on fact.
They did put a disclaimer at the end stating that the movie was just one possible explanation of the events as recorded in history. However, by excluding some of the most telling information of the original account they make their premise unbelievable… at least to me. It was all hokey by the end of the movie.
This had the potential to be a really good scary movie and turned into a statement about fathers molesting their children and the mother being blissfully blind.
Two thumbs down and a half eaten 3 Musketeers.
I was already familiar with the Bell Witch case in Tennessee. I have read several stories about it and when I saw this movie was based on that case, I searched on-line to read up again. I was truly looking forward to seeing how they used the most documented haunting case in American history to make a movie where it was “happening again”. The truth is that it was about an hour and a half of a very pretty girl screaming and being dragged around her bedroom floor and slapped by invisible hands.
The other children in the household, whom the historical accounts state were also tormented the way Betsy was, were barely seen, let alone mentioned in the movie. People actually had conversations with the entity haunting the Bell family and yet, they eliminated the significant details from the movie. Most important to me was that the return of the entity 7 years later was excluded from the movie, even thought the entity itself is reported to have said it would return. They made it sound as if once John Bell died the whole thing went away. That was not the case at all.
If this were a fictional story it might have been ok but the fact that it was “based” on a true account, aggravated me. As a history major, I expect that when I am told something is based on an actual event that it will be true to the record in large part. They billed this movie as based on fact.
They did put a disclaimer at the end stating that the movie was just one possible explanation of the events as recorded in history. However, by excluding some of the most telling information of the original account they make their premise unbelievable… at least to me. It was all hokey by the end of the movie.
This had the potential to be a really good scary movie and turned into a statement about fathers molesting their children and the mother being blissfully blind.
Two thumbs down and a half eaten 3 Musketeers.
Tuesday, May 9, 2006
Wishing for A Long Summer Day
Yesterday was Beautification Day at the Housing Authority where I work. I was out hoeing, raking, and cutting. I am sore today. Rather than hire goundskeepers for their housing sites they get the employees to do it once a year. You could tell too, because there were leaves and debris that was a year old. No one had been cleaning anything. Government spending at its finest.
I don’t really want to go there. For two years we were in the papers because the all the guys in charge were mishandling funds. Then we had a year of relative quite and then next guy that came in did the same thing. Then HUD sends in the “roto rooter” people and we have had about two years of quiet. But who knows, that could change tomorrow!
I have to hit the sack in a moment. Tomorrow is Wednesday and the week is half gone. I have a business trip the end of this month and tons of work to get accomplished before then. I am out of vacation time, out of sick time, and so out of sync with working. I want a long, summer day on the sand with the Gulf of Mexico about 10 feet away. It is not happening unless someone donates about $5000 to me to drive off the predators.
I don’t really want to go there. For two years we were in the papers because the all the guys in charge were mishandling funds. Then we had a year of relative quite and then next guy that came in did the same thing. Then HUD sends in the “roto rooter” people and we have had about two years of quiet. But who knows, that could change tomorrow!
I have to hit the sack in a moment. Tomorrow is Wednesday and the week is half gone. I have a business trip the end of this month and tons of work to get accomplished before then. I am out of vacation time, out of sick time, and so out of sync with working. I want a long, summer day on the sand with the Gulf of Mexico about 10 feet away. It is not happening unless someone donates about $5000 to me to drive off the predators.
Sunday, May 7, 2006
Everyone is Boring after Fifteen Minutes
You know, I think most people are boring. Really. There is not enough to the average person to interest anyone for more than 15 minutes. Think about it. If the people you knew were interesting you wouldn't be scouting the web for blogs of people you hoped would be interesting. You would be having reviting conversations with the interesting people you actually know! You would be doing interesting things with those interesting people.
But no, here you sit, reading the thoughts, ideas, and predjudices of people you either don't know or hardly know and trying to find someone who shares the same thoughts, ideas and predjudices as you. And then you are dissatisfied because they are all. . . boring. Admit it, we are all boring.
My goodness yes, even I am boring. This is all about me, after all. My blog is about my boring thoughts, life, family, ideas, and views. I don't care much for politics because I despise liars. I don't care much for movies because they are vicarious living at its worst, although I do like Star Wars immensley... another world where people are much less boring. I don't drink because I do not like being out of control. I don't smoke because I have seen the effects of smoking on the skin of women my age. It is not a pretty sight and for nearly 50 I look pretty good. (No the photo is NOT retouched.) I have no intention of tanning my face to leather. And sex is only interesting for short periods of time and then you have to find something else to do. I speak from a woman's point of view. I am sure the male view of sex differes considerably. It is why men are often the most boring. Everything is about sex. . . even if it isn't.
I thought for a while that there might be some blogs out there that were interesting but they are all about the writers or their views of politics, cute kids, new jobs, other boring people, hobbies, etc. So, up to this point, all of the ones I have run across are pretty much just as boring as you think this one is. I guess I will stick to writing my boring blog and ignore the rest.
But now, I really have to go. I am feeling very sleepy. I did say most people were boring, didn't I?
But no, here you sit, reading the thoughts, ideas, and predjudices of people you either don't know or hardly know and trying to find someone who shares the same thoughts, ideas and predjudices as you. And then you are dissatisfied because they are all. . . boring. Admit it, we are all boring.
