tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18946482.post8060959162389951969..comments2023-11-20T13:40:06.750-06:00Comments on Life On The Ledge <sup>©</sup>: Day 9: Down the Rabbit HoleC. I. Maddoxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10179906878058442041noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18946482.post-51013546380523605372015-06-10T20:18:17.645-05:002015-06-10T20:18:17.645-05:00Ruth, I"m so sorry it made you cry. It seems ...Ruth, I"m so sorry it made you cry. It seems I'm a voice in the wilderness here. There are a lot of us out there, apparently. I wish we were neighbors. At least we'd have that tea together. Just make mine iced. <br /><br />I'm better today. I think when we hit a certain point, there is no place to go but up. I hope you feel better soon. <br /><br />And I'll post a more uplifting blog probably tomorrow. I've been cleaning all day. Cynthia I Maddoxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09172830171634694240noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18946482.post-47471263487876956182015-06-10T18:47:59.740-05:002015-06-10T18:47:59.740-05:00Your blog made me cry. I have often felt the same...Your blog made me cry. I have often felt the same way. Lately my oldest daughter has been kind to me but sometimes even she gets self absorbed and seems to forget about me. I especially feel this way near holidays and when I am sick or hurting. I live alone and I think it makes things seem bigger and hurt more because I dwell on them. I've found this to be true this week especially. School is out and I knew it would be hard to sit here each day. Then my internet went down and I got it back up and then I hurt my back. Been on the couch 4 days and finally yesterday went to the doctor and got pain pills and muscle relaxers. But the other three days I wished someone would stop by and get me a cup of tea...offer to bring me dinner or suggest I go to the doctor...after the third day I just figured no one was coming and I had better take care of it myself. Sad. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00346013768871705364noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18946482.post-32305838373565411912015-06-09T13:29:19.522-05:002015-06-09T13:29:19.522-05:00I'm not suprised you're having a bad time ...I'm not suprised you're having a bad time right now. Having Sarah around has given you a purpose, company and much more. Faced with being on your own for a bit and sorting through stuff that has reminded you of things you don't enjoy facing it's no wonder you are feeling so low.<br /><br />I think it's hard because we want to raise our children to be good people, and to have their own independance and not rely on us but we also want them to be appreciative and remember who it was that enabled them to get where they are today.<br /><br />Without wanting to stereotype I do think girls are better at remembering these sort of things than boys or men even. And depending on the relationship you have with in-laws/partners will affect how much boys are reminded by their partners to send cards/keep in contact with their parents. <br /><br />We're not actually big on celebrating Mother's Day and especially Father's Day - Nick feels it's a huge excuse for commercial companies to make money. He'd much rather have regular contact with the kids than be remembered once a year out of duty. Same for Christmas and birthdays. The important thing is to know you're loved and I'm sure your family do love you even if they're not particularly demonstrative of it. <br /><br />I hope you can keep yourself motivated and start to feel better.Wendyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01103884780854638066noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18946482.post-7971237657418182492015-06-09T11:24:01.466-05:002015-06-09T11:24:01.466-05:00Perhaps that is the issue now. There are few visi...Perhaps that is the issue now. There are few visits. The family I had isn't here anymore. There is Mike and Sarah for now. But everything we had is gone. Even he feels it. We're after thoughts or Facebook reminders. <br /><br />The bright spot in the weekend was when both boys and I were in the garage working on the mower. For 45 minutes, I had my family back. Then it was gone. <br />Cynthia I Maddoxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09172830171634694240noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18946482.post-77771845738589751812015-06-09T11:18:19.492-05:002015-06-09T11:18:19.492-05:00Guilty. I don't send cards as I should now - b...Guilty. I don't send cards as I should now - but I did to parents on every occasion. And, I used to receive than. Not so much any more - but I no longer mind. I've even thrown some cards away in the last few years. I'd much rather my kids come to visit than receive cards - isn't that odd? Last Thursday all my children's spouses were out of town and we had an impromptu cookout and an evening of visiting. No card could provide such memories. You know our household! And few people would be interested in our setup. I do wish I could be closer to you. I think you'd help me walk further and I'd see that you got out more. God bless and keep you. Phyllis Blickensderferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03206757687699759551noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18946482.post-69624240456389799272015-06-09T08:47:36.999-05:002015-06-09T08:47:36.999-05:00Chris, I know you do. I've known for a long ti...Chris, I know you do. I've known for a long time. I think we allow them to take advantage of us. Maybe sometimes we should say, "Don't ask me. You figure it out." If we said it enough maybe they'd see. But honestly, I believe it is ingrained in this generation to be selfish. Cynthia I Maddoxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09172830171634694240noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18946482.post-67045287715463519392015-06-09T08:40:27.663-05:002015-06-09T08:40:27.663-05:00To clarify, I was cleaning out paperwork when I th...To clarify, I was cleaning out paperwork when I thought of all this. I ran across a card from someone and remembered I have a file of cards somewhere. Then I remembered it is mostly from friends and distant relatives. <br /><br />I've very bad about cards at Christmas. I always seem to forget them till too late. I try, even buy them, but events usually make me forget them.Cynthia I Maddoxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09172830171634694240noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18946482.post-53717162590923932902015-06-09T08:37:51.185-05:002015-06-09T08:37:51.185-05:00Jilly, you haven't said a thing to upset me. W...Jilly, you haven't said a thing to upset me. When I got up this morning, I was going to sentd this to the draft folder. I have several unpublished posts there for similar reasons. I took the link off facebook because David would be furious if his wife's family see it. But you know, thinks like that, who we are, people who know you well know you. <br /><br />Don't get me wrong. I think he's a good boy. He doesn't do anything "wrong". I've just never been very important. <br /><br />David helped Mike repair the lawnmower blades. I reminded him several times about doing the trim work. He said he would. But he kept forgetting. So I just did it as long as I could. Today, if it dries enough I'll have to get it done. I'm going to see if Mike can do some of it.