tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18946482.post5344157947489780058..comments2023-11-20T13:40:06.750-06:00Comments on Life On The Ledge <sup>©</sup>: A Light in the DarkC. I. Maddoxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10179906878058442041noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18946482.post-57409211066001816202014-03-26T14:45:26.688-05:002014-03-26T14:45:26.688-05:00It doesn't offend me when people have opinions...It doesn't offend me when people have opinions. I may not like them but that's a personal issue for me. <br /><br />I agree some people don't want to deal with your pain. I found that a good many people will walk around the building rather than have to address you about your grief. A widow is virtually excommunicated from the body of Christ once her husband dies. I'm not talking smack. All functions in church tend to be centered primarily around families and couples. If you have neither, you sit in your pew and then you go home. You have to find other outlets. <br /><br />I used to say, "I'm doing fine." It was what people wanted to hear. I didn't want to burden anyone. But I don't do that anymore. I got tired of making other people feel better by pretending I was o.k.. I got tired of giving people an easy out. I decided to see just how much they really were concerned. Now, if they ask, I tell them how I feel. And you know what happened? People smiled, eyes glazed over, and they drifted away. They almost never speak to me now. So, your honest won't bug me at all. I understand it. I don't make it a soap box anymore. I have more or less accepted that it isn't something I caused and I can't fix. But I do try and not make the same mistakes.Cynthia I Maddoxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09172830171634694240noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18946482.post-63788796979519248672014-03-26T11:27:59.178-05:002014-03-26T11:27:59.178-05:00No doubt. I never doubted the sincerity of the ind...No doubt. I never doubted the sincerity of the individuals who say it. I am sure the woman who told me a the funeral that "I'd find someone else" was eminently sincere. That doesn't mean she should have made the comment. She should have thought about what she said before she said it. But I'm quite sure she meant well.<br /><br />But my issue was not with anyone's sincerity when they make these comments. Some are quite ridiculous and simply arise because no one trains people how to express condolences. <br /><br />The post deals with my question <i>"Why would people say it was there (in the Bible) when it clearly was not?"</i> They say "The Bible says...." If it wasn't prefaced with that, it would be a simple opinion. I can accept opinions. But when you're suffering, as a Christian, we frequently grasp Scripture for comfort. There are many verses I've marked and repeatedly turn to when I'm stressed. Imagine my feelings when I discovered the truth was God wasn't going to do anything of the sort. The middle of a death is not when you want to have to reevaluate these things. But one does.<br /><br />The moral: Think before you speak. Don't repeat things that you aren't sure are true. And don't offer empty platitudes to people during times of grief. A simple "I'm so sorry for your loss." is extremely adequate and appreciated.Cynthia I Maddoxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09172830171634694240noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18946482.post-32454391418574038502014-03-26T11:03:16.466-05:002014-03-26T11:03:16.466-05:00Let me add a 5th item. Sometimes people say that,...Let me add a 5th item. Sometimes people say that, out of a belief that it might make you feel better.Laurie Gienapphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12393041676803349767noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18946482.post-81504918272234049372014-03-26T08:50:40.471-05:002014-03-26T08:50:40.471-05:00Let me weigh in on this. Hopefully I won't off...Let me weigh in on this. Hopefully I won't offend.<br /><br />The operative word in that misused, overused verse is "temptation." Temptation has nothing to do with burden. Totally different thing and context.<br /><br />You have 3 things listed as to why people say that verse. I will add a 4th. Some, not all, but SOME people say that verse to blow you off. They say because they don't want to really deal with your pain and have no intention of coming along beside you and helping you shoulder that burden.<br /><br />There. I said it. It's cold and cynical, but it's a sad truth. <br /><br />By the way, I don't think it's stupid to ask how a friend is doing. When I ask a *friend* how they are doing, I expect honesty. If they are doing bad, I expect them to tell me and to wipe off that Christiany, churchy fake face--because they can be real with me because I am their friend.<br /><br />I could so go on and on. This is a soapbox subject for me--hard to believe, I know. Oh well, this is why I'm not the popular person at church. LOL!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18119718461267453386noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18946482.post-1917952072535888662014-03-26T07:12:18.003-05:002014-03-26T07:12:18.003-05:00I think that people are trying to help when actual...I think that people are trying to help when actually their is nothing they can do. They can let you know they are here if needed and that they love you. <br /><br />Sometimes as the hugger, I feel that a hug is maybe a way of saying I am sorry for your loss.<br /><br />One time I asked a friend how she was? Now how stupid is that? How do you think she is? I just wanted to say something to let her know I am here to help.<br /><br />I did not think about what I was say.<br /><br />Now I try not to say much in fear of saying the wrong thing and just give hugs.Carolynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05700784421154725497noreply@blogger.com