My goodness yes, even I am boring. This is all about me, after all. My blog is about my boring thoughts, life, family, ideas, and views. I don't care much for politics because I despise liars. I don't care much for movies because they are vicarious living at its worst, although I do like Star Wars immensley... another world where people are much less boring. I don't drink because I do not like being out of control. I don't smoke because I have seen the effects of smoking on the skin of women my age. It is not a pretty sight and for nearly 50 I look pretty good. (No the photo is NOT retouched.) I have no intention of tanning my face to leather. And sex is only interesting for short periods of time and then you have to find something else to do. I speak from a woman's point of view. I am sure the male view of sex differes considerably. It is why men are often the most boring. Everything is about sex. . . even if it isn't.
I thought for a while that there might be some blogs out there that were interesting but they are all about the writers or their views of politics, cute kids, new jobs, other boring people, hobbies, etc. So, up to this point, all of the ones I have run across are pretty much just as boring as you think this one is. I guess I will stick to writing my boring blog and ignore the rest.
But now, I really have to go. I am feeling very sleepy. I did say most people were boring, didn't I?
Finding Lost Treasure
This Sunday is Mother's Day in Austraila. Next Sunday is Mother's Day here in the U.S.
I didn't know they had Mother's Day anywhere else in the world. The woman who began the tradition here in America was from a little town called Henderson, Kentucky. They have an historical plaque to show where her home was in Henderson.
I guess it is possible that they have a mother's day in a lot of places. America has given birth to some wonderful ideals. Celebrating the value of mother's and fathers is a good one. We even have one now that celebrates grandparents. Can't remember when that is but I suspect right after Father's day, which is next month.
Mama died in January 2, 1974. She was my grandmother but she raised me and in every sense of the word was my mama. I have never stopped missing her.
I hope that you will call your mother. It means so much just to get a call for no reason but to say "You are the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me." Try it.
The Bible says in Proverbs 31, "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. . . .Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her."
Mama was treasure. I've been broke since the day she died.
I didn't know they had Mother's Day anywhere else in the world. The woman who began the tradition here in America was from a little town called Henderson, Kentucky. They have an historical plaque to show where her home was in Henderson.
I guess it is possible that they have a mother's day in a lot of places. America has given birth to some wonderful ideals. Celebrating the value of mother's and fathers is a good one. We even have one now that celebrates grandparents. Can't remember when that is but I suspect right after Father's day, which is next month.
Mama died in January 2, 1974. She was my grandmother but she raised me and in every sense of the word was my mama. I have never stopped missing her.
I hope that you will call your mother. It means so much just to get a call for no reason but to say "You are the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me." Try it.
The Bible says in Proverbs 31, "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. . . .Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her."
Mama was treasure. I've been broke since the day she died.
Saturday, May 6, 2006
Vain Attempts
O.k. I need to update the blog and try as I might I can't find one thing that anyone would be interested in.
My week of vacation has been a bust. I spent most of it getting the house rearranged so we could all fit in it with Mike here now. I am exhausted if I think about it. I am trying not to think about it.
Today is Saturday and this post was originally intended for Thursday! Does that tell you anything? This morning I have spent reconciling my bank statement. I have $25 between me and next Friday.
I also finished a book I have been trying to read for three weeks. Not a bad book but not reviting. I made a mistake and joined this program that sends me three novels in the romantic suspense genra. They get to me about a month before they get to the newstand.
So, I get a early shot at them... all for about $15 a month, which is cheaper than going to Wal-mart and buying them if you factor in the price of gas. So far there have been three out of four shipments that I didn't care for. Since money is now a major concern, I put the account on hold until August.
I did the same with my panty hose company, Silkies. I buy them mail order as well. I am trying to figure out what else I can stop spending on. This morning it was 60 degrees and I had no heat or air on. This despite Mike's and my allergies. I am sitting here in my red study with a small electric heater trying to warm myself. When I get cold my joints ache with the RA.
It is still cool out but I refuse to give the energy monster any extry money this month. Vectren is a bandit gobbling up its own customers.
Well, enough of that! Reciting all my vain attempts to accomplish something can get pretty boring. I am considering working on an update to my website. So, with that noble endeavor in mind I will take my leave.
My week of vacation has been a bust. I spent most of it getting the house rearranged so we could all fit in it with Mike here now. I am exhausted if I think about it. I am trying not to think about it.
Today is Saturday and this post was originally intended for Thursday! Does that tell you anything? This morning I have spent reconciling my bank statement. I have $25 between me and next Friday.
I also finished a book I have been trying to read for three weeks. Not a bad book but not reviting. I made a mistake and joined this program that sends me three novels in the romantic suspense genra. They get to me about a month before they get to the newstand.
So, I get a early shot at them... all for about $15 a month, which is cheaper than going to Wal-mart and buying them if you factor in the price of gas. So far there have been three out of four shipments that I didn't care for. Since money is now a major concern, I put the account on hold until August.
I did the same with my panty hose company, Silkies. I buy them mail order as well. I am trying to figure out what else I can stop spending on. This morning it was 60 degrees and I had no heat or air on. This despite Mike's and my allergies. I am sitting here in my red study with a small electric heater trying to warm myself. When I get cold my joints ache with the RA.
It is still cool out but I refuse to give the energy monster any extry money this month. Vectren is a bandit gobbling up its own customers.
Well, enough of that! Reciting all my vain attempts to accomplish something can get pretty boring. I am considering working on an update to my website. So, with that noble endeavor in mind I will take my leave.
Regrets and Answered Prayers
Again I have waited until after midnight to post to the blog. I am not sure why that seems to be the golden hour but it does.