<br /><br />Jerry never sent cards to his own parents. I did it. I remembered their anniversary and holidays. I ordered flowers to both mothers if we did flowers. I did everything. His parent sent me one card on my birthday, one time in over 30 years. My birthday was their anniversary. Sometimes they sent Christmas cards.<br /><br />Jerry didn't forget in the early years very often. And I think that is why he would take me to lunch on Sunday's, because that he could remember. But as time went on, he just stopped. People do I guess. <br /><br />I really don't know what David feels about my care of Sarah. He's never said much but that he knows she happy and doing well in school. He's very self-absorbed and always has been. You expect them to grow out of that but he didn't. <br /><br />You know, I hate that about Facebook. People think they just stick a line on Facebook and that's enough. If it is people I don't know well or am not really connected to in some other way, I haven't a problem with it. Family is supposed to mean more than that. And the fact that I'm so far from any family makes it very hurtful when people forget. I have my sister here and my aunt who remember. <br />Cynthia I Maddoxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09172830171634694240noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18946482.post-58289103110376037182015-06-09T02:13:16.099-05:002015-06-09T02:13:16.099-05:00Morning! Cindy, I can't tell you how much thi...Morning! Cindy, I can't tell you how much this upset me. It made me feel so sad for you. I so wish I lived nearer. You have to get your butt over here so I can give you a big hug.<br /><br />I guess with Sarah gone for a little while your house will seem like a quiet and lonely place and that will have set your mind wandering and that I guess is where this has all come from. I don't think the grieving process is ever over. You may think it is but then something happens and all the old thoughts are back with you.<br /><br />I think I can understand some of what you are saying. I know with Simon there is stuff that I just ignore. I can see how in death you are forced to look at all of those things. It must be incredibly hard to learn things that you can do nothing to change.<br /><br />As for the lack of cards and presents, I think it was that which got me so riled up for you. I can't believe that your boys have never sent cards, that alone presents. My first thought was why did Jerry not make sure that they did this, then I read that actually he wasn't much into it either. I would be so angry about that.<br /><br />Mine are pretty good about such things. When they were younger, Simon made sure that they never missed an occasion. As they have grown up, I have noticed of more recent years that cards do not always arrive on the correct day. This happens particularly if they are going to see me soon. They will bring the card when they next see me which could be a week later! That makes me very cross and I have verbalised it! They will put something on FB and I hate that. <br /><br />There was one year where there had been quite a disagreement with Sam our eldest and he had ignored us for several months leading up to Mothers Day. I suspected that I would not get a card or that if I did he would post it so he didn't have to see me. Simon had said that he would read him the riot act if he ignored the day. In the event he turned up on the doorstep with a card and a present but you know what? It was meaningless as I was well aware that he had only done it out of a sense of duty and obligation. It wasn't given with real love.<br /><br />As for Simon, he had better not ever forget! You can bet that I would shout loud about that one! He is pretty good. Has never missed an occasion so far. I always get a card, flowers and a few presents and we go out for a special meal to mark the occasion. The rest of the time, he very rarely buys me flowers. To be honest I would probably wonder what he had done if he did!<br /><br />Sorry to be writing so much here. I am not sure what I would do in your shoes. After so many years of saying nothing, it will be difficult to reverse that. Maybe it will change now David has a new wife? I think we girls are better at this stuff than men. <br /><br />One last thing, why did you feel that you still had to do all the yard work when David was there? Did he help at all? I hope that he is VERY appreciative of the love, care and home that you are giving Sarah. <br /><br />Cindy, I hope I haven't said anything I shouldn't but this really upset me and saddened me on your behalf. It is a good job, that I don't live close because I would be giving those boys a talking too!Jillyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13464199642113069252noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18946482.post-65591053175226629872015-06-08T21:57:06.244-05:002015-06-08T21:57:06.244-05:00I know EXACTLY what you mean. And I swear I mean e...I know EXACTLY what you mean. And I swear I mean exactly. I have not blogged about it but if I did, it would blow your hair back. I was madder than a hornet, skipped church and went home at 2pm while they just lounged around.<br /><br />I told them over and over that they needed to make a big deal out of Mother's Day. They did buy me something but ONLY because I told them pretty specifically what I wanted. But there was no thought. No creativity. It was out of a sense of obligation. I told them that I knew that I was nothing but a steering wheel to them. Oh yeah, I was done. Still am done.<br /><br />I told them that they need to make this up to me. I *told* them. I communicated my feelings to them and you know what? It didn't make a bit of difference. If I see that things are going to go the same way, I will not spend Mother's Day with them. Why should it? I'll figure out something extra fun to do, even if it's not on that day.<br /><br />So don't think you're the only person. I understand like you can't BELIEVE!!!!!!!!!!!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18119718461267453386noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18946482.post-86424958052322649662015-06-08T17:32:24.743-05:002015-06-08T17:32:24.743-05:00Oh Cindy. This has made me cry. I'll address...Oh Cindy. This has made me cry. I'll address it in the morning. Hope you manage to have a good evening. <br />Jillyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13464199642113069252noreply@blogger.com