Tonight is the last official night of my vacation and I am finding myself very depressed. The last three weeks have been long, stressful, and depressing. Mike got his divorce papers today but still doesn’t want to sign them. We will support that decision because we also do not believe in divorce. We believe that there are other ways to deal with problems in a marriage instead of running away. But frankly, I would not bat an eye if he signed them.
This person’s behavior is not a surprise to us and I would commit a much greater sin if I said I was sorry she is gone. There was never a minute that we felt Mike was doing the right thing when he married this girl. There were so many red flags that it looked like a railroad flagman’s convention. For nearly a year, we tried over and over, to talk him out of it. We managed to get a nearly a year’s courtship before finally telling them to marry in December of that year. We felt since we couldn’t stop it that at least they could get a little extra money by filing taxes together. They had so little money to start with that is seemed foolish to not take advantage of something we couldn’t stop anyway.
I thought about that last night, about how I had called and told them to just go ahead and change the May wedding to a December wedding. Mike had asked me why and I said, “You are going to marry anyway so you might as well get some financial benefit out of it.” So, maybe I should have stuck to my guns and said “Never!” Maybe if I had just done that, something would have happened to stop the whole thing. But I didn’t.
I have many regrets but mostly, I think we all feel betrayed. She never loved our son and we knew it beyond any doubt. But we tried so hard to love and accept her. Jerry thought the world of her and really liked her so much more than I did. And we felt compassion for her because we knew that our son was a big responsibility for anyone and from what we had seen of her we knew she was incapable of handling a marriage to him.
We knew why she married him from our early conversations with her. She made comments like “this is my last chance”, “My younger sisters got married first and I want to have the first baby”, “I don’t like controlling men”. So many other statements that were so revealing. But he would not listen. So, she saw a disabled man she could control and she married him to get pregnant. When she found she could not have children and she couldn’t really control him, she arranged to dump him.
I think the most evil thing was that on Tuesday night she told him she missed him and loved him and on Wednesday night she told him she had filed for divorce. She told him she had planned it for a month, all the while kissing him, hugging him, telling him she loved him, and having sex with him.
I prayed for two years that if this marriage was not going to work, and she was not going to be good to my son, that no children would be born. I am so glad God answers prayers. Mike told me tonight, “Mom, I think I am going to be all right.” God does answer prayers.
Tonight is the last official night of my vacation and I am finding myself very depressed. The last three weeks have been long, stressful, and depressing. Mike got his divorce papers today but still doesn’t want to sign them. We will support that decision because we also do not believe in divorce. We believe that there are other ways to deal with problems in a marriage instead of running away. But frankly, I would not bat an eye if he signed them.
This person’s behavior is not a surprise to us and I would commit a much greater sin if I said I was sorry she is gone. There was never a minute that we felt Mike was doing the right thing when he married this girl. There were so many red flags that it looked like a railroad flagman’s convention. For nearly a year, we tried over and over, to talk him out of it. We managed to get a nearly a year’s courtship before finally telling them to marry in December of that year. We felt since we couldn’t stop it that at least they could get a little extra money by filing taxes together. They had so little money to start with that is seemed foolish to not take advantage of something we couldn’t stop anyway.
I thought about that last night, about how I had called and told them to just go ahead and change the May wedding to a December wedding. Mike had asked me why and I said, “You are going to marry anyway so you might as well get some financial benefit out of it.” So, maybe I should have stuck to my guns and said “Never!” Maybe if I had just done that, something would have happened to stop the whole thing. But I didn’t.
I have many regrets but mostly, I think we all feel betrayed. She never loved our son and we knew it beyond any doubt. But we tried so hard to love and accept her. Jerry thought the world of her and really liked her so much more than I did. And we felt compassion for her because we knew that our son was a big responsibility for anyone and from what we had seen of her we knew she was incapable of handling a marriage to him.
We knew why she married him from our early conversations with her. She made comments like “this is my last chance”, “My younger sisters got married first and I want to have the first baby”, “I don’t like controlling men”. So many other statements that were so revealing. But he would not listen. So, she saw a disabled man she could control and she married him to get pregnant. When she found she could not have children and she couldn’t really control him, she arranged to dump him.
I think the most evil thing was that on Tuesday night she told him she missed him and loved him and on Wednesday night she told him she had filed for divorce. She told him she had planned it for a month, all the while kissing him, hugging him, telling him she loved him, and having sex with him.
I prayed for two years that if this marriage was not going to work, and she was not going to be good to my son, that no children would be born. I am so glad God answers prayers. Mike told me tonight, “Mom, I think I am going to be all right.” God does answer prayers.
Thursday, May 4, 2006
A Day in a Feather Bed
Depression on a cloudy day is much better than on a sunny day. On a gloomy day the world is a feather bed, with no sharp edges, and the air--soft, cool, and sweet. Everything seems to be cushioned and blunted and you can sink into it, close your eyes, and close your mind. It is a little like a large padded cell. You can’t hurt yourself on a gloomy day because all the sharp edges are gone. And if it rains, it can wash away all the debris that has accumulated.
On sunny days everything has razor edges that can lacerate a wounded spirit. You look out and the reflection on the blade of the day blinds you and hurts your eyes. Green has become a weapon and concrete a furnace. Everything you brush against seems to have points and angles that wound. All you want to do is crawl back into that feather bed until darkness blunts the sharp places of the day.
I love gloomy days.
Today is a gloomy day.
On sunny days everything has razor edges that can lacerate a wounded spirit. You look out and the reflection on the blade of the day blinds you and hurts your eyes. Green has become a weapon and concrete a furnace. Everything you brush against seems to have points and angles that wound. All you want to do is crawl back into that feather bed until darkness blunts the sharp places of the day.
I love gloomy days.
Today is a gloomy day.
Monday, May 1, 2006
Felling Trees and Planning Meals
Monday dawned as dreary as the previous day but as the morning wanned the sun peeked from behind gray clouds. Between light showers they mowed the lawn with a weed trimmer. The mower say idle and mocking, testament to machine triumph over man.
She swung the axe and felled several of the overgrown hedges before handing it off to her son. He was far less skilled at axe weilding, despite being 27 years old. She had made sure that he had never had to learn such skills. Her experience came years ago when she had to cut firewood for the stove because her grandfather was too drunk to stand, let alone swing an axe. She had cut cord after cord to warm the house in the winter. At 15 her muscle tone was one models would envy today and she could eat anything she wanted. She could also move furniture alone back then. Times changed. But she still knew how to swing an axe. Tomorrow, the pain would be horrendous. Today, she just does what has to be done.
Now, her hunger was announcing itself loudly and she dragged the axe and rake to the shed and stowed them away. Something cold to drink and something hot to eat were as far as she had planned this day. Sometimes thinking beyond the moment was far more work than chopping down trees.
She swung the axe and felled several of the overgrown hedges before handing it off to her son. He was far less skilled at axe weilding, despite being 27 years old. She had made sure that he had never had to learn such skills. Her experience came years ago when she had to cut firewood for the stove because her grandfather was too drunk to stand, let alone swing an axe. She had cut cord after cord to warm the house in the winter. At 15 her muscle tone was one models would envy today and she could eat anything she wanted. She could also move furniture alone back then. Times changed. But she still knew how to swing an axe. Tomorrow, the pain would be horrendous. Today, she just does what has to be done.
Now, her hunger was announcing itself loudly and she dragged the axe and rake to the shed and stowed them away. Something cold to drink and something hot to eat were as far as she had planned this day. Sometimes thinking beyond the moment was far more work than chopping down trees.
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Soggy Sundays and Red Rooms
A soggy Sunday is always better than a sunny Monday. However, this Sunday was not starting out to be a good one. The morning was cooler than usual and she woke up shivering. Last night she had left the windows up to take advantage of the cool night and lower her ever increasing power bills. This morning she wished she had kept an extra blanket nearby.
Wind whipped the trees and the sound of continual rustling traveled thorough the house on the winds. The air smelled divine, even if it was chilly - fresh, clean, and hopeful. Spring was on the way.
She stepped out on the back patio to study a lawn in dire need of mowing and was struck by the intensity of green that filled the landscape. Only three weeks ago trees were bare and grass was brown. Today green leaves, green grass, and weeds were rampant. The mower was broken.
She wrapped both hands around her coffee cup and savored both the warmth and the aroma. Sometimes creature comforts were one's only solace. It was much too gloomy to spend a day on the patio in a soggy green cacoon. One last look, a whistle to the dog, and she closed the door. Her red study was much more comforting and inviting. There, she would try and shut out the world for just a bit longer.
Wind whipped the trees and the sound of continual rustling traveled thorough the house on the winds. The air smelled divine, even if it was chilly - fresh, clean, and hopeful. Spring was on the way.
She stepped out on the back patio to study a lawn in dire need of mowing and was struck by the intensity of green that filled the landscape. Only three weeks ago trees were bare and grass was brown. Today green leaves, green grass, and weeds were rampant. The mower was broken.
She wrapped both hands around her coffee cup and savored both the warmth and the aroma. Sometimes creature comforts were one's only solace. It was much too gloomy to spend a day on the patio in a soggy green cacoon. One last look, a whistle to the dog, and she closed the door. Her red study was much more comforting and inviting. There, she would try and shut out the world for just a bit longer.
Hollow People
Finally, a long week has ended and a new one begun. I don't want to live through another week as long as this one has been.
I find myself more tired than usual and more restless. I have a week off and tons of stuff to do. I have to make room for all of Mike's stuff. We have crammed 5 people into a space of about 1200 sq. feet. Closet space has become impossible. It was always bad but it is terrible now. No walk-in closets in this house, in fact, you can't hardly get in these closets. They have a door that opens and a rod that extends about 4 feet.... one in each bedroom. Two half size closets in the hallway, one is Jerry's and one has been used for winter coats. Now, Mike has to cram his clothes there.
I know I will get it worked out but not sure when. Dave and Becca have applied for public housing. That is the "projects" to you uninformed out there. No money means you don't live in the nice neighborhoods. He didn't really want to do it but even he can see that we are at a catastrophic point financially. My income will support me and Jerry just fine. It won't support 4 adults and a new baby.
Mike, of course, hopes he will be able to go home to his wife soon. I, and everyone who knew her here, seriously doubt that will be the case. This is not someone I wanted him to marry to start with but I put my objections aside for Mike and tried to make the best of it. We gave her a chance to prove herself to be what she claimed she was - someone who loved our son and cared for him. All she has done is prove that what we originally thought of her was true - a liar who was out to find a man foolish enough to get her pregnant. She was unattracive and our son was the only person she could find to accept her as she was - fat and a sloppy housekeeper. I hope she is completely out of our lives now. She has systematically destroyed everything he had when he met her, including his peace of mind. He has no place to live, no car, no money, and even if he had those things, all the furniture he had when he married her is gone and he has a judgement she caused when she broke their lease to move away. He can't buy a car until it is paid and he has no way to pay it. And he is suffering from severe depression and can't sleep or eat.
Am I being bitchy? Maybe so. I just believe in calling a spade a spade. We all have choices that we make regarding our lives and how we treat others. I despise liars and those who approach me under false pretenses. Invariably they think I am stupid. Equally invariably, I am not. I am seldom fooled. I wasn't fooled this time either. I suspended my belief to give the person a chance to show me what they were made of. Turns out they were hollow and I was right.
I find myself more tired than usual and more restless. I have a week off and tons of stuff to do. I have to make room for all of Mike's stuff. We have crammed 5 people into a space of about 1200 sq. feet. Closet space has become impossible. It was always bad but it is terrible now. No walk-in closets in this house, in fact, you can't hardly get in these closets. They have a door that opens and a rod that extends about 4 feet.... one in each bedroom. Two half size closets in the hallway, one is Jerry's and one has been used for winter coats. Now, Mike has to cram his clothes there.
I know I will get it worked out but not sure when. Dave and Becca have applied for public housing. That is the "projects" to you uninformed out there. No money means you don't live in the nice neighborhoods. He didn't really want to do it but even he can see that we are at a catastrophic point financially. My income will support me and Jerry just fine. It won't support 4 adults and a new baby.
Mike, of course, hopes he will be able to go home to his wife soon. I, and everyone who knew her here, seriously doubt that will be the case. This is not someone I wanted him to marry to start with but I put my objections aside for Mike and tried to make the best of it. We gave her a chance to prove herself to be what she claimed she was - someone who loved our son and cared for him. All she has done is prove that what we originally thought of her was true - a liar who was out to find a man foolish enough to get her pregnant. She was unattracive and our son was the only person she could find to accept her as she was - fat and a sloppy housekeeper. I hope she is completely out of our lives now. She has systematically destroyed everything he had when he met her, including his peace of mind. He has no place to live, no car, no money, and even if he had those things, all the furniture he had when he married her is gone and he has a judgement she caused when she broke their lease to move away. He can't buy a car until it is paid and he has no way to pay it. And he is suffering from severe depression and can't sleep or eat.
Am I being bitchy? Maybe so. I just believe in calling a spade a spade. We all have choices that we make regarding our lives and how we treat others. I despise liars and those who approach me under false pretenses. Invariably they think I am stupid. Equally invariably, I am not. I am seldom fooled. I wasn't fooled this time either. I suspended my belief to give the person a chance to show me what they were made of. Turns out they were hollow and I was right.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Friday Fantasies Foster Fervor For Fun
I am considering lobbying to make Friday the first day of the week. Now before you go saying that it is a crazy idea, think about it. It makes sense.
You get to Friday and you have two free days to look forward to. So, you begin Friday with a positive outlook, as opposed to the Monday morning blahs with its negative outlook toward a long, stress-filled week. On Friday you are thinking about what you will be doing that night and for the next two days. Those thoughts are usually pleasurable.
These positive thoughts often make the day much more pleasant and one often feels it is passing quickly as a result of positive feelings. Throughout the day one can be found contemplating lounging on the patio with a cold drink, warm sun bathing one's body, a good book abandoned on the nearby table but ready to hand should you decide to dive into its pages again. There may be music playing nearby as a gentle breeze wafts across your body. These thoughts alone can make the typical workday stresses evaporate in minutes.
Or perhaps you enjoy working in your yard or on your balcony garden, the warm earth evocking memories of childhood. The warm sun on your back, soothing tense muscles.
So, Friday as the first day of the week sounds like a great idea to me. You start the week with a great outlook. Besides, with Thursday eliminated, it makes for a very short work week!
You get to Friday and you have two free days to look forward to. So, you begin Friday with a positive outlook, as opposed to the Monday morning blahs with its negative outlook toward a long, stress-filled week. On Friday you are thinking about what you will be doing that night and for the next two days. Those thoughts are usually pleasurable.
These positive thoughts often make the day much more pleasant and one often feels it is passing quickly as a result of positive feelings. Throughout the day one can be found contemplating lounging on the patio with a cold drink, warm sun bathing one's body, a good book abandoned on the nearby table but ready to hand should you decide to dive into its pages again. There may be music playing nearby as a gentle breeze wafts across your body. These thoughts alone can make the typical workday stresses evaporate in minutes.
Or perhaps you enjoy working in your yard or on your balcony garden, the warm earth evocking memories of childhood. The warm sun on your back, soothing tense muscles.
So, Friday as the first day of the week sounds like a great idea to me. You start the week with a great outlook. Besides, with Thursday eliminated, it makes for a very short work week!
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Terminating Thursdays
Thursdays are really annoying. I think they should take Thursdays completely out of the calendar. It is the day before the last day of the week. You spend Wendsday thinking, "Oh, I am halfway there!"
But then Thursday gets in the way. Thursdays you wake up thinking I still have to get through two more days. No, I think Thursdays should be eliminated.
Really, what happens on Thursdays? Have any great events in history happened on Thursdays? Anything earth shattering? I truly doubt it. All the momentous things happen on Friday night.
That is so Saturday can be spent regretting it. By Monday you should be over it.
But then Thursday gets in the way. Thursdays you wake up thinking I still have to get through two more days. No, I think Thursdays should be eliminated.
Really, what happens on Thursdays? Have any great events in history happened on Thursdays? Anything earth shattering? I truly doubt it. All the momentous things happen on Friday night.
That is so Saturday can be spent regretting it. By Monday you should be over it.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Breath Taking
Close your eyes.
Relax.
Breathe.
Breathe in. 1..2..3..4..5
Breathe out. 1..2..3..4..5
Breathe.
Stretch.
Much better.
Now, where was I?
Relax.
Breathe.
Breathe in. 1..2..3..4..5
Breathe out. 1..2..3..4..5
Breathe.
Stretch.
Much better.
Now, where was I?
Monday, April 24, 2006
Smiling through Tears
It would be nice to write some extraordinary news here and say that life is totally grand. Today is not the day.
Mike flew home last Tuesday, supposedly to visit us for 2 weeks. His wife had insisted he come home to visit. He called his wife on Tuesday night and they had a nice chat, he telling her that he loved and missed her and she responding in kind. On Wednesday he called his wife again because he was missing her and wanted to tell her he was coming home early. He had been miserable all day. But this time no I love you sweetie. Instead, she told him on the phone he could not come back because she had filed for divorce.
It was the most awful experience I ever want to live through. We heard him scream when she told him. When I finanlly reached him he collapsed. He had no idea when he left that she had done this and had started it a month ago. She told him she had been thinking about it for a year. Mike has a couple of learning disabilities and he has a very hard time with changes of any kind. She knew all this when she married him. But he loves this girl very much. He has pleaded with her over and over to not do this.
We had to rent a truck on Friday and drive to Little Rock and get his things. He cried all the way there on Friday and he stood in his trailer and cried "Mom this is my home. I don't want to leave." All she was giving him was shoved in garage sacks and stacked. We got home last night at midnight. While we were there, we talked with her father, pastor of a UPC church in Bryant, Arkansas and he said she had come to him and begged him to buy a ticket and send Mike home but that he had no idea what was going on. They had put him on the plane with $5 and no way to call anyone should he get stranded in Chicago. I had given him my phone card # in case of an emergency and he needed to call. I had no idea he had no money. She had taken him to the airport and told him she was going to miss him and kissed him goodbye.
Unfortunately, none of us here are surprised at her behavior. The day I met her I told my husband she was trouble. We felt that when this girl first came here that she was not the right person for Mike. She has been very dishonest ever since we met her and last year when she moved them back to Arkansas we believed then that she was doing so in order to be at her home when she divorced him. Mike would not listen before he married her and afterward it was too late, we had to accept her and pray about the relationship. We tried very hard to make her welcome in our family but she had proved several times that we were right in our assessment of her. She was just very deceitful and not good to Mike.
Two weeks ago, when he told us she was encouraging him to come home alone for a visit, I told Jerry she was going to divorce him while he was gone. I just felt it so strongly. The whole family was concerned. I tried to think positive, saying that surely I was over-reacting and imagining things. I told several friends what I felt was about to happen. Today those friends looked at me and said, "You were right!"
We now have both boys at home and a pregnant daughter-in-law. Financially we are beyond our means. David is not getting enough hours at work and Jerry is not able to work. Mike's social security benefits that he was drawing when he left last year are in a mess because his wife was not doing the payee duties as she should and he had to appeal their being stopped. We are waiting for a hearing to determine whether or not he will even get them back. He has no job and has limited skills to obtain one.
Of course there are two sides to everything. MIke has told us there were problems for the last year. He made some mistakes and freely admits that but indicates she never indicated she didn't love him. I have explained that it takes two people to make a marriage and she went into this one with her eyes wide open, knowing the problems. She never made any attempts to obtain counseling for herself or for both of them. Her pastor father had talked with Mike several times but as far as I have been able to determine neither of them were encouraged to seek counseling.
They put a learning disabled person on a flight through Chicago, with an hour and a half layover and $5, no money in the bank, and no credit card. Anyone ever had a lay over turn into days? Could you make it on $5?
Some people come into your life to bless you. Some come to destroy you. I don't think we have to ponder this very long to know what she was here for. I am so thankful she is gone and that God has looked out for Michael during the situation. We have had several small miracles since this happend. Not financial so much as confirmation of some things we had prayed about. Sometimes just knowing who is in charge is all we need to lift our spirits.
Tonight Michael was laughing at his brother's jokes. He has such a wonderful smile.
Mike flew home last Tuesday, supposedly to visit us for 2 weeks. His wife had insisted he come home to visit. He called his wife on Tuesday night and they had a nice chat, he telling her that he loved and missed her and she responding in kind. On Wednesday he called his wife again because he was missing her and wanted to tell her he was coming home early. He had been miserable all day. But this time no I love you sweetie. Instead, she told him on the phone he could not come back because she had filed for divorce.
It was the most awful experience I ever want to live through. We heard him scream when she told him. When I finanlly reached him he collapsed. He had no idea when he left that she had done this and had started it a month ago. She told him she had been thinking about it for a year. Mike has a couple of learning disabilities and he has a very hard time with changes of any kind. She knew all this when she married him. But he loves this girl very much. He has pleaded with her over and over to not do this.
We had to rent a truck on Friday and drive to Little Rock and get his things. He cried all the way there on Friday and he stood in his trailer and cried "Mom this is my home. I don't want to leave." All she was giving him was shoved in garage sacks and stacked. We got home last night at midnight. While we were there, we talked with her father, pastor of a UPC church in Bryant, Arkansas and he said she had come to him and begged him to buy a ticket and send Mike home but that he had no idea what was going on. They had put him on the plane with $5 and no way to call anyone should he get stranded in Chicago. I had given him my phone card # in case of an emergency and he needed to call. I had no idea he had no money. She had taken him to the airport and told him she was going to miss him and kissed him goodbye.
Unfortunately, none of us here are surprised at her behavior. The day I met her I told my husband she was trouble. We felt that when this girl first came here that she was not the right person for Mike. She has been very dishonest ever since we met her and last year when she moved them back to Arkansas we believed then that she was doing so in order to be at her home when she divorced him. Mike would not listen before he married her and afterward it was too late, we had to accept her and pray about the relationship. We tried very hard to make her welcome in our family but she had proved several times that we were right in our assessment of her. She was just very deceitful and not good to Mike.
Two weeks ago, when he told us she was encouraging him to come home alone for a visit, I told Jerry she was going to divorce him while he was gone. I just felt it so strongly. The whole family was concerned. I tried to think positive, saying that surely I was over-reacting and imagining things. I told several friends what I felt was about to happen. Today those friends looked at me and said, "You were right!"
We now have both boys at home and a pregnant daughter-in-law. Financially we are beyond our means. David is not getting enough hours at work and Jerry is not able to work. Mike's social security benefits that he was drawing when he left last year are in a mess because his wife was not doing the payee duties as she should and he had to appeal their being stopped. We are waiting for a hearing to determine whether or not he will even get them back. He has no job and has limited skills to obtain one.
Of course there are two sides to everything. MIke has told us there were problems for the last year. He made some mistakes and freely admits that but indicates she never indicated she didn't love him. I have explained that it takes two people to make a marriage and she went into this one with her eyes wide open, knowing the problems. She never made any attempts to obtain counseling for herself or for both of them. Her pastor father had talked with Mike several times but as far as I have been able to determine neither of them were encouraged to seek counseling.
They put a learning disabled person on a flight through Chicago, with an hour and a half layover and $5, no money in the bank, and no credit card. Anyone ever had a lay over turn into days? Could you make it on $5?
Some people come into your life to bless you. Some come to destroy you. I don't think we have to ponder this very long to know what she was here for. I am so thankful she is gone and that God has looked out for Michael during the situation. We have had several small miracles since this happend. Not financial so much as confirmation of some things we had prayed about. Sometimes just knowing who is in charge is all we need to lift our spirits.
Tonight Michael was laughing at his brother's jokes. He has such a wonderful smile.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Dropping a Line
It is Wednesday and this week looks to be a swift one. I have a couple of dozen files to process by the end of the month, in addition to a move briefing this afternoon and a Landlord Orientation tomorrow afternoon. I hope the briefing is swift and the Landlords don't show up. I might actually get work done!
I took my doxepin last night and slept really well. This morning I am feeling better, less pain in my joints. I am finding that I don't want to deal with this much pain. I usually handle pain well and with little medication but this, this pain is unbearable. I would take Vioxx again in a second, heartattacks and stroke included. I had no pain on that medicine and felt wonderful. Death as an side effect of Vioxx? When I am in this much pain it is preferrable.
At any rate, today might be a fair day. Thank God for good days.
I am reading a good little book I found at a second-hand shop. I will probably talk about it soon. It is about time and how time is a gift from God to us, that together God and man weave time and how we do not view time in the correct way.
Gotta run now. Just wanted to take a quick break and drop a line and see what bites.
I took my doxepin last night and slept really well. This morning I am feeling better, less pain in my joints. I am finding that I don't want to deal with this much pain. I usually handle pain well and with little medication but this, this pain is unbearable. I would take Vioxx again in a second, heartattacks and stroke included. I had no pain on that medicine and felt wonderful. Death as an side effect of Vioxx? When I am in this much pain it is preferrable.
At any rate, today might be a fair day. Thank God for good days.
I am reading a good little book I found at a second-hand shop. I will probably talk about it soon. It is about time and how time is a gift from God to us, that together God and man weave time and how we do not view time in the correct way.
Gotta run now. Just wanted to take a quick break and drop a line and see what bites.
Monday, April 17, 2006
A Brighter Note
Oh wow! What a weekend. I don't know what I got accomplished. Most of the house is a mess still but I did clear the garage of junk for the trash pickup. And I had some time to work in the yard.
I was in an agony of pain for most of the last week. Friday & Saturday were absolutely the worst I think I have ever had. Leg pain all night Friday night, shooting pains from my hip to my ankle. It felt as if my bones were broken and I could barely walk...until I ask for prayer on Sunday morning. Went up for them to pray for me during the service. I was better almost immediately. But today the only pain I still had is in the back of my legs where I was bending over in the yard a lot. The rest of it is so minimal that it is hardly noticable. Always amazes me when that happens. How do non-believers explain it!
Mike is coming in tomorrow for about three weeks. I will be so happy to see him. I hope he can help with some of the stuff we have to do around here. I have been swampped and have not had enough help to get it all done.
I have some writing I want to post here later on but for now, this is it. How boring people must find this site.
I was in an agony of pain for most of the last week. Friday & Saturday were absolutely the worst I think I have ever had. Leg pain all night Friday night, shooting pains from my hip to my ankle. It felt as if my bones were broken and I could barely walk...until I ask for prayer on Sunday morning. Went up for them to pray for me during the service. I was better almost immediately. But today the only pain I still had is in the back of my legs where I was bending over in the yard a lot. The rest of it is so minimal that it is hardly noticable. Always amazes me when that happens. How do non-believers explain it!
Mike is coming in tomorrow for about three weeks. I will be so happy to see him. I hope he can help with some of the stuff we have to do around here. I have been swampped and have not had enough help to get it all done.
I have some writing I want to post here later on but for now, this is it. How boring people must find this site.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Feeling My Pain
Today is, of course, Tuesday. I have had one of the most pain filled weeks I can ever remember having. And if one more person shows me their deformed finger and says, "See, I have RA too and I understand how much it hurts." I am going to break the finger in question.
Frankly, I don't care if you have a nodule on your finger or your big toe. If you were in as much pain as I am in right now you wouldn't be smiling, you wouldn't be able to point to one single joint on you body and say it hurts, and you wouldn't be trying to tell me I can't possible be in more pain than you because you have a knot. You would be in bed begging for painkillers!
In fact, I have a very high tolerance for pain and never take pain medications except when the pain has become excruciating. I was on pain meds two days after my hysterectomy and while I still had staples in my stomach I told them I didn't need anything. Well... it didn't hurt very much. I don't do mind altering if I can help it. And I hardly ever vomit either! My husband knows if I am sick enough to vomit he had better get me to the hospital because I am very sick.
This week I have been so sick with the pain I thought a few times I would throwup. So when I say I am in pain, believe me, it is not your average pain. Every joint in my body is on fire. Several of them feel as if someone has taken a hammer and shattered them with the force of a pile driver. My right shoulder in particular hurt so bad last night that the mucles in my chest contracted and if felt as if they were being twisted in a wringer. Someone shook my hand on Sunday night and I nearly snatched it back because his thumb had touched a point on the back of it that I didn't realize was sore.
My feet feel as if I have undergone some kind of torture with bamboo sticks. The last joints on my fingers feel as if they were mashed in a vice. And my hip feels as if it is dislocated.
So, don't tell me you understand my pain unless you have been hit by a car. If you haven't, I can fix that for you.
Frankly, I don't care if you have a nodule on your finger or your big toe. If you were in as much pain as I am in right now you wouldn't be smiling, you wouldn't be able to point to one single joint on you body and say it hurts, and you wouldn't be trying to tell me I can't possible be in more pain than you because you have a knot. You would be in bed begging for painkillers!
In fact, I have a very high tolerance for pain and never take pain medications except when the pain has become excruciating. I was on pain meds two days after my hysterectomy and while I still had staples in my stomach I told them I didn't need anything. Well... it didn't hurt very much. I don't do mind altering if I can help it. And I hardly ever vomit either! My husband knows if I am sick enough to vomit he had better get me to the hospital because I am very sick.
This week I have been so sick with the pain I thought a few times I would throwup. So when I say I am in pain, believe me, it is not your average pain. Every joint in my body is on fire. Several of them feel as if someone has taken a hammer and shattered them with the force of a pile driver. My right shoulder in particular hurt so bad last night that the mucles in my chest contracted and if felt as if they were being twisted in a wringer. Someone shook my hand on Sunday night and I nearly snatched it back because his thumb had touched a point on the back of it that I didn't realize was sore.
My feet feel as if I have undergone some kind of torture with bamboo sticks. The last joints on my fingers feel as if they were mashed in a vice. And my hip feels as if it is dislocated.
So, don't tell me you understand my pain unless you have been hit by a car. If you haven't, I can fix that for you.
Wednesday, April 5, 2006
Someone Else's Answered Prayers
Sometimes God puts us in situations or places we find difficult or even unbearable. We experience great pain and terrible loss as a result of that place. In our despreration, we pray for God to help and to reposition us, to give us an answer that will give us peace or comfort, to show us a way out. But it seems that He has just abandoned us and there is no place to turn, no place to hide away from our distress.
We are often told that this is how we grow, how we find strengths that were hidden. Other times we are told we have done something to deserve God's anger, that this is our punishment.
But perhaps, the reality is much more important than that. Perhaps our position or situation is the direct result of a prayer prayed by someone else, also in straits worse than our own, someone who has prayed for a miracle for themselves or for someone they love. God heard their cry and in his infinite wisdom, looked around for an answer to that prayer. His eye fell on you and he smiled and said, “Ah, this is the solution, this is the miracle. This one will be willing to step in and help when the time comes. This one has strength they will discover in this situation and will move the mountain of another. But… that will mean I must allow them to experience heartache and grief of their own. Still, they are the only person for the job and they won't give up.”
So, only by putting us in an uncomfortable, even painful place can God answer someone else's prayer.
How scary to think that I may be the answer to someone's prayer. Even scarier to realize that God thinks that much of me.
We are often told that this is how we grow, how we find strengths that were hidden. Other times we are told we have done something to deserve God's anger, that this is our punishment.
But perhaps, the reality is much more important than that. Perhaps our position or situation is the direct result of a prayer prayed by someone else, also in straits worse than our own, someone who has prayed for a miracle for themselves or for someone they love. God heard their cry and in his infinite wisdom, looked around for an answer to that prayer. His eye fell on you and he smiled and said, “Ah, this is the solution, this is the miracle. This one will be willing to step in and help when the time comes. This one has strength they will discover in this situation and will move the mountain of another. But… that will mean I must allow them to experience heartache and grief of their own. Still, they are the only person for the job and they won't give up.”
So, only by putting us in an uncomfortable, even painful place can God answer someone else's prayer.
How scary to think that I may be the answer to someone's prayer. Even scarier to realize that God thinks that much of me.
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